Losing loved ones is always difficult. It is difficult to describe in words the emotions that appear in the soul when it comes to the realization that a loved one will no longer fit, not speak, or even call. We need to accept the situation and try to move on. About what stages of experiencing grief exist and how they should go, read below.
Negation
What does a person who has just lost a loved one feel? Denial and shock. It is difficult to believe that a loved one was gone. The brain does not agree to accept such information even if a loved one has been sick for a long time and doctors have long been talking about a fatal outcome. A person does not want to believe in the worst, and it always seems to him that everything will be able to improve by magic. Do not be surprised at a person who, like a mantra, repeats the same words: "I can’t believe it." No need to say anything in such a situation. The first stage of experiencing grief is not the most difficult, but the most painful. It is impossible to help a person in his position, and even from sincere sympathy it will not become easier. You can only be near the person who survived the loss, hug him and not tell him anything. A person can cry and moan. This is a normal occurrence. In this case, the nerves are tense, and with tears comes an emotional discharge. It sometimes happens that it doesn’t get easier from tears, everything inside is stiff, and a person tries to realize the idea that a loved one who was nearby just yesterday is dead.
Aggression
When the truth finally comes to the conclusion that the loved one is no longer alive, the second stage of experiencing grief sets in. A person becomes aggressive. Everything annoys him. He cannot understand why bandits, murderers and scammers live on earth, and a good, kind and smart close person no longer exists. Who is angry at someone who has suffered a heavy loss? On yourself, on others, on the world and on God. At all and at once. How is aggression manifested? If a person is balanced, then he will not openly rush at people. The man will explain that he is now feeling bad and that he does not have the slightest desire to communicate with anyone. Such a desire must be respected and not contradicted. The second stage is delayed in those people who do not have the habit of looking at life optimistically. Those who are used to complaining and whining about their difficult fate may linger in the aggressive stage for several weeks.
Bargaining
When a person realizes that there is no one to be mad at, he begins to scroll through various situations in his head. One of the most frequent phenomena is bidding with higher powers. Believers pray to God that their deceased relative in heaven should feel good and that he should come to heaven. For this, a person promises to sacrifice his happiness, and if necessary, his life. Atheists in moments of grief begin to ask the Universe to take them along with their loved one, and sometimes people even want the Universe to take them instead of their loved ones. A man invents various situations and scrolls through all sorts of mystical variations of the return to life of the one he lost.
The third stage of experiencing grief involves thinking about what I could do to save a person. Someone regrets that he did not call an ambulance on time, someone winds himself up, wondering why he did not force his beloved person to undergo a full examination or did not heed his heart complaints.
Depression
Man has died, and this is now a fact. When people get this information completely, they lose heart. A person understands that now life will be different. You will have to change your usual way, redo documents, dangle at various levels, and possibly get a job or change your place of residence. All this puts pressure on the survivor of the loss, and he becomes depressed. The more the deceased meant to a person, the harder it will be to start a new life. If a daughter has held onto her mother’s skirt all her life and has no one but her mother in her life, then such a woman will have a very difficult time. She may herself not even cope with severe depression. She will have to turn to an experienced psychotherapist. Independent people who do not cling to others experience grief more quickly. And this does not mean that they loved less. This means that they are less dependent on the deceased person.
Adoption
Is the man dead? What does the fourth stage of grief look like? A person understands that a loved one is gone forever, and nothing can be done to return him. It is at this time that the realization of how to live on and what it can be done comes. A person begins to reach out to other people, leaves his cocoon and gradually begins to come to life. The bright memory of the deceased loved one will always live in his soul, and the acceptance of loss is in no way oblivion of a person. Acceptance is the understanding that the life of a loved one is over, and your life continues, and in spite of any circumstances, you will continue to live happily and well.
As already mentioned above, those people who are accustomed to looking at things and understand that any experience, even negative, can stimulate a person to further development, come to this stage faster.
Find a hobby
How not to get depressed after the death of a loved one? It is necessary to occupy yourself with something. The ideal option is a fascinating hobby. Do you have it? Good. If you do not have it, then you urgently need to find it. Think about what you always wanted to do? To dance, sing, draw? All these desires can be fulfilled at any age. An entertaining leisure activity will help you not to become discouraged, but to find your path, along which you can then move your whole life.
A hobby should be one that allows you to incorporate the brain into your work. Cross stitching or puzzles will be less effective than dancing or doing yoga. It is better to find a hobby that will require you and physical exertion. Performing exercises under the guidance of a coach, you will try to follow the instructions exactly and not miss a new movement or a new asana. And embroidering, you can let your thoughts drift, and the path that they choose may not be pleasant to you.
Work more
Severe depression takes hold of the soul of those people who have time to lie on the couch and engage in self-flagellation. A person who works hard and then is obliged to engage in housekeeping does not find time for a protracted depression. If you are not busy enough at work, you can make a difference. Ask the boss to give you an additional task, or take the extra work yourself. You can work not only at work, but also at home. If you live alone, then you definitely need something to load yourself. And it’s better to let it be work than thoughts of a departed person. Someone may say that rest is an integral part of productive activity. But rest is needed for mentally healthy people, not survivors. And a person with a heavy heart will not interfere with additional mental stress. Looking for an answer to the question of how not to get depressed? Here it is - get down to work.
Establish everyday life
How to deal with negative emotions? The best way is to distract from them. Put your house in order or repair. You can make out the things of the deceased so that they are less likely to catch the eye, as well as sort out your own things. People often live in a mess, but do not even notice it. Take care of the general cleaning. Clean the room daily. Move the furniture, wash the floor under the sofa and disassemble the mezzanines. This activity will help you escape from sad thoughts and feel better. Psychologists say that the more order there is in the space in which a person lives, the more order there is in the head. Therefore, begin to disassemble things first, and then go on to analyze your own thoughts.
Do not spend all your time at home. Go outside. Go to the store, walk around the park and don't be afraid to talk to people.
Communicate more
Losing a loved one is a serious blow. But do not get hung up on your grief. The more a person opens up to this world, the easier it will be for him to survive the loss. When the first stages of overcoming grief have passed, a person should begin to establish his previous social contacts. You can call friends or relatives. It’s too early, of course, to join in the stormy fun, but it is quite possible to spend a quiet evening with friends at home or in a cozy cafe. Talking and supporting loved ones is very important for a suffering soul. Closing in himself, a man breaks off all the contacts that he made for a long time. People will try to reach the person for the first month, but when they see that all their attempts are unsuccessful, they will step aside. Therefore, try not to scold or criticize your friends. Whatever they do, they want to help you and cheer you up.
A person can survive any difficulties
Are you guilty of guilt after the death of a loved one? This is quite normal. It is common for everyone to think that he could do something or not do something, and then fate would change for the better. But the past cannot be returned, and it is already impossible to replay your actions. It must be taken for granted that the person died and you cannot help him now. What makes a survivor of grief easier? From the thought that no difficulties are given just like that. If a person suffers, it means that he is either undergoing punishment for his own mistakes, or is undergoing a test that will allow him to become stronger.
Do you turn to friends with a request - "help me survive the grief"? This is not worth doing. A person must independently accept and recognize the bitterness of loss, and then find the strength in himself to move on. Outsiders will not be able to help you with this, but it makes sense to seek the help of a good psychotherapist.
You are not to blame for anything
It is human nature to wind himself. And if you have the habit of thinking about what you might not do at home, so as not to be late for the bus, then it is not surprising that you would think what you could do to help a loved one live happily ever after. The habit of self-winding must be eliminated. It will not bring you any benefit, but only help to undermine the nervous system. And cranky nerves will bring you many problems in later life. Never blame yourself for anything. Have you made a mistake? It is possible, but if it is already impossible to fix it, then you should not worry about it. Make a conclusion from the current situation and live on. An intelligent person who can circumvent the rake that he has already stepped on, will be able to live happily and quickly recover from the nervous shocks that fate makes from time to time.
Do not try to fill the void immediately
What is the main mistake people make who have recently lost a loved one? They are trying to fill the void formed in the soul with someone else. Such a “patch” that you stick on the wound will be very painful to tear off when the wound heals. Therefore, do not make mistakes when you feel bad. Girls more often than men try to find solace in the new novel. They choose a person who can listen and comfort. But then, when the condition normalizes, she will notice that next to her is the one to whom she does not experience deep feelings, but is seriously in love. And then a girl who has recently experienced a heavy loss will have to break the heart of a man who was so kind and sweet for the whole difficult period. Try to find support either in yourself or in friends. But do not perform those actions for which you will be ashamed in a week or a month. Do not drag other people into your problems and do not make them suffer. It will only become more difficult for you if, after one loss, you also have to part with someone. In this case, a person may begin prolonged depression, from which it will be difficult to get out.