Year after year passes in futile attempts to become pregnant, but doctors give a disappointing prognosis. When emotions find their way out, a balanced decision comes: it is necessary to find a “living incubator”, which will become a surrogate mother. From this moment a lot of questions arise. How to choose a woman who can bear and give birth to a healthy baby, how much it costs, how to legally draw up documents and regulate the life of a future mother while she is carrying your baby? Moreover, this issue has two sides. On the one hand, the personal life of the person you hired to provide the service, on the other, your concern for the health of the unborn child, which directly depends on what you eat, drink and even see and feel (experience) the surrogate mother. Let's try together to understand all these issues.
What is surrogacy
This is assisted reproductive technology, with the use of which three people participate in the birth of a child. This is a father who gives his sperm and consent to raise a future baby. This is a genetic mother who provides her egg and consent to assume maternal responsibilities after his birth. A third person, a surrogate mother, ensures intrauterine development and childbirth. This is an adult woman of childbearing age, who undertakes to bear a child for his genetic parents and does not apply for him after childbirth. For this, she receives material compensation.
How the law considers this issue
To date, this reproductive technology is not prohibited in the post-Soviet space. That is, both potential parents and a surrogate mother can go to a special clinic or legal agency, draw up an official contract that will regulate their relationship from the moment of its signing until the birth of the baby. The agreement ends on the transfer of the newborn to its genetic parents and full financial compensation for the woman of all the inconveniences associated with pregnancy and childbirth.
A substitute mom or just a job?
It is believed that it will be very difficult for a woman who has carried a child under her heart to part with him, because there is a close psychological connection between them. However, you need to think about it when you just visited the idea of how to become a surrogate mother. Surmama is not genetically related to the baby. Pregnancy begins with an IVF procedure, after which all nine months it is no different from normal. The only difference is that the woman is carrying someone else's child. She does not need to worry about the further education of the baby, her function ends on the day of birth. Having received a material reward, she will be able to return to ordinary life.
How to find a surrogate mother
This is the most difficult thing a family will have to face, which for various reasons cannot have children. Imagine for yourself: a woman should be healthy, not have addictions and sexually transmitted diseases. It is very important that she be psychologically stable, pregnancy and so leads to a hormonal surge and frequent changes in mood, and your baby’s inflated and nervous mom does not need anything. Where will her pregnancy take place, what will she eat, how will her sexual and personal life, hygiene and regular visits to doctors be regulated? All these are complex questions that should receive a detailed answer in the process of drawing up the contract.
Many women have little idea how to become a surrogate mother, and make such a decision only because of material problems. In this case, a consultation with a psychologist is required, which will help to understand yourself today and honestly answer the question whether you are ready for such a step.
Where to look for a mom for a future baby
The first thing parents start to study is the Internet. Since such services are not prohibited by law, you can find a large number of ads on various sites and forums, such as "I want to become a surrogate mother." Typically, such an ad indicates age, the presence of children, the absence of bad habits and external data. The latter has practically no significance, except in cases when the egg of a spouse who wants to have a baby is impossible to take for physiological reasons. Then, with the consent of the surrogate mother, her egg is fertilized with the sperm of the male customer, and she carries her child genetically, pledging to transfer it after delivery to a married couple of customers.
However, in the experience of many couples it can be said that the search for candidates through ads takes a lot of energy and nerves, therefore, after making a few calls, future parents often turn to a specialized agency. Its employees take the responsibility to provide you with a database of women, and here you will see not a trivial announcement “I want to become a surrogate mother”, but detailed questionnaires with photos, a full medical examination of candidates and expert reports, data on marital status and the existence of their own children. In addition, they have already had discussions with these women, and they are fully aware of what services they intend to provide.
Choose a mom for your baby
First of all, it should be nice to you. You have to communicate closely for a long 9 months, perhaps even live under one roof. And if you feel embarrassed in her company, it is better to look for another candidate. We are all different, wait for the woman with whom it will be easy for you to find a common language. Where to find a surrogate mother, we already talked, now we need to choose from a number of applicants the one that will give life to your baby. Discuss with her all the details of the future contract. If there are nuances in which you can’t find a compromise in any way (living of a future mother, diet, physical activity), then it’s worth talking with someone else. What should include an official document that is drawn up between parents and the “hired mother”?
We calculate the cost
Probably one of the most important questions for parents is how much the cost of a surrogate mother costs. Usually the agency can provide profiles of women with a variety of requests - ranging from 5 to 25 thousand dollars. It depends on age. Usually, young girls, students in need of money, or women over forty years of age charge a lower price. The price is influenced by the status of the woman, as well as her orientation to the category of customers. But the average amount is $ 15,000. Add to this the payment for the services of the agency, as well as the clinic in which IVF and subsequent pregnancy management will take place, the cost of feeding the pregnant woman, the necessary medical care and childbirth.
Official document
An agreement with a surrogate mother must be made under any conditions, even if these services are provided by your close relative. This is a guarantee of fulfillment of obligations by both parties. At the same time, the agreement of one pair with a surrogate mother can differ greatly from another, it is important to take into account the interests of specific people, to regulate their relationship. In general, this document contains:
- Details of persons wishing to have a child.
- Details of a woman willing to provide surrogate mother services.
- Rights, obligations and responsibilities of the parties.
- Conditions and measures in relation to the surrogate mother in case she refuses to transfer the child to the customers, as well as if they refuse to accept him. This includes all sorts of options for giving birth to a disabled child.
- Other conditions that are reached by agreement of the parties.
What requirements can genetic parents present to an expectant mother
A complete list must be drawn up, discussed with a woman who will act as a surrogate mother, and notarized. There are examples when a pregnant woman was literally kept locked up, letting out for a walk under supervision and forbidden to see relatives and friends. Such conditions adversely affect the psychological state of a woman, and, therefore, the unborn child. The requirements for a surrogate mother are already quite strict: this is the age of 25 to 35 years, the presence of at least one child born naturally, the absence of severe and chronic diseases, bad habits, mental disorders and drug addiction. In addition, if the woman is married, then the written consent of the husband will be required.
If a woman lives with her husband during pregnancy, then both of them should undergo regular medical examinations. Surmama undertakes to limit contacts with relatives, especially potential carriers of various diseases (ARI, SARS and others). An athlete or a homebody, expectant mother will have to adjust the level of physical activity to the recommendations of the doctor conducting the pregnancy. Genetic parents will also monitor her diet very closely, while being more demanding than an ordinary pregnant woman to herself.
If a substitute mom works
The age of a surrogate mother rarely exceeds 35 years, it is difficult for older candidates to find those who want to have offspring. This is due to the physiological characteristics of the female body: the older the mother, the more difficult pregnancy can occur. Although today this threshold is clearly underestimated, many women in their careers are starting to think about their family as close as forty years old. But one way or another, a substitute mother most often works, so this fact must be taken into account when drawing up a contract. Parents must be sure that she will have enough time to visit a doctor and the necessary examinations. Another important fact is the working conditions. They should not be harmful or severe, carry a potential risk to the unborn baby. Otherwise, the expectant mother will have to quit. This requirement is most often made by parents, because they are already “employers” who will pay all the costs of maintaining a woman during pregnancy and issue compensation in the form of a lump-sum salary.
Duties and rights of a surrogate mother
If you decide to provide such services, then the preparation will take a lot of time. First you need to find a reliable agency and post your profile there. Before concluding the contract, you will need to undergo a complete medical, psychological and psychiatric examination. All the results, including a medical genetic examination, a woman should provide to future parents. They bear all the costs of the examination, unless the agency provides otherwise, that is, a preliminary examination at their own expense.
The consent of a surrogate mother when concluding a contract or agreement means that she:
- Ready to get medical records in early pregnancy, up to 12 weeks.
- Observe a doctor and comply with all his requirements and recommendations.
- Monitor your health and regularly report the slightest changes in health.
- Inform persons who have concluded an agreement with her about the course of pregnancy.
The range of responsibilities is not too wide, but this is only a generally accepted plan. Parents can include a clause on the future mother’s stay with them throughout the pregnancy so that they can personally control her nutrition, well-being and even social contacts.
The end of pregnancy
The birth of a baby is a long-awaited event, which also means the end of the contract. Now the surrogate must transfer the child to genetic parents, after which she can fully receive compensation for the pregnancy. It is also the responsibility of the parents to make the woman healthy for 56 days after giving birth. But what to do if maternal feelings have awakened, and a woman refuses to give her newborn? This case should be spelled out in the contract with clearly defined consequences. The laws of different countries regulate this issue in their own way. In Russian, there are points according to which a woman who has given birth to a child has the right to keep it for herself.
If parents refuse to take the child
Such cases most often occur at the birth of a baby with a pathology, for example, if it occurred at the time of delivery - an injury, a mutilation. Or if there is a defect in the child, which did not manifest itself in any way during fetal development. This clause should also be in the contract and provide for the responsibility of the parties. In this case, the parents are not entitled to demand from the surrogate mother a return of all funds spent on examination and pregnancy maintenance, as well as the amount of remuneration. Compensation they must pay in full, which provides for the contract. In the event of the parents abandoning the child, the surrogate mother retains the right to keep him or to transfer him to the care of the state. In the case of the transfer of the child to genetic parents, the woman forever loses the right to him. The consent of the surrogate mother to this should be obtained even during the preparation of the contract.
Birth certificate
Based on the current legislation, children born to surrogate mothers are recorded immediately in the name of their genetic parents. From the moment of signing the contract, they are precisely they. At the same time, there is a delicate moment: immediately after the birth, the woman must give written consent that the customer will be recorded by the mother. After that, she no longer has rights to the baby, she is not shown a newborn, so as not to wake her instincts. There are times when a family takes a former surrogate mother to work as a nanny. According to psychologists, breaking up with her at a time when the need for babysitting services will disappear will be a difficult test for the whole family.
This is another difficult moment, purely psychological. What is a surrogate mother experiencing? Reviews of women who provided such services indicate a strong desire to keep the baby for themselves, postpartum depression due to the lack of the ability to care for “their” baby. Add to this social censure, lack of support from relatives. And you will understand that surrogate is not an easy choice. That is why it is very important to choose a woman not only physically healthy, but also psychologically stable, without a tendency to hysterical seizures and severe depression. You can pre-include in the contract a mandatory visit to a psychologist before making a decision (concluding a contract) and undergoing psychotherapy after childbirth, so that this injury is worked out and does not affect the future life of the woman.
Today, the number of children born through surrogate motherhood is growing. This is often the last and only option to find the joy of motherhood for a childless couple. For others, this is a way to earn money, pay for their children’s studies, and improve housing conditions. With a well-written contract, surrogacy does not have risks for both parties, but for this you need to turn to professionals, and not try to draw up a contract yourself. Replacing motherhood is a chance for many couples to find the joy of being parents, not of an adopted one, but of their own, native baby. Children from surrogate mothers are blood relatives of their parents, they are simply born by another woman.