If the separation became inevitable and both partners decided to take this step, then most likely the question will be: "How to live further and what to do?". Separation is a concept familiar to everyone. Family psychologists claim that a person subconsciously considers a break with a loved one as a loss. At the same time, experiencing this loss, a person goes through certain stages of separation.
The first is the denial of reality
The lover who has withdrawn cannot accept and believe that they parted with him, and that this separation is final and irreparable. He still makes plans and firmly believes that a break is just a stupid mistake and sooner or later everything will be back to normal, as before. He thinks that the other half will call and say that everything will be fine and they are together again. The first stage can last from three to five weeks to a year and a half.
The second is anger at a loved one
The stages of the experience of parting can not do without anger, because the realization that a loved one betrayed and abandoned, can not but bear this negative feeling. Resentment gradually turns into aggression, and the ex-partner is accused of unwillingness to maintain relations. Angry manifestations are purely individual, so some skip the second stage and immediately go to the third.
Third - bargaining and hope for the best
Trying to resume old relations, a person begins to bargain with himself or his former partner. For example, experiencing the stages of parting with a girl, a man sets himself certain periods (interval), during which he will have a chance to make peace and resume relations with his partner. Creating such a time frame, he tries to cope with separation and get used to a new state - loneliness.
Fourth - Depression and Apathy
Awareness of their helplessness, and with it depression, comes when a person realizes that it is pointless to deny separation and nothing can be fixed. Negative thoughts gradually lead to despair, depression, apathy, insomnia, and sadness. All these conditions are a completely natural reaction of the body to stress. They can be especially acute in the fourth and second stages of separation in women.
Fifth - life from scratch
Life goes on, gradually a person forgets old grievances, meets new people, ceases to live in the past. A second wind opens, and with it new plans, strengths and hopes for a brighter future appear.
Family psychologists argue that the process of experiencing separation can last as long as three months or three years, it all depends on the nervous system of a particular person.
Factors and reasons
The stages of parting depend on many reasons and factors. Perhaps the most difficult thing here is nostalgia: at any moment, no matter how happy a person may be, he can again plunge into memories. And if some experience these nostalgic moments simply and with a smile, then others again shrouded in despair, anxiety, sadness, regret, and even anger.
Surviving separation from a loved one is very difficult. Parting is unbearable because it makes changes to the already familiar, established way of life. A lot also depends on who initiated the separation: if this was proposed by the ex-partner, then a feeling of inferiority and humiliation of one's own dignity is added to the oppressed state . Thoughts that a loved one has been neglected and betrayed are unsettled.
The most important thing is to survive all 5 stages of parting, try not to stay in any of them for more than two to four weeks. It is very important to put an end to the relationship, stop thinking about them, start a new happy life.
The faster a person releases his beloved, stops calling, writing, seeing, the faster and less painful the separation stage will be. Do not be afraid of a new life and new relationships, trying on them the sad patterns of the past: letting go, sooner or later you will find such a welcome relief and emotional freedom.
If you can’t get out of depression, psychologists advise you to do an analysis of the relationship, while it is important to remember not only negative but also positive moments, as well as what led to the breakup. It is very important to draw conclusions and prevent the repetition of mistakes in the future.
The unwillingness of the former partner to maintain friendly relations indicates a strong offense that does not allow him to behave differently. In this case, you should think about what was wrong with the relationship.
How to survive a breakup with a man
The stages of separation in women are more pronounced emotionality and length. There are cases when the fairer sex was depressed after separation for more than ten years.
Psychologists advise girls in a particularly difficult situation to wear a mask of a successful lady, get used to this image and try to experience as many positive emotions as possible, being strong and independent.
Acting on this principle and as if living a difficult life period for another person, you can not only restore your peace of mind, but also find a new partner who can heal all mental wounds.
Another important factor in happiness is praise and admiration for oneself. It’s not a secret that it’s rather difficult to love yourself again, experiencing separation. Self-love is the point without which the fifth stage cannot pass.
Forgiveness and acceptance
A very important point in the second stage of separation for men is the forgiveness of the former lover and the realization that she also has the right to personal happiness and life with another person. During this period, negative memories, discussions with friends and especially calls and messages with unpleasant text and reproach should be avoided.
In order to survive this difficult life stage, you need to mentally release your former partner. Do not humble yourself and do not try to return him. Indeed, even if he agrees to resume communication, he will most likely do so out of pity.
The longer the love union was, the harder it was to survive separation and go through all the stages of separation. Psychology in this case offers a lot of trainings that can help solve the problem and not become isolated. For example, separation is a chance to fulfill an old dream, an opportunity to change jobs, move, start a new life. With the breakdown of relations, no matter how sad it may sound, more time appears that can be taken by visiting museums, fairs, cinemas, theaters, enrolling in various sections and master classes. The main thing in this period is not to sit at home and not give in to despair.
The longer the worse
Surviving separation after a long relationship is always more difficult than breaking a fleeting romance. In such a situation, psychologists advise not to despair and look at the situation from a different angle. Separation is a chance to start life from scratch, to realize everything that was previously decided was simply impossible. Failure in his personal life is a chance to achieve heights in his career and become a real professional. It is a time of travel and fulfillment of desires. The opportunity to fulfill a childhood dream, do dancing, learn how to cook a beautiful soap or assemble model aircraft.
Experiencing a break with a loved one, the main thing is not to become discouraged and not to allow obsessive thoughts about loneliness. After all, communication with family, friends and colleagues cannot replenish the warmth, understanding and security that was before. No matter how interesting a person may be with the interlocutor, in his heart he understands that such pleasure, as when communicating with a loved one, will no longer be.
Break with a beloved woman
Men experience separation more acutely than women. Yes, in everyday life, a strong half of humanity is characterized by endurance, willpower and firmness of character. But when it comes to breaking the relationship, especially if it happens suddenly, without reason and on the initiative of a woman, emotions are very acute. It is especially hard to survive the separation of emotionally dependent on the second half of men. After all, addiction, according to psychologists, appears not from love for one’s second half, but from self-hatred and the desire to fill the void inside with compliments and pleasant words.
Usually men are stingy with emotions and prefer to keep everything in themselves, which is why when adrenaline rises in the blood and the rage tries to get out, it is likely that the stages after separation in men will be accompanied by:
- taking alcohol in an attempt to drown out the pain;
- playing sports, sometimes until the body is completely exhausted;
- promiscuous sexual intercourse (a person affirms at the expense of others);
- driving a car or motorcycle at high speed.
Family psychologists argue that the stronger sex is more sensitive to the negative occurring in a relationship, and this is due to the fact that the male psyche in this situation is more susceptible than the female.
Self love
The stages after separation in men and women are approximately the same. In this difficult period, the main thing is to fall in love again and learn to respect ourselves, because as we relate to ourselves, others relate to us.
By loving and accepting himself, a person will be able to live on and meet the one with whom he will share his feelings.
Only after a while can we understand that the gap was a necessity and the new relationship is much stronger and more joyful than the previous ones.
Psychologists advice
In order to go through all the stages of separation as painlessly as possible, psychologists recommend:
- enjoy every moment and rush to fill every second of your life with meaning, interesting events and new people;
- separation is what every person goes through, so sometimes you just need to gain strength and tolerate;
- stop looking for weaknesses in yourself and believe that someone is better and more worthy than you;
- in no case write, call or harass a former lover;
- delete the data of the former or former from social networks and the phone book, do not follow his / her life and do not communicate with common friends;
- Do not stay alone, visit as many interesting places as possible;
- sign up for fitness, in the pool or sports club;
- learn something new;
- make interesting acquaintances, do not refuse dating;
- devote as much time as possible to interesting and important things;
- change the image, buy new clothes, perfumes, cosmetics, accessories.
The above tips are not only very simple and practical, but also effective.
Separation survivor tips
You can also find interesting tips on how to survive the breakup stages in the many forums.
To solve this problem, users are advised to adopt the following techniques:
- If the separation was on the initiative of the former, do everything so that he regrets that he left you.
- If the relationship goes down, break up first / first and your half.
- Behave as confidently as possible when meeting with mutual friends, they should not know that separation disturbs you.
- Stop feeling like a victim.
- Do charity work.
- Learn to draw or sculpt from clay.
- Go through all the stages of separation as quickly as possible.
- Learn the truth about your relationship from the side, perhaps in the future it will help you build a happy union.
- Change the environment, start traveling.
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Especially this advice applies to the stronger sex, because it is known that the stages of separation in men are much harder than in women.
- Draw conclusions and do not repeat your mistakes in the future.
It is important to remember that the views on relations between men and women are very different. And therefore only the union in which both partners pursue the same goal (for example, to create a family) and are ready at any time to listen to each other and find a solution to the problem together can successfully develop.