No one is safe from alcoholism. This trouble can come even to the most prosperous family. Dependence creeps up stealthily, imperceptibly and instantly lays on the shoulder blades, preventing the possibility of breathing. But this is not a curse that will accompany the patient until his death, everything can be corrected if you know how to behave with an alcoholic.
Alcoholics Psychology
For a long time, scientists have studied the psychology of alcoholics. As a result of research, it became clear that a person does not have any specific features that would characterize him as prone to alcoholism. So, anyone can be exposed to this disease. Even temperament does not play a special role: anyone can become an alcoholic.
Alcohol abuse affects habits, character and appearance. Initially, a person who drinks from time to time, and a chronic alcoholic are strikingly different, but after a while they become similar to each other. Here we are talking about leveling the personality, that is, complete degradation. Dependents do not want to admit that they are sick, and unanimously say that they drink for the sake of entertainment, they just do not notice that their mental health is already impaired.
People tend to underestimate the severity of this disease, this applies not only to alcoholics, but also to their relatives. Lectures on the dangers of alcohol and other moralizing do not save anyone, a sick person will assent, but do it his own way. To understand how to behave with an alcoholic, you must first understand the characteristics of the character of a sick person.
Character
Firstly, every alcoholic is stubborn. The patient is clearly convinced that he is his own master and no one has the right to teach him. If relatives and close friends begin to tell him what to do, this will lead to conflict. In this case, normal relationships may collapse.
Secondly, it is important to understand that a person with an alcoholism can behave normally in society, share his impressions, communicate with friends, but if he is left alone, he will immediately begin to comprehend alarming thoughts, often of a suicidal nature.
Thirdly, in order to behave properly with an alcoholic, somehow you need to adapt to the fact that such people have seven Fridays in a week: today he realized the seriousness of his illness, but tomorrow he will hit his chest with his fist and loudly declare that he a full member of society, and he has no problems.
And fourthly, all alcoholics firmly believe that they can quit addiction at any time, but they need a drink at a particular moment.
What do psychologists say?
Speaking about how to behave with an alcoholic, psychologists advise treating them like people with a mental illness. After all, an alcoholic and an alcoholic are people who need medical treatment and psychological support. Only by contacting a psychologist, you can find out the exact cause of this disease. The specialist will tell you how to find leverage on a person and how to behave with an alcoholic.
Usually there are several causes of alcoholism:
- The death of a loved one.
- The search for meaning at the bottom of the glass.
- Misunderstanding of others.
- The loss of a loved one (divorce, treason, etc.).
- Belief in its exclusivity. Single people perceive others as enemies, stupid people who do not understand anything in this life.
- Feeling of guilt and worthlessness.
Neuro-linguistic programming
Everyone heard about the methods by which you can encode a person, thereby relieving him of the craving for alcohol. However, this is possible only with his consent, and no one guarantees that this method will turn the patient away from addiction forever. The term of remission is 2-3 years.
On the other hand, progress does not stand still. NLP (neurolinguistic programming) has been used for a long time. So how to behave with an alcoholic? Psychologist’s number one advice is to bring him to an NLP specialist. The specificity of this method is that the patient is affected at the psychoemotional level. The main goal of such an impact is to restore the natural program of life in the subconscious, to recreate moral values and an aversion to alcohol.
Life with an alcoholic
You can easily recognize a drinker in a crowd: he has an unstable gait, an unkempt appearance, red and swollen eyes. Such a person has already, as a rule, lost his family or is on the verge of a divorce. After all, the pleasure of talking with a drinker is very doubtful, and what can you actually talk about with him if he has only two problems on the agenda: where to get a drink and how to get rid of a hangover.
No matter how regrettable it may sound, democracy and personal freedom of everyone provided drinkers with a full carte blanche. Today there are no longer any sobering-ups and compulsory treatment for alcoholism. Narcologists help only on condition that the alcoholic himself turns to them. The party meeting at the enterprises has long since sunk into oblivion, when the collective was seriously talking with a stumbled person. Alcoholic families, in fact, have nowhere to turn.
Although, on the other hand, our people are used to drinking. Such a mentality in Russia that no holiday in any apartment is complete without alcohol. But where they know the measure, everything is in order. Families exist normally, without quarrels and scandals. Others suffer for a long time with this problem or solve everything by a cardinal method:
- Wife file for divorce.
- Picks up the children.
- Is leaving.
And how to behave to the wife of an alcoholic ?! Certainly not to forgive and not tolerate, especially if she has children in her arms. The alcoholic husband has only two choices - either he drank completely, or takes the right path. Usually, those who decide to cope with the problem on their own do not turn to a psychologist, since they consider this a weakness. But as practice shows, willpower in this case is everything. It is a pity that 90% of those who drink it do not.
Make a choice
It is worth noting that helping a person is never too late, the main thing is that he himself wants to change. It is necessary to find the very notorious leverage that will force a person to rethink their behavior and take the true path. On the other hand, the relatives of the drinker should understand that alcohol is not the enemy that can be defeated with one shot. Long months of rehabilitation are often required.
It is also worth considering the fact that any drinker will sooner or later begin to realize the harmfulness of this habit, but will not be able to admit it to himself, because he will not know how to behave without alcohol.
Speaking about how to behave to relatives of an alcoholic, it is worth noting that they have as many as three options to choose from:
- Come to terms.
- Fight.
- Wave a hand at the patient and leave.
An alcoholic in the family poisons life not only for himself, but also for those around him. He can drink all his livelihoods, start a scandal, a fight or dance in the middle of the night. About friends who share such a way of life, and nothing to say. Those who have lived together with an alcoholic for a long time can give many examples of their behavior, from harmless and funny situations to the onset of delirium tremens.
Husband and wife
Women who are tolerant of drunkards have repeatedly wondered how to help such a person. But it is worth noting that even the most patient spouse has a limit. How to behave to the wife of an alcoholic? If she accepts her husband’s behavior and gives up on him, then her life will be full of nightmares. And so it will be until her husband dies from alcohol intoxication or transgresses the line of law.
Another option is that women collect things and leave, and this is not a bad outcome. True, as statistics show, it is difficult for them to build new full-fledged relationships, because subconsciously they feel guilty that they did not support their loved one at a difficult moment. Since it is extremely difficult to behave normally with an alcoholic in a family, the first thing a woman should do is to remember why she fell in love with her husband. It was for what! Scroll through the memory of all the pleasant moments of life together, remember how he was looking forward to the birth of his first child. He was not always an alcoholic, it just happened, and this must be fought.
Proven Methods
So, how to behave with an alcoholic husband? Here are some proven recommendations:
- Consult a psychologist and psychotherapist. It is imperative to understand the true reasons for this behavior. The specialist will help the inconsolable woman to take a fresh look at the situation.
- Remove all alcoholic beverages from home and start a little brave of all the drinking buddies of the husband from the family nest.
- If the husband does not see the problem, he does not need to be pressed. However, if he asks his wife for her opinion, he needs to directly and calmly tell his claims and wishes.
- Reproaches, tantrums, scandals, threats are prohibited. A woman really needs a lot of patience to overcome her husband’s alcoholism, because you will need to find an approach to her husband.
- If a man does not see his illness, he will not change, so you need to force him to admit the presence of addiction.
- Do not forget about yourself. You need to do your appearance, find a job, learn an additional foreign language. In a word, to engage in self-improvement, that is, show your husband a positive example of how you can live without drinking alcohol.
- An alcoholic cannot be justified by the lack of self-realization. There is no such problem that cannot be solved. Moreover, you should not be a sick person a nanny and follow him on the heels.
- Until complex treatment has begun, a woman needs to protect herself and children from the negative influence of a drunk husband.
- You cannot hide an existing problem from others.
- You need to behave so that the husband understands who he may lose.
And if vice versa?
In general, it is clear what to do if the husband drinks. But if the opposite is true, does the wife drink? How to behave with an alcoholic woman?
If a wife likes to look into a glass, then her husband should understand that he can leave at any time, but thereby push his spouse to the very bottom of the abyss. First you need to find out the reason for this behavior and follow the recommendations:
- Make sure that there is no alcohol in the house.
- To limit the woman in finances so that she could not afford to buy a drink outside the house.
- It is moral to support: do not scold, do not humiliate and do not scare with a divorce.
- Protect a woman from friends who are lovers of a drink.
- Do not drink alcohol yourself and with a woman.
- Try not to visit guests, restaurants or at presentations where the wife may lose control over the failure and get drunk.
- Do not leave her alone at home for a long time.
- Persuade her to go to an appointment with a specialist (in this regard, women are more pliable than men).
Aggression
Alcoholics are different. Someone “sniffs” and goes to bed quietly, while someone will demand bread and circuses, and not having received those, will begin to show aggression. So, how to behave with an aggressive alcoholic?
- Peace of mind. You need to learn how to manage your emotions: do not respond to overt provocations, ignore insults, calmly answer questions.
- Switching attention. For example, you can tell a drinker that he got dirty, so you need to change clothes.
- Consent. You need to behave calmly and confidently and agree with what the drunk person says, promise what he requires at that moment, and continue to do his own thing.
- Shock therapy. A bucket of cold water is what you need. A person will not only stop showing aggression, but will also understand that such behavior is unacceptable.
It is still strictly forbidden to reproach, blame, humiliate and insult an aggressive addict. You can’t buy him alcohol or give him money. Also fraught with consequences prevent him from drinking or taking away alcohol. And in no case should you show your fear and weakness.
Fathers and Sons
If everything is clear with husbands and wives, then what should the mother of an alcoholic do? How to behave a poor woman, if her son or daughter aimlessly burn their lives, constantly looking into a glass?
Of course, the love of parents knows no bounds, but its abundance can become the very catalyst that led to drunkenness.
- You can not patronize. Once a child is sold a drink, then he is an adult. And if he is an adult, then he must be responsible for his actions. Stop calling every half hour, control his every step, take care of his diet, etc. Let the son or daughter do what they want and when they want. It is necessary to blame not for drunkenness as such, but for the fact of antisocial behavior.
- Rebuild life. How to behave with an alcoholic son or daughter? First, understand that this is a disease. Secondly, take care of money and precious things so that they are inaccessible to an alcoholic. Thirdly, remove all alcohol from home.
- Sequence. Set the rules and make no exceptions or concessions.
- Independence. Let the alcoholic solve his problems himself. When they make him capitulate, he will only be grateful. It was at that moment that he needed to be supported and helped.
It is extremely important to understand that alcoholism is not a congenital defect, but an acquired addiction, you can (even need) to fight it.
Show a sick person that there are many amazing things in the world that are worth paying attention to. No need to patronize him, otherwise he will take it for granted. Let him understand that he also has a responsibility that he cannot fully justify due to constant drunkenness. Tips on how to behave with an alcoholic will help relatives and friends put the patient on the right path, and he will understand that even without a drink the world plays with bright colors.