“Lovely scolding - only amuse” - this saying does not always indicate that in a relationship any quarrel is insignificant and easily eliminated. Sometimes one conflict can destroy the marriage, or lead to hearty resentment and long games in “Silence”. In this article we will tell you how to overcome a grudge against your husband, how to forgive or avenge him.
Preamble
It’s actually easier to prevent a quarrel with your husband than to think about how to survive this difficult conflict. Introduce one important rule into your family: in no case should relatives be involved in any disagreement or any mention of them. It is hard to imagine a more serious cause of the conflict than “but your mother is stopping us” or “your dad is lazy and worthless, like you are.”
How do you react if someone says something bad about your relatives, even if it's true? Uniquely in this way you can bring a person out of himself. The main rule: parents are not chosen, they are not discussed. Accept it to eliminate a large number of quarrels.
Never involve children in conflict
Before overcoming a strong resentment against her husband, it is important to understand how to prevent countless quarrels. Any conflict should be immediately terminated if the child appears on the threshold. Think about his fragile psyche, so you should not involve him in solving your problems. If only because any extra word spoken to each other can hurt the feelings of children and change their attitude towards parents.
If you want to say something rude and unpleasant, mentally count to ten. Perhaps the desire to quarrel will disappear. Do not provoke a soul mate to a conflict. Who will be better off from this? One way or another, everyone will remain in their opinion, so is it worth it to upset the emotional state of a partner?
Revenge - no!
Many women are desperately trying to find out how to avenge their husband’s insult. Never spouse your spouse, even if he mortally offended you. Do not try to hurt him for a sore spot, involving old quarrels or negative situations in the conversation. Perhaps if you do not take advantage of vindictiveness, then your marriage will be saved, but as soon as offensive words are uttered in response or a wounding act is completed, there will be very little chance of a good life together.
Never take revenge, and if you promised to forgive your husband, then do not remind yourself of quarrels after a while.
Basic rule
If you don’t know how to overcome resentment against your husband, then use this advice. If the cause of the conflict was not a betrayal of the spouse, but only some wrong actions and spoken words, then it is necessary to conduct a preventive conversation.
In most cases, partners in a relationship are offended by the rudeness that was pronounced against them. Explain to your spouse what exactly hooked you.
There is a golden rule: if nothing helps to cope with the desire to quarrel, then do it, but only without humiliation and insult. Everyone swears, you can’t do without it. Each person has his own emotions, feelings, outlook on life. And even people who love each other can have hundreds of differences and differences of opinion.
How to survive the conflict?
Resentment against a husband can ruin your marriage and relationships in general. But if after a quarrel there is a strong residue, then look at your partner. Do you really want to continue living with this person under one roof, one family? If a positive answer does not cause you any doubt, then you need to start work on restoring relations.
Battering
Most women who are humiliated and insulted by their husbands do not want to break the marriage. But if a man once dared to raise his hand to his beloved during an ordinary quarrel, then there can be no question of any restoration of relations. However, it is important to understand that the stronger sex are the same people as women who have emotions, feelings and a limit of patience. If a girl starts beating her man, provoking him to a fight, then at that moment she turns from a spouse or girlfriend into a sparring partner. However, nothing will justify the guy who was able to respond with a blow to the blow. Even if the blame for the provocation lies entirely with the woman.
In this case, only an immediate termination of the relationship can help to survive the resentment of the husband.
Serious quarrel
After the conflict, you need to talk with your spouse - a popular advice from psychologists. Resentment against your husband will torment you if you do not put all the dots on the “i” in time. Remember that this is not a simple domestic conflict, but a serious quarrel leading to the collapse of the marriage.
If you understand that a man is really ready to listen to you and change, then talking in this case will be the best medicine against resentment. But before you express your dissatisfaction with a partner, it is best to write them on a piece of paper and then read it several times.
This method allows you to “pour out your soul” and not be afraid that someone will know the truth of your family life. It will become much easier for you as soon as you express yourself on paper. Sometimes after reading the written quarrel and resentment, they seem not so terrible and deadly. Sometimes girls simply burn a complaint sheet and prefer not to talk to her husband about this topic, forgetting and forgiving everything.
As a rule, grievances expressed to her husband can be unjustified and exaggerated. Therefore, before you go to sort things out, it is recommended that you clearly know what your partner’s fault is concrete, not far-fetched.
To reconcile
“Yesterday we had an argument with my spouse. He told me a lot of nasty things, however, as I did to him. Now my grudge gnaws at my husband. What to do? Is it worth it to compromise, or wait for an apology from him? ”, It is important to understand that not all women are ready to accept the situation as it really is.
Even if you imagine that your spouse really offended you, you need to give him time to think about the whole situation. Of course, resentment against a husband can be much stronger than the ability to tolerate and wait several hours or days.
To get started, let your spouse come up first to apologize and repent. When he takes the first step towards reconciliation, never show him your character. Your husband has found the strength to step on the neck of pride. Remember that only a strong person can forgive, so learn this ancient art.
It can be very difficult to step over your self - but one day you will realize how much easier it is to live without your pride and selfishness. Let the pronoun “we” often sound in your family, and then the number of quarrels will decrease.
If your spouse did not dare to approach first, but you want to make peace, you will have to act independently - decisively and without hesitation. In most domestic quarrels, both are always to blame - one because he could not control himself, and the other, because he was not able to escape from the conflict and keep silent when necessary. Go up to your husband and offer to talk seriously. Explain what offended and offended you in return for the revelations from him. Let the spouse express where you were mistaken. When all points above the “i” are placed, it is necessary to take a general solution to the conflict.
And what about treason?
Forgiveness is extremely difficult and sometimes impossible. Cheating always entails, if not divorce, then cohabitation, but for the sake of children, a common loan, a mortgage or old parents who may not survive the gap. In this case, many women wonder how to forgive her husband for insult and betrayal.
- Firstly, every girl wants to get guarantees that her husband will never cheat on her again, either physically or mentally.
- Secondly, it is important to learn to trust your man. This advice applies to those women who agreed to forgive infidelity, but for many months, or even years, have been reproached for his mistake, and they are let go of work with pain and tension.
If you have accepted your spouse, agreed to never remind you of betrayal, then that is how it should be. If you can’t overcome the grudge against your husband, then sooner or later you will become the culprit of divorce. And this is despite the fact that once upon a time your spouse hurt you by cheating.
Imagine if you can live with this man under one roof, knowing that once he chose another woman instead of you? If it becomes difficult to get used to this thought, it is better not to agree to the restoration of marriage. So you will think only about one thing - how to avenge your husband for insult.
But cheating in return will not bring you satisfaction. On the contrary, you will feel even worse - humiliated and low.
Learn to forgive
Not all women know what to do with resentment against her husband. Psychology, along with religion and philosophy, teaches people to forgive. Resentment after words, quarrels or conflicts makes you vulnerable and weak. You spend valuable time on meaningless clarifications of relationships, and then on endless thoughts about what was said or done during conflicts. Of course, if a quarrel has grown into a fight or moral violence, it is best to delete such a person from your life.
Domestic conflicts are easily resolved, especially if you understand that most of them were born due to financial difficulties, parental responsibilities, illnesses or high expectations. Marriage is a place where two people are ready to support each other and develop together. You should not allow your pride, emotions, or inability to control your temper temper to ruin your relationship. Learn to forgive, even if for this you have to step over your self.
Do not go in cycles
The resentment that sits within you can become destructive, where one spark will lead to a huge explosion. Even if your husband insulted or humiliated you, said or did something very unpleasant, then do not let your emotions prevail.
Imagine a situation where you said a few words to your husband about the insult, he apologized, and the relationship returned to normal. But something in the depths continues to torment and torment you, forcing every day to return to that conflict situation. Soon, these feelings will develop into something more, making a self-confident and emotionally unbalanced person out of a self-confident woman. Any trifle will be accompanied by quarrels and another “Do you remember the last time you said / did?”
Where to escape from thoughts
The best way to deal with mental trauma is to work. And not necessarily mediocre, where you need to go 5 days a week. By work, you can mean any activity - hobbies, sports, travel and shopping.
Take your mind and body with something, distract from your own all-consuming thoughts in order to regain confidence in your relationship and not focus on insults. Constantly thinking about negative things, you attract only negative events into your life.
Analyze how serious your grievances are. Will you be able to live with them in the future? Why did you decide to forgive your husband? Can you accept his apology in the future? Have you embellished the situation? Want to be pitied after a fight? Do you have a habit of looking for those responsible for any conflicts?
Answers to these questions can help you understand the importance and seriousness of your grievances. If you understand that the situation is not worth the waste of your life energy, then do you need to remember and focus on conflicts from the past?
There are no perfect people
Everyone has the right to make a mistake. You probably also once allowed your emotions to prevail - you offended loved ones, hurt them. Someone still holds a grudge against you, but the rest have forgiven and forgot all the old grievances.
If your husband made a mistake, then give him the opportunity to fix it. Do not present yourself as if you are the only person in the world who has been hurt or at least unpleasant. If all conflicts and quarrels are not systematic, however, like insults, then let the spouse apologize, draw a conclusion, remove life experience from the situation and try never to repeat the same mistake again.
This rule should be supported by women who, sooner or later are able to say a few rude words or provoke a partner in a conflict. When you learn to forgive and forget all the negativity, then in the end you yourself will become a more balanced, kind person who is surrounded by people who are ready to accept an apology and not remind you of quarrels.
Finally
If you want to live happily in a marriage, then learn to control your emotions, be prepared for ongoing training within the family, to gain new experience. But the most important thing in a relationship is the ability to forget grievances and not allow them to settle in your mind. In the best of cases, you will expect another conflict and disagreement in the family, and in the worst, an unpleasant aftertaste from regular quarrels, an undermined emotional state, and a broken marriage.
Remember that insults can never change the person who hurt you. This feeling will break, destroy only you inside. If the spouse has realized the guilt and is ready to change over time, then give him a second chance, but let all the negative thoughts out of your mind and heart, get rid of rancor, learn to forgive and be tolerant in order to restore your old relationship.