The family is that unbreakable foundation that serves as the basis for relationships and obligations between people who have entered into a marriage. Marriage ties are an integral part of the tandem of loving men and women, who connect their lives into a single story for coexistence and procreation. Alas, there are situations in life that can break these bonds and sow discord between spouses. It is sad, but often they end in divorce. How to survive a divorce? What to do with the breakup? How to overcome the confusion of feelings and overcome the categorical mood of the second half?
Divorce as a panacea
It happens in life that people living together for many years sharply come to the conclusion that divorce is the only true way out for their doomed couple. Why is this happening? What are the reasons that spouses come to separation? And why is divorce for such people almost a panacea in the light of the circumstances?
Psychologists argue that the divorce process, even if desired and agreed by both parties, is always accompanied by a rather difficult stage of rethinking spouses life values, setting priorities, and revising attitudes to life. Moreover, even a seemingly mutual decision to get a divorce always leaves one of them in a very depressed state and upset, since the initiator is anyway one, and the other is left to decide on a divorce as a given.
How to survive a divorce? The advice of psychologists always differs depending on the particular family situation and the circumstances surrounding the case. This is not surprising: everyone has their own story, their own path, their own reasons for parting, and, accordingly, the rehabilitation period after this severe stress also occurs in everyone's own way. Someone gets psychotherapy about how to survive a divorce, it’s easier for someone, someone’s more difficult, someone is not able to abstract for a long time and accept what happened with all the ensuing consequences. Therefore, for each case, specialists develop an individual approach to a separate divorce process.
Why do people get divorced
How to survive a divorce? The advice of a psychologist is primarily aimed at eradicating the problem, taking into account its root cause. But for what reasons do people often get divorced? And what becomes a catalyst for coming to such a decision?
- Infidelity. Perhaps the loudest, most justified, most significant reason for most divorces is based on marital betrayal. This is one of the most widespread models of the history of the divorce proceedings, when the loyal party somehow finds himself in the psychologist’s chair as a guest. How to survive a divorce after a betrayal and how to overcome in yourself attempts to glue the broken? Together with a professional, the method of translating the situation and searching for key points in family insolvency, the devoted spouse finds answers to questions, learns to calmly accept what has happened and slowly, but effectively masters the theory of how to survive a divorce from a loved one who has betrayed the sacred bonds of the family.
- Gen. This is the second reason, which in its effect on family life no less powerfully affects the consciousness of two married people. It is not for nothing that one often hears the phrase “the housewife ate” or “they were swallowed up by the contentious spirit of family life.” Many people are not ready to open their soul mate on those sides that expose it in a not very favorable light. It is clear that in everyday life and constant contact at the level of people living together, many open slightly differently than on modest first dates, where everyone strives to look perfect and presents himself only from the best sides. So, many families break up precisely because of the accumulation of a mass of everyday life trifles and the behavioral model of the spouses, emerging in such circumstances.
- The loss of past feelings. The theory that love has been living for three years seems to some to be a humorous remark, but to others it is taken seriously. The fact is that over the years, feelings tend to cool. You can draw an analogy between the first dates, where the relationship is full of passion, desire to kiss, hug, indulge in love, and married life after a couple of years, when a common kiss is quite rare. This speaks of the withering of passion, and even more sadly, if feelings fade.
- Conflict. Along with betrayal, there are still some aspects of family life, which are also accompanied by violent scandals, quarrels, contention, air shaking eloquently torn from the lips insulting words. The case may concern the unemployment of one of the spouses and “sitting on the neck” of the other, and may be due to the absence of children and the inability of one of the spouses to become a parent. In a word, there can be a lot of options on completely different topics. But the essence remains the same: often people get divorced in such conflicts. How to survive a divorce? Is it possible to prevent it?
How to prevent a divorce
After court hearings, divorced women often come home and in the deserted walls of the apartment, which was recently considered a family nest, they ask themselves: how to survive a divorce from a husband? How to return to a former life and learn to live without a person who has become so dear? Many begin to delve into themselves and look for root causes in their actions, their possible shortcomings, their incorrect behavioral aspects. Meanwhile, instead of lamenting the past, it is necessary to work on family relationships even before they rapidly begin to roll towards disintegration.
To be able to prevent a divorce even before the onset of serious problems is truly an art. Only a savvy woman can, smelling gunpowder, lower the vapors before the scandal breaks out and smooth the situation. Only a wise man can stop in time and not flare up in a fit of anger with an insulting word or, even worse, raising his hand to his wife. When entering into marriage, everyone is obliged to understand: both are responsible for the relationship, and family ties need to be painstakingly working on themselves and putting a lot of zeal and effort into the good of the family. It is like a flower that needs to be nourished daily for prosperity. If conflicts are growing daily in the family, so as not to bring to the divorce process and then not think about how to survive a divorce from your husband, the advice of a psychologist is worth listening to. You need to contact a specialist for recommendations in advance, that is, before the inevitable happens.
Psychologist's recommendations
What is recommended by specialists working with the consciousness, motivation and self-programming of their patients? What methods help in the problem of how to survive a divorce? The advice of psychologists consists in several generalized aspects that work identically regardless of the reasons for the breakup of a family or a specific situational set of circumstances.
- The first thing that professionals pay attention to is the need to accept what happened. The fact is that for a party that is not the initiator of the breakup of the family, divorce can be quite dangerous and even have a deplorable outcome, since a depressed state and a devastated inner world of the sufferer can provoke impulses to suicide. Therefore, recommendation number one among psychologists is acceptance.
- The second thing psychologists recommend is letting go of the situation. Stopping all attempts to bring together the fragments of a broken family bowl, minimizing communication with your ex-spouse, restricting yourself from following him on social networks, in SMS messages, phone conversations with this person - a complete abstract from what happened will help to quickly overcome the pain of loss in the face ex-husband.
- The third thing that psychologists are turning to for help from people is reorientation to a new life. Getting rid of the shackles of the past and taking steps towards something new, unknown, bright and favorable should be the main goal of a person suffering from the collapse of marriage. How to survive a divorce from her husband? Find yourself new.
Knowing the general aspects in working with your subconscious, directed in the right direction, you can apply them to a specific divorce process and, subject to some corrections related to a specific reason for the breakup of your family, successfully get out of a depressed state and quickly understand how to survive a divorce from your husband. The advice of psychologists in the context of causal relationships can also guide a divorced woman in the right direction.
Cheating Divorce
How to survive a divorce if you love a cheated husband? And how to survive the betrayal of your beloved wife? Infidelity, leading to the breaking of marriage ties, is always very hard experienced by the faithful side. Statistics show truly scary figures telling about the many cases of the depressive-stagnation period, suicidal impulses, signs of clouding of the mind, followed by marital infidelity. How men experience divorce, and how women react to it, how behavioral patterns of different sexes differ in case of adultery, are not important in the context of solving a psychological problem. It is important to direct all efforts to get rid of obsessions and oppression of the negative stream of thoughts about possible revenge.
Divorce due to disgusting life
If the reason for divorce was the impossibility of coexistence under one roof, constant quarrels on the basis of a petty situation such as “the husband did not take out the trash” and “the wife overcame borsch”, special attention should be paid to all those small and large troubles that grew into a global significance family relationships. After analyzing your behavior objectively, you need to try to identify the true root of the problem, often hidden in the fact that it is not the salted borscht or the garbage that has not been annoyed, but the person who performed this action or not. After all, only by reproducing a certain series of thought and analyzing processes in your subconscious can you talk about the need to take a constructive look at things and evaluate your capabilities regarding how to survive a divorce from a wife or husband.
Divorce due to loss of interest in a spouse
A common cause of divorce is also male egoism. How is it shown? One can imagine, for example, the following picture: a woman, getting married, dreams of a happy family and children, she becomes a guardian of the hearth, a tidy hostess, a good mother. Unfortunately, all this does not always have a positive effect on her appearance, since she simply does not have enough time for herself in household chores and troubles. She cannot afford to go to a beauty salon twice a week, because she needs to take her daughter to dance, and her son to football, plus still have time to stop by her mother-in-law in the garden and help her with the summer house. In a word, that young beautiful flower that a man plucks while taking his charming wife as a wife gradually fades against the background of everyday turmoil and household chores.
A man begins to dislike it. The man is bored. He gradually loses interest in his wife and is looking for an alternative in the form of a lover. How to survive a woman divorce in this case? Well, here you need to lay most of the blame, of course, on the spouse, since it is his pettiness and insolvency in helping his woman with the housework that brings his wife to such a state. And the representative of the fair half needs to remember about herself and that she belongs to the weak, beautiful and sophisticated sex. She needs to learn to love herself anew, to devote more time to her outer and inner world, to develop, to strive for the best, then she will no longer have to think about how to survive a divorce.
Conflict Divorce
Conflict situations also often provoke divorce proceedings. Nobody wants to live in a stressful atmosphere with constant clarification of relationships. How to survive a divorce to a woman who was subjected to constant insults from her husband or, worse, to beatings? Here, psychologists consider divorce as the most reasonable way out of the situation, and here it is necessary, rather, not to try to survive the dissolution of the marriage, but to try to forget the horror that befell the poor thing in marriage.
Thesis technique for dealing with depression in a divorce
In order to overcome your feelings and depressive state that arose as a result of the divorce process, it is necessary to take as a guide a technique for overcoming simple but effective steps:
- identify the cause, root of the problem that led to the breaking of family ties;
- analyze the behavioral patterns of the parties they operated on while they were married;
- objectively evaluate the actions of the spouse and their own actions;
- accept the situation if the marriage is no longer possible to save;
- to release and forgive the spouse for all inflicted insults and harm;
- give yourself the opportunity to live and move on.
How to prevent a divorce
To avoid the process of breaking family ties, you must learn to control the situation in marriage before it begins to slowly but surely fall apart. How to prevent family life from coming to an end?
- To put fidelity above all else - being devoted to your other half, you can sleep soundly with a clear conscience, without suffering remorse and fear of losing your spouse.
- Exclude assault from family life - domestic violence is a manifestation of weakness and cowardice.
- Learning to hear each other - people in marriage should be each other's support, support, but not the daily whipping of censure, reproach, discontent.
- To show mutual respect - to quarrel for petty reasons, domestic turmoil and other conflict situations - is the lot of the weak. It is necessary to learn each other's understanding, respect and accept the opinion of the spouse, to listen to his voice as the voice of a man in the family. In turn, a man should respect his wife and help her, and not put ultimatums, condemning in a deteriorating appearance. Then live in marriage will be much easier and more enjoyable.