Any couple entering into a relationship believes and hopes that their whole life will pass like a honeymoon in an idyllic and romantic love, without quarrels and quarrels. However, this is not the case. Any union sooner or later passes through natural crisis stages or stages of relations. In psychology, there are different interpretations of the stages through which relationships pass. The most popular and interesting system is described by M. Targakova and originates from general psychology.
Today, the concept of “7 stages of love” is widely used in practice in the psychology of marriage and family. It is important to note that most of the pairs go through these steps asynchronously. This phenomenon depends on many factors, for example, such as the age or temperament of partners. Basically, it takes at least ten years to complete the entire cycle, especially its last stages.
Relationship Development Stages
Also very often psychologists distinguish only 3 stages of relationships: a month of love, the fight against egoism, true feelings. In reality, there are more of these stages, but not all of them, for one reason or another, go through all the stages.
"Chemistry of love", or hunger
The stage lasts approximately eighteen months. It is characterized by a languid, exciting expectation of calls and meetings. The first stage of the relationship is accompanied by the production by the brain of endorphins, hormones of pleasure, blocking stereotypical thinking and negative emotions. Increased activity is observed in areas of the brain that are responsible for desire, stimulus, attraction, subordination. Interestingly, when studying this particular stage of relations, scientists revealed an unusual fact. The activity of the brain zones in a person in love and similar zones of a drug addict who took cocaine look almost identical.
It is very important that the stage of falling in love, or as it is called hunger, does not last more than eighteen (in exceptional cases twenty) months. Otherwise, the body may face nervous and physical exhaustion, up to weight loss.
Psychologists advise not to make any important decisions during this period, as soon an incredible feeling of euphoria can pass, and love will be replaced by satiety.
Saturation
Stage of pacification of feelings and smooth, calm attitude to the partner. Be sure to replace the first stage. The stage of satiation begins with living together, when gradually the beloved begin to notice not only the merits, but also the shortcomings of each other. If there are many shortcomings, and partners are not ready to change and make concessions, then relations at this stage end.
The stage of satiation lasts from two to three months to a year. At this stage of the relationship, men are more vulnerable and emotional than women. They are more tired of monotony, they want something new. It is at this stage that thirty percent of men are unfaithful to their partners. Which ultimately leads to a breakdown. The stage of satiation ends when the partners already fully trust each other, i.e. separately go to visit, theaters, museums.
Disgust or rejection
Mandatory stage of long-term, strong relationship. Lasts from six months to two years. This stage implies two options for the development of the life of lovers:
- Transition to a new stage of relations through the adoption of partner shortcomings.
- Breaking up after long quarrels and unsuccessful attempts to remake or change a person for themselves.
For many, this stage turns into a complete disappointment in the chosen one. There is a separate category of people who each time breaks relations at the stage of disgust, thinking that with a new person everything will be different. However, reaching the third stage, they are again disappointed in the chosen one and once again set off in search of ideal relationships. Some couples find a way out to return from the third stage after violent quarrels to the first stage of “hunger”.
Another constructive option at the stage of disgust is a marriage based on profit, or economic relations. The stages of economic relations arise in the complete absence of love, mutual respect, empathy. Such a union is based on any benefit: common children, home, life. The only correct way to end the stage of disgust is the birth of love.
Patience
The stage of the crisis of relations, at which many couples seek the advice of a psychologist, begin to read specialized literature, attend various trainings or seminars. Very often, the fourth stage coincides with the crisis of the third year of marriage. Relations become more domestic, the former ardor and passion disappear. If a child appears, then the woman pays almost all the attention to him.
Priorities are changing, new joint goals appear, now these are children, life together, property. Passion fades into the background. There is tolerance for one's neighbor, acceptance of him as he is. The quarrels are not so significant, the couple more often instead of disagreements comes to a common compromise. At the stage of family relations , understanding, patience, and the awareness that you need to change yourself appear, adapts to the partner, since a gap at this stage can cause a divorce.
Service, or the first stage of love
At the initial stage of the relationship, it may seem to the lovers that they already love, because they are ready at any time to do something with disinterested joy for their partner. However, as soon as the “cloud” of endorphins dissipates and the person begins to be led by his true beliefs, the so-called love and selfless desire to satisfy the needs of the partner will disappear. It is at this stage of the relationship that the other person is perceived not as a source of pleasure, but as an object of service and worship.
The stage of service may last up to three to four years, or it may not come at all. It is at the end of the fifth stage that respect for the partner and the transition to true friendship are born.
Respect and true friendship
Stage of heart-to-heart talk. At this stage, partners become the closest friends. Shyness is leaving, he is being replaced by an exchange of thoughts, genuine feelings and emotions. The couple together overcomes all life's trials, supports each other. Quarrels and disagreements fade into the background and practically do not arise. The stage of respect depends directly on the previous stage, that is, on the ministry. The stage of true friendship lasts from three to six years.
Interestingly, this is the only stage that can not be replaced by the seventh stage, but coexist with it.
Love
Most unions between a man and a woman die after the third stage, while love begins to arise only at the fifth stage. This is a long-awaited award for those who patiently went through all stages of the relationship, caring and respecting each other. At this level, the couple understands each other without words. It is noteworthy that the stage of love often coincides with the time when the children have already grown up and the couple can only shine for themselves all the time, may even return to the first stage of the relationship of the “chemistry of love” with all its passion, dedication, awe and excitement.
Love is a reward, and it is to this stage of relations between a man and a woman that you need to go long and painstakingly, not only accepting the shortcomings of your partner, but also changing yourself.
Total
Considering the stages of development of relations, we can conclude that the process of relations plays a significant role not only for men and women, but also for their children. Some couples are unique in that their relationship stages occur simultaneously or have characteristics of several stages at once.
In the second and third stages, it is important not to allow hard, aggressive and physical attacks on the part of the partner during quarrels. The existence of cruelty in a pair cannot contribute to creating a strong union and gaining love. To avoid a break or divorce at the stage of raising children, it is important to find time for solitude, engaging in joint affairs, and walks. Otherwise, when the children leave the house, it may turn out that a stranger is nearby, not a loved one.