It is not easy for a person who does not believe people. He constantly doubts those around him. It seems to him that everyone betrays and deceives him. Naturally, over time it changes - it becomes suspicious, secretive, even asocial. What is the cause of chronic distrust? Is it possible to get rid of it? This will be discussed now.
Everything comes from childhood
According to Erickson's theory, trust (or lack thereof) is formed in a person from an early age. The child learns everything gradually, and trust as well. He waits until people caring for him (parents) feed him, play with him, read a bedtime story. Next to them, he feels safe, as they provide the necessary conditions for comfort.
But if a child is often disappointed (they didn’t buy the promised toy, didn’t give dessert after the soup they had eaten, they didn’t allow them to take a walk after the lessons done), then he distrusted him. And then it manifests itself throughout life. So, on the one hand, the degree of development of a sense of trust depends on the amount of care received, through which a sense of stability and constancy is transmitted.
Mental problems
A person who does not believe people often experiences them. Many individuals with depression think they are being watched. This becomes the reason why fear and suspicion seize them. Often, it is exaggerated or unreasonable distrust that is a symptom of depression.
Also very suspicious are people at an early stage of alcoholism. Elderly people, due to age, also begin to show distrust. Because of suspicion, they hide things and money, complain about poor care, constantly check everything.
Experience
Very often a person who does not believe people has every reason for this. It was just that he was often betrayed and let down. And often not only acquaintances, but also those whom he considered the closest and dearest. This almost always causes permanent damage. Confidence is undermined for all people, and it becomes problematic to show it in interpersonal relationships with other personalities.
The same goes for treason. It is difficult for a person who has been cheated (perhaps more than once) to build relationships, to love, to believe in the sincerity of reciprocal feelings and to trust. In such cases, it is difficult to forget about the experience, but it is recommended. To help yourself, you need to learn: many people from the past really did not deserve even the first chance. But do not deprive him of the rest. Not all people are the same.
Other reasons
They also need to be noted with attention. A person who does not believe people could become like this for the following reasons:
- Parenting. If in childhood he was constantly accused, reproached, and also constantly noticed some of his shortcomings, then he could very well become closed and incredulous.
- Professional activity. A person who does not believe anyone can be such because of his work. Private detectives, police, security guards - it’s hard for them to believe anyone. After all, they are used to looking for lies in everything.
- Boomerang effect. If a person treats other people badly, then he, without realizing it, expects the same from them.
- Uncertainty and complexes. Very often a person tries his best to show others how happy he is. But he is scared due to the fact that someone might guess that this is actually not the case. Therefore, he does not trust others.
- Fear of one's own vulnerability. He makes you keep your eyes open. As a rule, people with low self-esteem are subject to this fear.
Sometimes one reason overlaps with another. Because of this, suspicion and wariness only increase.
Effects
A person who does not trust anyone has big problems communicating with people. He experiences intense jealousy, a desire to control another person, and if he does not succeed, then fear and aggression will replace him. Phobias and mania may also appear that interfere not only with him, but also with those around him. But worst of all, when a person becomes so disappointed in people that he becomes a hermit. He is better off being alone than trying to start a relationship with someone. For him, this is a potential risk to relive the sensations that brought him a lot of pain.
How to start trusting?
This is worth mentioning in the end. A person who does not believe anything and no one feels discomfort from this. He wants to get rid of it. Unfortunately, there is no universal answer to the question about how to start trusting. But it is safe to say that in this case it is necessary to change your approach to interpersonal relations. You should focus not on your subconscious suspicions, but on reality. Does this person deserve trust? If not, why?
It is necessary to perceive people as they are, and to treat them accordingly. If there were preconditions for distrust, then suspicion is justified. And if not, then you should not torture yourself with speculation and even more so offend a person with his attacks, which he did not deserve.