There are moments in a person’s life that are especially important to him. One of them is a wedding. The importance of this event is emphasized by the fact that they are beginning to prepare for it long before the significant date. Over the long history of the institution of marriage in Russia, many traditions have arisen related to the organization of a future wedding.
In this regard, it is worth highlighting such a ritual as matchmaking, whose customs are rooted in folk culture. The fact is that before the fate of future spouses often depended not so much on mutual feelings as on the decision of the parents of the bride and groom, who agreed among themselves. The ritual of matchmaking contributed to this. In general, he performed several significant functions. With his help, the girl’s relatives were notified about the intention of the potential spouse to marry her. Further, the parents of the prospective bride had to either agree or refuse the matchmakers. In addition, the traditions of the matchmaking involved a public announcement of the intention of the two families to become related.
In general terms, the ritual was carried out as follows. In order for the matchmaking to take place, customs ordered the young man to first inform his parents of the desire to marry the girl he liked. Without securing their consent, he could not have played a wedding. Then the future bridegroom had to send to the house of his chosen one the matchmakers, who were the relatives of the male bridegroom, and they were already married. Usually this role was played by the father, sibling or godfather, as well as uncle or older brother. However, sometimes, when marriage was conceived, customs allowed the participation of women, for example, a godmother or aunt. Finally, in Russia they also resorted to the services of professional matchmakers or matchmakers, who were skilled in arranging weddings and painted the virtues of their clients in every way. Sometimes the power of the groom’s parents reached the point that it was they who chose the future bride for the son, not particularly interested in his opinion. The criteria for considering the candidates were the welfare and social status of the girl's family.
After the choice was made, the matchmakers dressed up beautifully and, on the best horses, went directly to the matchmaking itself. The customs regarding this trip were quite strict. So, the road to the bride’s house should not be direct, but roundabout. In addition, the matchmakers, if possible, should not stop anywhere and not talk to anyone. At the same time, according to legend, the best time to conduct the ceremony of matchmaking came after sunset. In this case, the likelihood that someone could jinx the event was minimized.
Entering the house of the bride’s parents, the matchmaker should sit in a strictly reserved place for this, which immediately demonstrated to the owners the purpose of the visit. However, it was not accepted to go over to the courtship itself right away. To begin with, the conversation concerned weather, harvest, etc., only then with the help of hints were the guests' intentions indicated. At the same time, the potential bride was called indirectly, for example, “a fist”, “chicken”, “goods”, and the groom, respectively, “hunter”, “cockerel”, “merchant”. Finally, the owners expressed their gratitude to the matchmakers for the high honor and offered to go to the table, at which direct negotiations on the wedding were already underway. The decisive vote with the consent or disagreement of the marriage belonged to the girl's father. In his absence, to his brother or mother. In a conversation, the matchmakers, on the one hand, tried to present the groom in the best possible way, and on the other, tried to find out everything possible about the bride. The girl herself during such negotiations was required from time to time to appear in the room, pouring drinks and showing off her most beautiful and richest outfits. This gave the matchmakers the opportunity to better see the bride, to monitor her behavior.
As a rule, the first time an agreement on marriage was not concluded. The head of the family took a break to wait if there would be a better offer from any other groom, and also, finding out, in turn, about an existing applicant. It happened that the matchmakers could point to the threshold. In this case, the guests, leaving such unfriendly hosts, closed the door of the house with their backs. This action was designed to ward off luck from an inhospitable home and prevent the quick marriage of the daughter of such obstinate people. If, after preliminary matchmaking, the bride’s parents were not against marriage, the matchmakers came for a second time after a certain time. There was already quite a business conversation, in particular, the so-called “line recording” was compiled, which was a kind of prototype of a modern marriage contract. It stipulated the dates of the future wedding, the amount of expenses for it, the number of guests, the dowry of the bride , etc.
When both sides agreed on everything, the girl handed over to her narrowed scarf, which served as a kind of guarantee of their future relations. Swat also received a piece of bread wrapped in a handkerchief, which he then demonstrated to the whole village as a sign of a successful outcome. At this, the ritual of the matchmaking itself came to an end. Now the families of future spouses could move on to the next stages of preparation for the wedding.
As you can see, the bridegroom custom was regulated in great detail. All the rituals associated with it have been strictly observed for a long time, especially in peasant families. In the privileged layers of Russian society, these traditions died out faster, mingling with foreign patterns of behavior.