Often family relationships cease to seem prosperous, and gradually life turns into a war zone. Often a conflict arises between the child and the parents. A son hates a mother, or a daughter - a similar situation can appear in almost any home. And quite often, serious quarrels do not accompany her. She appears for no apparent reason, just from scratch. But reverse situations are also possible when a child grows up in adverse conditions and is constantly subjected to attacks from adults.
Regardless of living conditions, parents whose address sent angry phrases about hate, are not the most rainbow-colored emotions. After all, adults usually not only repeat, but they themselves believe that they live for the sake of children. In their opinion, they did not deserve such an attitude towards themselves. Or did they deserve it? Why do children hate mother? There are a variety of reasons. And some of them will be described in the review.
Growing difficulties
Such behavior on the part of adolescents is scary. And even worse, often children not only pronounce a similar phrase, but also believe in it. And then they begin to act as if they sincerely hate it. Moreover, family relations can be quite peaceful, normal, when parents are completely sane and try to find a common language with their children.
Mother hates daughter (or son) - this is familiar to many. Usually, a similar situation is attributed to difficulties that are characteristic of a transitional age, when a teenager begins to grow up, tries to find his place, to understand the meaning of existence. Moreover, the child’s findings usually do not coincide with the opinion of the older generation, which leads to misunderstanding, and then conflicts arise.
Main reasons
In some situations, the transitional age goes smoothly. However, situations where life turns into a nightmare also arise quite often. What are the reasons for this behavior of a teenager?
- An incomplete family, it is difficult for one mother to cope, so she begins to tear off anger on the child, for which she receives an answer.
- What other reasons can cause the phrase: “I hate my mother”? Suppose a family is complete. However, parents can hate each other, which negatively affects the child.
- The phrase can be caused by a total lie when the parents have a relationship on the side.
- Hatred often appears if there are several children in a family, and someone is loved more, and someone less.
- Which mother hate? A child may feel hatred towards that mother who does not pay attention to him at all, does not care and does not support in difficult moments.
The above reasons are the most striking. They demonstrate that the family is not as smooth as we would like. Children feel such situations on a subconscious level, which is why they begin to utter phrases such as “I hate my mother.”
However, problems can be resolved by correcting the situation. But first of all, one of the adults should want this. It is enough to simply accept that troubles do occur, and find an experienced specialist who is able to normalize relations in the family.
When aggression appears out of the blue
Problems can arise for no reason. For example, the situation in the family is normal, but the teenager still breaks anger. What causes such situations? Never forget that a child’s behavior is just a symptom. It signals that there is some kind of problem, even if at first glance everything is fine.
In such a situation, psychological assistance is necessary primarily for parents, not the child. Only a specialist can find problems and eliminate them painlessly for all family members. Otherwise, the child will simply lead to a nervous breakdown.
Wrong education
It is likely that certain errors in education can lead to the phrase: "I hate my mother." Naturally, there are a lot of them; listing everything is not worth it. However, most errors quite often boil down to an excessive number of restrictions, various prohibitions from the older generation.
Perhaps the parents painted the lives of their children in minutes, not allowing them to deviate from the intended plan. At the same time, they think that they are doing the right thing, bringing only benefit. However, adolescents begin to feel that they are trapped, they no longer have enough freedom. They may break down, put up with a similar circumstance, accept the rules of the game, or they may show aggression.
It should also be noted that the reaction to the prohibitions may not manifest itself immediately, but it will certainly appear when anger builds up and there are forces that are enough to resist the parents. And then the question will begin to appear, why the adult son hates the mother. Or the daughter will not have the best feelings for her parents when she grows up.
Reasons for excessive custody
A daughter or son hates a mother ... A similar situation may result from hyper-custody. How to communicate with children so that there is neither excessive custody, nor permissiveness? First, it’s worth talking about why so many parents tend to take care of their child.
Firstly, there may be belief that education must be rigorous. Otherwise, the child simply slides down the slope. And the higher the manifestation of severity, the stronger the love on the part of the parents. And this means that the child will be happy. But such a point of view rarely leads to positive results.
Secondly, parents may be afraid that their children will certainly make a lot of mistakes. A similar reason resembles the first, but less global. If in the first case the parents are frightened by the unfortunate fate of the teenager, then in the second they simply worry how he would not catch a cold or get a little two.
Thirdly, parents can stop feeling needed if they stop controlling their children. And if the child is independent, then it turns out that they live in vain? But, again, this opinion is erroneous.
Does mother hate daughter? Psychology admits that this is due to one of the above reasons, which is not able to establish a good atmosphere in the family. But it can lead to even more serious conflicts. You should understand how to be in such situations, how to behave.
Hunt to be needed
Does the son hate mother? Psychology admits that the fault is the desire to “be needed” for your child. Such a desire signals that there is a complex of lack of demand, and most importantly, parents' dislike for themselves for this.
In such a situation, thoughts begin to appear that if no one needs me, then I exist in vain. Instead of rejoicing in the successes and independence of their children, parents begin to take offense and form more and more bans. It is precisely because of this that conflict situations often arise.
Many parents believe that if they do not control their child, they will certainly begin to make mistakes. On the one hand, this point of view is absolutely true. However, it should be understood that the child will commit them anyway. Otherwise, it’s impossible. To learn not to do stupid things, a teenager must first do them and remain dissatisfied with the results.
Adequate prohibition approach
Teen hates mother? In order to avoid such situations, we must immediately figure out where the prohibitions are needed and where not. For example, you can allow experimenting with cooking if the kitchen does not have anything poisonous. You can fix the bike too. But you should not contact the outlet, it is dangerous.
You must understand that to achieve something worthwhile can only be done first hand. And for a child to acquire it, parents should not constantly interfere with tips and tricks. It is enough to simply determine what is dangerous and what is not. And if in the first case control is necessary, then with the second the child is able to figure it out on his own.
An unenviable fate awaits the child
Where does the fear arise that the fate of a child without constant supervision will necessarily be bad? The causes of fears are usually the same for all parents. If the family has a girl, then ahead of her lies an early pregnancy, drugs and prostitution. The boy will certainly get into crime, begin to constantly fight and will also take drugs.
In such a situation, the question arises whether control will help avoid such a fate. Definitely it is impossible to answer. In some situations this saves, but in others, on the contrary, it pushes everything bad. No wonder they say that the forbidden fruit is sweet.
What strict education leads to
Hyperopeca can cause another serious danger. The child will simply get used to being controlled, constantly yanked and banned. Over time, he will no longer pay attention to the words of his parents. Accordingly, this will lead to the fact that he will begin to violate everything that is possible, especially not understanding the situation. And in this he will be guided by two principles. Either parents intervene and protect, protect from problems, or they will punish anyway, so why not.
In such a situation, he will carry out instructions from the parents in exactly the opposite way. For example, if he was told that you can’t walk without a scarf in winter, he will definitely try to go out without him. And if you don’t get sick, and there will be no problems because of this, then other parental prohibitions do not carry any meaning.
It may seem that an undressed scarf and drugs are too distant things from each other. But in the children's psyche, they stand next to each other, since, according to parental rules, almost everything is forbidden. Accordingly, in such a situation, reasonable boundaries cease to be developed. And that is why I so want to break the prohibitions.
Is it empty?
What if the daughter hates the mother? Or maybe the son experiences negative feelings towards parents? Outbreaks of aggression can also appear from scratch when prohibitions with restrictions are reasonable and few in number, and peace and order reign in the family. Such situations, although rare, do occur.
It must be understood that sooner or later the child will enter the big world and try to take a certain place in it in order to avoid collisions with difficulties. After all, problems with peers can be quite painful.
In such a situation, children will begin to frustrate their parents, since you cannot conflict with classmates, you can run into even bigger problems. And parents obviously will not answer the same. And loving mothers are not at all capable of displaying negative emotions about their children. Such situations are offensive, wrong, but it happens.
However, it is not worth talking about the fact that parents are completely innocent in such situations. First, the child subconsciously understands that the cause of many problems in relations with classmates is the result of education. And secondly, assuming rudeness in relation to yourself, you can once hear the phrase: "I hate my mother." Similar situations are paradoxical, but they do happen.
In families where it is customary to treat each other with respect, reasons for such phrases usually do not arise. Often this happens only if the mother initially put herself in the position of “servant”.
Solution of problems
I hate my mother, what to do? To cope with such a manifestation of aggression, it is necessary to change the position. But this is not so simple, since you need to work on yourself, to revise the principles and your own behavior. Moreover, both adults and children will have to change.
On the other hand, children's emotions need a way out. Therefore, it is not recommended to attach great importance to negative manifestations. But this is allowed only if there is an opportunity to talk, discuss what happened, find out about the true reasons. This situation is ideal, because the parents will calm down and the child will be aware of their feelings.
Finding a way out of the situation
What if a child hates a mother? Regardless of the difference in character, bad relationships, it is almost impossible to stop loving mom. However, due to conflicts and constant quarrels, life turns into a nightmare. For this reason, we must try to find a way out of the situation.
Most importantly, do not forget that the mother will not hurt, spoil life on purpose, only because she wants it. She just thinks that all her actions are beneficial, and in the future you will thank her for this.
Below are some tips that will help to deal with the situation, to resolve the conflict.
- You just have to talk heart to heart. Try to convey to her that you appreciate the care, are grateful for the assistance provided, but you need a completely different one, want to achieve other goals, and not those that your mother sets for you.
- In no case should you break loose or say bad words. Such behavior will only exacerbate the situation. And mom will only get more painful and offensive from this.
- If you are an independent person and do not want to be constantly influenced by your parents, find a way to prove it. Start making money, live separately. In such a situation, it will be possible to avoid constant monitoring by the parents and acquire personal space. Yes, and free time can be spent at your own discretion.
- Perhaps mom considers herself lonely? Make her feel needed, help find the meaning of life. Perhaps she just needs a friend with whom to walk, talk about pressing matters. It may turn out to find her a hobby. The main thing is that in her life there should be as little space as possible for negative emotions.
What should parents do?
Firstly, you can’t command your children all the time, constantly demanding something from them, psychologically crushing. It is best to try to find a compromise, agree with each other, carefully listen to the opinion of the child. Naturally, he will agree with your point of view, but anyway, there will be a grudge inside, which later will certainly make itself felt.
Secondly, do not forget that children have their own lives. She needs to be interested. Do not avoid communicating with the child, learn about his experiences and help with advice. There should be no ridicule, even if the problems seem banal and stupid. For children, all their troubles look global, crisis. Therefore, they need help and support. And if all this does not happen, then they will not experience positive emotions for parents.
Thirdly, it is necessary to try to find a common language with the child, to become a friend for him, having accepted all the shortcomings and advantages. Parents just need to feel in the body of a teenager. Having felt all the grievances experienced, overestimating difficult situations, you can form a wonderful relationship. But do not forget that it is necessary to work constantly in order to maintain relations.
Conclusion
Mother hate daughter or son? Do not treat this event as a tragedy. This is just an indicator that there are problems in the relationship, and you need to deal with them, look for a way out of the situation.
Remember that there are two settings - children's and adult. In the first case, parents are scared and offended. And this only exacerbates the current situation. In the second case, parents are trying to deal with the problem. Which setting is right for you? But it is safe to say that if the problem is not solved, then you will have to hear the phrase: “I hate my own mother!”