Most people often worry about what other people think about them. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s close or strangers from the street. Psychologists say that such behavior is associated with our perception of ourselves as individuals. It often happens that the choice, whether it is work or even the choice of a couple for a relationship, is much more difficult for us because of the fear of condemnation and criticism from others. This is one of the biggest problems in the perception of personality. What is independence from the opinions of others?
Why do we pay attention to the opinions of others, even if we do not want to
Sometimes criticism from the outside can be very useful, and sometimes even the fear of condemnation saves us from wrong actions. If everyone didn’t give a damn about the opinions of people around, then moral standards would immediately recede into the background. Someone would start to run naked in public places, someone would arrange fights, and passers-by would pass by and so on. Therefore, here we can make the obvious conclusion that the fear of conviction can fulfill a useful protective function for the body. Why do we pay attention to what people around us think about us, how not to pay attention to the opinions of others? Everything is simple here. Our own perception of our personality is based on the good and bad opinions of people around us. It works this way: people around you are sure that you are a sweet, kind person who will always come to the rescue, and each person seeks to maintain his image so that his own perception of the person does not suffer. But, unfortunately, everything is not so simple, because a person is not about what they think around, it's just us. The question, and what people say, should remain in the past.
Why do we need the opinions of others
Of course, not paying 100% attention to the opinions of people around is hardly possible. Even the most confident ones listen to criticism of their dear people. We all live in society, therefore, to some extent, always depend on the opinions of people. And this is normal. However, the problem of excessive anxiety and even the very real dependence on what others will say is the real problem of not one thousand, but even hundreds of thousands of people.
We live in the limitations that we have invented for ourselves. This prevents us from living a full, vibrant life, opening up to something new and enjoying every little thing around. Imagine what the world would be like if each person were engaged only in what they liked, to communicate only with those who like, to live as they want, and not as prescribed by society. Probably, the Earth would begin to spin faster from that energy, if every person did not pay attention to the opinions of others. Such a life is the purpose of the existence of almost every person. At least it should be. Repeat to yourself: "I do not care what they think of me." Now you need to figure out what to do if the opinions of others have become a real addiction.
How to overcome the fear of judgment and not pay attention to the opinions of people around
Recognizing the problem is already half the battle in the process of solving it. The problem of dependence on others has been studied by psychologists for decades. You can try to solve it using the following rules, which everyone should learn. How to change your attitude towards the opinions of others?
Do not invent unnecessary problems
If your every word or deed is not complete without endless thoughts about what others will say, congratulations - you are addicted. To start a fight with her, just try to realize that you are not the center of the universe, and most of those around are simply not up to you, they are also busy with thoughts about what others will already say about themselves. Therefore, if it seems to you that you are being condemned, just think about what the people around you most likely do not care. Try the situation on yourself, you don’t think about every first person you come across, making a detailed opinion about everyone. The following exercise will help to realize this state of affairs: do something that seems out of the ordinary for you and see how others will react to it. You will notice that you will only hear comment from your friends or acquaintances when the others simply pass by with complete indifference. Remember, no one thinks about you, except for native people.
Look at the situation in perspective
Just think for a second that we all live once and life is a very short thing, it turns out, are you ready to let the opinions and thoughts of strangers spoil this very life for you? Sounds stupid, okay? As soon as you start thinking about all the problems from this angle, you will realize that most of them are simply not worth your attention. Psychologists advise not to take into account the opinions of other people for another good reason: their views change dramatically over time. This is especially true of fashion. Let's say you were one of the first to buy a waist bag and heard a bunch of taunts around. They came home, were upset, threw the bag onto the farthest shelf, and after two weeks every second walks with such an accessory. Will we get the bag back? And this applies to any little thing, whether it is a haircut, whether it is the shape of eyebrows. In this world, everything is changing, and human opinion in the first place.
How not to depend on the opinions of others
Everything is simple here, so as not to depend on the opinions of others, you just need to minimize those cases when we have to think about the opinions of others. Fortunately, this is possible, you just need to be confident in yourself and your actions. Probably, every person in his life came across such a “phenomenon” which, despite the strange clothes, speech, behavior, was normally perceived by people around him without a drop of condemnation. It turns out that if you are confident in yourself and in your actions, this confidence is transmitted by airborne droplets to surrounding people. If you put on a brand new waist bag and feel as awkward on the street as possible, those around you will also start to relate to you. And some even find it necessary to assert themselves at your expense. But the situation cardinally changes if you go with the same bag confidently, with your head held high, completely ignoring everyone around you. Then what will others do? They will say that they also want to have such a bag. It will become easier not to pay attention to the opinions of others.
Self-love is the foundation
If you constantly condemn yourself, hate and so on, of course, you will not leave the thought that the people around you have the same opinion about you. Here the problem lies in self-created beliefs. Accepting yourself is not so easy, often you can’t even do without the help of a psychologist here, but this is really an excellent solution to the problem. Let's try to figure out how to accept yourself. Let's start by analyzing what you don't like about yourself and it would be best to write it down point by point on paper. Now evaluate what you wrote and think about how to change it in yourself.
The most commonplace is you are a complete person, decide how you can fix it. Choose the right clothes to feel comfortable, or get rid of extra pounds. It so happens that what we do not like about ourselves, we cannot change. For example, growth. In this case, just think that everything could be even worse than it is. There will always be more “imperfect” people in your understanding with the same problem. But there is also a danger here, it will be even more difficult to accept yourself if you begin to look for flaws in everyone and constantly analyze what else could be changed in yourself. The task of accepting yourself is to make it what you are. And only after some time you will come to realize how insignificant you can consider those thoughts that have been spinning in your head before. You will begin to relate to everything easier and stop pushing yourself into a corner for nothing. As the famous R. Bradbury wrote to everyone, everyone can get what he needs, but only if you really need it. Understand that the opinions of others in psychology mean almost nothing.
Control yourself
Do not know how not to pay attention to the opinions of others? Control yourself! If you have your own point of view, this does not mean that you need to ignore someone else's opinion. There will always be people who have more experience, therefore, they are more competent in some matters and can help you build a business, for example. Before you make a decision, you need to understand whether it is determined by your own needs or imposed by others. It often seems that the decision was made independently, but in reality it turns out that our parents, spouse, friends did it for us, and we just voiced their will as our desire.
The most commonplace example is the time to get married, the clock is ticking, everyone already has a family, and you don’t. And here begins the search for “well, at least someone”, just to be like everyone else. People buy what they do not need, because it is fashionable, they build from themselves those who are not, only in order to meet the expectations of others. Therefore, before making a decision, be sure to think about whether you need it, otherwise it is very easy to go astray. The fear of the opinions of others is a killer of dreams.
Learn to ignore someone else’s opinion if it’s not constructive
Criticism is good, but only if it is justified. The famous writer Elbert Hubbrad believed that if a person is afraid that his actions will be criticized, then "do nothing, do not say anything and be nobody." Naturally, nobody wants to be “nobody”, therefore we are learning to accept constructive criticism and analyze it.
Well-known Steve Jobs in his speech to Stanford graduates said: "Your time is limited, do not waste it, living someone else's life."
Criticism from experienced, competent people, which is reasoned and justified, will only help you develop and grow. Oscar Wilde said that those who cannot create something of their own criticize without reason, and thus people simply assert themselves. They need to be pitied, and treat them better with humor and light irony. Thus, you can stop thinking about the opinions of others.
What is self-doubt
Self-doubt is your main enemy, which prevents you from achieving goals and success in any business. And if fear is a completely normal feeling that accompanies any undertakings, then self-doubt can be called the biggest problem. And this applies to absolutely any area of ​​life. Whether it is a decision to start a business, a change of work or profession, the choice of a future couple and any important step in life can be accompanied by doubts, endless analysis. However, it is precisely these doubts that can become a real problem in the process of making the right decision. And if doubt is the norm, self-doubt is the worst enemy.
Uncertainty, it is different
Now let’s try to figure out how to get rid of the everywhere haunting feeling of constant self-doubt. Someone doubts their external beauty, someone is not sure of their professional abilities, someone believes that he is not worthy of a good relationship. They are simply not sure they can handle it. You can deal with this with the help of two simple exercises, it is only important to perform them on a regular basis for at least a month. Ideally, as much as is needed in order to forever forget about your pernicious insecurity. So, let's start the exercises that will teach you how to not depend on the opinions of others:
- The first exercise is to leave in the past phrases from the category "I am fat", "I am not beautiful", "I am dumb" and so on. This is at least impolite in relation to those who really have problems and physical defects in appearance. Now we make it a habit to smile every free minute to our reflection in the mirror and start every morning with three compliments in ourselves. It works flawlessly! And the last rule of this exercise is to correct deficiencies that haunt. Don't like overweight? Lose a couple of pounds, this is the best thing you can do for yourself and your health. And there are also makeup artists, hairdressers, cosmetologists, the essence of the work of which is to make their clients beautiful and happy. It's up to you. If there is no extra money, you can always do yourself at home.
- Never be afraid of mistakes. Constantly remind yourself that all great people went to their success through mistakes, mistakes. What would happen if each of them gave up? The world would be deprived of many worthy discoveries, music, inventions. We all know that only he who does nothing is not mistaken. The phrase is as old as the world, but does not lose its relevance to this day. Little motivation? Study the biographies of famous people, and you will understand that mistakes are not the lot of the weak, this is normal.
- Do not forget that you, like any other person, deserve happiness. Repeat yourself each morning one phrase: "I can handle it." All the people you admire started small. It was easier for someone, and even harder for someone than you. But what would happen if every millionaire, when he worked as a postman, like Donald Trump, doubted his strength? They took risks, they won, they fell and rose. And the same thing awaits you. Try to keep a diary of your achievements, but just don’t be shy and leave your comfort zone as often as possible. If you are frightened by something new, then it's time to implement something new. Do something unusual several times a week, in other words, leave your comfort zone.
In order to maximize the effect of the exercises, and make your changes in yourself easier to track, start a diary where you can note your achievements and mistakes, which can then be easily analyzed.