Family - usually with this word in the mind's eye of most people, idealistic pictures of a cozy house flicker, where the smells of fresh pastries are floating, the children and two adults peacefully sniffing in their beds, hugging on the sofa for a conversation about the day lived. However, in reality, marriage is not always portrayed as peaceful. And in many cases they turn into a real bondage for two people who once loved each other.
In the modern world, a trend of growing divorces has long been traced. Fewer and fewer couples manage to maintain their relationship and go along the whole life path together. Many people think that traditional marriage, as we understand and perceive it, has already lost its relevance today, and the future of mankind is completely different. Their essence is well reflected in such a concept as “guest marriage”. Not everyone understands its features, pros and cons. Therefore, in the article we will consider the concept of guest marriage, the attitude of society to it and the possible consequences of such a residence.
Institute of marriage: a relic of the past or a look into the future?
For many centuries, the marriage of men and women has been the foundation of any society. Regardless of religion or tradition, couples in love sought to reunite and build their lives together. Such a relationship could be attributed to mutually beneficial. After all, a man received a reliable rear, a cozy home and healthy children. And the woman, in turn, acquired a defender and support that she could not provide for herself. These canons seemed to be unshakable, and other forms of marriage simply could not exist. However, today many are witnessing a clear crisis in the traditional system of relations, and the twentieth century is to blame for this, which has significantly changed the social foundations and roles of the male and female principles.
If earlier the girl saw her future after studying at school and institute in a successful marriage, today today she has quite broad prospects. Women successfully make their careers, go in for sports, travel, build a business, and sometimes earn much more than their potential husbands. Men, in turn, also do not seek to tie the knot. They have a huge selection of sexual partners, and many of these relationships do not oblige them to absolutely nothing. Representatives of a strong half of humanity understand that there is no need to spend their time and money on a wife when there are so many temptations and opportunities to spend time around. In this regard, people are increasingly getting divorced and in the future do not want to create new families.
Sociologists believe that traditional values ​​are most powerful in Islamic society, where the distributed roles of men and women are still no different from the times that are thousands of years behind us. But European society is increasingly leaning towards relations of a different kind.
At present, 6 types of marriage ties are known in society, each of which has a right to exist. We will talk about them in the next section in more detail.
Forms of marriage
The most famous and universally recognized form is traditional marriage. It implies the official registration of the relationship of two lovers, their consent to the common household, the joint upbringing of children and equal responsibility for everything that happens in the family. Most often, in such relationships, the couple has a common budget, which both spouses manage at their discretion.
Today, quite a few families live by trial marriage. Usually we call it civil, and it is not officially recognized by the state. Lovers live on the same living space, carry out a common household, make purchases and can even have children. However, in the eyes of the law, they are not husband and wife. Initially, this form of relationship arose with the aim of checking each other and in the future was to develop into a traditional marriage. Unfortunately, often couples after several years of cohabitation break up and never reach the registry office.
Seasonal marriage in our country is unknown. A similar form is common in the countries of the East, when relations are officially registered for a certain period of time. For this period, the couple is considered husband and wife. But after the specified period, the marriage goes into the category of dissolved. However, spouses can extend their relationship for another time interval by mutual desire.
Communal marriage - better known by the term “Swedish family”. He has no relation to the official form of matrimony and is not recognized by the state. Usually, several men and women live in communal marriages; they share a common life, its joys and problems. Each one makes his own contribution to the material maintenance of the family, and children born into the world are considered common, since in such unions group intimate relationships are practiced.
Open marriage can be considered one of the forms of traditional matrimony. Psychologists and sociologists believe that it can form at some stage of a couple’s life and not take root, but may be the original foundation of their relationship. In such a pair, it is not customary to hide treason from each other. Spouses live together, raise common children, share life and have certain obligations. However, they have the right to start novels on the side and do not show their second half about this.
And finally, guest marriage. Such a family model is very popular in Europe and is gradually becoming more and more interesting for young Russians. However, many do not see the difference between a fictitious or a guest marriage, and they often confuse it with free relations. What is the difference? We will talk about all the features of such a relationship later.
The concept of guest union
If you are interested in guest marriage as a form of your possible family with a partner, then keep in mind that this term means an officially registered union with a stamp in your passport. At the same time, spouses live in different territories most of the time; they are not burdened with conducting a common household and solving problems. In this case, the couple’s budget is most often separate, but if there are children, this rule can be changed. A man takes on most of the expenses for his wife and child, but at the same time remains to live in another territory.
Keep in mind that guest marriage does not accept cheating, as spouses sincerely love each other. They themselves make up a certain schedule of meetings based on their own interests. This can be a weekend visit, a meeting once a month or a joint vacation every six months. In any case, the relationship is fueled by love and a sincere interest in the affairs of the partner.
In Europe, a large percentage of the population lives in guest marriage, and many consider this form to be the most convenient for modern society. Moreover, science fiction perceives it as the only correct and possible model of relations of the future, which does not limit lovers in any way, but allows them to be an official family in the eyes of society.
Reasons for registering a guest union
What does guest marriage mean, our reader already understands. But it is worth bearing in mind that a similar form of relationship can be reached at any stage of married life. Some couples initially agree on such an alliance, others live so forcedly for certain reasons and then return to their traditional family, and for others, such a marriage is the only way to preserve love and stay together. Therefore, there can be quite a lot of reasons for arranging a guest marriage, but we will list only the most basic and common ones:
- Life situation. Families often face serious financial difficulties when a decent income can be obtained only away from home. In this regard, the couple decides on a shift method of work. Most often, a man leaves for work for several months, and then returns home to spend a couple of weeks or a month with his family. Then the head of the family leaves again to work. In this mode, lovers can exist for a limited period of time or even a lifetime.
- Fear of domestic difficulties. Modern and independent people are very upset by the appearance of another person on their territory. Even a partner that is very beloved and dear to the heart can literally destroy an established life and make significant discomfort. Therefore, a couple who has registered a marriage prefers to live in different territories in order to preserve love and not to destroy relations about everyday problems.
- Parent example. What kind of relationship is this - guest marriage, children can learn from parents. If they were brought up in such a family, then they consider such an alliance quite normal. Therefore, in most cases, they seek to build their relations according to a familiar model.
- Experiment. After a few years of marriage, the couple can notice a cooling of feelings and feel the urge to experiment. In this regard, they agree on a guest union in order to turn each meeting into a holiday.
The experiment described above can lead to anything. After all, it is difficult to completely ignore the pros and cons of guest marriage. Some couples, having experienced a spiritual upsurge, return to a traditional family, while others remain to live in such a union and feel completely happy.
Types of guest unions
Each couple determines how to regulate their relationship. This process should not be influenced by public opinion, the advice of friends and acquaintances, as well as data from opinion polls. Moreover, guest marriage is a topic that provokes a diametrically opposite assessment in society. Varieties of such a union are determined by the frequency of meetings of the spouses. Based on this, psychologists distinguish the following types:
- One day rest. Through the eyes of a family psychologist, this type of guest marriage cannot be fully classified as a guest marriage. The fact is that the couple constantly lives together and only for one or two days breaks up to be alone and relax. During these days, spouses meet with friends, go to theaters or cinema, or simply relax at home. Usually this time is enough to miss each other and understand the impossibility of separate existence. However, short-term separation of the couple still continues to practice.
- Separate weekend. This option is slightly similar to the previous one, but in it the spouses have long decided that they spend the weekend separately. This practice is not questionable. In addition, both have equal rights and have a great time apart.
- Meetings during the holidays. Spouses in such relationships can live not only in different houses, but also in cities and countries. At the same time, they prefer to meet only during a joint vacation, turning it into a romantic fairy tale. Most often, a vacation is carefully planned, a beautiful hotel is chosen for it, and the route often includes visits to different countries. But a similar option is possible only with a good financial condition of the spouses. Otherwise, they simply spend their holidays in neutral territory, avoiding meetings in their apartment or house.
- Long term breakups. This is the most difficult option for guest marriage for psychologists. In it, spouses, due to their desire or life circumstances, spend most of their time in separation. They meet 1-2 times a year, which in general terms can hardly be called a family. However, the couple continues to maintain relationships, has children and loves each other. Family psychologists believe that with such a long separation, the union is threatened with betrayal and even the appearance of parallel families.
In fact, there are more varieties of guest marriage than we have listed. After all, the presence and absence of children also affects how spouses will schedule meetings. Therefore, couples often deviate from the classic options in favor of their own.
Psychologists about guest unions
Family relations professionals have a different attitude towards guest marriages, but usually they consider them to be just a transitional stage in the relationship of spouses. At the same time, psychologists acknowledge that for a certain period of time, such a union can literally be a salvation for lovers. However, they still face the choice of a further model of relations, moving away from constant partings. In psychology, the types of people and options for situations in which guest marriage is simply irreplaceable are highlighted:
- couples who cannot stand each other at home, but who experience sincere love;
- careerists who do not want to change their lifestyle and lose a profitable job in another city;
- men and women who already have a negative experience of classic marriage;
- egoists who are not used to adjusting to a partner even in small things;
- creative people who spend a lot of time traveling and needing personal time;
- romantics who prefer not to mix life and feelings, wanting to maximize the freshness of emotions.
Despite the fact that guest marriage is becoming more common, psychologists believe that it cannot be considered as a family model, since it unites immature individuals who deny acceptance of responsibility for another person.
Opinion of the Orthodox Church
How does the church relate to guest marriage? Definitely negative. Priests do not encourage such a model of relationships, citing texts from the Bible. It says that a husband and wife should be a single whole, which means that separate living and lack of responsibility for each other cannot be the foundation of a strong Orthodox family.
Guest marriage: pros and cons
Young couples without children and adults who have already built their lives are ready to list the many advantages of guest unions. And it’s worth admitting that they can’t but attract attention:
- independence;
- lack of suffocating duties;
- exclusion of domestic quarrels;
- meeting at a convenient time for both;
- maintaining sharpness of feelings;
- spending time together is associated only with pleasant moments.
However, the disadvantages of such unions are not less, so they should be voiced:
- the appearance of misunderstanding when one partner needs support, is sick or simply upset and needs attention;
- violent emotions can burn out very quickly, and nothing new will come to replace them;
- distance inevitably cools feelings, as the couple is deprived of the real warmth of traditional relationships;
- the occurrence of jealousy;
- minimal emotional attachment to each other.
Often children appear in guest unions, and here newly-made dads and mother have to restructure their relations a little. Some come to a traditional family, while others prefer to focus on the next advantages of guest marriage:
- a parent raising a baby can devote more time and attention to him;
- the second parent, coming home, will spend time with the offspring, based on its quality;
- the baby will grow in the absence of quarrels and parental conflicts;
- children always observe happy and contented parents.
It is noteworthy that with the birth of a child, the following disadvantages of guest marriage are revealed:
- all responsibility for the children rests on the shoulders of one of the parents;
- over time, a lack of communication with the absent parent begins to be traced;
- the child does not perceive the coming dad or mother as part of his life;
- lack of feeling of a complete family;
- the child learns the wrong model of relations and in the future cannot correctly distribute male and female roles.
Of course, everyone chooses whether to try living a guest marriage. Indeed, in many situations, it becomes only a stage. However, sometimes its consequences can be very sad.
How does the guest union end?
Few people think about the consequences of a guest marriage, but they do not always, unfortunately, look as rosy as imagined. Often the result of such a relationship is treason. It happens even in pairs very loving each other. After all, an adult man and woman need a full-fledged sexual life, which is impossible with short meetings. Therefore, one of the couple may eventually succumb to the temptation of fleeting communication.
Sooner or later, many couples living in a guest marriage also face financial claims.Especially when they have common children. Spouses begin to discuss each other's contribution to the maintenance of the child and the family as a whole. Often they do not agree, and the dialogue ends with a complete rejection of the position of the other side.
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Instead of a conclusion
A person’s personal life is an area in which everyone is free to set their own rules. However, it is worth remembering that any family is built primarily on constant joint stay, solving problems, overcoming difficulties and raising children. Guest marriage robs the union of these important things that can become the foundation of real and strong relationships, and, therefore, the key to a happy future.