People meet, people fall in love, get married. But it so happens that the dream of life does not come true together and the family ends. Every year, the number of divorces is growing. Almost half of newly-born families break up in the first four years of married life. For some, divorce is a blessing and a new chance for a happy life, and for someone, divorce is akin to the end of the world.
The most common causes of divorce
- Cheating on one of the spouses or mutual cheating.
- Alcoholism, drug addiction or ludomania of one of the family members.
- Infertility of one of the spouses or unwillingness to continue the clan.
- Cultural, religious or racial incompatibility.
- Domestic violence.
- Loss of sexual attraction.
- Financial difficulties.
- Housing problem.
- Early marriage.
- Marriage due to pregnancy.
- Lack of understanding.
- One of the spouses is not ready for family life (did not walk up).
This is not a complete list of reasons for a divorce.
The breakups have many motives, but when the couple break up without scandals, and even remain friends, this is aerobatics.
As a rule, it happens that in a broken pair, one ex-spouse is the winner, and the second long and painfully licks the wounds caused by the events that preceded the divorce, and its consequences.
I will just write you a letter
Sometimes former spouses feel the need to write a letter to their former life partner. Usually women write farewell letters to husbands, because by their nature they are more emotional and sensitive. There are frequent cases when people part after a strong quarrel and there is a feeling of understatement, as if all the dots on the “i” are not placed, and this feeling does not give a person peace. In this state, a person decides to write a letter in which he writes the last “sorry-goodbye”.
And sometimes the woman who is rejected continues to love and she wants to scream about this feeling and her misfortune, but the opposite side does not want to delve into.
In other cases, women who broke up with her husband simply want the last word left for them. Well, this is not reprehensible: if there is such a desire, it has not grown out of nowhere.
Also, a woman who wants to write a farewell letter to her husband feels that they did not dare to express all the pain for the reason that they are afraid to remain unheard, they will be misunderstood or will leave, interrupted in a word. Either she does not have the courage to say everything, or she will miss something important during the monologue.
Beautiful and courageous road crossed
Often women remain offended, whom the cheating husband left for another. If the husband leaves the wife with the child, the offense remains for a long time, and this pain must be thrown out somewhere so that it does not destroy either the woman or the child. Writing a farewell letter to a husband who has changed is useful, it gives a therapeutic effect, but it is likely that the ex-husband will not read the letter and delve into the essence of the message. Or, worse, he will answer, and then the epistolary skirmish will begin, and this will have a negative effect on the woman and the joint baby.
After all, she will inevitably pluck evil on the child. These nuances must be taken into account. Therefore, a farewell letter to a traitor husband must be written and destroyed.
Hit the Road Jack
A letter can be written both by hand and using a computer or a typewriter.
James Pennebaker, Head of the Department of Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, developed his own method that has been used around the world for about 40 years. This method is called expressive writing.
The psychologist wrote a book about the method and claims that at the end of the exercise, people not only feel moral relief, but they also feel better physically: the stiffness leaves the body and they become less likely to get sick.
It only takes three days to feel relieved. Within three days, you need to sit down at the table, take a pen, a sheet of paper and write everything that comes to mind about the situation.
My feelings fill the paper
Write everything, do not be shy in expressions, splash sore every day for 15 minutes. Describe your condition: if your heart hurts - write it, if you feel humiliated and crushed - open your soul to paper. Want to put five exclamation points - this is only welcome. Don’t worry about typos and grammar, if it’s messy, it doesn’t matter.
When you are sure that this letter will never reach the addressee, it will be much easier for you to write out all the accumulated feelings. Exactly 15 minutes later, you need to interrupt the letter and return to this case only tomorrow. If after three days you feel that you have not yet expressed everything, continue to write until you feel relief.
Please note that you can bring yourself to tears in your own words in a farewell letter to your husband, because at first a lot of negativity will come out of you. Do not be alarmed, tears make the soul easier and cry while writing a letter is normal and even good.
I am writing you a letter and, as always, I burn
After the letter is completed, burn it. Or seal in a bottle and throw in the sea.
An important condition: you need to write an expressive letter no earlier than three weeks after the traumatic event, otherwise there will be no effect. In no case do not keep this letter: firstly, there is a risk that it will fall into someone's hands, and not the fact that it will be a person who wishes you well. Secondly, there will always be a temptation to reread it and all feelings will stir again, and it will be impossible to write them out again.
Get rid of the letter and turn this sad page of your life.
Expressive writing technique is good not only for writing a farewell letter to her husband, but also for other difficult life situations: dismissal from work, a quarrel with a friend, betrayal of loved ones and many others.
A letter in an envelope, wait, do not tear
There are frequent cases when spouses love each other and they seem to be doing well, but there are people who do not accept this union. One of these external obstacles to the happiness of the young is the mother of one of the spouses.
Unfortunately, the parents of children who have already grown up are not always ready for the child to grow up, mature and want to live separately, and is even getting ready to get offspring.
Moms of matured children still believe that they know how to, and they know what kind of life partner their “child" needs. Such mothers often interfere in the affairs of a young family, knowingly or unconsciously introduce discord into a fragile union. And the “child” who is not completely separated is not able to control the power and pressure of his mother, as a result of which quarrels occur more and more often in a young family. In the end, one of the two can’t stand it and the word “divorce” sounds, even if the couple still love each other.
In this case, you can write a letter-straw, which may be the only means of reconciliation. In this case, you need to carefully select the words, since you need to write a farewell letter to your husband in such a way that there is room for maneuver. After he reads the letter, he should have a feeling that if decisive action is taken, then not everything is lost and happiness can still be returned.
An example of such a letter
"When we were together, I felt the most beloved and desired. Only you, beloved, managed to make me the happiest in the world. I remember all the magical moments next to you from the moment we met. But I'm afraid it’s time to part. Don’t blame yourself in no way, know that I still love you and I am very sad that our love story will be a thing of the past.
You are the most wonderful person for me, and it is very difficult for me to write you this letter, because the pain tears me apart, and I can hardly hold back my tears. I would very much like my love for you to pass as quickly as possible, because it is unbearably parting with the person you love and dream of spending your whole life with him.
I beg you: if you love me too, try to uproot this feeling from yourself, because the pain of unfulfilled love drains the soul. And I very much ask you to forgive me. I didn’t want us to be unhappy. The decision to leave was very difficult for me, you can’t even imagine how hard it was to leave you.
But I know that there is a person in the world who will enjoy our parting. And you know this man. Sorry, this is your mom. She sees another woman next to you and is sure that that woman can make you happy. Your mother is a very wise person, she knows you all her life, and, probably, she is right.
Please do not reproach her for anything and do not quarrel with her, she wishes you only the best. Please try to hate me, it will be easier to forget about me. And it will be easier for you to start all over again, but with a different one. With her you will have children whom we so dreamed about, with her you will go through life hand in hand and grow old, all this will be with her, but not with me. And together, alas, we cannot experience this, because in our family, besides the two of us, there was another person — your mother. You know this well, because we have talked about this more than once.
I love you very much, but I can’t do that anymore. Sorry and goodbye".
Not a standard
This example of writing does not serve as a standard, it is just an idea of how to present your thoughts in such a way that your spouse finally understands that you do not like such a family life and you need to take decisive action to separate from the older generation and find housing only for the two of you. Or not take it.
Now the decision is in his hands and you have to make any decision. Therefore, before deciding to write such a letter to her husband, weigh the pros and cons.
Thank you for all that has been - gone, gone
Life is complex and unpredictable. It often happens that after a certain time a woman understands: there is no more attraction, and on both sides. Alienation is growing, relations remain smooth, but there is not enough past warmth and mutual understanding. The couple begins to live, as the people say: "Like a brother and a sister." Everything suits the man: a delicious dinner and comfort, clean socks and ironed shirts are waiting for him at home, there may already be another love story on the side. In this case, a woman more and more often thinks about how to calmly leave her husband, avoiding mutual reproaches and accusations.
In such a situation, a letter comes to the rescue again, certainly written by hand. Why write a letter by hand? Psychologists say that writing by hand helps to cope with excitement and stress, and also allows you to carefully consider everything written, to circumvent sharp corners.
You remember, you all, of course, remember
Such a letter, of course, is worth sending. In it you need to remember only all the good things, the happiness that accompanied you, add a touch of sadness that all this has gone irrevocably. And the hope is that if you ever meet, you will be happy separately again and don’t remember anything bad if it was.
It is important that the farewell letter to her husband when parting was written in the correct style: without reproaches and insults, it should not contain insults.
One can only hope that these tips will never be useful to anyone.