The problem of relations between children and parents always remains relevant. It is sometimes difficult to understand who is right and who is to blame for the prevailing misunderstanding between adults and children. And for some children, the question of how to establish a relationship with mom is sometimes very difficult to solve.
What can ruin a relationship
Most often, relations with mom can ruin elementary disagreements not only in outlooks on life, but also ordinary everyday issues. Of course, there are modern mothers who look at what is happening around with the eyes of their children, but there are also those who have their own well-established patterns, and they are trying to impose them on their children. Most often, this is a comparison of the norms of behavior of your child and his actions with his actions at his age. This will inevitably lead to conflict, and since many children are very vulnerable, they may have an acute question: how to improve relations with mom, but so that mom would certainly try to understand them.
The degree of mother’s participation in the life of the child
No matter how children want to be independent, any mother should still take part in the life of her child. It is important to determine how high the degree of this participation is, namely:
- It is important to have common concrete tasks and goals in life, and most importantly, coordinate the ways to achieve them in time. Perhaps the solution to these issues is not immediate, you can just periodically find time to discuss them. From the opinion of the child and the opinion of the mother, it is necessary to single out the most rational thoughts and consider them as the starting point for solving the tasks, and then at the right time the child will not have the feeling of an opinion imposed on him.
- The child, together with his mother, must together determine some specific norms of mutual behavior in controversial situations. This may include the question: how to dress in cold weather, if you want to look fashionable, and mom is afraid that you will catch a cold. It is better to find some compromise in such a matter so that the mother does not have to deprive the child of something. After all, this is not the most, at first glance, serious situation can lead to a quarrel.
- Define specific dates for some positions, that is, tie a number of situations to time. For example, to resolve the issue, up to which hours children can be on the street. Or how long you can watch TV if you need to go to classes in the morning.
Why does the relationship of mother and daughter schoolgirl spoil
To begin with, schoolgirl daughters are different. Some listen to their mother in everything, and they are quite happy with it. Others strive for independence, and then some issues may disagree:
- Mum considers breakfast obligatory, and the daughter does not want to eat in the morning;
- Mom believes that the length of the dress should be decent, and the girls like it shorter;
- mother does not like that her daughter goes to school with jewelry, and the child wants to show off with her jewelry or jewelry;
- Every mother wants to be proud of her daughter’s good grades, and modern girls often take their studies seriously, and so on.
It would seem trifles. In some families, in such matters, mother and daughter may well come to some kind of common solution, but sometimes the totality of such trifles grows into conflict. Some mummies for disobedience may punish:
- Do not let go of friends in the movies;
- do not allow sitting at the computer for a long time;
- Do not allow mobile phone calls and so on.
Here are examples of punishments that can be applied precisely in modern life, but the restriction in communication with peers is too severe a punishment for many students, and then they try to find a way to improve relations with their mother .
Why are there adult relationships with mom
It happens that for an intense relationship with a mother, an adult daughter often has much more reasons than with a schoolgirl daughter. Of course, it’s very cool when the girl has a trusting relationship with her mother and some difficult moments in life they analyze and solve together. But this is only if the mother respects her adult daughter and her needs. But it also happens that a mother begins to try her life at the same age for her daughter and give her advice, and for any reason:
- which friends are better to choose;
- which institution is better to go to;
- which dress is better to wear for a visit;
- which guy is best to date, and so on.
There are many examples. In such families, an adult girl, of course, does not have a relationship with her mother . And most often, such a mother is very difficult to convince, which does not lead to the establishment of her relationship with an adult daughter. And how many examples we know when everything turns out as my mother would like:
- dressed like mom wanted;
- went to work where mom said;
- is friends only with those girls with whom mom allows.
In such a situation, if an adult girl cannot defend her opinion on some issues, she can appeal to the lifestyle of her friends. If mom has enough wisdom, she can do the following:
- chat with friends of the daughter, ask how they develop relations with their mothers;
- talk with their peers who have adult daughters, how they build relationships with their children.
Perhaps, having analyzed what she heard, she will change her opinion that the mother should decide everything for her adult child, and the relationship between them will become closer and warmer. But if mom doesn’t make the necessary conclusions, then she’d better seek the advice of a psychologist, otherwise the mom’s bad relationship with her daughter risks staying for a long time, and the girl may become closed and notorious.
Mother and son
Mom and son have a difficult relationship with them, just like with girls. After all, from his very birth she is the most important woman for him. But due to the fact that he is a future man, his mother should try to instill in him masculine qualities. While it is small, then the skills are very simple:
- be able to protect the girl;
- Do not offend animals;
- help an old woman bring a bag and others.
But as they grow older, the vectors in raising a son should be somewhat different:
- the son should know that he himself will have to earn a living;
- the son should know that he will have a family and he will be responsible for it;
- an adult son who has formed his own life should remain attentive to his mother, do not forget to visit her on ordinary days, congratulate her on holidays, invite her to visit, be interested in her health.
If mother chose the right direction in raising her son, then she will become a happy mother, mother-in-law, and later grandmother. However, there are female egoists who, from childhood, inspire the child with the idea that she is the only woman important to him. Of course, in this case, the son will certainly have a difficult relationship with his mother . After all, what does a man expect, over which the mother tries to maintain her influence:
- the son has never been married;
- he was married several times, but divorced, since his mother does not accept another woman in his life;
- after work, he runs to his mistress, and then returns to his mother.
This will make his life empty and meaningless, but his mother is happy, because the son belongs only to her. Unfortunately, such cases are not uncommon. And it is unfortunate that many mothers do not understand that they ruined the life of their son.
You need to be able to let your son go
A true loving mother should try to raise her son as a person. She should strive to have reason to be proud of him. And this can only be achieved if she teaches him in life some important things:
- independence;
- ability to solve difficult life situations;
- the desire to become successful at work;
- to be a good husband and father;
- avoid bad habits;
- to be a reliable friend.
With such education, mother and son will always remain close and loving people.
Psychologist's advice
While children are growing up, psychologists advise creating a trusting relationship between mother and children, which will allow them to gradually, as they grow older, recognize life and adopt its rules. But when children are adults, the tips here are more complicated:
- call your mother more often on the phone, take an interest in her health;
- if there is a quarrel, the son and daughter should be aware that they are not cursing with a work colleague that cannot be relied on, but with their mother who has raised them, and you can always come to them for advice;
- children should be able to try to take the place of their mother and understand that she can also have problems, and she can also break into someone’s hearts;
- if the mother and adult children still cannot find a common language, then children should take care of how to improve relations with their mother ;
- mother and adult children should strive to see equal adults in each other, learn to respect each other, and this can lead to strong friendship between relatives.
Friends Tips
All children have friends who have mothers with their own ideas about life, their methods of upbringing, and there is nothing wrong with sharing their problems with friends. Perhaps you will be given the right and timely advice on how to establish relations with your mother , and then the differences that arise at your place will be resolved. Who knows, maybe someday you will help your friend with good advice.
Conclusion
It’s very important for mom to know that you need her the same way you did many years ago. Of course, if a son or daughter decides to distance themselves from their mother in resolving all issues, then resentment will build up in her, and sometimes she will tell you something in her hearts. Just do not forget to sometimes ask her for any, even a little advice:
- how best to cook a salad;
- which is better to buy yarn for knitting;
- the son may well consult with his mother what is the best way to make a birthday present to a wife or friend;
- just take an interest in her life.
Do not move away from your mother, stay close and family even at a distance, always try to warm her with a kind word. Come to visit her, they are always waiting for you there.