For a long time, psychologists noticed and were able to confirm with numerous observations on which psychology is based: jealousy is directly related to self-esteem. That is, a very jealous person, most likely, suffers from self-doubt and painfully reacts to literally everything. And since each person’s self-esteem is subject to change, no one is immune from destructive feelings.
Why do some people change, while others do not?
In recent years, psychologists began to talk about other interesting facts that explain not only the nature of jealousy, but also the mechanism of its action on a person, his family and fate in general. Scientists have found a reason in the genes: not everyone is capable of treason. Without being faithful, men begin to doubt the loyalty of their women (such a mechanism is called projection in psychology). And a woman on an intuitive level understands what her chosen one is. And he is jealous if he feels in him the ability to frequent adultery.
Doubtful fact: the psychology of jealousy is not so simple! You can explain the behavior of the jealous and the features of education, the nature of relations in the family.
Destroys or refreshes relationships?
What the researchers nevertheless agree on is the mechanism. Only jealousy can ruin a relationship so much. The psychology of this phenomenon is as follows. Showing distrust of a loved one, we sow in our minds the thought of a possible betrayal: “since I’m jealous, then I’m capable (capable of) treason, why not? ..” Not to mention how insulting such accusations are.
Although at the level of jokes and to a reasonable extent, jealousy can refresh the relationship, bring them the former excitement. Behavioral manifestations (screaming, scandals, accusations, expressing distrust) are not proof of love, but they speak of obvious indifference. However, do not add fuel to the fire: do not mess with the real Othello.
How does a destructive feeling arise?
Complex emotions together generate jealousy. Psychology “calls” among them the following: anger, bewilderment, fear of losing a loved one and selfishness. Emotions are not always manifested in just such a combination. Some may dominate. And you can solve the problem in each specific pair only by understanding how this complex of emotions and reactions manifests itself, is experienced. What exactly causes these reactions in a person, what is a lever.
For example, the fear of being left alone can take over the mind if a person is truly dependent on love relationships, if he sees the meaning of life in them. In this case, any psychologist will advise you to live your own life, expand your interests, without focusing on your loved one. For harmonious relationships, it’s crucial not to lose yourself.
If the reason lies in low self-esteem - it is in your power to make it dependent on other factors that are more suitable: on success in work, on the respect of colleagues, on creative achievements and other things.
Jealousy manifests itself in different ways. Psychology, however, can suggest a way, but the path will have to be passed by ourselves. Learn to discuss what is happening and together you will find a way out.
The most common lever
In any relationship, sooner or later, a moment comes when we take the soulmate for granted. Often this is accompanied by a sense of ownership: “do not touch - this is mine!” The main mistake of lovers is to allow this feeling to seize itself. We begin to prohibit a beloved many things. At first, some trifle, then in a rude form we already directly say what and how to do it. It is no wonder why we get a rebellion reaction to our behavior, expressed not only in physical betrayal, but also in psychological: a loved one leaves us, runs away from negative and strangling his relationships.
Do not think that this will never happen to you; better insure yourself. It will not be possible to completely remove jealousy from the relationship. The psychology of this phenomenon will tell you how to react correctly. There is no universal council, but the main principle is this: give love, learn to trust and forgive. Protect your relationship, but not with control, domination and jealousy!