What to do if you fall in love with a colleague? In the politics of some companies, there is a strict ban on office romances: such informal relationships between employees often affect work, and not to say that in the best way. The presence of mutual sympathy makes it difficult to objectively evaluate the effectiveness of one employee to another: people who are in intimate communication, often cover up all the shortcomings of each other. In the event that the union collapses, the matter is repeatedly complicated by mutual claims, which, one way or another, will affect the employee’s work efficiency. As a rule, service romances end with the dismissal of one of the parties.
But what if love is already there? Should I give such a chance a chance? Or try to cope with the feeling and keep your head cold?
Office Romance: Is the Game Worth the Candle
So, a male colleague has fallen in love with you. And you have similar feelings for him. But is the game worth the candle? Here are the arguments against the office romance:
- The company is always against: serious companies write it in the documents and take the signature from the employee. Is this man worth the potential job loss?
- The novel will be in full view of the whole team. Do not think that you will be able to keep it secret.
- After you part, you have to work together with your former lover and see him every day. Are you ready for it?
- Parting is not always painless for all parties. Sometimes this process is very stormy, with mutual accusations, quarrels and loud showdowns. Do you need military action at work?
On the other side of the scale are potential long-term and deep relationships that may lead to marriage. Or a light pleasant affair.
Is it worth it or not? In fact, everything is possible, especially if both sides understand and accept the rules of the game: in any case, maintain good relations and not pull out their feelings for the review of colleagues. Whether it succeeds or not is another matter.
How to like a colleague?
So, you fell in love with a work colleague. What to do in such a situation? If there is no obstacle to entering into a relationship with him or her, then it is worth trying to like the object of your sympathy:
- Start monitoring your appearance: lose a couple of kilograms, go to the hairdresser, update your wardrobe, etc.
- It is always pleasant to smell - today the smell of good expensive perfumes acts on the opposite sex like pheromones. And it is imperative to control the freshness of breathing throughout the working day.
- Work like a real pro - confidently, without exchanging hours for empty office conversations. Everyone loves qualified professionals!
- To establish relationships with all colleagues, often smile and joke. A good sense of humor will help attract an object of sympathy.
- To draw attention to a colleague who was able to arouse a feeling of falling in love: to speak with him at least a few minutes a day, to involve him in conversations with other people, to be interested in his opinion on professional issues.
- Do not crush. Do not constantly be in front of the object of sympathy. For intrigue, it’s worth disappearing for a day or two.
- To praise. A lot and every day. Both men and women equally love flattery.
- Use "hot" phrases - "sexual", "passionate", "sensual", etc.
- Small amounts of alcohol will help smooth out awkwardness.
A few arguments for
If you fall in love with a work colleague and you have a relationship, then perhaps everything will be very good. There are several serious arguments in favor of an office romance, namely:
- Most likely, the choice was made correctly. The social ties of a working person are very limited - this is a circle of old friends and colleagues. Therefore, about 15% of successful marriages begin as a business affair.
- Now you will look great every day. The presence of a loved one at work requires you to carefully monitor yourself, as the lunch break will turn into a mini-date.
- Your productivity at work will increase. The presence of the second half contributes to the production of the hormone of happiness, and love helps to turn the mountains down when performing complex tasks.
- Secret novel exacerbates relationships, makes them more sensual. Invisible glances, light strokes furtively, a kiss on the run - all this will give a surge of adrenaline, and you will not want to lose this feeling.
- There is an opportunity to confront enemies in the team - you are like secret agents working for each other and then exchanging information.
- Mutual support at work, including professional. Often this leads to successful career growth.
- The most transparent relationship - you will definitely know when the other half has a blockage at work, and when he (she) just wants to relax with friends without you.
- Maybe the romance will grow into something more, and you will become a family. The presence of an officially registered marriage, as a rule, removes all the claims of the leadership to the couple in love about their relationship.
But when you fall in love with a colleague and build a relationship, you need to leave your soulmate with a time when you are not talking about work and not solve personal problems in the office.
In what cases do you need to say “stop” to yourself
Sometimes an office romance is not possible. Fight falling in love with a colleague if:
- No reciprocity.
- Feeling is bad for your state - emotional and physiological.
- If you experience pathological jealousy.
- In case of manic attachment to a colleague.
- If the choice is made in favor of study and career, and relationships at work will greatly interfere.
Married and married colleagues
But it often happens that the object of passion is not free and already has a family. There are different situations, but you can find a way out of each.
Fell in love with a married colleague? In fact, the presence of a husband in a woman should signal that it is not worth pursuing her. But in real life, things are a little different. Admittedly, the feelings of another man are unlikely to please her. She may not be experiencing the same, and now she will be embarrassed to communicate with you. This begs the option of "letting go and forget," that is, turn on the head and not break the family of others. However, there is another option - to try to achieve reciprocity through long and detailed courtship. It is only necessary to understand that a girl can choose everything too early in the end not you.
What to do if you fell in love with a married colleague? In fact, the choice is the same - either to seek, or to release a person. It is psychologically more difficult for women to get a man, but they, as a rule, do not stop at anything. And the presence of an opponent does not interfere. And again, it’s not worth blaming anyone, if love is strong, then you can and should fight for it. But in the end, he can choose not you and stay with his legal spouse. And here it is extremely important to resist revenge and maintain a normal working relationship.
If you fell in love with a female colleague, then immediately admitting her feelings will be a very risky step.
And if I am married or married
But sometimes the relationship is interrupted by the fact that you are already married. What to do if you are married and fall in love with a colleague? Or married, but have strong feelings towards a new employee?
First of all, you don’t need to lie to a colleague about your status - other employees will enlighten about the presence of a family, and without any malicious intent. At the initial stage of sympathy, it is not worth talking to the wife or husband about the presence of a competitor for him (her) - this is not far from a divorce. Often, wives by behavior and conversation understand that the husband fell in love with a colleague. And then there will be a serious conversation, and you will have to explain to your spouse why she is worse than your new darling.
But sooner or later, you have to make a choice - either between a short affair at work and the potential danger of losing a family, or between old love and new. Here the decision will have to be made independently, and it will be difficult in any situation.
When in love with you
Did a colleague fall in love with you? What to do in a situation where he openly gives you signs of attention and expresses his sympathy in every way? If you are both free and do not have prejudices against office romances, and are also ready to accept the consequences, then feel free to reciprocate.
But what to do when you do not want to take risks? Or he or you are not free, and you do not want to change something in your life? Then you need to make it clear that relationships are impossible, never, and under no circumstances.
It may be hard to do, especially if you are already in love, but do not want further development. It is not easy to kill in yourself such a deep feeling as love, and psychologists recommend step by step to follow the instructions.
Control your own thoughts
If you fell in love with a colleague at work, but do not want a relationship for any reason, then you should strictly control your thoughts. No dreams about how everything could have been or, possibly, will be, no memories of voice, smile and smell, no sexual fantasies. We turn our heads to other thoughts - work, study, extremely complex tasks, interesting films and books. But not about love!
Business conversation
Switch to a business style of communication with the subject of your passion. No flirting, smiles, friendly chatter and smoke breaks together. Try to perceive him (her) as an ordinary employee and communicate only on business issues. At first it will be very difficult, and others will notice your changed attitude towards one of your colleagues. Reason it with heavy workload - you have no time to chat and smile when there is so much work around!
Work and only work!
Engage in work for real, with full dedication. This will help you to load your head and not think about the subject of your dreams. This will give an impetus to the development of a career, which will be nice, since it did not work out with personal life. This ultimately can lead to the fact that you are less likely to see each other when you are transferred to a higher position.
In addition, successful and fruitful work will help to return to you the location of the leadership, which was probably undermined due to low efficiency during the period of dreams of the object of passion.
Do not look for meetings
If you fell in love with a colleague, but strive to get rid of this feeling, then do not look for "random" meetings. You don’t need to go to their favorite cafe for lunch, and if you have convinced yourself that you also cannot live without a specific catering, then choose another time for lunch. No need to go to those places where your beloved person often happens, as there is a great chance of meeting him. Control your thoughts and avoid unnecessary communication.
Self development
Try to take all your free time and not leave a single second for empty suffering. It’s best to choose activities in which other people will surround you. Start dancing, swimming, pull up English in group courses, lead an active lifestyle.
Updating the circle of friends will help well - new friends help to forget about old hobbies.
Image change
If you fell in love with a colleague, but he didn’t reciprocate with you, then the best way to increase your self-esteem is to radically change your image. Just do not need to fall into the trap - you need to change to like yourself, and not your unrealized love.
Harmony of the inner world
Put your thoughts in order. You must clearly understand why these relationships are impossible, but at the same time see in this situation not the collapse of your personal life, but the potential to search for something new. Failed love often helps you realize which things are truly valuable and correctly prioritize your life.
When do I need help from a psychologist?
In all cases where there is a sense of hopelessness and the fact that there is no strength to solve the problem on your own, you should consult a psychologist. This can be done at any stage - both at the first sign of sympathy, and after the collapse of all hopes. A good psychologist will not decide anything for you, but he will step by step help you to realize and make a decision yourself and live with it further - happily and with the expectation of a new love.