Resentment has been familiar to us since childhood. Some are offended more, others less. And how much she destroyed relationships, families, what can I say, fate. She is scary because she eats a person from the inside.
This gives rise to serious diseases, physical and psychological. Therefore, one must be able to forgive.
What is a grudge?
Resentment in psychology is the response of an offended person to the act of another person, which is unacceptable to her. It causes a feeling of hostility, you can get rid of it, most importantly, so that it does not develop into a constant resentment.
Some people do not hold grudges in themselves, they pour out bad emotions on others. Others, on the contrary, close themselves and wear deep inside, not showing anyone. They are smiling, despite adversity. But this is fraught with terrible consequences.
Typically, this depressed state leads to deep depression. Again, if this concerns a single resentment, the matter is not so bad, but systematic resentment is already a big problem. This is what the psychology of resentment tells.
What characterizes this emotion
It carries a powerful destructive force. This worsens health and relationships.
The main components of resentment:
- Severe mental pain. It arises in response to an unfair attitude to the person.
- The feeling of betrayal. The offended person says he never expected this.
- The perception of the unjust actions of another individual in relation to the offender, based solely on the results of his own observation and analysis. That is, the payment for the same job is higher than mine, or his parents love his younger brother more, etc.
- Long experience, and to some subjects it can stick forever.
- It can cause a break in strong family relationships. If this is a child’s resentment, which was left unattended inside the child, then it can subsequently result in a deep interpersonal conflict with parents.
- The ability to stay deep in the soul. Often a person is not able to admit that he is offended, which makes him even more unhappy.
- Feeling of irreparable situation.
- Blocking of consciousness. The offended person is not able to give an objective assessment of what is happening.
- May provoke a state of affect.
Apparently, resentment has very serious consequences. This is a loss of the meaning of life, apathy and even suicidal thoughts.
But it is worth noting that one can be offended only by a close or dear person. A stranger can only insult.
People are offended differently
Before you start discussing this issue, you need to understand why some offend very easily, while others are difficult. The bottom line is that everyone is offended in different ways. Some have many pronounced vulnerabilities, while others have fewer and are hidden. It often happens that you can offend unconsciously, hitting the living. And it may seem that a person is very touchy, but in fact this is not so.
Causes of Resentment
There are three main sources:
- Conscious manipulation. This is a deliberate protrusion of resentment in order to get what you want, and also to cause a feeling of guilt in another.
- Inability to forgive. This is an unconscious manipulation that is the cause of most grievances. A man does not understand what and why he was offended, but he knows how to make amends to another.
- Deceived expectations. Everything is simple here. Suppose a woman wants an expensive present, but receives a teddy bear, or when you count on the help of close friends, but she is not.
People with physical disabilities are more often offended by people who are in a state of stress, quarrel, depression, as well as who love and pity themselves.
So what is resentment in psychology? This is a monstrous feeling of annoyance that arises from the sudden actions of a person. That is why the phrase often sounds that it was impossible to expect from him. But if you learn to recognize people at once, then there will be no place for resentment. After all, when a certain situation happens, the actions you expect will occur, it will not be a shame.
We figured out what resentment in psychology is. How to get rid of her? Read more about this later.
Resentment in psychology: how to get rid
These tips will help you overcome unpleasant feelings.
We need to learn how to adequately respond to any unforeseen negative situation, turn on the mind, and not be guided by emotions alone.
It is necessary to find the root of resentment. People often think why they did this to them, and another question to ask is why irritability arises so quickly. It is necessary to deal with your emotions, to engage in self-improvement.
You can not hide behind carelessness and joy. Because by deceiving others, you drive insult deep into the subconscious. What causes depression and a poor emotional state.
No need to be afraid to talk about your feelings. Share your experiences. This will help to rethink the situation, get rid of resentment, and possibly prevent the occurrence of unpleasant moments.
You can not fit people into one frame, pinning great hopes, because everyone is completely different, with an individual character and perception. You should not all be well treated and loving. Everyone can't like it. Having learned this truth, you can avoid the occurrence of many offensive situations.
With a deliberate attempt to offend you do not need to show a reaction. And next time a person will not do it.
You can’t accumulate this feeling in yourself, otherwise, when the insult goes beyond the edges, quarrels, scandals and even partings begin. All the nuances must be resolved as they arise.
You need to be able to forgive and release people from your life who constantly and intentionally offend you.
Engage in self-analysis. The reason may be hidden behind your tiredness and irritation, overstrain, old emotional wounds.
If it is difficult to cope with this problem on your own, it will be right to turn to a specialist for help.
It is clear from everything that it is possible to overcome the offense, the main thing is to turn on the mind and act quickly.
There is another good practical method that will help get rid of resentment. He is very simple. It is necessary to take a pen and a sheet of paper and write a letter of appeal to the offender. Do not restrain yourself in statements, because no one will read it. After you need to be in silence alone with yourself, to rethink the situation, it will become immediately easier. Spilling negative emotions onto paper is a great way to break free from anger.
Psychology: resentment at all
As a rule, she appears in tandem with guilt. Some are offended by something, others, feeling remorse, pleasing everyone, are trying to correct a past mistake.
Before proceeding to the discussion of grievances of men (in psychology), we will understand why people are offended.
They fall into three main categories:
- people living in the past;
- overly emotional;
- vindictive.
People living in the past run the risk of getting complex from long-standing resentment. Suppose a man in his youth harboring a grudge against one woman will experience a similar feeling for the rest throughout his life.
People of the second type are able to embellish the situation, exaggerate resentment. And the most difficult thing is that it is almost impossible to convince such a person that the problem is far-fetched.
Vindictive people are terrible because they bear for a long time and try to implement a plan of revenge.
Thus, we smoothly moved on to the next question.
Psychology of male insults
It is difficult for the stronger sex to admit their own weaknesses. Therefore, they do not give direct answers to questions; they leave them in every possible way or speak evasively.
The ability to mask disguise well makes it possible not to notice it. But men are offended.
Consider the reasons:
- Manner of speaking. Excessive straightforwardness and sharpness can not only offend, but even push them away from you.
- One must always remain correct. In anger and the process of clarifying relationships, you can not touch a man for a sore spot. Suppose if he is worried about a low salary, you should not reproach him with this. No need to criticize his masculinity.
- Men, as a rule, do not talk about a lack of love and affection. And perhaps resentment is a manipulation to attract attention. It is necessary to engage in introspection in order to avoid a similar situation.
- A person can be very emotional and impulsive. Acutely perceive everything, fixated on trifles. In this case, you must understand that people do not change with age, they must be taken as such.
- Overpriced self-esteem can cause resentment. When parents praised their son from early childhood, praised to heaven, and then the wife expresses her displeasure, the husband will not tolerate this. He does not understand this attitude and is not used to it.
It must be understood that men are straightforward. They either tell the truth, or simply are silent. After impartial statements, he can withdraw into himself. But this will not indicate resentment. Thus he leaves and calms down, ponders, after which he comes up and apologizes.
Problems need to be addressed because male resentment hurts both partners. It is impossible to go on about his manipulations, so that he is not used to it. Do not blame, analyze the problem, you just need to share your feelings and feelings that you experience at the time of his resentment. How disagreeable from silence or reproach.
Much more difficult is the case with the insults of children on parents.
Children's grievances
Up to five years, they are offended by any prohibition of parents. At this stage, the kids believe that everything is created for them and belongs only to them. Growing up, the child will begin to understand that he is not alone in the world, and resentment will become much less.
From five to twelve years old, insults of children are deliberate. And their desires must be listened to, because this can become a source of deep problems and misunderstanding.
Children's resentment (in psychology it is considered so) entails anger, rage, desire for revenge, disappointment. It’s hard to cope with this, so there are various psychological problems that can affect the whole life of the child.
They must be taught to forgive in early childhood in order to avoid big problems in adulthood.
How to help your child cope with resentment
Resentment and forgiveness of parents by children in psychology is a vital issue. The main thing that adults should know is that you can’t ignore the grievances of your child. If the kid extorts the next toy, do not leave, ignoring his cry. Need to explain why you can not buy it.
When the child closes in himself, it is an alarm. It must be taken out of this state by any means. Take a walk, watch a cartoon together, and then be sure to return to this situation and figure out what caused it.
Everything must be discussed with the child. Hush up and just do not punish. It is necessary to break the system: resentment - anger - desire to take revenge.
In addition to resentment, forgiveness in psychology is no less significant. Forgiveness is the most important thing a child's parents should teach. For this, any methods are suitable: reading books, watching cartoons, singing, dancing. The main thing is that the child does not accumulate negative emotions in himself. Let him not be able to forgive to the end of his offender, but if there is no desire to take revenge - this is already half the success. There are many beautiful things in life, and it is necessary to show and focus on this.
But resentment (in psychology it is considered so) is not always a bad feeling. She helps to look at herself from the side. See those character traits that need to be improved. After all, resentment can occur due to chronic fatigue, persecution, this is an invitation to change and rest.
How to forgive an insult
We figured out the concept of resentment in psychology, we learned how negatively and destructively it affects a person. After all, an offended person cannot function normally and just enjoy life.
But it is not enough to understand what resentment in psychology is. How to deal with this? Frequently asked question to which we will try to give an answer.
Here are the tips from psychologists on how to forgive an insult.
You need to calm down and soberly assess the situation, imagine what life will be like if you continue to be offended further. Such is the psychology of people - insults have a crushing force.
It is worth analyzing in writing what led to this situation. What offended you, what sore spots your opponent pressed, because in this way he pointed out your weaknesses.
It is necessary to begin with words of forgiveness. Repeat the phrase “I am freeing myself from resentment” many times, and it will really become easier. The most terrible insult (in psychology it is considered so) is against a mother who prevents her from building her own happy family. It is important to understand that she gave you life, and forgive her.
It is recommended in psychology to take offense as a lesson. To learn how to make mistakes and avoid them in the future.
Fight offense with a sense of humor. The ability to laugh at oneself will make it easier to endure troubles.
To overcome the insult, one can find such advice in psychology: often people offend others unknowingly, maybe this is your case. There are no identical people, everyone perceives what has been done and said in their own way. But to clarify the situation, you can bring the offender to a conversation and put all the emphasis, find out his intentions and speak out for yourself.
Everyone can forgive insult. If you let her go, it becomes much easier. This is a complex process, it will be difficult at first, but then it will come to automatism.
Resentment and self-defense (in psychology it is considered so) are closely related. Resentment is a certain degree of self-defense, due to which the offended person draws special attention to himself, a feeling of compassion, pity, thereby showing his “I”.
This is a psychological reaction of a person, the purpose of which is to influence an opponent. It arises in connection with the fact that the expected does not coincide with reality.
Components of resentment
How are resentments and expectations connected in psychology? To understand this issue, you need to consider three components:
- Building the expected result. A man mentally draws the outcome of an upcoming event. But it, unfortunately, does not always coincide with the desired. People are different, with their own worldview. All problems have one source - inability to speak. Instead of silently waiting for the implementation of the plan according to your own scenario, it is better to talk with the person, find out his wishes and find out about his upcoming actions. And if there is love and respect, this act will not be like manipulation.
- Observation. It is necessary not only to look, you need to think about your expectations, perceive the behavior of another person, evaluate and criticize.
- Comparison of expectations with reality. You will not always be able to get what you want in the end. Therefore, resentment arises. The more discrepancies there are, the stronger it will be. You can not impose your point of view on a stranger, he has the right to do what he wants. It is necessary to make a rule that you need to rely only on yourself. If the expectations did not materialize, solve the problem by talking about it.
Do not bring insults, they need to be warned. And it is better, of course, not to be offended at all, it is difficult, but quite possible.
Even this feeling has its positive aspects.
The benefits are as follows:
- Our weaknesses are revealed. You need to dig to the source of the offense.
- In the event of a breakdown in complex relationships, resentment acts as an anesthetic. Self-pity, anger and rage help to quickly get rid of memories, give strength to go forward, leave everything in the past.
- Resentment allows you to pour out bad emotions. Clarifying relationships is sometimes even helpful.
And one more interesting fact. More often offended people are obtained from spoiled children. Because they got what they wanted. Because of this, they developed two shortcomings: the conviction that they all should be around, and the inability to work.
Therefore, resentment must be eradicated from early childhood. Get rid of her in a timely manner, because she can cause physical and psychological illnesses.