Have you ever thought about how many families in Russia are breaking up? Experts say that the percentage of divorces is simply disastrous: it is 50-55%! At the same time, in the vast majority of cases, representatives of the fair sex write a divorce statement. However, not all husbands who are faced with the fact that the wife decided to file for divorce agree with this decision. This article will examine the probable causes of divorce, and it will also talk about whether men should try to save the family.
Causes
Psychologists say that the female psyche is noticeably different from the male, especially when it comes to relationships. It is noted that women feel more subtly, moreover, they quite often doubt. Quite often representatives of the weaker sex pull, maintain relationships, even if feelings have cooled down, and family life is more like torture than a fairy tale. The decision on divorce is given to women is extremely difficult, it is postponed for a long time. But if your wife made this decision, you can be sure that this act has been thought out millions of times. It is extremely rare for women to perform such an action in haste. Does this mean that the relationship has come to an end? Not certainly in that way. However, if you want to get out of this situation with minimal damage, you will have to act. And the first step that you have to take is to try to understand why the wife herself filed for divorce. There may be several reasons.
Physical and psychological violence in the family
This phenomenon is quite common in Russian families. You can often hear that this norm is in the relationship between a man and a woman. So at least supporters of the traditional way of life. But in fact, physical and psychological violence is absolutely unacceptable. And if you raise your hand to your spouse or constantly verbally humiliate her, do not be surprised at that, then she filed for divorce. The wife did this in order to protect herself.
Bad habits
Another fairly common reason, experts call various pathological addictions that her husband has. We are talking about drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling and other addictions.
Adverse living conditions
Of course, we all know well that even the conditions of a hut seem paradise with a loved one. But in real life, this often causes regular conflicts. Chronic lack of money, the lack of repair, in the end a constantly dripping faucet in the kitchen, and at the same time the absence of any actions on the part of the husband - all this often becomes the reason that the wife filed for divorce.
Cheating husband
Some women are ready to put up with the presence of a lover in the life of a husband, but most of the fair sex are not ready to forgive the betrayal. That is why, if you were convicted of infidelity, do not be surprised that your spouse decided to break off your relationship.
Character difference
No matter how trite it may sound, the reason "did not agree with the characters" does not lose its relevance and remains one of the main reasons for divorce. Most often, psychologists say, this is due to the fact that the man and woman were in a hurry to marry. It is important to understand that during the period of falling in love, hormones literally replace pink glasses for partners, and therefore they do not notice the shortcomings of their other half. It ends when the passion begins to fade, and the lovers realize that not everything is as beautiful as it seemed before.
Uneven distribution of responsibilities
If you think about why your wife filed for divorce, try to remember how responsibilities are distributed in your family. It often happens that a man works in the office from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., and a woman’s working day lasts longer, and she also has a “second shift” at home - she cooks dinner, helps children with lessons, does laundry and cleaning, and walks with dogs. .. The to-do list goes on and on. Are you convinced that all this is not a man’s business? Well, the application for divorce is quite natural.
Lack of attention
Sometimes, when a husband has any interests, his wife may not like them. What is the reason? Psychologists attribute this to jealousy. Yes, women are jealous of their husbands for fishing and football, because they take away from them so much precious time that could be spent together! Do not forget about the long working day, business trips and friends. All this often becomes the enemy of lasting marriage.
Factors that increase the likelihood of a breakup
In addition to the reasons listed above, specialists in the field of family relationships note other factors that can affect the decision of a woman to divorce. These include serious health problems that could arise both before marriage and after it, mental illnesses, for example, bipolar disorder, depressive syndromes, schizophrenia. Sometimes a woman is provoked by a midlife crisis or the appearance of a baby in a family for divorce.
Can a divorce be avoided?
For those men who want to save their families, experts recommend observing a number of rules:
- The absence of violence - physical, psychological, sexual. Take into account the opinion of your wife, never force an intimacy, and even more so do not raise your hand to her. So you only make the situation worse.
- Courtesy and friendliness. Understand for yourself - and explain this to your beloved wife - that a way out of any situation can be found a way out. To do this, you need to talk to each other. Tantrums and scandals are not a solution to the problem.
- Acceptance of criticism. If the wife filed for divorce, and you want to keep the family, try to listen to all the claims. Of course, not if it was simply shouted out in a fit of anger, but when criticism was expressed precisely in the process of dialogue.
- Help with household chores. Even if your other half does not work, but is engaged in a home, be sure to help her - because this is your home too. Wash dishes after dinner, cook breakfast, vacuum clean. There is nothing shameful in helping your wife!
- Support. Understand that your wife may not feel well, she may have problems, she may change internally and externally. Learn to accept her for who she is.
Wife filed for divorce: what to do?
Russian law is such that a man who does not want to part with the second half has some time. It is given so that the spouses try to correct the situation. It is enough to simply inform during the trial that you do not want a divorce, ask for time for reconciliation.
All that is needed is to file a motion. It can be either oral or written. However, lawyers are still advised to document their claims on paper. The following information should be indicated:
- information on the causes of the conflict;
- evidence that family relationships can be maintained;
- justification of the period required for a truce of spouses.
Do not be afraid to provide any personal information at the court session. Remember: it depends on whether you will be given sufficient time for reconciliation. If there are too intimate reasons, ask the court for a private meeting.
Wife filed for divorce? What to do if you are not ready to part? Spend the time given by the court for reconciliation in the following steps:
- Try to negotiate with your wife, who decided to part with you. Perhaps a relationship has long been brewing that urgently needs to be resolved. Explain that you will not resort to aggression, keep calm. You should ask your other half about what worries her, whether she sees any way out of this situation - besides a divorce, of course. Suggest your own options.
- If your other half is ready for a truce, take action. Change the situation and yourself so that your wife sees that you are working on problems and taking responsibility for the relationship. Remember: empty promises never lead to anything.
- Invite your beloved to go to a family psychologist. Please note that if a wife filed for divorce, she should make such an offer only when you at least work out a common language with her.
- See a therapist. If you understand that you can’t cope with what is happening on your own, be sure to go to the doctor. There are many symptoms that indicate the need to visit this specialist - this is irritability, and apathy, and causeless longing.
If a divorce cannot be avoided
Of course, there are situations when relationships can no longer be saved. What to do in this case? Psychologists give advice. First, you should discuss with your wife exactly how you will interact after the dissolution of the marriage. Among the topics for discussion are financial support for children, communication with them, property issues. Keep in mind that your spouse may be upset or angry, show loyalty. The second thing that experts pay attention to is taking care of yourself. Of course, what the wife filed for divorce is very difficult to accept, but try to make sure that thoughts about the upcoming separation do not spoil your life. Seek support from friends.
Another important point: be sure to discuss with your spouse what exactly led to the breakup. Analyze this - it will certainly come in handy for you in a future relationship.
How to communicate after the spouse filed for divorce?
If you have already discussed all the features of your interaction, you can only adhere to the selected schemes. If you could not find a common language with your spouse, act on the situation. Do not forget about the main thing - about children. If the wife filed for divorce, there is a child (or even not one), be sure to pay child support. Doing this is worth it even if you cannot see the children and communicate with them. In no case do not stoop to insults, do not blame your wife for anything. This will definitely not improve your relationship - on the contrary, establishing contact will take even longer.
If you assume that even after a divorce, you can establish friendly (or even romantic) relationships, wait a while, learn to live in new circumstances. But even then, when you understand that a break is inevitable, do not rush to get upset. There is life after the divorce, you just need to find new values in life.
Pregnancy Divorce
Divorce at the initiative of the husband in the event that the wife is in a position is impossible. Moreover, a year after the birth of the baby without the consent of a woman, the couple will not divorce. Completely different rules apply when a pregnant wife has filed for divorce. In this situation, you can get a divorce through the registry office - if the couple managed to reach an agreement on this issue - or through the court when there are other difficulties. These difficulties include property issues or the presence of other children.
Please note: when a wife filed for divorce and alimony, she may require payments not only for children, but also for herself.
Divorce if there are children
The family has children, but the wife filed for divorce? What to do in such a situation? First of all, you need to understand that the court will breed the spouses. Only in three exceptional cases is a divorce possible at the registry office:
- the spouse was declared legally incompetent;
- spouse is missing;
- spouse sentenced to imprisonment for a term of three years.
You should not evade appearing in court or try by hook or by crook to drag out the process. This will cause nothing but aggression and resentment on the part of your other half.
Solve all financial issues as quickly as possible.
You must understand that you must support a minor child even if your marriage cannot be saved. If your spouse did not initially include a claim for child support in your application, you can conclude an agreement with a notary. Another option - the wife filed both applications. This means that you can conclude an agreement in court.
Determining where the child will live
As practice shows, most often minor children after a divorce remain with their mother. Men rarely try to leave their children behind, and in most cases, experts say, this is not a manifestation of concern for the baby, but an attempt to hurt the ex-wife. Such behavior is unacceptable, because it violates the interests of the minor, aggravates the relationship between spouses.
Settlement of property issues
In general, legislation does not oblige a husband and wife to start dividing property when divorcing. However, this is not prohibited. If the second half has filed for divorce and for the division of property, the most logical option is to simply discuss all the conditions and conclude an amicable agreement. Thus, you will reduce legal costs, reduce the time of hearings and simplify the registration of the property that was divided.