How to overcome yourself? Psychologist's advice

The effectiveness of a person lies in his ability to concentrate on the ultimate task and go to it, overcoming all difficulties that arise on the way. However, most of the obstacles that impede the achievement of the planned peaks are not prepared by the external conditions of the world, but by the human consciousness, which limits the possibilities of personal potential with a multitude of contrived fears. To overcome oneself, to make character flaws work for the good of the cause - this also means moving forward.

"Know the enemy by sight"

Laziness, apathy, self-doubt, fear of change or communication - all these are components of that part of the person’s personality that is responsible for the individual’s comfortable state, dictating his immersion in the realm of pleasure. Manifesting itself excessively, so much so that it already becomes a kind of obstacle for a full life, the value hidden in the comfort zone serves as an indicator of what a person considers himself most in need of: sleep, food, calm.

How to overcome yourself? The “enemy" part of the personality itself does not have a specific image until the constant indulgence of its requirements creates a problem that already tangibly spoils the life of a person as a whole. This may be obesity, dismissal due to incompetence, loneliness, early aging. Realizing the problem as his specific enemy, which one can seemingly fight against, a person begins to build self-conceit algorithms, which is obviously doomed to failure, because the infringed part of the personality will resist all the resources available to it.

Not a single bad habit "surrenders without a fight," but to change one’s attitude towards an action that gives maximum pleasure to a polar one, is already akin to declaring war on oneself. Ineffective and fraught with failure. So how can you overcome your reluctance to change and does this struggle make sense?

Is a fight possible?

Having come to the conclusion that this or that personality trait, despite its stable position in the comfort zone, began to noticeably interfere with the dynamics of its growth and development, the individual at a conscious level decides to get rid of it. But he overlooks the fact that he will have to fight at the wrong level of a visible and well-controlled process that participated in the formation of the goal and constituted a sequence of actions.

When, following the adoption of a conscious decision, the mechanics of the performing process are turned on, an in-depth psychic functional comes into play, which can be described as protective. And it is impossible for this functional to prove the rationality of the new solution, it is impossible to give arguments in its favor, since it has its own arguments, which aim at all costs to withstand the deformation of its existing base. This is the unconscious structure of the human psyche, its "alter ego" and the real, underlying truth.

If we compare the magnitude of all the conscious processes in the head of a person with the unconscious, it is better to imagine a huge wheat field, spread out, as far as the eyes can see. When one person decides to embrace a sheaf of wheat somewhere in the middle of this field with his hands, the grasping ability of his hands will become that amount of the conscious, from all sides, like innumerable hectares, surrounded by the aggregate bonds of the unconscious. Therefore, in order to overcome oneself even in small things, one will have to deal with a force, forcibly imposing on which something is simply unreasonable and useless.

Eradicating false beliefs

But there are cases when it turned out, and someone, abandoning his laziness, received additional education, began to travel, or, having overcome indecision, met the girl of his dreams. Does this mean that there are exceptions and the scope of the unconscious is not so comprehensive? No, it doesn’t. The fact is that for these people the goal was not how to overcome themselves - they wanted to do what they did, that’s all worked out.

The features of our psyche are such that a person really wants to convince himself that he is capable of confronting, and the more desirable the goal, the deeper the conviction that it needs to be achieved by going through unimaginable suffering. Well, how to overcome yourself if behind your back they start whispering and twisting a finger at the temple? So a man thinks to himself what difficulties he had to face before the girl turned her attention to him, while the process of achieving this goal was full of subtle and sensual pleasure for him.

From all that has been said, the first rule to the leadership “how to overcome yourself” can be formulated - this is to abandon the struggle and hear within yourself the “desire” to do it. Or not to hear and then look for other ways to realize what is required.

What is a challenge?

The English concept of "challenge", which has already become the starting point for the development of a large number of both gaming and quite serious areas, the essence of which is the fulfillment of tasks for overcoming, includes a complex competitive philosophy. If we talk about the psychological validity of such a strategy, then challenge is a good option to step over your “I do not want” by completely ignoring the stage of “internal dialogue”, in which the unconscious is most active.

It is necessary to compete during the practice of challenge with oneself, and each next step on the way to the desired is a certain test, the conditions of which are accepted unconditionally. For example, if a person asks how to overcome anger and reduce his level of aggressiveness, then the trials will be communicative in nature with emphasis on the ability to show good feelings. As an option, spend a week as a volunteer in a nursing home, giving the elderly maximum attention.

Challenge Principles

If we summarize all the principles of direction and reduce them to the basic concept, the essence of the challenge will be: “All my unreasonable fears are nothing before my determination to overcome them, and I will do it anyway and achieve everything I want.” Not only basic personality shortcomings are subject to adjustment, but also those internal obstacles that do not form a single whole with the main obstacle, but indirectly nourish it. Example: the main problem is the fear of career growth, the indirect ones are fear of crowding, fear of open (or closed) space, fear of seeming stupid, etc.

During the test, when it has already begun, one cannot concentrate on the results; all attention is paid to the process without thinking about why, in fact, all this is necessary. You should focus on small steps, avoiding looking at the whole picture and focusing on small segments of events occurring between steps. Only when the test is completed can you breathe and evaluate success.

Lifehack Challenges

In order to really overcome themselves, and not cause “temporary improvements”, psychologists advise not to rush and first decide on the goals, time and test program. And to make work on yourself more effective, the following recommendations of experienced challengers will help:

• you need to start with small programs that include no more than 2-3 test phases;
• all tasks are accepted and carried out unconditionally and precisely according to the algorithm described in advance;
• after the assignment is recorded, it is no longer subject to discussion and deliberation;
• if for some reason the test session is interrupted for more than a day, then you have to start all over again;
• each task should be a challenge to the routine and break out of the comfort zone;
• starting a test program, you should not focus on the result, since experience is already a sufficient reward for the efforts made.

Later, when the tasks become more complex and multi-stage, you can start a blog for training beginners. This, by the way, stimulates well the further movement of the blogger himself.

How to overcome laziness?

The easiest and most effective way to step over their own feeling of laziness was invented by the Japanese, however, it is suitable only for solving specific problems, and not for the final eradication of this shortcoming. After all, as usual, people try to introduce something new and useful into their lives, in which the need is felt, but there is no ardent desire to do this, is it not? They assign themselves a long term (from January 1, from Monday) and expect that this time will be a turning point in their lives, although in the end the day comes and goes without any consequences.

Why is this happening? The fact is that at the time of setting the goal a person is enthusiastic, it seems to him that he is capable of the most dramatic changes, and really believes that a certain symbolic date can serve as a reference point for the beginning of a new life. But over time, especially if more than 3 days elapse from the moment a decision is made, the enthusiasm fades away, and the planned affairs do not seem so important. The right moment is missing.

The Japanese way to overcome yourself and your laziness offers to use the energy of the very moment when a person felt the greatest upsurge. Right at this moment he should do what he wants, but it takes exactly a minute to devote to the process. The next day, at the same time, a person must again postpone all things and within a minute fulfill his plan, and so on, until one day he himself has an internal need to increase the session.

How to make yourself move?

The best way to self-motivate is to look at yourself from the side, as if through the eyes of another person (of the opposite sex) and at the same time answer your question: “Would you (I) want to have a serious relationship with someone I see?”. Most likely, the answer will be “no”, because the shortcomings that people used to forgive themselves are usually hard for others to accept.

Having come to this conclusion, you need to write out on paper (point by point) all the disadvantages of your personality that prevented you from answering the previous question positively. Thus, the main points that require work on yourself will become clear. Looking at the list, on another sheet of paper, you need to make a second list under the slogan: “What should I change in myself in order to become ideal for myself?” The main thing when answering this question is to be frank and not to look for excuses, such as: "If I quit smoking, I will become fat" or "I can’t go to the gym because it is far from my home."

Philosopher Pedro Calderon once said such words, now often used as a quote: "To overcome yourself is a great feat that only a great person can do." However, modern time managers are sure that the process of such a “feat” itself does not make any sense without sufficient motivation, and this is exactly what you should think about first.

Lack of movement vector is a youth problem

To overcome yourself, you need to know in which direction to grow, and follow this path, otherwise all efforts will be futile. Laziness to learn, work, engage in oneself - all these are consequences of the lack of a motion vector, as well as the ability to clearly see one’s goal. Psychologists studying the modern phenomenon of apathetic behavior among young people have come up with the following list of inhibitory factors that prevent a person from finding his way in life:

• lack of concept of long-term and short-term projects;
• fear of dreaming about what seems unattainable;
• inability to challenge yourself;
• lack of vision of oneself in a month, year and unwillingness to look into perspective.

Most often, older schoolchildren suffer from apathy and laziness, already faced with the need to choose their future path, but unconsciously self-alleviating from making any decisions.

How to motivate yourself to study by stepping over laziness?

Even entering a higher educational institution does not mean that the young man has finally decided on the choice of a profession and what he is doing at the moment really meets the needs of his nature. As a result, a graduate with a diploma feels even more confused and not fit for life than before starting his studies. Why did this happen? It is very simple - he did not have the motivation to receive this particular specialty, and the motivating, short-term motives that pushed him at the door of the institute have long lost their relevance. What could it be:

• deferment from the army;
• perseverance of parents;
• public encouragement (son in the footsteps of his father went!).

There are other reasons, but mainly the apathy that overwhelms all other feelings during the school years is connected with a person’s awareness of the falsity of old motives and the lack of new ones.

How to overcome laziness and start learning? The advice will seem tough, but the student, right at the moment of greatest doubt, needs to decide how much he needs what he does and whether it suits his interests. If the educational process does not cause anything but internal resistance and increased apathy, then it is best to abandon the implementation of other people's motives and find your own, in a new profession.

How to overcome the fear of communication?

Fear of communication entails many problems, jeopardizing career advancement and personal life, however there is a technique suitable for absolutely everyone that completely removes the barriers of unreasonable fear.

How to overcome self-doubt? Just stop thinking about the internal barriers and completely involved in the action. The presented methodology begins to operate from the first day, and the final consolidation of the result occurs in about two weeks:

1. Waking up in the morning, you need to drink a glass of cold water on an empty stomach, quickly dress in a sports uniform and go outside (without analyzing your actions).
2. A short warm-up is done right at the entrance of the house, a jog begins, and you need to do this already when there are people on the street.
3. For 15-20 minutes of jogging, you need to complete the following task - to greet any 10 people (strangers) you meet and tell them something nice on the run (“cute hat”, “you have a beautiful dog”, etc.).
4. Returning home, take a shower and go to work.

It is noted that such a positive training liberates a person, makes him more active during the day, and sets up a desire to communicate, say good things to others and freely accept compliments in her address.

Comfort Zone - Comfortable Trap

A person’s comfort zone is an area of ​​his dependence, limited by the perception of external conditions as “convenient” and “uncomfortable”. Everything that makes up the “convenience” of an individual’s life is inscribed in the inner area of ​​boundaries, that which seems unacceptable or “uncomfortable” makes up a vast external territory.

Being inside the comfort zone, a person practically does not notice that his life moves in a vicious circle from satisfying one primitive need to another. The habitual path is convenient for its predictability, and if any concessions are possible in favor of a qualitative change in one or another routine circumstance, then this is almost always a retreat into the depth of the zone, and not a step to its external borders. So, going deeper and deeper into his own concept of stability, a person gradually atrophies in himself the ability to make positive qualitative changes.

Unwillingness to learn (“I feel good”), to create a family (“they have one problem”), to get out of the mire of laziness (“I always have time”) are all attractive traps created by man himself and embedded in unconscious thinking processes. The deliberate deprivation of oneself of these traits, which have already managed to merge with the personality of a person, is hard and painstaking work, which, nevertheless, can lead to a positive result.

Every person, even the most ossified in his habits, senses the need for time to time to do something unusual, something that will immediately turn his idea of ​​normality and elevate him above the "yesterday I". Psychologists advise - in no case do not ignore this impulse and use it as a starting point on the way to gradually get rid of a convenient, but such insidious comfort zone.