Almost every person adheres to certain principles throughout life, which can be adjusted depending on situations. One of these can be called a specially created in the imagination label called: "What can not be forgiven."
Let's talk in this article on this topic. What is forgiveness, what can and should be forgiven, and what is not, since the offender will strike again. In addition, we discuss that you can’t forgive a guy and a girl when it comes to relationships.
What is forgiveness
Everyone who professes a religion knows: forgiving is a godly and rightful cause. It is considered wrong to carry a grudge within you, but an act of vengeance is even more wrong. The best thing you can do if you are offended is to forgive the person and let the situation go, that is, stop thinking about it and beat it over and over again.
Each of us probably understands: forgiving is right and good, but not always possible.
Why don't we want to forgive people?
There may be several reasons for this. So, one of the most common - we like to be offended. That is, they caused us some damage, infringed on our dignity, have pity on us! And if there is nobody to regret, do not - I will just walk and savor my offense, like a slice of sour lemon.
The second reason lies in the impossibility of forgiveness as such. That is, we have certain principles that determine the value of our personality. For example, we say to ourselves: “Here I am so beautiful, you can’t raise your voice at me!” And here life brings us together with a person who did not know this truth about us and “imposed” us with a three-story mat. Forgiving him is to step over his own principles, and this is difficult to do.
The third reason may be what kind of offense was inflicted on us. What if it is incommensurable, according to our concepts, with nothing? It’s one thing to forgive the person who hit or humiliated you. This is possible, albeit not easy. Is it possible to forgive the one who took away the health or life of a loved one, voluntarily or involuntarily? Is it possible to forgive a doctor who made a medical mistake, or a driver who accidentally knocked down a pedestrian? We will talk about this further and find out what cannot be forgiven and what needs to be forgiven.
About self-esteem
You know yourself very well, right? What exactly do you like and what not. Where you grew up, studied, worked. With whom you are friends, who you do not love, and whom you would like to meet as your soulmate. The set of all these sensations, memories and mental images is your “I” or ego. Imagine: you suddenly lost your memory as a result of an accident. You come to your senses, look in the mirror and see your reflection ... You see - it's you, but who are you?
Memories seem to be erased. It turns out, take our memory from us, and we lose ourselves? No, it’s wrong - we will lose our idea of ​​ourselves, and nothing more.
Now about the principles. All your dogmas, ideas and rules are the same simulated components of the "I". You created them, carefully fashioned them and carry them with you so that your self-identification is as complete as possible. After all, the more you can tell about yourself, the more complete you are. So, you know, to the question: “What cannot be forgiven for a man?” There is only one answer: “You can forgive everything. The only problem is the desire to do this. ” If you go beyond your ego for at least a second, you will find out: you have no principles and rules, and you can pardon in your imagination even your own executioners.
Why we are taught self-esteem and pride
Parents tell us about what cannot be forgiven in the process of education. This is done with a good purpose - to protect kids from mistakes. After all, everyone should have a sense of dignity, self-love. Mom does not want her daughter to suffer from her husband’s fists in the future. The father does not wish his son to be cheated on by his wife. Therefore, since childhood, everyone carries in his head a Pandora's box called: "That you can never forgive." Notice that the box is closed. Parents tell us that you can’t forgive, but don’t open the cards to the end: what will happen if you forgive the offender? ..
Therefore, every man knows that you can’t forgive a woman, and every lady keeps in mind a scheme that she will not forgive her chosen one and so on. Most often, these principles are as solid as flint, and violating them is tantamount to betraying oneself.
What can not be forgiven: "Ask" -list
Let's make a list of the most urgent situations and acts, which are very difficult or impossible to forgive:
- Insulting human dignity or humiliation.
- Physical violence.
- Betrayal, treason.
- An accident that had tragic consequences.
- Intentional harm leading to a tragic event.
As you can see, there is always something worse than what has already happened and that “one cannot be forgiven”. For example, some unfortunate publicly scolded and humiliated the chief. The man swears to himself never to speak with him again and considers him the number one enemy.
But if in the evening the same poor fellow finds out that his wife also cheated on him, then the morning situation with the boss will seem no longer so sad. The boss can already be forgiven, but the wife becomes a persona non grata in the soul of this person. Move on. Agree that the same betrayal does not seem too strong grief in comparison with paragraphs four or five.
This thought experiment indicates that the category of “What cannot be forgiven” is relative and can change in your mind. You are the full owner of your principles and beliefs. Therefore, it is up to you to decide whether to forgive the offender.
Learning to forgive
Not being able to forgive is like throwing heavy cobbles from time to time to your already heavy burden of life. Have you noticed what is happening in the mind with “unforgiven”, and therefore unresolved situations? Many “pull” from kindergarten memories of how they offended, teased. Further in life - even more resentment. They accumulate and increase in size, at the same time giving rise to complexes and negative expectations from others. “I have been wronged so many times - that means I am a loser. Weak person. If I were good, they would not betray me so many times. ”
Believe (and check) that forgiveness is the simplest and most natural thing that can be done in response to an insult. This is how the Bible and the Church teach us. What can not be forgiven? From the point of view of Christianity, there are no such acts. You can forgive everything!
Accept the imperfection of the offender. Understand that he is only a man. He has his own fears, outlooks on life, complexes. Perhaps, hurting you, he just wants to get out of his quagmire, to become taller, albeit dishonest, at your expense. Forgive him. Wish him happiness, because a satisfied and happy person will not cause or wish anything bad to another. And you will see that the situation will be resolved, that as if the load falls off you, it will become easy for you! And the offender will leave your life or apologize if this is your loved one.
“Forgiveness is my favorite rake”
Have you ever heard from women who are regularly beaten by their husbands that they understand why this is happening? Like, my mother told them a long time ago that you can’t forgive a man for violence, and they, such and such, forgive, and therefore suffer. How does this fit with the theory of forgiveness?
Everything is very simple! Forgiveness is necessary, and even necessary. But the act of forgiveness, alas, does not make the offender holy. If you forgive the wrong betrayal or the aggressive - beating, you will not protect yourself from the arbitrariness of this person in the future. What to do? Weigh soberly what kind of person he is, and - most importantly - what place he occupies in your life. Perhaps it would be better to forgive him and ... forget, let go on all four sides.
What can not be forgiven in a relationship
For example, you found out that your beloved girl cheated on you. It hurts you, but you love her very much and therefore forgive, decide to be with her further. A year passes and you will again learn about infidelity. Well, did you forgive her for nothing?
Let's clarify something. Forgiveness - this does not mean to allow a person to commit dirty tricks against you again. Forgiveness means accepting a situation: “You are wrong, but I forgive you. You are just a man, and therefore you have the right to make a mistake. ” So you should think if you were hurt. And to continue living with someone who beats you, calls you names, or cheats on you is another matter. Most likely, a person relates to life and to you personally is not at all what you think is right. If you have been betrayed once, it is highly likely that this will happen again. However, it is possible that this will not happen again. In general, what to do next is up to you, but you must forgive!
A little more about relationships
Do not ask more questions like: “What can’t forgive a man?”, As if the representative of a strong half of humanity is a separate subspecies. Each man is unique, the mistakes of each are unique. The fact that you have come across not very good “gentlemen” simply says that you are progressing in development and refuse to be content with little.
No less ridiculous are questions like: “What cannot be forgiven for a girl?” Remember that you need to forgive a person in any case, regardless of gender and age, and this is important not only for him, but also for you. But to build relations with the offender further or to disperse is your conscious choice. Forgiveness alone does not oblige anyone to anything.
What to do if it’s impossible to forgive a person?
There are things for which it is not possible to forgive a person. It is very easy to talk about how to let go of the traitor or foul language with the world, but there are misconducts that are very difficult to forget. We are talking about accidents, accidents, negligence, not to mention even more evil - conscious crimes. How can you forgive the guilty if the guise of hell is hidden behind the guise of a person ?
Let's be honest: this is a complex topic. You may not be ready to read what we will tell you later, and yet it is. Hatred of someone corrodes your soul. If you have been severely hurt, you have only two options: dig in this trouble, experiencing it again and again, or allow yourself to live on, letting go of the situation. What to choose is up to you, since you are the master of your life.
How to forgive a crime and a criminal?
The word "criminal" comes from the word "step over", that is, this is the person who steps over universal norms, forgetting about the value of life and health. Such people exist and, most likely, will always exist. We cannot look into their heads, read their thoughts, but if they could do this, then, according to the assurance of psychologists, they would see there a child whom someone had once seriously offended, but he could not forgive. Now, perhaps your turn has come to draw a conclusion. But remember that forgiveness is not necessary for anyone else, but exclusively for you.
Summarizing
We may think that some things and insults cannot be forgotten, but with the same success we can simply take and “let go” the offender. Remember that forgiving does not mean letting him continue to mock you. Just try to accept its imperfection, admit that it is just a person who has the right to make a mistake. However, do not confuse forgiveness with permissiveness. If the one who hurts you is such in nature - just leave him and go on your way.
And one more thing that should not be forgotten. The longer you carry the load of resentment, and the harder it is, the worse for you. You lose your joy in life, your self-esteem falls. Forgive everyone who has ever hurt you, release these people in your mind and you will immediately receive relief.