The topic of intergenerational relations is very extensive. But there are the most common causes of conflict points that should be paid special attention to. No matter how careful and understanding the parents are, and no matter how hard the children try, conflicts, alas, cannot be avoided. This is a kind of adaptation stage for all family members. So, why conflicts arise between parents and the child.
Causes
The reasons can be both general and specific, related to the psychology of relationships between close people. So why do conflicts arise between parents and the child? Much depends on the type of interaction adopted within the family.
There is a type of relationship harmonious, as well as the opposite. In the first case, the concept of mutual assistance is formed in the family, everyone knows their role, and all together are close on one side of the hedge. The disharmonious type is characterized by a negative model of relations between spouses. Communication takes place with attacks, recriminations, and covert or overt disrespect. Children in such a family initially grow up with a sense of enduring anxiety.
Conflicts on the background of educational methods: excessive custody and prohibitions
Conflicts between parents and the child often arise against the background of parenting methods that are destructive. The characteristic features of this are, above all, the disagreement between father and mother on key issues. For example, one parent has just forbidden the child to eat candy, at the same time the second persistently offers it. This inconsistency leads not only to ignorance of the order by children, but also to the emergence of conflicts between adults. Destructive methods also include prohibitions and excessive custody, excessive requirements for children's achievements, as well as frequent comparisons with others. Success standards are recommended to be set within the family, as well as ways to promote. Then the children will form the correct idea of real life values and priorities.
Crises of age
Crises of a certain age are an additional reason why conflicts arise between parents and children. Statistics of the occurrence of such situations exceeds 80%. During the transition period, the child tries to revise the system of values that has already developed in the past age period. Crises occur in the first, third, sixth year of life, during puberty, conditionally up to 14 years, and in the teenage interval - up to 18.
Each of them has its own characteristics of the perception of the outside world and the interpretation of different situations. The child begins to rebel in those cases that previously did not even raise questions.
Personal factors and types of relationships
Conflicts between parents and the child often arise due to personality factors. The most common is the conservatism of the older generation. Not so much a fact as its manifestations. These include reluctance to comprehend the new, to heed the personal opinions of children, and as a result, disrespect for their point of view. Although in response, parents require unquestioning obedience and reverence for their many years of experience. This is very similar to dictatorship, which is a clear mistake of adults. Sooner or later this will entail an appropriate response. That is why conflicts arise between parents and children.
The ways in which representatives of different generations communicate are clearly visible in the types of relationships between the older and younger, which are divided into:
• Optimal when everyone is as happy as the situation allows.
• Necessary, in which parents are interested in the affairs of children, and those, in turn, are happy to share their thoughts.
• One-sided or annoying. Moreover, most often adults initiate conversations about the affairs of the younger generation. Feedback is made out of a sense of favor.
• Ignoring. When children are happy to share their interests, but only parental indifference is received in response. Often the phrase “what can you show new” sounds like that.
• When the lifestyle of minors is cause for conflict. In this case, the elders are right.
• When the choice of the younger generation provokes conflict situations with parents, children are right.
• Mutual disregard when no one shows interest in the affairs of another. Children and parents are often forced to live on the same territory, while being, in fact, strangers.
Why are they conflicting?
Why do conflicts arise between parents and the child? Due to teens and their behavior. Here, in fact, not everything is so simple. Teens and parents conflict over the following types:
• Seniors are constantly raising the bar for success for the child; in the end, he gets tired of fighting for primacy.
• Over-care, manifested in excessive custody and parental interference in all areas of a child’s life.
• Total control, dictatorship, non-acceptance by parents of the slightest hint of independence of the child.
• Authority, when everyone tries to prove their case, no matter what the cost.
Children react most often with the following behavior: confrontation, disobedience, and isolation.
Experience is important
We figured out why there are conflicts between parents and children. How can such situations be avoided? Perhaps, no qualified psychologist can give such recommendations. The fact is that such situations contribute to the emergence of a certain experience, which is very important for the formation of a full-fledged personality. Preventing useful lessons is not worth it, and it will not work, even with a great desire.
Equal dialogue
To more easily experience natural moments, you should consider the main reasons why conflicts arise between parents and children. How they can be resolved is a question of great interest to many. You can bring benefit to yourself and your family as a whole if you perceive the emerging contradictions as the norm of a healthy development of relations. No need to argue, it is better to listen to the point of view of the child and explain his. It will be a dialogue, not a debate. If the children are still small enough, they should review their prohibition system.
It is necessary to replace “no” with “let's try differently”. Children should forbid anything only in case of danger or impossibility of what is happening. All other situations can be resolved peacefully. This approach can always find the answer to the question of why conflicts arise between parents and children. How to solve them, I must suggest the experience of past years.
Listen to your baby
If in childhood the current parents were not allowed to have an opinion, then for their child this situation should be radically changed. You need to hear your own child. Then you can not worry about his unmet needs, because moms and dads will know what is really needed.
Conclusion
Before asking anyone why conflicts arise between parents and a child, you should ask yourself this question. You must put yourself in the place of the younger generation, open your mind to something new. The dictate should be replaced by the choice given to children. It is important to be consistent with your child, that is, keep promises.