It often happens that in a family a conflict may occur on the basis of one of the most important issues for a woman. The question that it is time to get a second child most often arises when the first has grown up and the ladies begin to realize that years are moving forward and age is gradually approaching a critical mark for the birth of a child. The situation is not the simplest, and the question should be studied from all sides. And most importantly, what if the wife wants a second child, but the husband does not?
The financial side of the issue
One of the main fears of men is precisely in finances, they are simply afraid that they will not pull another child. From women you can often hear a complaint: "I want a second child, but my husband is against it!" This is especially acute for those families where welfare is not at an adequate level and the appearance of a baby can create a considerable hole in the budget. On the one hand, everything can be understood here. The world has an unstable economic situation, financial crisis, unemployment and so on. Also, the spouse in any case will have to go on maternity leave, which means that the financial issue falls entirely on the shoulders of your man. It is possible that he will have to find a second job or at least a part-time job.
Your task now is to analyze the situation. If you adequately understand that it will be difficult to pull out all family issues, forget about your idea for a while, at least until the situation regarding money matters improves. Take into account such a moment as living space. If you have a one-room or two-room apartment, then four of us in this room will be crowded.
According to experts, giving birth to a second, or even a third or fourth child, when a husband and wife can barely make ends meet is real selfishness on the part of parents. Remember that children are not only the flowers of life, but also quite expensive, therefore, decision-making should be based not only on the word “I want”, but also evaluated on the part of opportunities. Your responsibility is to provide your child with a happy childhood.
Are you satisfied with your husband?
Why does the husband not want a second child? This scenario is also possible: the first child has taken away from you and your husband a sufficient amount of strength, both moral and physical. Perhaps he was very restless, had any health problems and seldom gave enough sleep at night. It is possible that your spouse just wants to live in peace and quiet for a while, replenish her energy balance, spend more time with you, and not constantly think about how to calm a crying baby. Do not blame him for this, such a position can be understood and accepted. Perhaps you need to rest and relax as your first child grows up.
Most likely, your spouse has just begun to understand the happiness of fatherhood and you should not break off your beloved buzz with a second baby, it is better to wait a bit. If this is your problem, then the only thing that will help you take a step towards resolving the situation is to promise your man that you will not limit him and will not involve him in child care issues beyond measure. Maybe he will agree to such conditions. But before you make such a promise, think a thousand times: are you ready to put such responsibility on your fragile shoulders. Will you be able to cope with a baby, household and first child alone?
If you have support in the form of a mother or mother in law, then to cope with the whole cycle of affairs will be much easier. If your maternal instinct prevails over the fear of difficulties, then there is no reason to refuse. The only thing you should understand is that you will not have the right to complain about your spouse. It was your choice.
Does the husband think that having one child is enough?
Many people, and your husband may be one of them, have clear concepts and prevailing moral principles that may relate to the fact that a family can have one child. This opinion can be supported by the fact that it is easier to live, make plans for the future, this is less responsibility and more free time that you can spend on yourself. This position is especially characteristic of those families where the man was the first and only child in the family. People who did not have brothers and sisters simply cannot understand how wonderful it is when a child has someone to play with, when children have support and support not only in the person of their parents, but also in the person of each other.
A big strong family is always great. On the other hand, there is another side to the coin. Your man could grow up in a too big family, where the younger ones were carrying over the older ones, with finances it was tight, parental attention was not enough for all the kids, and family relations did not go well. Since then, your spouse has firmly decided that this will not happen again in his family.
Baby is a burden
Another common reason why a man does not want to get a second baby may be because he just cooled down to his wife, and the first-born turned into a real burden. The only thing that can be done in this situation is to start painstaking work on your own relationships, carefully work on your own and his life principles. If your problem lies precisely in this reason, it is better to seek help from a specialist who will help you deal with the problem, find common interests, common ground, and also help your husband to change his attitude towards children in principle.
The husband does not want a second child. Psychologist's advice
The very first thing you should do is talk to your husband. Calmly, judiciously, adequately. Try to do it without screaming, do not put ultimatums, do not make tantrums, and so on. It certainly will not lead to anything good. Adequately assess the situation, weigh the pros and cons. Prepare your spouse for a conversation, and you can change a lot, because power is in the word. Here it is up to you whether the husband will change his mind or categorically refuse his second child.
The husband does not want a second child, what should I do? Do not forget to tell him that the baby will not appear an hour after you make a decision, it takes time. For some reason, many men completely do not take into account the fact that 9 months is a lot, and for this period you can prepare for everything, including mentally.
What arguments can convince a husband?
You are pregnant second, and the husband does not want a child? Try to convince him with the following arguments. Since you already have a child, most of the things probably have remained of him and they are perfect for a newborn, so one item of expenses can be canceled. It is unlikely that you threw away a stroller, crib, bath, toys and other things necessary for small children. Do not forget to tell your spouse about it, because the presence of such important things will immediately reduce your financial costs for the newborn. If the financial part of the question is not scary for you, convince him that you will not love him less after the birth of the baby. Often men are simply afraid to become unnecessary and redundant in their own family. Your task is to overcome all difficulties together and support each other in difficult times. Did they somehow cope with the first-born? If the husband still does not want a second child what to do, the following tips will prompt.
What to do next?
Husband does not want a second child? Tips do not help? Yes, it is possible that no persuasion, arguments, psychologists and so on will help you resolve the situation. Your desire will remain the same, and your husband will not make any concessions. What to do? You can resort to certain female tricks, but do not forget that here the responsibility lies only on your shoulders. Do not whine everyone in a row: "I constantly cry, my husband does not want a second child", it is better to start actions from tears.
The husband is not sure about you
One of the most important reasons is the lack of confidence in one's own lady of the heart. In this case, the birth of a second child can be perceived by the spouse as a way that a woman only wants to tie him to herself more strongly. Therefore, if you hear a categorical refusal, try to analyze your relationship with him. If you adequately understand that everything is not going as it should, then you will have to prove to your chosen one that you can rely on you, that you can be trusted.
Uncertainty due to bad experiences of other couples
Often we pay attention to unsuccessful examples of other families and project their experience on ourselves. Maybe one of your friends divorced after the birth of the second child and your husband is simply worried that a similar story will happen to you. Especially men are afraid of this, if in other couples after the break, it became difficult for the husband to fully spend time with children. No matter how critical the situation of another family may seem, try to inform your spouse that the fate of your family has nothing to do with other people and has nothing to do with what happens to others. After all, you are the blacksmiths of your happiness.
Maybe it's about health?
Have you ever thought about a reason like a medical condition? If we turn to statistics, we can see that now a considerable number of sick children are being born. Perhaps your husband believes that your couple is in danger of giving birth to an inferior child, especially if you have already had similar cases in your family. In this situation, it is recommended to undergo an examination with your spouse and seek help from a psychologist.
Didn’t agree?
If the dialogue did not work out, you can try to bargain, that is, offer something in return. It often turns out that an adequate conversation between spouses does not work, here you have to choose a different tactic. A husband may not only not understand his motives, he may, in principle, refuse to make contact, even if you have tried your best to explain the importance of the issue that you are facing. There are several possible scenarios. And these options cannot be considered correct, and even more so they are in no way suitable for those families in which trust and mutual understanding prevail.
If you build a trusting relationship, then nothing good will definitely come of it. When you are already sure that the birth of a second child is a matter of primary necessity and there is no turning back, then you should find the point of pressure. For example, your spouse has long persuaded you to quit work, but you do not agree, now it is time to promise to do so. Thus, you change the opportunity to have a baby for something that your spouse has long dreamed of getting. It can be not only work, but some kind of expensive purchase, trip. In general, absolutely any concession to which you previously did not agree. Such a gesture on your part will enable your husband to realize how strong and responsible your decision is.
If this method does not have its result, try to explain what a categorical reluctance to find a way out of the situation suggests that your spouse simply does not respect your opinion. Think about whether it is worth maintaining a relationship with someone who does not want to reckon with your opinion in any way. Maybe if the husband realizes that he can lose you at any time, he will agree to your proposals and will meet you.