Want to boost your emotional intelligence? You can not establish relationships with close people, colleagues or neighbors on the landing? Yes, then you really need to work on yourself. But even outgoing personalities would be nice to learn how to increase their emotional intelligence. This knowledge is not given to people at school, and therefore many of the citizens of our country can fall into various kinds of depression due to poor control of their emotions.
Learn to watch your feelings.
Do you know anything about the characteristics of emotional intelligence? Unlikely. Do you know why? No, not because such a subject was not in school, but because few people are trying to figure out themselves. For some reason, it seems stupid for people to waste time realizing their emotions. But everyone needs to do this. How can you build relationships with others if you really don’t know yourself? But how to get to know yourself? Start tracking your feelings and emotions. You do not need to control them. At the first stage, you should be able to recognize the moment when emotions swept over you. Remember such minutes and the event that led you to a violent reaction. You should also be aware of how often your mood changes and what causes it. Thanks to such observations, you can get to know yourself and move on to the next step in increasing your emotional intelligence.
Learn to control your feelings.
You need to understand that any development and improvement of skills requires daily practice. Emotional intelligence is no exception. To increase it, you need to work on yourself every day. How? There are special techniques that increase emotional intelligence. What are they? We will analyze them in turn.
First of all, you need to learn to control your own emotions. Yes, they appear on an unconscious level, but a person can tame his anger or reduce a quarrel to a joke. Adequate behavior indicates a high emotional intelligence. Awareness technique can work wonders. But it needs to be practiced regularly. You can start by not controlling your emotions all day, but just one hour in the morning. Then increase the time to two hours, then to three, and so on.
At this time, you need to behave in the framework of decency, but do not be a robot. You should not only record the fact of the appearance of any feelings, but also control emotions. For example, you had a fight with a colleague. Do not raise your voice. Even if your friend starts yelling, react calmly. Accustom yourself not to lose your temper at the slightest occasion.
Keep a diary
What does emotional intelligence mean? This is the ability to understand emotions, both their own and those around them. And in order to do this better, psychologists advise starting to keep a diary. It needs to be filled in the morning. And it seems, why not in the evening? The fact is that in the morning hours the human consciousness only wakes up, so if you try very hard you can talk with the subconscious.
Every morning you have to pick up a pen and write. Allocate some volume for yourself, for example 2-3 pages. And write down daily what you felt yesterday and why something hurt or made you happy. Remember: emotions are not born on their own. Everything in our life has a reason. So if you feel sick, good, or sad, you must be aware of why this happened. But if you can’t analyze it right away, just record the current events. What did you like about the day and why. What I didn’t like - and you must also indicate the reason. The diary is a wonderful thing. This handwritten book will help you take yourself to a new stage of emotional development.
Learn to analyze
Emotional intelligence develops when you are not just recording a situation, but trying to figure it out. For example, thanks to the diary, you noticed that you too often swear with your mother. And it is for this reason that your mood spoils every evening. Now try to solve the problem. You should understand one thought - not a single normal, healthy, physically and psychologically person will wish evil to another individual. So if you find a person who intentionally spoils your mood, try to understand what his problem is. After all, only deeply unhappy people find pleasure in spoiling the life of others. Knowing this, try to eliminate not the consequence, but the cause of emotional instability. And most importantly, do not confuse the sequence of transformation. First you should change yourself, and only then climb with advice to others.
Develop empathy
To better understand others, they need to learn how to genuinely sympathize. Many people know how to rejoice for loved ones. But rarely can anyone let someone else's grief close to their hearts. And such insincerity is striking. The development of emotional intelligence is primarily associated with an increase in the level of emotional awareness. The next time someone complains about life, do not close, but sympathize. And you should also think about whether you can help a person with something. And if so, help.
You do not quite understand how morality, helping others and emotions are connected? The fact is that when we help someone, our mood improves. But here we are only talking about sincere help, when a person does not expect anything in return for his labors. Social and emotional intelligence in our country leaves much to be desired. Children are taught good manners, but the younger generation does not see an example in adults. And this fact is depressing.
Art training
Emotional intelligence can be developed in many ways. One of them is to introduce people to art. Today, few are sincerely interested in the beautiful. It’s fashionable to go to art museums, so there are a lot of people there. But in local history museums there is no excitement, since no one has promoted these places.
You must truly love art and be able to enjoy it. And for this, a sense of beauty should be instilled in all segments of the population. What for? Thanks to good paintings, historical lectures and seminars on architecture, the human brain will become more flexible. The level of emotional intelligence will increase, as a person will not be locked in the area in which he specializes.
After all, if you think about how often auto mechanics go to art galleries? Once in never. And why? They are simply not interested in art. That is why, if you look at certain segments of the population, you can see not only intellectual, but also emotional degradation. Art teaches us to live, love and appreciate every moment. Go to the theater, attend seminars, and visit museums more often. This will help to harmonize the emotional failures of the soul.
Reading
In order to improve the emotional intelligence of the child, you need to turn to books. Children need to instill a love of reading, not only because it is useful in life, but also because it is interesting. Thanks to a good book, you can travel without leaving your home. A person can learn about people of a different nationality, go overseas and even go down to the seabed. Thanks to books, you can better know others, understand their thoughts, feelings and desires.
The emotional intelligence of a person is formed all his life, but it should begin to lay the foundation in childhood. If parents do not accustom their child to reading, he will not only lose to his peers in intellectual development. The child will be arrogant and indomitable. Learning from cartoons avoiding books will not work. Modern cartoons are too emotional and colorful. Children can only learn from such programs that frequent mood swings and aggression are part of life.
Learn to listen
Did you learn to talk in your childhood and limited yourself to this? But how else do you need to learn to communicate? Emotional intelligence of a child depends on education. Many parents do not allow children to express their opinion, and then they want the child to communicate normally with their peers. And some parents, on the contrary, communicate with the child for days on end, and then, when they want to sit in silence, they cannot understand why the child cannot leave them alone.
But the biggest problem in our country is that people are taught to speak, but not taught to listen. What for? After all, no one teaches a person to watch, he must be able to do this by default. But listening and hearing are two different things. The emotional intelligence of a preschooler is formed when the parents force him to do everything consciously. If a person makes efforts to delve into the topic, and not soar in the clouds, many conflicts simply will not arise. But unfortunately, no one teaches this.
Remember, it's better late than never. You still have a chance to catch up and re-educate the child. Teach him not only to think and speak, but also to listen. Start by asking again the last dialogue. First, convey its general meaning, and then completely repeat in the reverse order. This is a good exercise not only for children, but also for adults. It helps to reconsider the dialogue in your memory, and if necessary, reconsider your opinion on the subject of the conversation. You can rewind as a dialogue 10 minutes ago, and one that took place last week or even last month.
Take life easier
People are used to cheating themselves. They have been taught this since childhood by their parents. Mom yells at the child who is dressing slowly that he will be late. And this is repeated day after day. Therefore, the child understands that being late is normal. But how else should a baby think, if a mother always runs with him headlong with him. Growing up, a person takes root in the thought that hurry is normal. Now an adult man is running to meetings, cursing traffic jams and a slow elevator.
But in fact, it would be easy to avoid problems if a person just got up half an hour early. But if you can’t change events in the moment, you can stop wrapping yourself up. Because unnecessary experiences adversely affect a person’s emotional intelligence. The person becomes nervous and irritable. A person cannot concentrate and because of this spoils his relations with everyone who comes under a hot hand.
How to learn to let go of problems? Learn to disengage. At a time when everything is getting out of control, think about whether you can change something now? And if you can, then act. But if you can’t do anything, relax. Today’s problems will become nothing tomorrow, but sometimes it is very difficult to realize this idea.
Sign language
The answer to the question of how to develop emotional intelligence is very simple. Develop observation. She was not superfluous for anyone yet. A person who has perfectly learned to control his emotions can easily notice the slightest changes in the mood of the interlocutor. This can be done at a subconscious level, but people rarely trust their intuition. Therefore, to better understand others, you should watch them. Especially for those people with whom you see every day.
Having studied the behavior of the spouse and his habits, the wife will be able to predict the development of the situation. And what will it give? It will help to maintain a strong and happy marriage. If people will better understand each other, there will be no sense in hiding sincere feelings. Therefore, pay attention to learning body language.
Many will be surprised, but a person can control his emotions only by changing the pose. For example, when a person crosses her arms over her chest, then she is scared. But if a person disengages his hands and puts them on his belt, he feels much more confident and even a little more aggressive. Such psychological techniques will help increase emotional intelligence and become more insightful.
Travels
Not sure of a recipe for developing emotional intelligence? Travel This lesson helps with all problems. On trips, you will get new experiences, make interesting acquaintances and be sure to increase emotional intelligence. How? Meeting new people, we better know ourselves. A person sees other laws, different orders and a different lifestyle. Each country has different values and different ideas about the beautiful. Thanks to trips, you can become kinder, more tolerant and calm. New experiences also help redefine our views on the world. After all, a person who has never traveled outside his city cannot have a broad outlook. Yes, he may have a large supply of knowledge thanks to books, but it is one thing to read about a place, and quite another to admire him live.
Become observant
How often do you follow your actions? Do you put sausage in a bread box and bread in a refrigerator? If so, then your observation needs to be adjusted. How to fix it? Small exercises should be performed daily. For example, when you come to work, note to yourself or in a notebook, which of your colleagues is in what mood. If you turn this into a game, it will be even more interesting. Just give yourself a report. First in emotions, then you can begin to notice what and how a person says. Very often gestures and words of the speaker are different. At this moment, the observant viewer with full confidence can say that your interlocutor is disingenuous. Further more. Try to determine the mood of people by emotions. Such experiments can be carried out while you are walking to the subway, or while you are bored in traffic. The more often you train your observation, the faster the ability to notice subtle things will become your second nature.