There are people for whom the whole world is gray and sad, they are sad, grouchy and always dissatisfied with everything. Nobody wants to communicate with such whiners - they avoid meeting with them, do not answer their calls, and ignore messages. Someone more brave and straightforward to such a person will say: “Just stop feeling sorry for yourself, everything will work out, and people will reach for you.” But not so easy to do as to say. To help those who are lost in the sea of sadness and sadness, let's understand what kind of feeling it is, where it comes from, what it leads to, how to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start a full happy life.
Causes
The reasons for this complex and difficult psychological state are many. Here are the most common ones:
- Envy. Watching the successes and achievements of others, people often wonder why this is not happening to them. For some, such observation gives impetus to action, while others simply begin to feel sorry for themselves because life is so unjust.
- Laziness. Often, nothing good happens in a person’s life simply because he is too lazy to do at least something, to perform at least some action to achieve the goal. I want everything to happen on its own. And when this does not happen, then the whole world around is to blame for this, and the person himself is so unhappy that everyone around him, including himself, should feel sorry and sympathize.
- Attention and love. Many people confuse these two concepts and find nothing better than, for example, attracting the attention of an object of love or sympathy with complaints and banal whining: “I'm so tired, pity me”, “no one loves me, hug me”, etc. Sooner or later, the second half gets tired of constantly regretting, the relationship is broken, and then self-flagellation goes to a new level: “I am so unhappy, I told you that no one can truly love me” and deep sorrow and depression begin.
This list is incomplete, but, as a rule, many other reasons for a detailed investigation come down to one of the above points.
Effects
What happens to those who too often and selflessly pity themselves? Their life goes joylessly and gloomily, often they remain lonely or themselves destroy all relationships and communications, they rarely achieve success in work or business.
Unfortunately, pathological self-pity for oneself and one's life often leads not only to severe psychological conditions and depressions. This phenomenon can affect the physical health of a person:
- Arterial pressure. From a state of constant stress and sadness, blood pressure can increase or decrease (depending on the characteristics of the body) and ultimately lead to stroke and other serious illnesses.
- Heartbeat. Under the influence of all the same factors, the pulse either accelerates or slows down, which disrupts the normal functioning of the main motor of the body. Consequences: heart attacks, heart failure, etc.
- Digestive tract. Many people seize their pity with sweet, flour or fatty foods in excessive quantities, while others, on the contrary, lose their appetite and even feel nauseous. As a result, problems with weight, various diseases of the digestive system, liver, kidneys and more.
Moreover, diseases resulting from constant stress in the form of self-pity cause even more of the same feeling, and everything starts anew and only gets worse. To break this terrible circle, there is nothing better than to stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Brake lights
To understand whether self-pity is really the cause of all ills in life, it is enough to answer a few simple questions:
- Are all those trials and tribulations that fall on your head deserved?
- Is life fair and does it give everyone a chance of success?
- Tomorrow everything will change and the world will become better?
- Is no one to blame for what is happening?
- Old grievances and difficult situations have long been forgotten and no one remembers them?
- Do people around you have a much bigger problem?
If at least a few questions are answered in the negative, then urgently you need to say “stop” and choose a way to stop whining and feel sorry for yourself. Any doubts? Then we re-read the paragraph on the consequences and once again carefully think over everything.
Good start
How to stop feeling sorry for yourself? First you need to figure out exactly what factors cause this feeling. There is an excellent technique for this:
Step 1. Retire. No one should be nearby - no family, no friends, no acquaintances, or just passers-by. You can close yourself from all the houses, you can go to nature or to a small park. The main thing is absolute loneliness.
Step 2. Remove all irritants. If loose hair interferes, then they must be collected in a bun or ponytail. If a fly or mosquito buzzes near the ear, then you need to find another place or drive away the pest. It is better to turn off the mobile phone for a while, and completely remove the tablet from sight.
Step 3. Calm down. Here, everyone has their own methods: drink a cup of herbal tea or a glass of weak red wine, do yourself an acupressure or count to ten. It is important to achieve a state of calm and tranquility.
Step 4. When the desired state is achieved and nothing interferes, you need to get a blank sheet of paper and a pen. Then divide the sheet into two halves and start writing in one column those factors, circumstances and phenomena that cause or fuel self-pity. For example: overweight, big nose, low wages, lack of friends, unhappy love , etc. The list must be written without rushing, considering each item and analyzing all aspects of your life.
Step 5. Once all the sorrows and sorrows are set out on paper, you can begin to fill out the next column. Opposite each item, you must specify a solution. You need to do this without thinking about the opportunities and prospects, that is, moving away a little, as if it was someone else. For example:
- overweight - lose weight by 20 kg, go in for sports and eat right;
- big nose - learn how to properly apply makeup and choose a hairstyle to hide this lack of appearance;
- low wages - find another job;
- lack of friends - meet new people;
- unhappy love - to become beautiful and happy and let him regret about whom he lost.
If the list contains complex items, such as the loss of a loved one or a child’s mental trauma, then the decision column should indicate the visit to a specialist (psychologist).
An impressive list of problems and their solutions will turn out - this will be the instruction for actions called "How to Stop Pitying Yourself and Start Living." Now you need to act and carry out what has been written, while the list itself must be saved in order to mark the accomplishment with a plus sign and cross out the eliminated irritants in bold lines.
This path is not easy, but to make it a little easier, there are some expert advice.
Recommendation 1
How to stop feeling sorry for yourself and cry when there are like-minded people who understand, support and sympathize? These "well-wishers" must be removed from the environment. If you can’t completely step back, for example, if these are close relatives, then you need to reduce communication to a minimum. At the same time, in conversation, choose common topics: about the weather, about nature, about birds, etc. And do not give the opportunity to feel sorry for yourself. To nip, as they say, "in the bud."
Recommendation 2
How to stop regretting missed opportunities? Use new ones! Every minute of your life you need to devote to some business. Find yourself a thousand and one lessons. The main thing is that there is no time left for pity and reflection on what could be. Work, dancing, knitting, sewing, theatrical circle, volunteering, growing flowers on the windowsill and much, much more. And so life will become more interesting and fulfilling, and there will be no time left for pity and tears.
Recommendation 3
It is vitally important for a person to communicate with his own kind, therefore it is time to make new acquaintances and renew the old lost connections. The main thing is not to complain to anyone about anything, otherwise all efforts will be in vain. For friendship, close relationships or just an interesting pastime, it is better to choose those people who have an active and positive life position. It’s easy to find a circle of friends today: social networks, dating clubs, various “hobby groups,” etc.
Recommendation 4
Happiness and success can be instilled in yourself as well as pity and sadness. Every morning, immediately after waking up, and every evening, before going to the world of dreams, be sure to repeat to yourself: “I am happy. Everything is fine with me, and a new day will bring me only success and good luck. ” This must be repeated, no matter what, even if there are temporary difficulties or troubles. Self-hypnosis is a very important good tool for those who are wondering how to stop feeling sorry for themselves.
Little relief
Of course, this list of recommendations is incomplete. Everyone can, if they wish, find their own way for themselves, how to stop feeling sorry for themselves and begin to act. And if sometimes it’s unbearable, then you can give yourself a little relief. For example, once a month to give yourself an hour or two of time to realize what happened in life and self-pity. But let this relief not end with a long depression, but with a list of new tasks to achieve great goals and victories.