Each person has his own idea of communication, but for some, communication with other people is of paramount importance due to their extraversion or character traits, profession or lifestyle. If a person is interested in starting to better understand others, and accordingly understand himself, develop and improve his brain activity, then he will be interested to learn a little more about the secrets of understanding people. It is important to determine how to understand a person and understand his mentality.
Use of science
Behavior is a purposeful system of sequential actions laid down by the consciousness and developed at the instinctive level. Action is a psychophysiological act, or more precisely, the result of a complex combination of physiological processes in the human body and the manifestation of the quality and character of a person.
Many say: "I do not understand people, what should I do?" The answer to this question is not so complicated. It is important to remember that in addition to psychology and physiology, the ability to understand people implies an understanding of the general situation. At each specific moment, a person may manifest different sides of the personality, despite the fact that on the whole he continues to be a stable system of socially significant traits, regardless of factors influencing from the outside.
You can’t conclude too soon
Under the same circumstances, one and the same person may prove to be indecisive and fearful of everything, but under others, act like a real hero, showing his character. But why is this happening? It should be disassembled on the example of a primitive person. It is important to remember that a situation can only cover one side of the personality, leaving the rest in the background. At the same time, it is rather difficult to determine whether in this case such a quality is a characteristic feature that is unusual for a person.
In this situation, one should not rush to draw any conclusions based solely on behavioral factors. To study the character of a person in more detail, you need to stock up on a certain amount of time and patience. In order to accurately determine the personality traits, one should consider its behavior in both a familiar and an unusual situation.
But to make up a general and detailed impression of a person, it does not always take a lot of time. To do this, resort to the help of psychology.
Personality research
Any person who asks a question how to understand a person tries on the role of a real researcher. While studying the behavior of others, the ancient, but still the most effective, method is still actively used - observation. What is it?
Observation is a purposeful and organized perception, fixation of mental subjects and phenomena. When observing an individual, all the features of his behavior are noted and recorded. It is important to try to be as objective as possible in your conclusions.
In order to make a more accurate picture of a person, one should observe her while she is in the limit of the field of view or at the time of the conversation. The minimum period for which, based on the results of observation, it is possible to draw accurate and truthful conclusions about the qualities of a person and understand how a person feels and thinks in a certain situation - two weeks.
Useful books
To facilitate their task, experts recommend reading popular books on psychology. One of them includes:
- The books of the Australian writer Allan Pisa: “The New Body Language”, “Language of Relationships”, “Why Men Lie, and Women Roar,” as well as some others.
- Books by American psychologist Paul Ekman: “The Psychology of Lies. Lie to me if you can, ”“ Recognize the liar by facial expression, ”and others.
- Other equally popular authors: V. Birkenberg “Language of intonation, facial expressions and gestures”, L. Glass “Everyone lies. How to identify fraud by facial expressions and gestures ", N. N. Ravensky" How to read a person. Facial features, gestures, postures, facial expressions. ”
Human reading technique
Behavior is the highest level of interaction with surrounding people and the environment as a whole. The body must be able to perceive, save and modify information coming from the environment and from within itself for self-preservation and adaptation in the world.
How to understand a person? Behavior can mean both action and inaction. In some cases, silence has a lot more meaning than words. Behavior is a combination of verbal (speech), as well as non-verbal (posture, gestures and facial expressions) functions of a person.
Man and his speech
How to learn to understand people? Speech is the verbal component of human behavior. She is under close control of our consciousness. Nonverbal functions are much more difficult to control. Gestures, posture, facial expressions are most often unconscious actions that occur under the influence of reflexes. It is in them that most often psychologists find much more information than in words.
Therefore, when communicating with a modern person, it is so important to pay attention to the meaning of gestures and learn body language. With the help of such observation tactics, there is much less chance of being deceived or disappointed in a person, and the chance to not miss a really good and pleasant interlocutor is significantly increased.
All scientists studying human behavior are unanimous in their opinion that when observing it is important to remember the following elements that can tell about secrets of character:
- speech;
- facial expressions;
- gait;
- poses and gestures;
- sight.
Speech Features
The primitive man did not have a speech; instead, he only made sounds: howling, various screams. When observing the speech of a modern person, special attention should be paid not to the words themselves, but to how much the meaning of these words coincides with the expression on the face. For example, if a person is allegedly sad, but poorly concealed joy is slipping on his face, then this is a real emotion of joy. If such inconsistencies occur quite often, then one can easily assume that a person often lies and does not say what he really thinks. So, when observing a speech, it is important to consider the following factors:
- intonation;
- stumbling;
- the pace of speech, the speed of spoken words;
- reservations present;
- semantic meaning of words.
If you carefully monitor what the person most often talks about and how he presents this information, you can easily conclude about his vital interests, principles, hobbies, dislikes and sympathies, level of intelligence and emotional state.
Features of facial expressions
How to learn to understand people? When observing, it is important to monitor the movements of the facial muscles and note various emotions:
- open mouth, wide open eyes, raised eyebrows - an emotion of surprise;
- raised corners of the lips, a mild smile, raised cheekbones, narrowed eyes, the presence of fine wrinkles next to them - indicates a happy and joyful mood;
- tightly pressed lips, noticeable tension in the jaw area, clenched or lowered eyebrows, an unpleasant gleam in the eyes is visible - indicates anger, strong aggression and hostility to the interlocutor or the situation;
- a wrinkled nose, a raised upper lip or the edges of the mouth - expressed contempt or aversion;
- raised or brought together eyebrows, raised upper eyelids and tense lower, enlarged pupils, open mouth and long lips - an emotion of fear, anxiety;
- lowered corners of the lips, a sad look directed downward or disoriented in space, lowered upper eyelids - sadness, longing, sadness.
Considering exactly what signs appear on a person’s face, we can conclude about the state of his emotional-volitional sphere, dominant emotions and feelings, the prevailing mood, character traits, as well as general mood in life.
Gait Features
How to understand people? The psychology of people teaches us that purposeful, determined individuals with a strong-willed character, as a rule, walk quickly, confidently, keep steady, their eyes are directed forward. A closed man, unsure of himself, looks at the ground and often shuffles his feet. If a person continues to keep his hands in his pockets even in warm weather, this speaks of his secrecy and authority. If, when walking, a person constantly looks back or around, then this indicates that he is afraid or worried about what lies ahead. If a person is characterized by a slow gait, then this indicates his passive life position or a pessimistic mood.
Also, special attention should be paid to how a person walks with his friends or acquaintances. If he tries to impose his walking speed on a person walking nearby, he is used to being a leader in a group active in society. If with another person he continues to go at his own pace, but at the same time looks ahead, and not at his companion, he is focused on something of his own or hides his anxiety. The head down can also indicate stealth. Hands hidden in pockets indicate that a person feels calm and comfortable next to his companion.
Gaze
How to understand a person? The most accurate information can be obtained if you monitor the reaction of the pupils of a person, since it is precisely it that is not controlled by consciousness in any way. If you can try to restrain a smile, then the narrowing or expansion of the pupils will not work independently. Pupils significantly increase in size when a person feels fear, happiness, joy, sexual arousal. Can narrow during aggression, anger and irritation.
The person who experiences negative emotions, tries to hide something important for himself, as well as just a shy or closed person, tries to break off the eye-to-eye contact with the interlocutor.
The main symbol of lies is a running gaze, constant blinking - symptoms of anxiety and confusion. If a person looks too closely into the eyes of his interlocutor, this means that he is either aggressive, or shows an increased interest in you as a person.
Gestures and poses
The meaning of gestures is very important. The closer a person tries to stand next to his interlocutor, the better he treats him. The tilt of the body and head forward along with the turn of the socks of the shoes towards the second person, open gestures, a direct look in the eyes and a smile indicate a clear interest and a predisposition to communicate.
Most indicative of all, when the individual, without awareness of his actions, takes the pose of the interlocutor, copies his gestures. A mirror image of his interlocutor is the main sign of sympathy.
If a person moves away from his counterpart, strains the muscles of the body and face, gestures a lot, crosses his arms in front of him or behind his back, crosses his legs - this indicates an unwillingness to continue the dialogue and open before the interlocutor.
Other signs need to be taken into account. For example, shoes, clothes and hair will help to tell about how neat, serious, clean, and well-off.
A separate group includes flirting poses and special gestures that indicate an interest in communicating with a representative of the opposite sex.
List of the most popular books
The most popular books on psychology include:
- Eric Byrne Games People Play. People who play games".
- Steve Harvey "You Know Nothing About Men."
- Sigmund Freud, Essays on the Psychology of Sexuality.
- Carl Rogers “Becoming a Person. A look at psychotherapy. "
Hanlon Razor
“Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity” - a statement by Robert Hanlon. In Hanlon’s razor, the word stupidity can be replaced by ignorance. This includes a situation where a person simply lacks information to make a specific decision or action. The Hanlon Razor works according to the following principle: when a person thinks that someone is treating him with aggression or is doing something in vain, then for a start he should study the situation in more detail, since such behavior may be associated with ignorance.
For example, if a person received mail from an employee in which he speaks negatively against the proposed idea, then perhaps he simply did not fully understand its essence, and his negative attitude was directed not against you, but only against the idea that seemed to him stupid and not entirely logical. Psychologists advise a person not to make hasty conclusions about his interlocutor, but to wait until the qualities of his personality show themselves several times and when circumstances change. Only then can one be sure of one's own conclusions.