Sometimes we meet people from the past. Once they were the closest and dearest: you spent every free minute together, shared secret thoughts and thought that happiness would last forever. Then something went wrong. One of you fell out of love, cheated, betrayed - the reasons for the separation are no longer important, since you have not been a couple for a long time. But now the former lover has reappeared in your life. How to behave with the former? Ignore? Pretending to be old buddies and chatting amicably? To cheat? To run away?
Typical ex-boyfriend behavior
First you need to understand what type of ex the ex-boyfriend belongs to. Regardless of the reasons for the separation, and from who initiated the break, the behavior of men most often fits into one of the typical patterns:
- “Hating” - anger in him with respect to the ex-girlfriend is in full swing, and it is better not to meet him even by chance. Over time, it will cool down, his feelings will become calmer, but you should not maintain friendly and even just friendly relations with him.
- “Normal” - he has no negative attitude towards the ex-girlfriend, and breaking up with this ex-boyfriend was without unnecessary tantrums and scandals. You can communicate with him - not too close, but quite friendly.
- “Despising” - he feels not so much hatred for the former, as contempt. Relationship with him is not worth it, because what was in his eyes will be something like a target for offensive jokes.
- “Persecutor” - he didn’t put up with the break and was on guard at the former near her house, called from different numbers, wrote confessions on the asphalt, etc. He often blackmailed with suicide. It’s better to ignore it.
Before deciding how to behave with the former, you need to seriously think about the appropriateness of this communication. With most men, it is better not to maintain any relationship.
Unfortunately, this is not always possible, because people often start novels at work or at a university and, after a break, are forced to communicate with ex-lovers. In addition, no one cancels random meetings.
You need to build your behavior depending on how the former man behaves towards you.
Or maybe nothing ended?
Difficulties in communicating with an ex-boyfriend often arise due to the fact that the feelings have not yet cooled down. You want to see him, communicate, all the time the hand reaches for the phone, and you often monitor his pages in all social networks. And in a personal meeting you can’t hold back the joys.
On his part, actions are also possible that speak of his feelings - these are regular congratulations on all important and not very dates, small gifts and a willingness to help at any moment. But it should be understood that here you can fall into the trap. Former guys often diligently cultivate in a girl the feeling that "everything can be returned." That is, the ex-boyfriend diligently keeps for himself a “reserve airfield”.
How to deal with your ex in such a situation? In any case, you need a gulf from the horizon for some time. A lover will be just as gentle and attentive with a girl even after a long separation, a man with less sincere intentions will look for an option that requires less effort.
Pursuer
How to behave with a former man who did not come to terms with separation? This type guards you near the house, tries to spend it before work, carefully monitors where and with whom you spend your free time. He leaves no attempts, even after talking about the end of it, and sincerely considers your break as an attempt to cause jealousy.
Typically, such people are not able to perceive criticism, therefore, at breakup, the girl takes all the blame on herself - she is not ready for relationships, for his rhythm of life, for his way of thinking, etc. The main thing is to indicate in time a solid “no” all attempts to return everything to the starting point.
Relations with pursuers after a break cannot be maintained. In case of random meetings, it is better to say hello calmly and move on, and if you try to start a conversation, refer to employment.
Ex-husband
With ex-husbands you can not maintain any relationship. The exception is those cases when the family has a child.
If the ex-husband behaves towards you and the child correctly, without rudeness, then a dialogue must be established with him. The kid should see in him a loving dad, and not the man who ruined the life of his mother. It is sometimes very difficult to restrain oneself, but you need to try for the sake of the child.
At first, you can meet in neutral territory, only in order to transfer the baby from hand to hand. When the emotions subside, you can invite dad to his home or even have a general day off - for the sake of a tiny little man that you both love.
Often sloven dads get tired of constant meetings that take away free time and gradually curtail communication. But there are many among them who are constantly present in the life of your common child and render him any kind of help (financial, moral) in any life situations. And it is worth a lot.
Chance meeting
Remember how you behaved towards the ex-girlfriend of the guy? Most likely, you were jealous, which was reflected in your perception of a person and on his attitude to him. Now you yourself are an ex-lover, so in case of random meetings you do not need to give reason for jealousy to someone else.
So you should not be led by your own emotions and rush to the ex-boyfriend's neck, hug him and even more so kiss him.
Your best friends in this situation are restraint and friendliness. Say hello, exchanged a couple of warm phrases and parted. You are the past for each other, and you do not need to ted this ash.
Useful Tips
To understand how to behave with your ex, use simple recommendations:
- Be polite - a new round of mutual insults will not lead to anything good.
- Show friendliness and affability, but not too emotionally.
- Restraint will help to save face in any difficult situation.
- Do not bother too much. If you see that the former is not in the mood for conversation, do not insist on continuing the meeting.
- No need to blame anyone: neither the ex-boyfriend for recovering, nor his new passion - for the tasteless handbag. We do not put malice on display, we can only gloat a little deep inside.
- Do not count on renewed relations - such illusions are dangerous and destructive.
- Do not behave condescendingly.
- Do not answer questions about personal life. Do not discuss the new man with the former.
- Do not allow yourself to provoke boorish remarks.
The last tip is the most important - be happy! Happy people are not afraid of meeting with the ghost of a past relationship, they have forgiven everyone for a long time and are not evil at all.