Sometimes you want to close yourself from problems, reality, and get away from troubles. Self-deception - here it is a psychological defense against all this. But this is not good. A man, hiding behind an illusory screen, is dishonest in front of himself, insincere. It would seem that in this way we manage to hide our fears and weaknesses, but this is not an option.
Why?
Because, hiding deep in ourselves shortcomings, vices and evil, we do not get rid of them. And they, in turn, will gradually kill us and our lives. So, self-deception is a deliberate purposeful action of a person in order to avoid unpleasant truths, undesirable reality. This is nothing but the suggestion of thoughts that do not correspond to reality.
Here are some examples of self-deception
They will help assess the degree of harm that not only the individual receives, but also the people around him. Suppose a person has symptoms of a serious illness, but he does not pay attention to them in any way, rejecting this, suggesting to himself that he is absolutely healthy until the consequences of the disease become irreversible.
Or, the lover of a married man is sure that he does not like a wife with whom there is no intimacy, and will soon abandon his family for her sake.
Parents who blindly love their children exaggerate their dignity without seeing the flaws. For example, a son playing in the ice hockey section does not lose any hope and most of the time he sits on the bench, they see him as the future world champion.
An unprepared student going to the exam is completely confident in his abilities, convinced that he has sufficient knowledge to pass the subject. As you can see, there are many examples, but one result is the destruction of illusions, which entails pain, disappointment, stress, depression and even death. Thus, self-deception is an excellent means of self-defense against negativity, but sometimes it becomes uncontrolled, turning into a guiding star, a life landmark, and a behavior strategy.
Why is it dangerous?
To achieve a result in life, a person needs certain resources. And self-deception can have a negative impact on this factor. In this situation, the individual is able to overestimate himself, attributing the missing qualities that are absent in reality.
A successful person really looks at things, sets feasible tasks, solving them, moving towards a big goal. While the loser sets unattainable boundaries, overwhelming opportunities. And everything happens because he is mistaken in his strength. If the reason is imaginary, will the expected effect occur? Of course not.
We will understand the reasons
As mentioned above, self-deception may appear to some extent a conscious strategy of behavior or a random moment in the situation. So, why does a person pass off some truth as truth:
- Anxiety and cowardice - this is the first reason for self-deception in life. This is a fear of admitting something to oneself, admitting one’s misconduct, sins. Or fear to take responsibility for something. To get rid of them, you must take the first important courageous step - to recognize them.
- Low self-esteem. As a rule, such people do not have an internal life-core, self-esteem, lack of dignity. And they have to lie about themselves, achievements, increase them, come up with good qualities, and they themselves begin to believe in this lie. A person who knows his worth does not need self-deception.
- Fear of experiencing pain and suffering. That is why the individual simply decides that the problem does not exist. But it does not disappear anywhere, and this must be understood. If problems are not solved, they will accumulate and sooner or later explode. It is necessary to gain strength, find solutions, and not pretend that everything is fine.
- False knowledge and faith. Man believes in that which is not in reality. And on the basis of this, he draws life conclusions. But what really happens does not notice. The individual perceives exclusively that which is trained to perceive. Unconscious self-deception will be based on ignorance and ignorance.
Ignorance is the main cause of self-deception. It is a lack of education, attachment to the old, stereotypical thinking that impedes the assimilation of new information. It deprives the individual of critical thinking, a person is deeply convinced that he knows everything better than others. The ignoramus is the last to confess to self-deception and misfortune, while he will not accept someone else's help, again because of his stereotypes.
These are some of the reasons, there are many. One thing can be said: all of them indicate that a person is not able to realize either himself or the surrounding reality, as a result of which he cannot develop.
“Ah, it’s not difficult to deceive me! ... I’m glad to be deceived myself!”
Quote from the poem “Recognition” of the great Russian poet S. A. Pushkin. He dedicated this work to the stepdaughter of the owner of the neighboring estate, Alexandra Osipova (Alina), while in the village of Mikhailovsky. The poet understood that his declaration of love was hopeless, since her heart was occupied. And the last line of the poem “I am glad to be deceived myself!” Speaks of a certain love game, flirting, which Pushkin offers to the young lady. He is ready for anything to get her reciprocity. Even self-deception. This is an example from the literature. And there are, by the way, a great many of them.
Well, we will return to the problem of self-deception in life.
Positive thinking
It has nothing to do with illusory thinking, that is, self-deception. Let's get it right. Only a positive-minded person can achieve heights and achieve his goal, find a way out of this difficult situation, while maintaining a sober mind, without falling into panic and depression.
Self-deception is the flip side of the coin, it is an attempt to think positively when a person is dissatisfied with his life, dissatisfied with his achievements and himself, but at the same time reassures himself that everything is good. That is, he tries to think positively, but without movement, without solving the problems that arise.
Thus, if you want to change your life, drive away self-deception. If you are not satisfied with what you have, you should not convince yourself that everything is fine, because then you do not need to change anything. So people live life. Do not wait for the weather from the sea, act, break the "false optimism", plunge into reality and change it.
How to detect it?
Self-deception is the process of suggesting thoughts that are not true. The main thing is to learn to turn on self-control and treat yourself critically, without bias and censure. Observe yourself from the outside, ask questions that will help reveal inner beliefs. After the work done, you need to focus on the following points. So, analyze:
- Thoughts For example, when a new relationship begins, people may have bad thoughts: “I am convinced that the girl will lie to me because the previous betrayed me” or “I am afraid to fall in love again, because I will again experience pain and disappointment.” Or very positive ones: “This is the best, unique, ideal girl in life!” Here it is necessary to think about whether you are imposing your past experience on reality, are not irrational thoughts biased?
- Emotions When you enter into a new relationship, think about trust in a partner, you have a feeling of fear, anxiety. You need to ask yourself what this reaction is and why it arises? Is it connected with reality or an echo of past unresolved issues?
- Behavior. We want our behavior to exist separately from us, because it is our reflection. That is, not trusting the partner, roaming in his phone, we do not recognize the fact of jealousy. And when the behavior is contrary to you, ask the question, why do you act this way? What you don’t want to admit, why do this and choose self-deception?
Until a person gets rid of self-deception, he will lie to himself and others. You need to work on yourself, because by deceiving yourself, you can hurt and destroy romantic relationships. And watching your thoughts, emotions and behavior, you can change for the better.
How to avoid it?
If you still noticed the fact of self-deception, you must:
- Recognize the fact of its existence, no matter how ashamed or painful. I am ashamed to continue to deceive myself.
- Soberly assess your capabilities. Feel free to ask other people for your opinion.
- And most importantly - learn to think correctly.
It is difficult, but you can succeed if you wish. For starters, strive to be honest with yourself. Attend special trainings. Embed the principles of good thinking into your life. Learn to adequately evaluate yourself and opportunities. And a few more tips:
- Face the truth.
- Think about what really hinders your happiness?
- Get rid of the fear that if you drop the illusory screen, the situation will worsen.
As soon as the problem of self-deception becomes a blocker of reality, a person begins to indulge his shortcomings (weakness, fear, laziness, and so on). It is difficult to openly look at reality, but achieving a real goal and true happiness is worth any effort and effort.