It is easy and difficult to earn men's attention at the same time. Usually it happens this way: it’s easy - when you really don’t need this young man, and it’s just a matter of “sporting interest”, then you don’t have to make any effort: he goes insane and is persistently trying to get location. And it’s difficult - when you yourself don’t dwell in a person who is dear to your heart, but he doesn’t pay any attention to you. This is the law of meanness. Such is the paradox of modernity: you love - they do not love you, you do not love - they adore you. That is exactly how family women behave. At first, they do not pay attention to the husband, for many years of living together with whom they managed to get used to and dive into the gray everyday life of household chores, and then they start tearing and throwing, trying to curb the feeling of possessiveness and somehow regain the husband’s disposition when he appears in the battle arena young lover. On which side in such cases the young man’s internal scales are outweighed if there are two women of his choice on both bowls? To whom do men prefer: wives or lovers?
The meaning of a wife in a man’s life
When a man marries a woman, he makes an informed choice. He really thinks that this connection will last for many years of life together, and he really believes in the happy future of their young couple. But very often it happens that in the declining years or even after a short period of time after the day of marriage, a direct threat becomes a threat to the already established family and established marriage - a young lover. From this moment “adventures” begin. The most interesting thing is that from this moment the man does not look deep into the soul and intentions of his new passion, but begins to critically examine his wife from all possible angles, finding fault with her features, starting with her scandalous and ending with harmless habits. During this period, the man thinks about the importance of the spouse in his life: does he need her at all? Indeed, now a new stage has begun in his life, he is open to new sensations, new events that he wants and is ready to meet with a new passion and new love.
To go on vacation with a mistress, not to hide from anyone, to feel free with a new enthusiasm - all this is what you want for the first time a winged man. He basks in a new passion, plunging into it almost with his head. But somewhere out there, in the far corners of his subconscious, a man begins to search for the answer to the question “Do I love my wife or not?”. At some unshakable level, with a sixth sense or a special instinct, he feels a slight anxiety that his wife will disappear somewhere, that she will not be around, and will never make him a cup of hot coffee in the morning, will never iron his shirt before work, he will never quarrel with her because of yet another financial disagreement ... This moment holds back the newly made Casanova, and he faces a difficult choice: is he still a wife or a lover?
The meaning of a lover in a man’s life
Speaking about the women of love, it can be noted that men look at them a little differently than at their wives. Having established relations with another woman, the young man begins to falsely think that before that he had not lived at all, did not love, was not happy. And only now, being imprisoned in the “shackles” of marriage, he met the one that he had been waiting for, it would seem, his whole life. Mistresses in the life of men are like a lifeline. In the routine of everyday life and gray everyday life, women for one night or for the long term diversify the “boring” life of young people. They attach particular importance to their external relations. And the moment of rapprochement with another woman plunges them not only into the abyss of passions and new pleasant emotional upheavals, but also into confusion on how to be now, because a legitimate wife is waiting at home ...
What a man in a woman does not accept
When a man analyzes the question of who is better - a wife or a lover, he immediately begins his comparative process by exposing the bad habits of his young ladies. Unfortunately, it is often the wife who is criticized. And all because he managed to get to know his wife quite well over the years of marriage, and his mistress looks “white and fluffy” in the light of his newly made acquaintance with his married gentleman. What do men in their women so dislike?
- Grumpiness is one of the first factors that do not play into the hands of a spouse.
- Ordinary in sexual life - often this is the moment that makes a man go “to the left”.
- Dullness - against the background of the appearance of such a sweet and interesting interlocutor in the person of a new passion, the wife becomes dull and dull in the eyes of a man.
What factors determine men's choice
In addition to the negative nuances, the confused and doubtful person chooses to evaluate the positive moments of spending time together with each of the women. In his difficult question - who to choose: a wife or a lover, he relies on several specific comparison criteria. What are these criteria?
- Sex. For men, there is nothing more important than physical contact with a lover. This, so to speak, is the starting point in his relationship with the ladies.
- Feelings. In addition to carnal pleasures, young people often want to emotions with their lady hearts, so they rely on their feelings in relation to both pretenders to their beloved.
- Weasel. That woman who shows not quarrelsomeness, but concern, not mania for scandals, but a tendency to participate, occupies a leading position in the evaluation ranks of men.
- Comfort. Every man wants to feel at home with his woman. It doesn’t matter where they unite - at the metro station or in the restaurant, the main thing is that he feels comfortable next to her.
- Understanding. Men are like big children, they want to be listened to, regretted, agreed with their opinion. Therefore, mutual understanding with a woman and her ability to indulge him plays a rather important role in his list of aspects of his evaluation of women.
Examination of each specific criterion in a more detailed form allows representatives of a strong half of humanity to make a more deliberate choice in the question of who is better: a wife or a lover.
Criterion of sexual activity
An important factor for a young man in a relationship with a woman is sexual life. In fact, men, if they move away from their wives to other young ladies, they do this from the very beginning solely because of their sexual desire for a new applicant. Especially frequent are such cases of the male adultery in cases where the wife is older. In addition to the years going by, and the spouse not getting younger, men are bored, as they put it, “the same borsch” for a long time. I would also like to “chowder”. Therefore, choosing between a wife and a mistress precisely on the basis of sexual attractiveness, men give preference to young profursets, not even realizing that a woman, like a flower, blossoms in the hands of an experienced gardener. The wife, if desired, can become that sorceress in bedding, you only need to be able to treat her correctly and behave accordingly.
The criterion of care and attention
Often men are deceived in their understanding of their mistress. Here he lies next to his new darling and thinks: “It seems to be, I love my wife. But the lover is so sweet, kind, caring, attentive ... " Men should understand one thing for a long time: a lover is the second wife. It is only at first, at the time of the candy-bouquet period, that she behaves like an affectionate kitty with her “tiger cub”. She just waits for him to visit, and they have a good time together, without scandals about finances, without “snotty” children, without eternal complaints. This world is illusory. And, importantly, it is temporary. As soon as a young man dares to leave his family and make his mistress a wife, she becomes that “dragon”, often worse than the previous grumpy “brooch”. Therefore, before making a choice, a man should think a thousand times whether the game is worth the candle.
Participation criteria
The same goes for female behavior. If a man does not understand whom he loves more — his wife or lover, he often begins to analyze the attitude of both women towards him. There is a legitimate wife: she is often unhappy that he forgets to take out the trash in the morning, or constantly complains that he does not allow her to watch her favorite series on Saturday evening because of a football review, and the like. And there is a charming woman, young, beautiful, she is so caring, so sympathetic to his failures, so supportive of him with a kind word ... Probably, it is worth choosing her. The answer is obviously wrong. This is the same situation that was described above: only the initial stage of relations is formed in a similar vein. Sly young ladies will not go to that to get what they want and take their beloved man out of the family. And then they reveal their true self. Therefore, do not rush to the compassion of a lover, because often it is simply self-deception.
Comfort criterion
But if all the previous moments are viewed by a young man through the prism of “pink glasses” with the highlight of the image of beauty on the side, then in terms of family comfort all the pluses are exclusively on the side of the wife. A spouse is that woman who launders, irones, feeds, watered her husband, she is the guardian of the hearth. And, be that as it may, no matter what family turmoil befall a married couple, a man is always more pleasant to return home, to where it is clean, warm and just fine.
Understanding Criteria
When looking for an answer to the question of who is more important - a wife or a lover, one should also take into account the moment that the past years with her wife give her the opportunity to learn absolutely everything about her husband, to look into the darkest corners of his soul. The wife, like no one else, understands and accepts her legal spouse, reconciling with all his oddities. Another thing is a lover. She only sees the shell, what the man wants to show her in order to please her. She does not fully understand what difficulties, troubles, and perhaps even disappointment await her with him. She did not have time to recognize his nature, unlike his wife, who studied him as flaky. Therefore, the spouse has priority in this matter for the man: she is wise, she understands, she is more legible in the habits of her lover, especially if the wife is older than the young coquette on the side.
Trust criterion
The same applies to trust: it is much easier to trust a wife, because she knows stories from the past, from childhood, from the difficult times that a man had to endure. While before his new passion he cannot fully reveal himself, afraid to frighten her away or disappoint with the baggage of events that are not always positive, which he has behind him.
Comfort criterion
A man who chooses between two women is often lost, experiences anxiety, and becomes upset. The complexity of the task assigned to him depresses him, and he rushes between his wife and his mistress. The psychologist’s advice in this case is aimed at analyzing the man’s self-awareness when he is with each of them: the young man must understand who he is more comfortable with being close to, in whom he feels great importance. Experts recommend the following trick: to understand who he is better with, a man needs to imagine a situation in which one of the women disappears from his life forever. The one who is more dear to him and whom he is more afraid of losing is the only right choice.
Criterion of feelings
And finally, love. A man must understand his feelings. And here you should not confuse a fleeting love with a long-standing established sense of affection, deep respect, sincere empathy. Fortunately, many young people at the end of their introspection understand that the old faithful friend is better than the new two. Therefore, more often they still choose wives.