Mom in the heart of the husband will always be in the first place, and only then the wife. And the strength of the marriage often depends on how the relationship between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law develops. There are frequent cases when it is precisely disagreements between women that cause the breakup of the family. In this article we will tell why mother-in-law do not like daughter-in-law. We will also consider possible solutions to the problem. In addition, the article will present the advice of psychologists and astrologers.
Money
Why mother in law do not like daughter-in-law? After the completion of such a long-awaited event as marriage, a woman acquires not only her husband. Not the last place in a newly formed family should be given to the mother-in-law. And it is good if mutual understanding and friendship arise between the ladies at once. But how to build a relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law if a good relationship does not work out? Let's look at the common causes of contention.
Money has always occupied not the last place in the life of every person. And therefore, if a girl is lower in status than her husband, then you can expect discontent from the mother-in-law. For example, that a girl married not because of love, but because of money, an apartment or a residence permit (if the girl is from a small village, and the groom is from a large city). And perhaps her husband’s mother is not so much sorry for the money as she is worried about how her friends look at such an alliance.
If this situation exists, then you just need to not pay attention to the attacks of the mother-in-law, and for this you will have to have a lot of patience. It is best to start building your career yourself without the help of a husband.
Some advise giving birth to a mother-in-law to turn her attention to him. But this is not always the way out. If a mother has a strong influence on her husband and will never accept a daughter-in-law, then in the future you can lose not only her husband, but also her child.
Or she may begin to take out her negativity on the baby. In this case, the question will already sound differently: "Why don't my mother-in-law like her daughter-in-law and grandchildren?" It is better not to rush to have children until an approach to the spouse's mother is found.
Other nationality
The reason for the dislike of the mother-in-law may be that the daughter-in-law is of a different nationality. Often women are willing to adamantly honor family traditions and go to the best of their ability to embroil the young. And even more so they will try to do everything so that there is no mixing of blood and a child is not born.
Then what if the mother-in-law does not like the daughter-in-law because of nationality? Here, resistance can be given only by joint efforts with her husband. If possible, it is better to leave for another city, since mutual love is unlikely to arise. But such a mother-in-law will spoil the girl’s nerves.
Jealousy
Of course, the most obvious reason why mother-in-laws do not like daughters-in-law is jealousy. It is especially pronounced if the son is the only child in the family. And even more so if the mother-in-law was left without a husband. The mother does not want to share her son's love with anyone else. He is afraid of losing his attention and wants to stay in the first place for him. This can be manifested in the fact that the mother-in-law will, without and without calling her son (get sick, you need to move the closet or she just missed you very much).
The daughter-in-law in this case is better not to try to take the mother’s place in the heart of her husband. Not to interfere with the mother-in-law's communication with his son, and even sometimes it is better to let them see each other in private. To join their family gradually. Great if the firstborn is a boy. Then the mother-in-law will switch her love and attention to her grandson. Do not forget to spend with her all the great holidays. Ask the mother-in-law for advice about her husband (for example, what should he buy for his birthday, how to cook his favorite dish), joint work and chores will help to get closer.
Mother took the position of head
When living together, disagreements may arise due to the fact that the husband’s mother will occupy the position of head and will not allow the daughter-in-law to independently make decisions in household chores. There is even a series of quotes about a mother-in-law who does not like her daughter-in-law.
The house should not have two hostesses.
Love for the husband’s mother must be measured in kilometers.
An annoying mother-in-law and half a city will not be an obstacle.
Usually the way out of the situation is simple - you need to move out from the mother-in-law. If it is not possible to buy an apartment, then you can rent it. If you are at a distance from each other and do not encroach on the territory of the husband’s mother, she may calm down and even perhaps try to establish normal family relations. It often happens that the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law got along well with each other, but as soon as they got together, the scandals began.
Fight for love
The dislike of the mother-in-law can arise as a result of the struggle for who loves the man more. She can pamper his favorite pastries, buy him his favorite perfume. She will try by hook or by crook to prove that she is better than the daughter-in-law.
In this case, you must always be one step ahead of the mother-in-law. Anticipate her actions, but you need to act correctly. Do not get ahead of her with a better gift or a delicious cooked dish. It is necessary, on the contrary, to show interest where she bought it, how it is prepared, maybe she needs help, or jointly prepare a surprise for her husband.
Different views on parenting
Quarrels may arise due to different views on parenting. Grandmother can both pamper the baby and be too strict with him. To educate on the same principles as she raised her son.
So that the mother-in-law loved the daughter-in-law as a daughter, you need to give her to take part in raising children. Do not make scandals that children are completely different now and her methods are outdated. On the contrary, ask her for advice or carefully make it clear what she is doing wrong. For example, a grandmother wraps her baby for a walk in warm autumn weather. Do not scream to remove all unnecessary. It is better to persuade her to get dressed as warm as she wound her baby when she went out. Having already felt on the street that she was hot and, therefore, a child, she would agree that the daughter-in-law was right.
The harmful nature of the mother-in-law
The reason for the disagreement is often the simply bad and harmful nature of the mother-in-law. If she did not like the daughter-in-law, and she went on the principle (she wants to survive the girl from the family), then she will try to achieve her goal by any means.
Here, there will be only one way out again - to leave as far as possible from such a mother-in-law and see her on holidays, and then if she does not try to spoil them. Since it is almost impossible to change the heavy nature of an adult.
The mother-in-law considers her husband a baby
Mother-in-law often treat their sons as small children, they will never grow up in their eyes. Therefore, the daughter-in-law often sees the mother as an obstacle. She is afraid that the girl might offend her child, hurt him. It is bad to feed or not to treat during illness.
With such a mother-in-law, you can find a common language and even make friends. Since one woman is dear to both women, though they love him with different love. When her son is ill, then you need to ask her for advice, ask for help to look after him. Or when her son is very tired at work, ask for help to organize a quiet outdoor recreation.
Another daughter-in-law
The mother-in-law has already found a daughter-in-law for her son. And she doesn’t want to see another girl in her place. She can specially with her son point out the shortcomings of his wife and say that the girl with whom she introduced him would not allow this. And to do so at any suitable occasion.
You can try to please the mother-in-law, trying to fix their shortcomings. But you need to remember that the girl did not marry his mother. And maybe her husband was attracted to her shortcomings (according to her mother-in-law), and by eradicating them, she may become uninteresting for him. The best way out is patience, you just need to ignore the comments. Over time, the mother-in-law will calm down and accept the girl. And grandchildren will only accelerate the process of reconciliation.
Resentment at his mother-in-law
The reason for the mother-in-law’s hostility to her daughter-in-law may be the fact that her mother herself was poorly received by her husband’s mother in her youth and offended in every possible way. She can simply throw out all the grudge accumulated over the years. Or maybe she just decided to take her daughter-in-law up as her mother-in-law did.
It's simple, you need to remind her mother-in-law her youth. So that she now takes the place of her daughter-in-law. Perhaps she would not make the mistakes that her husband’s mother had made. Usually with such women it’s easy to find a common language. And remembering all the insults over a cup of tea, she would not allow everything to happen again.
Age difference
It also happens that between her son and the chosen one there is a big difference in age (in either direction). How to establish a relationship in-law and daughter-in-law in this case? If the daughter-in-law is younger, then she will most likely abandon her son because of the young man or will cheat. If a girl is older than her son, then she is not a couple either. So, there will be no grandchildren, she will soon grow old, and her son will ruin her youth by caring for her.
You can still, for the first time, try to convince the mother-in-law of the sincerity of feelings. Show your love for her son and respect for her. But if this does not produce results, then there is no other way but to move further from the mother-in-law.
Complaints of the husband
It often happens that mother-in-law, who do not like their daughters-in-law, can be said to have earned their hostility due to complaints from their husband. For example, the couple quarreled over a trifle (the woman was late at work, just a bad mood), and the husband immediately ran to complain to his mother. Based on these complaints, the mother-in-law will build her opinion about her daughter-in-law.
The conclusion suggests itself. Of course, you can talk with your husband, make it clear that everything that happens in the family is only their problems and they need to be solved independently. But if this does not produce results, then it is better to part with such a husband. Let him live with his ideal mother.
Immediately, the ideal relationship between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law is not so common. If there is no hostility, then initially neutral neutrality occurs. Love in-law still need to win. And if there are disagreements, then you need to use your feminine wisdom and cunning and win the location of the mother-in-law.
Psychology of the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law. Psychologists advice
The very first thing to consider when joining someone else's family is that you cannot openly condemn a husband in the presence of his mother or her friends. It is better to solve all the problems encountered in private without prying eyes.
Remember that a mother will always see a child in her son, even when he is well over 40. You should not push the mother to the background. After all, often a man can be judged only by evaluating how he relates to his mother. Then it will be safe to say whether he can offend a woman, or behind his back you can feel like behind a stone wall.
It is necessary to listen to the advice of the mother-in-law, even if they are not useful in life or a decision has been made to act in one's own way, one should at least listen. Women love being listened to, and the husband’s mother is no exception.
Men don’t like to complain about their mother’s spouse to his mother, and they can not consciously convey their mother-in-law's discontent with their daughter-in-law. This can cause contention in relationships between women.
Sometimes women quarrel over the fact that there are no children. If the mother-in-law does not like the daughter-in-law, then the girl, of course, does not knowingly give birth to grandchildren or does not allow them to see her grandmother. This is a kind of protest and an extremely rash act. It is the grandchildren who most often bring women together. Grandmothers sit with them when a woman needs to leave. And just the mother-in-law loves to pamper the kids, especially since the blood of her beloved son, and therefore her, flows in them.
Rules for rapprochement
Important rules that will help you get closer to your mother-in-law:
- show her husband’s mother that she is respected and appreciated;
- avoid quarrels with the mother in law;
- Do not tell your husband what you do not like about his mother and do not describe what is annoying in her;
- in the presence of her husband, ask for advice from his mother, this will strengthen the love of the husband and his mother, it is important here not to go too far, to make requests infrequently in the case;
- Do not discuss the mother-in-law among people who can pass everything on to her or her son;
- find a middle ground in communication: no longer a girlfriend, but also not a close relative;
- live separately from mother in law.
So why don't mother-in-law like daughters-in-law? In the reviews, people write that often there are two women with the same characters (both owners). Or a young girl just does not know how to build the right relationship with her new relative. The above rules will just help to avoid disagreements.
Astrologer Tips
How to understand that the mother-in-law does not like the daughter-in-law, even being not familiar with her? In this case, a horoscope comes to the rescue. You should find out who the future relative is by the zodiac sign. Date of birth can tell a lot about a person. And knowing the approximate nature of the second mother, you can be ready for surprises in her behavior.
- Aries. These are women with a heavy character. They are too emotional. And they can say too much in a fit of anger. Fight for the love of their child. And if she hears something bad about her son from the mouth of her daughter-in-law, then war will be declared for life. Her weakness: women love sleep and peace.
- Taurus. They can be called the perfect mother-in-law. They are quite patient and rarely show their feelings for the show. And if the husband commits an offense, then the mother-in-law will help correct the situation and save the family. Finding an approach to it is easy. Respect her, love her son and listen to advice.
- Twins. This type of women can be called congenital mother-in-law by nature. They are very fond of communication and work. Although they like to build serious women out of themselves. By learning to listen to the mother-in-law and giving her the opportunity to cry in a vest, you can gain her trust forever.
- Crayfish These are owners and practical people. Daughters-in-law are rarely taken with hostility, they see in them free handmaidens who will follow her son. And besides, they give birth to grandchildren, whom they love to unconsciousness. This is their weak point.
- Lions This is a kind of queen. They love it when they obey. If the mothers-in-law show their respect and often have intimate conversations, then you can make good friends with her. And if she is also the first to know about the imminent appearance of a grandson or granddaughter, then her heart will be subdued. But this type of women does not tolerate criticism. Therefore, such mistakes are best avoided.
- Virgin. This is most often women are boring and touchy, with their own oddities. But it’s easy to find a common language with them. You need to be patient so as not to pay attention to their antics. They love to be praised, but do not accept help. They love cleanliness in the house. So, in order to avoid conflicts, you need to keep the apartment in order.
- Libra. They easily accept daughters-in-law and can even adapt to their quirks. But this type of women is insidious in that they take out all the dirt from the hut. Therefore, it is not necessary to conduct too frank conversations with her.
- Scorpions. The most dangerous type of mother in law. It can humiliate and offend in the presence of strangers and a husband. He will not let his son go from under the wing. It is better to bypass such mother-in-law or to live further from them.
- Sagittarius. A good option for the mother-in-law. She is most often self-sufficient, loves work. She will accept a daughter-in-law if she sees her love for her son and wealth in the family. But he will not tolerate cohabitation with his daughter-in-law.
- Capricorns. They can help the young family on their own, but financial help cannot be expected from them. If necessary, it will always help with practical advice. You can trust her, the information received will not leave the walls of the house. If a quarrel arises, the first will not go to reconciliation. Usually he does not crawl into family life with his son, although he loves him very much.
- Aquarius. In order to avoid quarrels with the mother-in-law, you need to have great patience. They often change their minds, like to teach the mind. These are great grandmothers, and with the help of grandchildren, you can find an approach to them.
- Fish. Why do not love the daughter-in-law of the mother-in-fish? These ladies feel people a mile away, it is difficult to deceive. But if a woman likes a girl, then the family will have an idyll. She will not interfere in the family life of the young. And from her there will be the best grandmother, who will not pamper her grandchildren much, and will give them the necessary and useful information in a dosed manner.
Conclusion
Sometimes it’s not difficult to understand that a mother-in-law does not like a daughter-in-law. Although some zodiac signs may not show this in person. But they will not be able to hide their hostility.If the girl is well prepared for the future family life, and she will study the psychology of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, then, most likely, she will be able to find an approach even to the most "fierce" mother-in-law. The most important thing is to live separately, even ideal relationships can be destroyed if the mother-in-law lives with a young couple together.