True feelings know no barriers. A significant age difference between partners is not considered an obstacle. But if you look at such relations from the side, it turns out that they are not so simple as they seem at first glance. We will find out if true love is possible with a difference in age, and also what are the prospects for an “unequal” marriage.
Age matters
The age difference between a man and a woman who decided to tie their lives in marriage, often does not exceed 5 years. Psychologists explain why this happens. People try to find a “balance” for themselves both in terms of social parameters and the level of intellectual development. But love with a difference in age exceeding 10 years is increasingly found in the modern world. People in a sense of euphoria do not want to pay attention to their age. The reproaches and questions from the indignant public do not interest them. At the initial stage of the relationship, such couples believe that love has no barriers. But statistics prove the opposite: relationships with a large difference in age often end in divorce.
Optimal difference
Psychologists believe that relations between partners will develop harmoniously if they are no more than 6 years older than each other. It is desirable that this was a "classic" difference: the spouse is younger than the chosen one. According to experts, this contributes to the harmonious psycho-emotional development of partners. Sociologists note that in such couples most children are born.
Marriages between weathers were a classic option during the Soviet Union. Any deviation from the "norm" was considered incorrect and condemned by the public. In fact, unions, where a man and a woman are of the same age, have many pitfalls. In addition to common interests, a similar lifestyle and values, people often have problems of a domestic nature. Weather partners quickly bore each other, they often have financial difficulties. The absence of a more experienced person threatens with constant scandals and betrayals, in such relations there is no one to "extinguish" the storm of emotions.
The Chinese sages have their own formula for an ideal relationship. To do this, they use simple mathematical calculations. The age of the man is taken and divided in half. The number 7 is added to the result. If the partner is 34 years old, then the ideal choice for him will be a girl whose age will not exceed 24 years. Chinese sages believe that true love is possible with a difference in age and 10 years, and even more. Western psychologists disagree. But the East is a delicate matter, its own rules and traditions operate there.
10-15 years difference
Such marriages are often registered. Relationships with a difference in age of 10 years and more are interesting for both partners. And society is tolerant of such alliances. Relations can be both strong and fleeting. It all depends on the people. An older partner is more responsible in building relationships. He (she) does not make stupid mistakes, tolerates the shortcomings and vagaries of a loved one, and behaves more calmly in conflict situations. It is more difficult for couples in which 2 partners are too emotional and have the opposite temperament. As a rule, such an alliance saves a common hobby or business.
Despite the many advantages, marriages, where the age difference is 10-15 years, according to statistics, often break up.
20 years of difference
When looking at such couples, the idea arises that the relationship here is completely mercantile: there are no real feelings, only a cold calculation. In practice, such an alliance is often convenient for one of the partners. For example, a woman needs an experienced and wealthy man in the form of a guardian, and he, in turn, wants to see a carefree life partner next to him, who will feed him with his energy. Such marriages are not uncommon in the modern world. According to statistics, they become promising and successful. Most couples live together until old age, maintaining a tenderness of feelings. Love with a difference of 20 years exists and can be very strong.
When one partner is more than 20 years older than the other, difficulties in such relationships cannot be avoided. Often the subject of a quarrel is sexual issues. As a rule, love with a difference in age of more than 20 years is possible if there is a spiritual connection between the spouses. If the senior partner does not have a deep content that creates a favorable atmosphere in the marriage, then the union may break up.
Scientists conducted research and made interesting conclusions. It turned out that a significant age difference between spouses reduces their life expectancy.
When a man is older
This is a classic love affair. But it is good if the difference between a man and a woman is 3-6 years. Such relationships are considered harmonious and promising from a scientific point of view. After all, boys lag behind girls in terms of intellectual development by 2-3 years. Therefore, a slight difference in the age of the spouses is acceptable. Another thing is when a man begins to talk about love with a difference of 16 years or more. Feelings for a girl on his part can be real, but more often they are supported by a material motive. A man wants to act as a "teacher" of a young inexperienced chosen one. And he likes her unburdened children. As a rule, young girls are not spoiled, less moody. And this reduces the amount of "financial investments" men in their future life together.
When a woman is older
In Soviet times, people considered abnormal marriage, in which a woman is much older than a man. And even now, such unions are condemned by society. A young man who decides to connect his life with an older lady is often credited with the category of “gigolos”.
When a woman is 5-7 years older than the chosen one, this difference is almost imperceptible and is considered the norm. If the lady is much older than her partner, then such a union does not exist for long. As a rule, a young man, having gained experience, leaves his life partner to a young lover. If he lingers in the arms of a mature lady for a long time, then he has a mercantile interest. These conclusions were made by psychologists based on the results of numerous observations. But everywhere there are exceptions. Relations in such a pair preserve the community of interests and the spiritual connection of partners.
Advice for spouses who have a big age difference
Representatives of different generations face many problems. But the number of “unequal” marriages is increasing from year to year. Psychologists give some practical tips to help maintain love with a big age difference:
- It is necessary to immediately discuss the topic of childbearing: will both partners have enough vitality and energy to raise children, and do they need them at all?
- Recognize the motives for building “unequal” relationships.
- Get ready for criticism from the public.
- Be prepared for the fact that in the relationship there will necessarily be misunderstandings.
- Do not focus on age differences, especially in other people's societies.