Idyll in family life is the central heroine of any woman's dreams. Mutual respect, so often described in fairy tales, a reverent attitude and affection in harsh reality often quickly dry out. Many people realize the problem only when a hurricane of cruelty and anger suddenly breaks out from a friendly family man, which cannot be controlled either by persuasion or humiliation.
There is a problem!
A tyrant husband is a fairly common wording in everyday life: a neighbor beats his wife, a friend in society is addicted to humiliation of his beloved, and the newspapers again wrote about the torture of the wife's spouse and children. This kind of news instills in the minds of even morally stable citizens panic and, it would seem, unreasonable alarm.
Custom approach
Particularly suspicious women even see mysticism in a family dominated by a tyrant husband. Conspiracy and rolling out a chicken egg is the first thing that comes to the minds of many housewives, so simple hoaxes and charlatans often profit from the psychological imbalance of the family. Handbills and home-made announcements ring the omnipotence of such specialists who will successfully help to adjust the weather in the house in favor of the offended party.
Many rush for help to the lords of cards and stones to learn from witchcraft how to get rid of a tyrant husband. A conspiracy in such methods rather plays the role of self-hypnosis, which helps a woman to realize the presence of a problem and to some extent makes it possible to calm down. If you often repeat your wishes, the Universe will one day hear them, many philosophers and prose writers of modernity say. But only in the case of beatings and bullying, the consistently stated words read on the new moon do not always play a decisive role.
At the moment, in the practice of many world experts, there are trainings and techniques for women who have learned by their own example how to organize their life when a husband is a tyrant. The advice of a psychologist in this situation can be regarded in different ways: as a motivation in making life-changing and already hard-won decisions or as a foundation for stubbornly justifying any male actions.
Jealousy is the cause of many problems.
Oddly enough, but the situation where the monster’s wife regularly justifies her tormentor, the most common in the world. Most of the main root cause of adversity is the feeling of jealousy popularized through books and movies.
He is often associated with a sense of constant fear and rivalry, which has its roots in early childhood, which the tyrant husband survived. A too common tendency is that in a large family, parental attention is not distributed fairly and equally. Each child has its own unique character, its own degree of activity and worldview, therefore, the older generation can play the human factor elementarily. Freud - the most frequently discussed and difficultly perceived psychologist - painted at one time the picture of the first example of jealousy in a child - the fear of losing the mother’s breast and milk. The founder of scandalous depth psychology believed that a baby has a sense of fear of losing the bliss of communication with his mother from the first days. Uncontrolled screaming and crying are colorful proofs of this.
The spouse is a kind of continuation of the infant attachment that the tyrant husband appreciates so much. For boys who have not fully lived through the stage of growing up in the cocoon of parents' love, women are more likely to be a means of filling family gaps. As a result, relationships and all their joys and sorrows are perceived through the prism of their own program. It is difficult to control the majority of normally developed women with this situation.
The initial manifestations of jealousy, or rather, mistrust, often inspire the woman herself, increasing her self-esteem. Family life, especially well-fed and contented, often leads to a cooling of feelings, freshness and boredom, which short-sighted ladies decide to sweeten with jealousy. Unreasonable delays at work, lack of time for marital duties, flirting with strangers and a long stay in networks do their destructive work. As a result, the faithful, tormented by demons since childhood, loses even so fragile control: sudden calls, commander’s habits and report requirements for any occasion can be amplified by scandals and fights.
Talking with such active wives is even difficult for experienced psychologists. The well-established concept of good intentions is too slowly leaving the woman's subconscious. In her understanding, only the desire to add piquancy and a gloss to married life is recorded, and the damage caused by her whim does not immediately lend itself to analysis.
Signs
Jealousy stands on three rather well-fed whales - a thirst for property, a progressive sense of inferiority and the projection of personal flaws on people around. The tyrant husband is no exception. Signs of jealousy always eloquently demonstrate their origins:
- The owner does not accept the opportunity for his woman to communicate with other representatives of the stronger sex - no acquaintances with friends and the introduction of the male team will not correct the perception of the tyrant. He also completely denies the need for personal space beloved. All-consuming control is the motto of his life. Often the root cause of this behavior is the very nature of the man - stubbornness and lack of sociability lead to power lust and quarrelsomeness.
- The sense of inferiority is a solid foundation for tyranny: a man who is dissatisfied with his body or character shows his complexes brighter than a woman. Any desire of the spouse to develop and improve is perceived as a betrayal and manifestation of betrayal. Comparing or drawing a parallel with his wife is a terrible resentment that a tyrant husband can draw for himself. Signs of jealousy are manifested with theatrical meticulousness - any wishes or demands receive an unheard-of resonance and a powerful rebuff from the faithful.
- With the projection of flaws, everything is relatively simple - the husband, inclined towards adultery, does not doubt the sinfulness of his wife, therefore delays at work and silence on the phone are always perceived as a proven fact of treason.
Control the intervention!
The abundance of all-knowing female friends-advisers is a characteristic feature of families in which a tyrant husband. Divorce and emergency relocation - the most popular offer that can be heard during the girl's kitchen gatherings. The most active friends not only motivate and instruct, but also strive with all their might to become an actor in a family problem. Psychologists advise spouses to control such a process of interference in their personal lives. Not all problems require a mass audience.
Problem awareness
In a situation where a woman is married to a sadist and an avid alcoholic, the external factor plays a significant role. Staying in a constant cycle of alcoholic feasts of his faithful, chronic lack of funds and beatings, not everyone can find the right solution from the current situation. To represent the full depth of family tragedy, it is worth returning to its beginning. None of the girls deliberately married an alcoholic and a badass. This is the main point of any family mess. And often it is a stranger who helps to realize it.
Each cell of society develops independently, and the pace, as well as the direction of this process, is determined only by its participants. A person cannot become an unswerving subject in an instant with constant attacks of aggression. Alcohol addiction progresses defiantly gradually, it spreads like bad news throughout the body, urging its cells to obey only the thirst for a drink.
Women often miss the beginning of such a tragic epic, because an accommodating and positive-minded husband is impressed after drinking in a certain proportion. This situation is common in families where the overwhelming tasks of providing and educating fall upon the earner. Women themselves prepare the soil for their halves. In world practice, there is a common case when a mother assigned the role of a family executioner to her husband. All the misconduct and disobedience of the little ones are clearly transmitted to the parent in the most colorful form, after which the tired husband is taken for family repression. Few women realize that the mission of the punisher qualitatively destroys the human psyche, and the man subconsciously does not want to lose the throne of a strong and courageous hero. The circle closes suddenly, sometimes not even leaving loopholes to correct errors.
The burden of social, marital and parental obligations puts pressure on the man, especially when he has not been instilled in childhood with the habit of sharing his even minor fears and anxieties with his inner circle. The best antistress is alcohol, which becomes a catalyst in the process of transforming a spouse. Frequent corporate parties and receptions, later drinking due to evening sadness, further simply for appetite. Conversations and supplications often lead to pictures of anger, assurances of complete control of one’s cravings, and the possibility of stopping communication with a glass at any second.
Signs of distress
Experts say that not one of the clients of drug treatment facilities came to them on their own initiative, especially in the initial stages. Often the initiator was the victim, who spoiled the life of a tyrant husband. What to do with a brawler and a binge, only wives-health workers or comprehensively developing people know.
The first signs of disaster may be small at first glance processes:
- The degree or amount of consumed drinks changed - the husband smoothly switched from beer to vodka (cognac) or from a bottle to packs.
- The so-called bodun has disappeared - the gag reflex or headache (stomach) does not appear from previously seen doses.
- Reflection of the amount of alcohol in relation to children and spouse. The husband not only breaks down on his wife, who prevented him from taking the dose, but also tries in every possible way to unbalance the children.
- The emergence of a frequent guest now - amnesia: cases when the awakened tyrant husband cannot bring together all the events. Advice and persuasion only lead to irritation and scandal.
- An eloquent manifestation of dissatisfaction with life, family and work in sober moments of life. The tyrant husband is not just grumbling about a crane that has broken for the umpteenth time, but he is also annoyed at the deuces, the amount of food or politics;
- Hours-long alcohol marathons grew into multi-day actions - the appearance of drunken moments is the most striking manifestation of dependence, after the first case, you should immediately drag your husband to a narcologist.
What do not have to do? Spouse tips
How to live with a tyrant husband who regularly looks down his neck is not easy to determine. Each case is strictly individual and depends largely on the willpower of the most addicted and his family. But there are several general principles for more equal coexistence with the aggressor.
It is undesirable for the tyrant’s wife to admit the following:
- Making fun of the spouse’s dependence or personal qualities in society - caustic remarks not only do not spur the man to improvement, but also lead to increased craving, because the bottle is euphoric every time, not family and children.
- The provocation of jealousy by the believer in relation to one of his company is such a trick many wives practice, not realizing that the situation, modeled as positive, will turn into a drunken trial with possible injuries and greater hatred of the wife herself.
- Shifting responsibility for a hubby-drunkard onto the shoulders of his own parents - a feeling of shame cannot pave the way for the addict to recover. And in most cases it knocks out so-elusive soil from under the feet, the tyrant closes in himself, for the slightest reason he uses his fists and runs away into the warm embrace of his companions.
- Ultimatums and threats of divorce - such sanctions can help only for a short time and only in those cases when the principles of love, craving for the family are still alive in the soul of a man, otherwise cries of deprivation of rights to children and joint property can lead to relapse and physical reprisal.
- Simulation of serious illnesses or refusal to perform household duties is a woman’s impotence, almost all men are disgusted and, to some extent, even offended, a principle is laid down in the man’s mind that dictates that he must have a blossoming woman, violation of this rule can cause an increase in desire to drink and to row.
The advice of psychologists. How to improve life with a spouse?
To correct or simplify your own life with a tyrant husband, a small list of useful habits will help:
- It’s worth starting with yourself. Marriage with a tyrant is not the limit, you should not get used to the role of the vegetated victim and let it go by itself. Financial independence (even the most minimal) will help to soberly assess the situation, the material plane always leads to a constant analysis of its capabilities and dependencies. In the initial phases, the drinking husband can still notice the transformation of his wife, analyze his own compliance with such a woman and pronounce his sentence.
- It is always worth evaluating how a tyrant husband behaves. No need to encourage a rude man with a glass of a second to improve mood. A woman who wants to isolate the family from the alcoholic plague is required to introduce a moratorium on alcohol in her penises. The so-called prohibition in Soviet times is not a method of influence or control over the faithful, the ban on drinking should become a principle for the whole family, and not just for those who are on an alcoholic diet.
- The main problem of the family is a bored tyrant husband. The advice of a psychologist is quite simple - in moments of enlightenment from alcohol, men often do not understand where to stick themselves, society is constantly developing, and binges only knock out of this pace. It is necessary to interest or tyrant tyrant in a joyful activity - mountaineering, cycling, hiking or parachuting for emotional value can easily replace the euphoria of alcohol, most importantly, do not leave a man with this activity alone, female praise and inspiration are excellent catalysts for male desire .
- The tyrant’s wife is obliged to accept the fact that alcohol is a relaxation method, therefore, replacing it with something more saturated, you can get rid of the problem itself. This principle works at the very beginning of alcoholism, an inveterate drunk cannot be changed. To begin with, a woman is obliged to take herself in her fragile hands and take action - constant scandals and rolling pin use only discourage a man from doing something. Dinner should be a small feast for a man, even without fabulous salads and snacks. A pleasant conversation, delicious tea (coffee), a neat wife are the key to the stability of any relationship. If the family came to the conclusion to solve the problem together, it is worth arming yourself with a cunning of life.
- If a man is grieving about the troubles or difficulties at work or in society, do not brush off the pouting problems. Everyone feels a thirst for support and understanding, neglect from loved ones is often taken as personal defeat and disappointment. A drug in the form of alcohol or drugs is much faster than a family distress signal matures.
All these rules can give a result, or at least the smallest results, only if the whole family is united and understands the severity of the alcohol problem. If a man does not recognize his own weakness and the harmfulness of such behavior, it is much more difficult to control it.
How to get rid of a tyrant husband? How to disperse peacefully?
In the case when all the methods have been tried, and the result is likely to aggravate the situation, it is worth considering a divorce. And how to divorce a tyrant husband without harming the kids and their own nervous system? It often takes a decade for many women to come to this conclusion, because the weaker sex is prone to idealization and hope, so the harsh reality does not immediately overtake its victim.
How to get away from a tyrant husband who is prone to violence or enmity is difficult to deduce the algorithm. First of all, you should get a good lawyer. Consultations will help to realistically assess the situation, possible consequences and prospects, as well as reinforce arguments from a legal point of view. The next step is to remove the move, do not share the room with an uncontrolled person, attacks of aggression can lead to injuries or death. It is better to send the children to a psychologist to correct existing phobias, as well as prevent future ones.
If everything is returned ...
It happens that a former tyrant husband tries to improve relations after some time . What to do in this situation, each woman decides for herself, based on common sense and already gained experience. The main nuance remains the reaction of children to the development of such a plot, having analyzed the totality of all factors, it is possible to decide the fate of the second chance for a tyrant.