There is no family in which they would not recall the deceased on his birthday. Of course, sooner or later, most people ask questions about how this custom corresponds to Orthodox traditions and what are the rules of remembrance.
The church calls for commemoration of loved ones who left this world, not only on their birthday, but also on other dates. In addition, remembering the deceased in prayers is not forbidden at any time.
Do I need to visit the cemetery on this day?
Among the popular unspoken rules on how to remember the deceased on his birthday, there is a custom of visiting a cemetery. The Orthodox Church in no way interferes with this tradition. However, many priests pay attention to the parishioners how they behave when visiting the grave.
It is not only about the excessive consumption of alcohol, but also about the habit of cleansing the burial place. Memorable dates, such as birthday, funeral, death, are not the best time to paint the fence or to do other little things. There are other days for this. We should not forget about the improvement of the place of the last refuge of a loved one and remember the need for this only in the days of remembrance.
What to do at the place of burial?
If, having come to the grave on a special date, one should not engage in household chores, then what should one do? How to remember the deceased on his birthday? Just stand next to the tombstone? Similar questions usually arise in fussy people, accustomed to the fact that in every minute of their life they have some activity that is beneficial.
The rules of conduct in the cemetery at the commemoration of another person who has gone into the world on the date of his birth prohibit hustle and bustle, doing what can be done on another day. In the same it will be appropriate:
- place flowers, both artificial and living;
- put and light a candle or a small lamp;
- leave at the tombstone any object that would please the deceased.
As for the abandonment of objects, this is a very ancient tradition that is present in every human culture. It is likely that this method of remembering the deceased on his birthday is much older than Christianity and its customs.
Do I need to pray for the deceased at home?
As a rule, people order a prayer service in the temple on such a date. However, not everyone has such an opportunity. Not everyone can just come to church. In such situations, do not despair or neglect turning to the Lord. In how to remember the deceased on his birthday without coming to the temple, home prayer helps.
Words in such a prayer are permissible. It is important not to forget to thank God for every day spent with the deceased during his lifetime, of course, and ask for mercy for the soul of the deceased.
Sample text:
“Lord Almighty, all-merciful and all-seeing. We all abide in your will, we proceed from you and return to you. Thank God for your mercy to the slave (name of the deceased) during his life. I beg you for mercy and forgiveness to his soul. I beg you to admit to your kingdom and not let it disappear in hell. Amen"
How to commemorate in church?
How to remember the deceased on his birthday in church? Of course, order a moleben corresponding to the date. To do this, you do not need to delve into the intricacies of Orthodox traditions, just talk with the priest or the workers of the church shop. They will certainly explain which prayer service is required.
However, if there is no possibility to order the commemoration, then you do not need to refuse to attend the temple. It is quite possible to pray for the deceased on your own, using your own, simple, understandable and sincere words.
Of course, not every person can find the necessary phrases in order to express their thoughts, aspirations, sadness, anxieties or other feelings in prayer. In a similar situation, how to remember the deceased on his birthday, ready-made texts will help.
Of course, prayers for the repose of the soul are different. Commemoration of children requires one word, spouses - others. However, the main thing that should be in such a prayer is sincerity and understanding of what is said. The use of obsolete terms, which are often filled with texts of appeals to the Lord, is absolutely not required. If the worshiper does not understand the meaning of these words or is difficult to pronounce them, then they turn into energy trash that distracts a person. The prayer begins to think only about how to correctly pronounce the tricky words and not to forget them, but does not at all remember the deceased and, moreover, does not concentrate on turning to God.
How to remember children in prayer?
One of the most terrible trials among all that fall on a person’s lot is the death of children. Not everyone can survive this without falling into despair, without losing faith in God's providence and keeping warm in the soul. And a weak consolation even for deeply religious people is the idea that their child is in a better world than the earth.
A memorial prayer is needed in such situations. She helps a person to remember the deceased not with tears and despair, but with a smile. Of course, this requires not only funeral prayers, but also time.
Sample text:
“Lord God, Almighty and Almighty! You will comfort the broken heart of your slave (proper name). Leave no room for sorrow and despondency in it, let it be filled with joy for my child (name of the deceased), who abides in your bosom. As he called to himself, do not leave your innocent soul with your mercy. Do not let the soul of my child (the name of the deceased) to know the unearthly sorrows, do not cast away from your Kingdom, rest in peace, Lord. Amen"
How to remember spouses in prayer?
In the modern world, the question of whether the spouses who are still alive in this world is commemorated if they were divorced from the deceased is quite relevant. The clergy have no consensus on this issue. From the point of view of the church, divorce is nonsense, out of the ordinary and is allowed only if there are objective reasons. For example, the physiological insolvency of one of the spouses. But worldly registration of relationships and marriage is not in principle. That is, for the priest, the couple is not married - not husband and wife. On the other hand, the Orthodox clergy in our country do not show particular rigidity in matters of marriage due to the fact that the people suffered decades of unbelief.
The commemoration of the former spouse is not forbidden, like any other person. However, praying for him should be simple, without focusing on intimacy. That is, plain text is enough.
A completely different attitude is required when praying for the deceased spouse, with whom all life was divided in half, with its joys and sorrows. Many people have a question about whether it is possible to remember the deceased on their birthday with prayer on their own, without ordering anything. Of course, such commemoration is approved by the church.
Sample text:
“Lord Almighty! We abide in your will, Lord. By it we come to the earthly world. By your will we bear trials until you call to yourself. Without grumbling, but with sadness in my heart, I appeal to you, Lord. I beg you to give me strength (proper name) to bear the loss. And rejoice over my spouse (the name of the deceased), who abides in your kingdom. I beg you not to leave his soul, not to let your anger know and to allow paradise. I pray to give peace to his soul and fill my heart with gratitude. Amen"