No one will argue with the statement that jealousy is a painful, destructive feeling. However, some psychologists assure that jealousy speaks of a weakness of character, self-doubt that this is a pathology. Here with a similar conclusion is worth arguing.
We will not talk about truly pathological, baseless jealousy. But we will discuss this question: is jealousy for former cohabitants, loved ones or spouses of today's half a mental deviation or is it a pattern?
Naturally, each person experiences
this feeling in relation to his beloved. Another question is what jealousy rests on. Is it fear of losing your soul mate or the failure of a person doubting a person? An attempt to justify the inability or unwillingness to sacrifice some habits, foundations, worldview for the sake of your love?
The words “I don’t care about your past affections, I’m not interested in who you had before me and what kind of relationship you had with someone you once chose or chose as your companion” - a lie, a kind of psychological defense against jealousy, but not at all her absence. Indeed, in essence, jealousy for the former is a war with the past that cannot be changed, a fight with windmills, a ghost that, alas, cannot be defeated. So, this is not worth doing.
Although the feeling itself will certainly find its own, albeit tiny, corner in its heart. And if in life it happened that the chosen one, unfortunately, already has such an experience, you need to learn to perceive it as real as possible: you are with me now, we are fine, and jealousy of the former can only spoil what we have now.
Although often new relationships are still destroyed precisely because of the existence of this past. Here is an example from life. The man lived with a lady, family relations were more like the position of "father-daughter" rather than "equal spouses."
The second darling was the exact opposite of the first: independent, strong-willed, skillful, "grasping." It seems that a man needs to live and enjoy now. But no! Before the New Year, he arrives at the house with a Christmas tree. The new wife proudly shows him the already decorated Christmas tree, which she bought, brought, installed. But the husband hesitates, is embarrassed and informs the woman that he acquired this Christmas tree for his ex-wife.
“She is so unadapted ... And she will remain without a Christmas tree on New Year ...” As a result, the man goes to take the tree to his old house, where he remains forever. Questions: who is right, who is to blame, what a new woman could do for this man, confused in her feelings, will remain unanswered. Because neither jealousy of the former, nor attempts to prevent the severance of new relations in such situations could change anything. It's just that the old feelings turned out to be stronger than it seemed at first glance.
Some families, oddly enough, break up due to a complete lack of jealousy. In such situations, such relationships border on indifference. A bit of jealousy in love is like adding seasonings, salt and sugar to a dish. Without it, life becomes fresh and monotonous.
However, there is still so-called pathological jealousy - for no reason, without any hint of treason. This feeling is just a disease, a mental deviation from the norm, says no, it even screams about a person’s insolvency, about his
low self-esteem.Often this deviation has a real solution in scandals, in fights, in a despotic attitude towards the jealous. Trying to form a relationship with a person with pathological jealousy can play a bad joke.
- The tortured spouse seeks consolation on the side, realizing those fantasies of the jealous or jealous, in which he reproached for no reason.
- During another violent altercation, someone is injured or a murder is committed.
- There is a suicide from one side or another.
Where did the roots of such a strange, then necessary, and then destructive feeling come from? As the same psychologists say, all our troubles are from childhood. In one family, parents, for whatever reason, love one child more than others. It goes without saying that a child who is denied parental care is tormented, jealous, and suffering, not understanding his guilt. Children's jealousy does not disappear with age: it grows with the personality, and sometimes - faster than herself, capturing the whole creature.
“Unloved” children are often the most perverted tyrants. From them subsequently sometimes violent jealousies, maniacs, murderers or drunken bums turn out.
The second reason for uncomfortable relationships in the family, where jealousy rules and commands all the senses, again, is the experience of family life in childhood. Only here it is already worth talking not about pathology, but about a bad example that a person takes from his family, applying it to himself and his soulmate.