The traditions of matchmaking are ancient customs and practices that were performed to obtain the permission of the bride's parents for marriage. Today, holding a matchmaking is rather a tribute and respect for the past, because young people make the decision to conduct the ceremony regardless of the opinion of their parents. The article describes how the matchmaking by the groom should be carried out correctly, what to say to the matchmakers and what signs are there for the bride's friends to matchmaking.
The tradition of matchmaking
Young people who have secured the consent of their chosen one for marriage tend to relax. It is believed that all the frightening and exciting moments are left behind. It is difficult to imagine a more exciting event than a marriage proposal. Doubts and fear of rejection will make even self-confident men pretty nervous. But the real test awaits the groom a little later. As soon as a young man relaxes and calms down in anticipation of a fateful day, suddenly matchmaking "appears" on the horizon.
Matchmaking was necessary in order to familiarize the parents and relatives of the bride and groom. In Russia, the word of the father of the family was of great weight, and if he refused, the wedding could not have taken place at all. Therefore, the main thing for the groom’s matchmakers was to make a favorable impression on the bride’s father, and present the "remote merchant" in a favorable light. The bride’s side was supposed to give a decent welcome, thereby showing that they were not in poverty, and the reception of grooms for them was almost a daily routine.
Now, when the decision on marriage is made by two adult independent people, matchmaking is nothing more than a tribute to traditions and fun for the older generation. As a rule, a young couple does not deny to their families such a smallness that it does not detract from the importance and feelings associated with the organization of the matchmaking.
Why conduct a matchmaking
Before deciding on marriage, young people introduce their chosen ones to their parents in advance. Matchmaking is necessary for parents and relatives to get to know each other, as well as to discuss the organization of weddings and the decision of the financial side of things. Modern realities are such that it is rarely possible for young people to overpower a holiday on their own when they can afford it.
The traditional part of the matchmaking by the groom
What to tell the matchmakers - you need to know in advance. Ancient costumes are more likely to be an entertaining part of the meeting, so that everyone imbued with the spirit of the upcoming event. However, omitting this part would be a wrong decision, then everything would become too official, “without a soul” and not “in Russian”.
Who can be matchmakers by the groom
Matchmakers from the groom do not have to be relatives. You can choose the honorable role of a close friend. The main requirement is a lively character, the absence of excessive modesty and an excellent sense of humor, coupled with the ability to drink strong drinks. The words of the matchmakers from the groom at the matchmaking may seem strange, outdated and even slightly provocative, it is important that the chosen person does not stammer and does not blush, making a speech.
There are no age restrictions when choosing matchmakers either. Young people, as a rule, are more “punchy” and persistent, take “impudently" and courage. People aged can already know what to tell the matchmakers to matchmaking and will sooner find a common language with the bride's parents.
The bridegroom, as moral support, was accompanied by his father or godfather. It was not forbidden to choose a woman as a matchmaker, but the visit to the bride’s house should have looked random, as if “passing by” - they decided to look, and then such a “flower in the garden grew”. Therefore, it is not customary to come in large and noisy crowds to matchmaking.
How to dress matchmakers
The clothes of the matchmakers in the past were neat and elegant, but on the whole they differed little from everyday. Men put on a shirt with embroidery and the best boots, women did light makeup and instead of a scarf they wore a kokoshnik. A distinctive feature of the matchmakers were embroidered towels, tied over his shoulder. The bride and groom were supposed to dress smartly in everything new.
Today, relatives and young people must decide for themselves whether they will wear traditional costumes or not. If the matchmakers do not mind, then it is permissible if only they wear suits. In fact, it will be enough to tie a ribbon over regular clothes.
Duties of the matchmakers on the part of the groom
The task of the matchmakers on the part of the groom to conduct a conversation about the wedding is simple and easy, but at the same time hints and omissions. This tradition is associated with a possible failure, which was a blow to the good name of the groom. When the request was made vaguely and vaguely, then the refusal should have sounded in the same form, which was considered less offensive.
Matchmakers were to be quick-witted and understand hints and unspoken phrases. There is a whole list of phrases and statements that you need to say during the matchmaking matchmaker groom. Tales vary slightly depending on the region of the country.
The image above shows examples of what you need to say during the matchmaking matchmaking of the bride and groom. The list contains forms for consent and polite refusal. The phrase: "Thank you for love, matchmaker; but now we don’t want to give the girls away" - meant that the parents doubt and ask for time to think, but do not refuse completely and will accept matchmakers another time.
Why is a parental blessing needed?
In Russia, the decisive word in the wedding permit was for the father of the family. Very often the basis for consent was the financial situation of the groom and the bride's family. Often the bride was against the decision of the father, but had no right to object or challenge it. This state of affairs was characteristic not only of peasant and merchant families, but also among the nobility.
In Russian painting, a large number of works are devoted to unhappy brides. But such cases were not common practice. Parents loved their children and in most cases were interested in their opinions before agreeing to marriage, although they tried to influence their children. “Not the wealth where you go, but what you’ll make yourself” is one of the possible phrases of the answer of the groom's matchmakers, if the material condition was a sensitive topic.
The opinion of parents even now is of great importance, therefore, the approval of the closest and dearest people in the life of the bride and groom plays an important role. This is another reason to arrange a matchmaking. Even if not the most cordial relations were established between the groom and the bride's parents, matchmaking is an excellent occasion to try to change an already existing opinion.
What should matchmakers do with a loaf
It is not customary to go visit empty-handed in the Russian tradition. An excellent treat on the table of the bride from the matchmakers of the groom will be a loaf. Bread has always played a huge role in the culture of the Slavs. “Bread is the head of everything,” said the farmers, millers and bakers.
It is very important to learn the phrases that tell the matchmakers of the groom at the matchmaking, but it will not be superfluous to cook. Presenting skillfully made bread, the groom will show respect to the bride's parents. Also, a young man can take a bouquet of flowers for the future mother-in-law.
What treat matchmakers
It was a matter of honor for any family to accept matchmakers. The people said, “A thin groom will show an excellent path”, therefore they welcomed the guests with all kindness and hospitable. The dish on the table depended on the time of year. We always tried to cook meat of domestic animals or poultry, if the family was rich, a lot of pickles, mushrooms, vegetables, cooked various holiday cakes, pies and preserves. Many statements for matchmaking are related to food, examples are shown in the image below.
The housewives tried to serve their "signature" dishes, there must have been dishes prepared by the bride on the table. The matchmakers were surely told about this, offered to taste and evaluate the skills of the future wife. During the matchmaking by the groom, it was impossible to tell the matchmakers that the bride or mistress of the stupid and tasteless cook, even if it was true. Parents of the bride could reasonably be offended and refuse to matchmakers.
Is it possible to matchmakers to drink alcoholic beverages
It is not only possible to drink strong drinks to matchmakers from the groom's side, but they should. To refuse the offerings of the masters means to express distrust and disrespect for the receiving side. Therefore, when choosing a matchmaker, the groom should consider an important point. The main thing in this matter is without fanaticism, everything should be in moderation. Perhaps you should pre-arrange with the parents of the bride drinks that should be on the table. Many people prefer low-alcohol drinks to strong ones. A variant of the ostentatious "cup" drunk for the view is possible, because it is better to soberly discuss the organization of the wedding celebration, after all, the purpose of the event is not celebration.
Tales and traditional swat statements by the groom
The main task for the matchmakers in preparation for the matchmaking by the groom is what to say to the bride and groom. There are no ready-made texts, as such, for memorization. There is a set of standard phrases and utterances preserved from the past. Matchmakers should have considerable eloquence and be able to smoothly and smoothly combine in their speech obsolete turns and modern jokes. The use of many preserved expressions is not always appropriate, because the meaning of some words and combinations eludes modern man.
The list contains not only phrases that the matchmakers of the groom say at the matchmaking, but also the possible answers of the bride's parents. The host should also be well prepared for the visit and learn a lot of catchy words. In order not to face the dirt, you need to familiarize yourself with the approximate answers and be prepared to answer correctly. Immediately after meeting with the owners of the house, the matchmakers of the bridegroom had to elaborate on the purpose of their visit. Exemplary formulations can be found in the list above. More modern formulations are possible, for example, “You have a product, we have a merchant” . An explanation of the purpose of the visit is acceptable in a joking manner: “You have a lump of dough and we have a lump of dough, can they be dumped in one place?”
The phrases praising the groom, as well as the requirements to present the bride for “evaluation” to the matchmakers are also very colorful, for example, “We need not rye and not wheat, but a red girl” . After introducing the matchmakers to each other and their parents, mutual assurances of the “quality of the goods” and the “solvency of the merchant,” the guests and hosts, under characteristic phrases, should go to the table with refreshments and discuss the details of the wedding without any hints and inaccuracies.
How to determine that the matchmaking took place?
Initially, a single trip to the bride's parents could not be enough. Either the words of the matchmakers on the part of the groom at the matchmaking were not very convincing, or the bride doubted the right choice, and her father indulged her, but the groom could request permission for the wedding for a long time and repeatedly. Doubts did not arise only in the case of sincere feelings of the young, decent age of the bride or lack of a dowry.
Young couples can breathe a sigh of relief, if relatives did not quarrel at the matchmaking and were able to reach certain agreements, then the event definitely succeeded. Even if we could not make specific decisions about the date, venue and financial issue of the wedding, this is just a reason to meet in a quiet and comfortable atmosphere for a more serious conversation.
Matchmakers should evaluate their work by the amount of laughter and fun at the meeting. The more the young people and their parents smile, the more confidently it can be stated that the matchmakers coped with their responsibilities.