How to survive the breakup? The advice of psychologists is of great importance in this situation. But it is important to understand that sooner or later all relationships can end, even if love continues to live in the heart. How to overcome the pain of separation and how many stages it is necessary to go through before the full acceptance of what happened is considered in the article.
Why does love leave?
How to survive a breakup with a man? The advice of a psychologist makes it clear that true love does not pass and does not die. A person can carry this feeling throughout his life. Why, then, do feelings tend to cool? And why does the desire to leave a person appear?
Most people experienced a breakup in their lives. Someone in their teens, and someone's family collapsed. Despite such a huge difference, the gap still brings pain, which is very difficult to overcome at first. And at first, you just have to come to terms with her and live on.
Sometimes we are tormented by memories associated with the first meeting, as well as minutes, hours, weeks, and sometimes - years of amazing proximity. All this time, we considered a person to be family, close and were sure that it was forever ...
And suddenly this feeling disappears. He is no more! Our eyes open: we begin to see the partner’s shortcomings, weaknesses and addictions. After that, he loses the status of the extraordinary and irresistible.
And sometimes it happens that there was no love at all. People began to live together by mutual agreement. Perhaps they hastened ... But real love had to wait a little longer.
Parting stages
Before moving on to the question of how to survive a breakup with a loved one, we will leave the advice of a psychologist aside. And we will figure out how many stages you have to go through before the pain from breaking up goes away.
- Stage of shock. At this stage, a person can move away from everything that happens. In other words, just fall into an emotional stupor. Or maybe, on the contrary, flare up like a match. In moments of experience, pain from a break, the world may seem inconspicuous, uninteresting, and sometimes completely unrealistic. Human consciousness is filled with insensibility. During this period, there may be a loss of appetite, a feeling of increasing distance with other people and that this does not happen to him.
- Negation. A person refuses to believe that a relationship has been made. And he begins to convince himself that everything can still be returned. It is enough to analyze the mistakes made in the relationship. Some people after separation notice that they begin to imagine the face of a loved one in the crowd. Such signs are considered natural, since recently all thoughts have been concentrated precisely on the analysis of past relationships. But at the same time, these symptoms are frightening, as they may be the result of impending insanity.
- Aggression. A person begins to accuse relatives, friends or relatives of what happened. Most often clings to some little things that happened in the past, and perceives them exaggeratedly. In addition, a person actively blames himself for what happened. Searches for his mistakes in the events that preceded the breakup. He can blame himself for not doing much in order to maintain a relationship. This condition can be accompanied by insomnia, panic fear, periods of inexplicable crying, muscle tremors, fatigue and the desire to be alone.
- Depression. Man gradually begins to let go of his past love. This is due to self-departure and immersion in the truth of separation. This is a period of great suffering and heartache. It is at this stage that it is necessary to work out the problem with the psychologist, since it is accompanied by a mass of heavy and sometimes terrible feelings and thoughts. The feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness negatively affects the individual.
- Stage of full acceptance of the situation. Life begins to return to its former rhythm. Appetite, sleep, professional activity are restored. And former love ceases to play a major role in your thoughts. On average, a transition to this phase may take about a year. And after that comes the understanding that life goes on without past relationships, and there are a lot of amazing people and events around. For some, such a period becomes even more eventful, and life becomes more complete than before parting.
Give yourself time to be sad
How to survive a breakup with a loved one? The advice of a psychologist at the beginning of a breakup is based on the acceptance of the situation. Give yourself time to rethink, ponder, and be sad. You should not rush into a whirlpool with your head into other relationships, from which you might expect to heal emotional wounds as quickly as possible. Do not immerse yourself in work so much that you just don’t think about pain.
Give yourself time. Stay at home for a couple of days, listen to your favorite music. Call reliable friends and talk to them. Sometimes the advice of a good girlfriend or boyfriend is much more valuable than the best psychologist.
Do not get involved in the process! 2-3 days are enough to continue to live your life. And to see in it pleasant and joyful moments. And there is no point in cherishing your pain for a long time. And remember: when one door in your life closes, it only means that another will soon open. And parting is sometimes much better than a heart-wrenching and tormenting relationship.
Burn bridges and don't look back
Feelings remained! How to survive the breakup? The advice of a psychologist in this matter warns about returning to a sick relationship. Accept the fact that the breakup happened. Do not try to renew the relationship when this makes no sense. Otherwise, you will again find yourself in a vicious circle. Try to get rid of photos and gifts that are associated with your loved one. But this only applies to situations where the partner has offended you very much, and forgiveness is out of the question.
Do not rush to extremes and throw away jewelry or a wedding ring. There should be a measure in everything. If such gifts bring you pain and memories, then return them to the former. Or in extreme cases, turn in a pawnshop.
If you are not ready to say goodbye to photographs, and often this happens in a relationship that lasted a very long time, then just hide all the photo albums in a distant cabinet and drawer. And besides this, promise yourself not to get them and not to review them for a year.
Remember that breaking up a long relationship does not occur spontaneously. This is a conscious decision by one or two people. Therefore, do not console yourself with the hope that everything can be returned. This is not the case when a husband breaks down due to a quarrel and leaves to spend the night with a friend. Or a wife, offended by the lack of proper attention, leaves for her parents or girlfriend for a while.
Feel free to ask loved ones for help.
When it comes to how to survive a breakup with a husband, the advice of a psychologist is only a small part of working on yourself in this difficult period of life. And when there is a minor child, then work should also be carried out with him.
Do not hide your pain from loved ones. Feel free to talk it out, your family will understand everything. And real friends will help with advice.
If you feel that you are not coping, then consult a psychologist. A qualified specialist will assist you. Indeed, for you now it is important to maintain self-control, and not to become depressed, losing yourself.
Look for reasons to rejoice
Bright moments in life and new interesting people in the environment positively resolve the issue of how to survive a breakup with a loved one.
Psychologist's advice:
- At 40, your life does not end! And you should always remember that!
- Any age is subject to feelings. Therefore, no matter how old you are, you can always meet your love.
- Do your favorite thing.
- Make repairs in the apartment.
- Sign up for training.
- Start attending the gym if you didn’t do this before breaking up with your loved one.
- Read books.
- Find a new hobby or hobby.
- Meet your friends more often and spend your free time with your paddle.
Women and girls only get better
If you are puzzled by the question of how to survive a breakup with a guy, the advice of a psychologist is based on the search for a new meaning in life. Unfortunately, most girls after a painful break tend to put an end to all respects. This is due to the fact that young people are much more emotional, and for the first time they may encounter a similar situation. In this case, to survive the gap is much more difficult. But it is important to understand that life goes on. And the young girl has a huge number of chances to find a new guy much better than the former.
To meet new happiness fully armed, take care of appearance. If you need to correct the figure, then sign up for a fitness room. Have you long dreamed of changing your hairstyle and hair color? Go to accomplishments! You must understand that life does not end there and we must move on!
Set new goals
How to survive separation from a loved one? Psychologist's advice for men includes the same recommendations as for women. However, the approach is still slightly different. Men need to throw out adrenaline. Extreme sports or hiking are perfect for this.
Representatives of a strong half of humanity rarely share problems in their love relationships with friends and relatives. They tend to keep everything within themselves and experience deep inside.
During a relationship, most men tend to compromise. That is, make a choice in favor of what the beloved woman wants. Therefore, if you have accumulated a mass of unrealized goals and plans, then it is time to act. If you dreamed of changing your job or profession that you have not liked for a long time, then act. Dreamed to go on a long journey, and your soulmate was against ?! Pack your suitcase - and go, to the dream!
And remember, your life is up to you. And what it will be, it's up to you too!
Goodbye and let go
How to survive a separation from your husband if you love him? It is very difficult for a woman in this situation to deal with the gap and her feelings. At first, she can be sure that she no longer wants to see her lover and that between them it's all over. But over time, the pain subsides, and love still does not pass. And there is a desire to return everything to its place.
And here it is important to maintain your pride! If the reason for the breakup was very serious, and there is no way to return to past relationships, then do not knock on the closed door.
Do not pursue a person, do not sort things out and do not avenge insults. So you only humiliate yourself. Keep your composure and self-respect. Accept the gap as if it were the beginning of a new, better stage in your life.
Do not rush to start a new novel until you are free from strong feelings for the chosen one. Give yourself time to cool. Only in this way you can build new emotional, healthy and full-fledged relationships.
How to survive a breakup with a married man?
The advice of a psychologist in such a situation is based on a rethinking of the situation. More often than not, women in a love relationship live with illusions. They build castles in their heads about an imminent life together with a loved one. They believe that he will leave his children and wife. In fact, this is an invented world! It is very rare that a man leaves the family.
If your plans do not have suffering, then stop feeling sorry for yourself and take a sober look at the situation. Such a gap can only positively affect your future. You may no longer want to get into such a pool and be on the sidelines. And you want a strong relationship on a new foundation.
Most psychologists in such a gap advise to implement the technique of unsent letters.
- Within a week, you write letters to your lover, but do not send them. They remain with you.
- Write down on a piece of paper all the pleasant and unpleasant moments. Every day it will become easier for you.
- Burn everything written at the end of the week.
Take care of personal affairs, work and hobbies for a while. This will help distract and relieve pain. And then it will become easier, and you will be ready for a new relationship. The main thing is to draw the right conclusions from the past and understand for yourself if you would like to be in the world of illusions again, on the sidelines without prospects for the future.
Parting and psychology of men
How to survive a breakup with a girlfriend? Psychologist’s advice is rarely needed for the stronger sex. All because they prefer to cope with their problems on their own.
Sometimes it may seem that women are much more likely to experience separation. But this is not so! Men simply tend to hide their emotions, feelings and feelings.
The psychology of family relations only proves the fact that men are sometimes sometimes more difficult than women to survive the pain and loss of their beloved.
Most men tend to look happy after breaking up. They plunge into parties, lead an active lifestyle, flirt with various girls. But this situation does not always reflect the true picture of feelings. Some men with the help of such a pastime try to get rid of longing and drown the pain of parting with their former lover. But away from everyone, he can again revisit photos of the ex-girl and hope for a restoration of relations.
How to survive a breakup with a girl? Psychologist's advice is especially needed when men begin to lose confidence. Such stress can seriously affect the health status of a representative of a strong half of humanity. Therefore, if you feel for a long time depression, disappointment in women, then you should consult a psychologist.
To many girls, men seem insensitive people. But they, like women, tend to count at the beginning of a relationship on a future marriage, common children and all the joys of living together. Therefore, as soon as the relationship collapses, they experience no less than women.
How to survive a breakup with a husband when there is a baby
Parting, especially in a family where there is a small child, is experienced very painfully. In essence, this is a breakdown of relationships. If you understand that there can be no more future with your baby’s father, then it is only in your power to accept the situation and move on.
You have a baby who needs a maximum of positive emotions for healthy development and personality formation. And remember that in the near future you will find only the good in life. Do not become limp or humble yourself! If a person leaves the family, then he does not value it.
Redirect all your thoughts and energy to yourself and the child. Work on yourself, become only better both spiritually and externally. Let your husband know that you are a strong and worthy woman. Let him be sure that you can easily find another man, despite having a small child.
How to survive a separation from her husband ?! The advice of a psychologist in this case is focused on the child. After all, a woman must continue to enjoy life without looking back!
Sometimes it happens that a lack of attention can spur a man, and he will try to return. You must be happy, beautiful and well-groomed. You should not even get the slightest impression that you are crying into a pillow and are having a hard time breaking up.
Break with lover
Any separation is a huge stress in a person’s life. It doesn’t matter whether you were the initiator of the break or a partner, it hurts anyway. Quite rarely, people break up due to isolated quarrels. A solid reason for parting is accumulating for a long time.
How to survive a breakup with a lover? The advice of a psychologist for women regarding such a union does not differ from the situation with the separation of spouses.
If you are married, leaving your lover’s relationship may be obvious. Men do not tend to be on the sidelines for a long time, and especially to share their woman with someone else. At first, thoughts may slip through him that you will soon leave your husband for his sake. But if during a certain time this moment does not come, he realizes that all his efforts are futile. Therefore, a man in such a situation is easier to leave silently, without explaining anything.
In addition, you should understand that, perhaps, he entered into a relationship with you for the sake of temporary communication. Maybe there were no strong feelings there. Once the excitement has passed, there is no sense in continuing the relationship.
An important advice of a psychologist on how to survive a breakup is to remove the lover's phone number from the contact list and minimize the chance of accidental meetings.
It is much easier to survive a break with a lover for a married woman. After all, she has a husband, and you can completely switch all the attention to him.But this does not apply to cases where the attachment to a lover is so strong that a woman has repeatedly considered divorcing her husband. It will take time or work on yourself with a psychologist.
It is very important to understand the role of a lover in a relationship with a married woman. You can be a backup option for him, and besides you there can be another lover. Therefore, before entering into such a relationship, it is necessary to study all the pitfalls. So that in the future it would not be very painful.
10 effective ways to tear pain from a gap
How to survive a breakup with his wife? Psychologist's advice and recommendations are very important in this matter. How to live further if the family broke up, where there are children? All these are difficult situations, and the help of a psychologist is necessary. But to at least somehow distract yourself, use the recommendations below.
- Just humble yourself. Yes, it will be very difficult at first! But you must accept the fact that it is all over.
- Feel free to share the grief. Try to talk not only to close friends, but also to a manicurist or hairdresser. Strange approach, but it works.
- Clean your social networks. To distract as much as possible from feelings and thoughts, remove the former partner from friends. Try not to go to his page, as the temptation to view the photo and suffer is very great. Especially girls like to find out who they traded them for, looking for evidence. And they begin to check all recently put likes, the appearance of new friends on the network and so on. Your task is to escape from suffering, and therefore, completely isolate yourself from thoughts about the former or former and concentrate only on yourself.
- Write a diary! On paper, you can state everything that you are not ready to tell even the closest people. Pour all sorrow and sorrow into the pages.
- Embark on a journey. Book a hotel in a place you have long dreamed of and go on a vacation with friends. This will protect your brain from unnecessary thoughts for at least the next 2 weeks.
- Look for new hobbies. Fulfill your extreme dream. It can be a bungee, a climbing wall or a parachute jump. It all depends on your preferences. An adrenaline rush will help put your thoughts in order.
- Go shopping and get stunning outfits for yourself. It may be a dress with a deep neckline or an open back, which you, as married, considered inappropriate to wear. And now you can safely put it on and proudly walk, feeling yourself the most attractive!
- Visit a few express dates. There is a minimum chance of finding a worthy candidate for them, but recharging with positive emotions can be earnest.
- Make new acquaintances. Do not be afraid to flirt! Of course, do not rush into the maelstrom of a new relationship. For now, just take a closer look and draw conclusions.
- Look for new goals and hobbies. It is very useful to write down plans for life in detail. Thus, parting will not make you worry for a long time. After all, you still have a lot of unfinished business that must be completed before the end of the year. Life goes on!
Scientists have found that it takes 11 months to recover from a break in a relationship. After this time, most of the subjects assure that the separation was beneficial to them, or see only positive aspects in this.
Important Warnings
It is very important to focus on the advice of a psychologist. How to survive the breakup? The phone of the beloved should be removed from the list of contacts, social networks - temporarily should be disconnected and not visited, and also try to get as distracted as possible from thoughts about parting. Unfortunately, such advice is not enough for everyone, and sooner or later people go to extremes.
Consider situations when there is a danger and immediate psychological assistance is needed:
- You begin to blame yourself for breaking up. The active process of self-digging and analysis of their shortcomings begins. It is important to understand that your fault is not entirely. It is unlikely that any of you is really a real monster that you want to run away from.
- Heartache is a very subtle mechanism, and can lead to dangerous consequences. If you are visited by thoughts related to taking scores with life, immediately consult a psychologist! You need to work out the current situation, since you cannot do it yourself. And remember that life is a great gift! And it continues, despite disappointments and troubles.
- Immunity to external opinion. The desire to return a relationship in which it was bad. Try to listen to the advice of loved ones, relatives and friends. They will not wish you anything bad. They can more soberly assess your situation and give practical advice. So far, you depend directly on emotions, so you can perceive what they said as complete nonsense.
How to survive a breakup with a girl ?! The advice of a psychologist and immediate consultation, when the process of making the gap has gone to extremes, is necessary not only for men, but also for women.
Despite the most painful and unpleasant moments happening to us, life goes on. And only the best is waiting for you!