Everyone knows that silence is gold, and it really has a special meaning in the life of any person. To remain silent at the right time is sometimes much more accurate than to utter any words. In everyday situations, it is advisable to be able to determine in time not only when it is better not to say a word, but also when it is not superfluous to speak. But the main thing is to be able to keep silent when it is really necessary. How to do this? How to learn to be silent?
Why silence is needed
The need for silence is due to the current situation. Very often circumstances arise when it is better to be silent than to speak. You should control your speech and avoid rash words when solving serious issues related to your personal life, in the process of business conversations, when communicating with strangers or children. Man is a rational creature and must remain so in most life episodes, otherwise the consequences can be extremely unpleasant. Silence has several advantages. It is capable of:
- create space for the work of thought;
- free from idle talk and fussiness;
- sharpen susceptibility to their inner and outer worlds;
- ensure awareness and meaningfulness of actions;
- to enable the most fully absorb information from the outside.
Manifestations of silence in everyday life
In our life, silence is given a special niche. There are a number of situations where the question of how to learn to be silent is not raised, since this is not necessary. Silence is natural and obligatory in the following cases:
- Rituals - special events or people deserve to be honored with a moment of silence.
- Commitment - a kind of monastic austerity, considered worthy of special respect - a vow of silence.
- Rights - the wording “you have the right to remain silent” implies the availability of time for thoughtful speech.
- Secrets - the ability to hide something and not give out other people's secrets has always been rated highly in any person.
Community Communication
Man is a social creation, and he cannot do without communication within this very society. Therefore, to speak out and speak out is a natural psychological need. In this case, a new understanding of the situation, the removal of nervous tension, and the alleviation of mental state occur. However, you should always first understand if you need the intended dialogue at all. Is your information or your question useless? Maybe say to yourself: "Better be silent." Always in dialogue, you should know with whom and what you can talk about. Do not turn communication into a waste and useless waste of words. When talking, you need to focus on the interlocutor. To someone you can say almost anything, for example, a psychologist or a loved one who is able to understand you. But with most people, it’s better to limit yourself to the scheme:
- ask a question - get information;
- make an offer, request or demand - obtain consent or refusal;
- express doubt, claim, opinion - get an explanation.
Silence in the family
Family relationships are very complex and subtle matter, and absolutely ambiguous. Silence in the family is not welcomed, on the contrary, for understanding, you need to be able to talk, because serious ominous quarrels, misunderstandings, conflicts can arise from omissions. But sometimes there are situations when you should be silent like a fish. This is especially true for those cases when it is not reason that dominates, but emotions, and a negative attitude towards one's half is expressed in the form of angry epithets and subsequently brings nothing good. How to learn to be silent when you want to express everything that has accumulated in your soul? Very often, this requires collecting all available will into a fist. Later, undoubtedly, you will be able to think more adequately and express your claims by finding the right words for this.
Silence at work
A person who knows how to be silent will always be appreciated at work much more than one who cannot keep his mouth shut. After all, this will imply that the employee knows how to listen to the interlocutor, show attention to him, and also keep the confidentiality of any information received. How to learn to be silent at work? Ways to remain silent in the workforce are identical to the general methods of gaining internal balance and self-control. As in all other cases, in any society, silence is a manifestation of dignity. In other cases - the ability to avoid opposing views in disputes, the ability to distance oneself from a situation where this is reasonable. However, one should always remember that constant silence can also be evaluated negatively. Look for a middle ground.
Key ways to keep silent
How to learn to be silent? Psychology is a science that was one of the first to develop this problem and look for solutions that can help most people. In order to learn how to keep silent at the right time, use the following methods:
- Self-esteem. If you notice an inability to control your speech and often can not help expressing yourself, which causes you considerable inconvenience in life, you should first understand yourself. Why is this happening? Continuous chatter can signal both a shaky nervous system, stress, depression, and other more serious psychological problems. Naturally, it would be best to discuss this with a psychologist. It will help you relieve internal stress, and the situation will definitely improve. However, not everyone will see a doctor. Most people believe that they are able to cope with this problem themselves. You can try to figure it out on your own, but it will be much more difficult.
- Meditation. Immersion in oneself, comprehension. There are many techniques for relaxation, stopping thoughts, achieving inner emptiness, in which one's inner voice is best heard, a personality is revealed, and sometimes very important truths are learned.
- Loneliness. In order to learn how to be silent, you can temporarily move away from society and be alone with yourself. This will provide an excellent opportunity to listen and hear. At the same time, it’s good to listen to not so much music as nature itself: birds singing, murmur of water. Try to evaluate the environment, the whole world and understand your place in it.
Ways to stay silent in critical situations
How to learn to be silent in situations where emotions are in full swing and there is no way to sit down and calmly meditate or to retire, and the words are still torn out, and you are absolutely sure that you will have to regret them later?
- Breath. When a critical situation arises in which emotions take over and you want to speak out, but you can’t do this, breathing exercises help a lot. It takes a very deep breath and a long exhale. It is enough for many to breathe a few minutes. The brain is oversaturated with oxygen, and the physical condition changes.
- Water. In order to keep silent, you can take your mouth by another thing - drink water or have something to eat, chewing it well and not being distracted by extraneous irritants.
- Physical exercise. If possible, physical activity can be a good way to distract from unnecessary words. All that is most difficult for you: squats, push-ups, abs. In other cases, you can simply run away from an unpleasant conversation in the literal sense of the word.
- Pain Pain can distract you from almost everything else. Our organism is so physiologically arranged that in the presence of pain it is distracted exclusively by them, everything else loses its significance. You can just pinch yourself. But modern psychologists have long come up with a more interesting method: an ordinary elastic band for bandaging banknotes is worn on the wrist, and in emergency situations it is delayed and released. In this case, you can adjust the amount of pain by pulling the gum to a different length. By the way, this method is currently widespread and allows not only to avoid unnecessary words in a specific situation, but also to prevent this from happening in the future, because the body develops a conditioned reflex: he blunders too much and gets pain.
When is the best time to talk
A man came to Socrates and asked:
“Do you know what your friend is saying about you?”
Socrates answered:
- Before you tell me this message, ask your words through 3 sieves. The first is the sieve of truth. Are you sure your information is true?
- These are rumors.
- The second sieve is a sieve of good. Will this news bring me good and pleasant?
- Not at all.
“And the third sieve is a sieve of good.” Will this news be useful to me?
- Unlikely.
“Now judge for yourself: you want to tell me a message in which there is neither good nor truth, and, to everything else, it is useless. Why then speak her?
Hence the conclusion: before you say something, you should always think about why you need to do this.