“I want a family” - this desire sooner or later arises in the minds of almost all people. But is family life so good or is it better to remain single? If you still create a family, then how to prepare for this serious step? These questions will be answered by the publication.
Bachelor or family life?
For some, bachelor life is real bliss and freedom, for others, only longing and fetters. Some people dream of finding peace and family comfort as soon as possible, while someone, on the contrary, seeks not to bind themselves longer with marriage. In most cases, bachelor life attracts men, both young and mature. They can sincerely enjoy a free life until they feel the need to find a family.
Women, by their nature, tend to create comfort and home. They perceive negatively the absence of a family, especially if it has not been around for a long time. Therefore, it is quite normal if thoughts arise in the girl’s head like “will I marry”. A rare woman will be sincerely glad of a single life. Typically, these include those who already have experience of marriage, though not the most successful. Therefore, they do not want to live together with the opposite sex or try to postpone this moment as long as possible.
That is, each for himself chooses how to live: free or married. Bachelor life has its pros and cons. They will be discussed further.
Pros of a single life
The basis of a bachelor's life is freedom in all its forms and manifestations. Non-family people very violently guard her from attacks of the opposite sex. The ability to do what you want in a single life is the main positive point. The remaining advantages only follow from the concept of freedom.
- This is a lot of free time, which you can dispose of only at your discretion.
- The ability to manage finances as you want.
- Free choice of friends, which does not depend on the sympathy of the chosen one.
- Gastronomic preferences are not controlled by anyone.
- A diverse sexual life due to the constant change of sexual partners.
- The house can be furnished as you like, relying only on your vision of the interior.
- You choose how and when to clean.
- No need to adapt to someone, try to come to an agreement and seek compromises.
- The bachelor has a low responsibility: you feed, provide and answer only for yourself beloved.
- More opportunities to build a successful career that will bring high prosperity.
- Less stress. No matter how good the relationship, family life is a constant test of nerves for strength. Nobody bothers to get a rest, to sleep and does not drip on the brain.
The good points are pretty impressive. It is clear why bachelors say: "I do not want a family." But there is a significant nuance. All the charms of a carefree life can be fully felt only from 25-28 years. As a rule, by this age, both women and men live separately from their parents, become financially independent and sufficiently prepared to independently solve everyday issues.
Cons of idle life
Usually, the realization of the negative aspects of idle life comes at a time when a person is oversaturated with personal freedom. Then he begins to understand: "I want a family and children." Moreover, bachelor life has its drawbacks.
- Lack of psychological and physical support. A bachelor can rely only on his own strength in everything. This negative moment is especially acute when help is needed for health reasons.
- Self-management. This is the performance of traditionally female and male duties. Cleaning the apartment, cooking, moving heavy and bulky items, fixing plumbing, electricians, and so on.
- Inconsistent sexual relations. Free people regularly have to look for a new partner, which can adversely affect libido. If the connections are random and unprotected, then there is a high probability of health problems.
- Low social activity. Most bachelors do not strive for anything. The exception is self-care. This does not compare with how a married man or a married woman behaves. They help their vast family, start a garden or a summer house, go with children to various interesting places where they communicate with new people. It makes purposeful and very develops.
Of course, one cannot categorically declare that family life is a panacea for everyone, and a bachelor’s life is selfish and immoral. A person should listen only to his feelings and act in accordance with them. It’s stupid to start a family just because it’s due to age or all the friends have already married. The decision to end a bachelor life must be conscious and sincere. Only in this case will be comfortable in marriage.
Why can’t I start a family?
What problems can you face? It happens that a person comes to the conclusion: “I want to get married / get married”, but for some reason cannot fulfill this goal. Why it happens? This can be explained by the following facts.
The most important reason is the creation of an ideal partner image. Moreover, a person may not even be aware that he is not true. Everyone wants to be paired with smart, beautiful, rich, caring and so on. This is an abstract person with a certain set of traits and qualities, which simply may not exist in reality. You need to go down from heaven and not wait for the prince or princess.
The second most popular reason is the lack of motivation and true desire. Yes, a person can say: “I want a family”, but in reality this is not so. It is simply based on the norms of society and the fact that he sees around a lot of couples. Therefore, he, it would seem, also wants to become so, although in reality there is no real desire. This situation often occurs with women. Seeing how friends create families, they begin to complain: “Will I ever get married?”
A bachelor can slow down his past. For example, in his life there was already love, but it ended in parting, although feelings remained. Since then, other applicants are not recognized at all and are not considered to be a life partner.
Very often, some unfinished business or career hinders creating a family. There is so much to do in life! Earn enough money, buy a car, an apartment, have time to travel. And of course, this requires funds and free time. Once these goals are achieved, it will be possible to start a family and children. So many people reason and risk not being in time.
Complexes, self-doubt, weak character and vulnerability prevent some people from creating serious relationships. These subconscious qualities program for an unsuccessful life in which there is no family happiness. In accordance with this, a person builds his behavior.
Sooner or later, you begin to think about how to start a family and what needs to be done to come to this. This will be discussed further.
Ask yourself questions
First of all, you should ask yourself why it has not yet been possible to create a family. You need to be completely frank with yourself and honestly answer the question. For clarity, the reasons can be written on a piece of paper. For example, it can be fears, complexes or problems in the search.
It is also worth considering why you want to start a family. That is, you need to understand exactly what you expect from a marriage relationship. All options that come to mind can be written on a piece of paper. Answers in the style of "because relatives are crushing" or "time for age" are an indicator of unpreparedness for a serious relationship. It is simply a desire to conform to public opinion. If the intentions are sincere, then you need to try to eliminate the reasons why it is not possible to create a family. Which step will be next?
Love yourself
Some say: “I want to get married / get married,” but at the same time they don’t like themselves. Who will love a man who does not love himself? If there are any complexes that prevent you from starting a family, then you definitely need to work with them. If there are problems in communicating with the opposite sex, then you need to attend psychological training. The figure can be adjusted using sports and diets. Lack of repair or cooking skills will help correct the courses. That is, any problem can be solved.
Some are shy of their appearance, although this complex is often far-fetched. But even if there are any problems with this, it is worth taking a closer look at happy married couples. Not all of them have perfect looks. So that’s not the point. A family is created with that person whose qualities correspond to their own expectations and values.
Revise the value system
Of course, the desire “I want a good family” will not be enough. These are only emotions. You must be ready to marry. And this is the maturity of the individual. To create a family, you must have some system of values. If it is different, then it will have to be reviewed so that the relationship is successful. What to look for before starting a family?
- Be able to express your feelings. This can be done not only with words, but with touches and eyes. It is also important to affirm your love in practice, and not just talk about it. The partner should feel that he is loved and important for his chosen one.
- The ability to emotionally empathize with a partner. In marriage, it is important to be an empathic person. After all, who, if not the spouse, will provide support. You need to not only listen to problems, but also listen to them.
- Take into account the opinion of another person. In general, spouses are equal in rights. Everyone has their own desires and responsibilities. This must be taken into account when planning family life. A woman is not required to be a housekeeper, and a man is not a “wallet." All roles are distributed by mutual agreement. Domestic issues should be discussed in advance and a decision taken together.
- Be responsible. Create a family - at a minimum, take care of another person. Therefore, one must learn to bear responsibility not only for oneself, but also for him. You also have to take money differently. It will be necessary to plan the family budget, keep records of earnings and expenses, deny yourself something, so that there is enough money for more important things. It is very important that both spouses share responsibility for two, and not just someone pulling the strap.
Determine the criteria for the chosen one
It is important to understand what kind of person you want to see next to you until the end of your days. To do this, you can make a list of preferred qualities. Appearance does not matter. It is necessary to indicate age, character traits, interests, skills and other features. That without which it is impossible to build a lasting relationship.
No need to hope that there is a person who fully meets all the criteria. It is better to rank the list and rely only on the most significant qualities when choosing. For example, for someone it is very important that the partner loves children, and someone appreciates the similarity of hobbies. Everyone has their own preferences. Of course, the second half should also want to live in marriage. Otherwise, the statement “I want a family, marry (marry)” will be simply meaningless.
Search for the chosen one
You can’t dream of starting a family without leaving your home anywhere. Spouse (s) will not fall off the ceiling. If only single people are in the circle of friends, you will have to make new acquaintances. You can visit restaurants, interest clubs, sports sections, theaters, city events and so on. But there is no need to "go hunting" and each time hoping that he will meet. It is important to maintain sobriety of the mind and just enjoy life. For someone, special dating sites will be the way out. They can significantly reduce the time to find a chosen one. But this method has its drawbacks. On the Internet, people often embellish their virtues and behave differently than in real life.
Do not rush things
When the search is completed, there is no need to rush and immediately stun the chosen one: “I want a family, let's go to the registry office as soon as possible!” It will only scare away, even if a person is not against marriage. Let the relationship develop gradually. Moreover, during this time you can get to know all the advantages and disadvantages of a potential spouse. You can think about a wedding only with full confidence that there is love, respect and compatibility. These are the basics of family life, without which there is no way.
Discuss family life
When the proposal is made, it is important to discuss with the partner all the nuances that are associated with co-residence. In the future, this will help to avoid misunderstanding and major quarrels. It is worth deciding who will carry out what duties, how finances will be distributed, how to raise children, what family traditions must be observed, and so on. You can discuss everything to the smallest detail, what comes to mind.
Preparing for family life is not at all a wedding celebration, outfits, a restaurant and a beautiful photo shoot. You need to learn to get along together, be responsible for others and respect your partner. Only in this case can a strong and happy family be obtained.