Death is grief and pain for the relatives of the deceased. A natural consolation is the desire to help, facilitate the deceased's transition to other facets of being. According to the Christian religion, the 40th day is considered the most important of all memorial days, because during this period the soul forever says goodbye to the earth and leaves it. Many organize 40 days after the death of the wake. What to say on this day and how to behave?
What is the meaning of the memorial rite
It is important to know that the essence of the funeral rite is to make the transition of the soul of a deceased person to another world painless, to help the soul to appear before God, to feel peace and tranquility. And this is achieved through prayers. Everything that will be said about a dead person that day: kind words, prayers, good memories and speeches will help the soul to withstand God's judgment. Therefore, it is so important to observe all the traditions associated with this day, and to know how to hold a wake 40 days after death.
The main thing on this day is to pray. You can do it yourself, or you can invite a priest.
Christian traditions of the remembrance of the deceased on day 40
The rite of remembrance is known from the very beginning of the birth of Christianity. The purpose of the rite is to give the soul of a departed into another world peace and tranquility, to help know the eternal Kingdom of heaven.
For this , relatives, relatives and friends of the deceased should gather at the memorial table. When organized for 40 days after death, a wake, what to say to those present? It is believed that the more people remember the deceased in their prayers, the better it will be to the soul of the one for whom they pray. On this day, it is customary to recall moments from the life of the deceased, focusing on his virtues and good deeds.
Life does not stand still, if earlier the funeral was held in the house of the deceased, now it can be done in a restaurant or cafe. The traditions of Orthodoxy oblige to accept more people on this day than on day 9, because the soul leaves the earth, and not only relatives, but everyone who wants to do this should say goodbye to a person.
40 days after death, wake: what to say in the cemetery?
A visit to the grave of a deceased person is a mandatory part of the funeral ritual. You need to take flowers and a candle with you. In the cemetery, it is customary to carry a pair of flowers, even numbers are a symbol of life and death. Laying flowers is the best way to show respect to the deceased.
Arriving, you should light a candle and pray for a calming soul, then you can just stand, shut up, remembering good moments from the life of a deceased person.
Noisy conversations and discussions are not arranged at the cemetery, everything should take place in an atmosphere of calm and conciliation.
Forty commemoration in the church
Church commemoration is the mention of the name of the deceased during prayer at the Liturgy for the salvation of the soul and the eternal blessing of the remembered. The ceremony is carried out after the relatives of the deceased file a note "On repose." It is important to know that in this note the names of only those who were baptized in the Orthodox Church are given.
For relatives of the deceased, the best kind of donation would be a candle for the deceased. At the time of installation of the candle, you need to pray for the peace of the soul, asking the Lord to forgive the voluntary and involuntary sins of the deceased person.
According to the canons of Orthodoxy, commemoration (40 days after death) is not carried out ahead of schedule. If, nevertheless, by coincidence, it is necessary to carry out the rite on an earlier date, then on the next weekend after the fortieth weekend, you must give alms. On the same day to hold a church commemoration.
Organization of the memorial table
The purpose of the memorial dinner is to remember the deceased person, pray for the peace of his soul, provide psychological support to those in need, and thank people for their participation and help. You can not arrange a dinner with the aim of impressing guests with expensive and delicious dishes, boasting an abundance of dishes or feed them to the dump.
The main thing is not food, but unification in grief and the support of those who are difficult. It is important to consider the main rules of Christianity: restriction in the intake of alcoholic beverages, fasting and the presence on the table of the simplest dishes.
Do not take the wake as a feast. Big waste in this case is unjustified, it will be much more useful to direct financial investments into the field of charity.
If it has been more than 40 days after death, the wake can be later arrange if only the memorial table will be rescheduled. It is necessary to pray for the soul of the deceased for exactly 40 days.
Main dishes of the memorial table
When laying on the table, it is advisable to give preference to lean dishes. Kutia should be at the head of the table . This is porridge cooked from whole grains, with the addition of honey, nuts and raisins. The dish represents the rebirth of the soul, symbolizes the blessings of eternal life.
The composition of the dishes mainly depends on the traditions of the family arranging the commemoration. Traditionally cooked: pancakes, pies, cereals, cabbage soup and jelly. Various snacks are acceptable: salads, vegetable or meat slices. Among the first courses: borsch, noodles on chicken stock, beetroot soup. Garnish - buckwheat porridge, pilaf or mashed potatoes. The church is against alcohol; in any case, its use should be limited.
If the commemoration coincided with the fast, then the meat should be changed to fish. From salads, vinaigrette is perfect. Let the mushrooms, vegetables and fruits be on the table. The main thing at the wake is to reinforce forces in order to continue to pray tirelessly for the dead.
How to prepare a memorial speech
Not a single commemoration is complete without making a memorial speech. Sometimes, a facilitator is invited specially for this occasion, who will help to correctly arrange the order of performances. If the leader is absent, one of close relatives should take on his role.
When a wake is arranged for 40 days after death, the words spoken at the table should be distributed in accordance with a certain sequence of speakers. First, the closest relatives give a speech, then friends and, last but not least, acquaintances.
Do not rely too much on improvisation. This is a sad event, and people with grief will listen to you. Conciseness and accuracy are the main criteria for a memorial speech. Try to find time to practice at home, so you can decide where to keep silent and what to add.
Usually all the closest come to the wake (40 days after death). The speech delivered at the table should not consist of a biography of the deceased person, because there will be people who already know all the life stages of the deceased. It is very good to talk about some fact from life that will serve as proof of the virtues of the deceased.
When prepared for 40 days after the death of the commemoration, poems dedicated to the mourning event can be more useful than ever. They will help you to tune in to the lyrically-tragic way, contributing to the creation of an atmosphere of commemoration.
His speech can be supplemented with a photograph of the deceased or a thing belonging to him, which will prove to those present about how good the deceased was. Avoid mentioning the deceased's mistakes, gossip, and secrets. There is no place for such speeches at the memorial table.
Example speech
Many people think when they organize a wake for 40 days after death: “What can I say?” ... There is no established version of such a speech. The most important thing is to pronounce words from the heart. But still there are certain rules, using which you can prepare and speak correctly during the memorial ceremony.
You should start from the greeting of those present, followed by a story about who you belong to the deceased. Say a few words about mourning and move on to the story of the good points of the person who is remembered. If possible, remember the good moments experienced together. It will be very appropriate to involve other people in the memories so that your story is supplemented by good memories. The speech ends with a promise to always remember the one whom is remembered.
Nevertheless, you can always remember a deceased person whenever you want. The main thing is to observe the basic rules of the memorial rite: prayer, alms and good memories of the deceased.