Acceptance is a modern concept in psychology that is becoming more and more popular every day. If a person finds himself in some difficult situation, then first of all he is advised to accept it. In the event of a quarrel with a loved one, they also recommend that you simply accept him for who he is. There is still self-acceptance, without which it is very difficult to live happily and in harmony with oneself. But what is the definition of a concept and when is it needed?
Situation description
Very often, the advice regarding adoption makes us indignant and irritated. And accepting oneself is completely associated with inaction, defeat and despair.
Just accepting - it seems like we need to humble ourselves and live the way we live, without changing anything, but only learn how to enjoy it. As if we need to give up all hopes and dreams, fold our arms and stop moving forward, convince ourselves that everything is so good. Naturally, this causes a protest in every person.
But is this really the very acceptance of oneself and others? Why is it needed and what is worth taking and what is not?
Adoption definition
This is a very important concept that is used in practical psychology. But it causes a lot of difficulties, because it has become a household concept, the essence and meaning of which can easily change depending on the context, time and characteristics of each person.
There are two types of adoption. One of them is used in science, and the other in psychotherapy and practical psychology. If we talk about the strict concept of accepting someone or something, then this is a voluntary consent to close interaction, which occurs without protests and negative emotions.
As for practical psychology, something else is hidden under the acceptance. In a nutshell, you can describe how not to get angry and not angry, regardless of the situation and the people around you. Accept another person - do not criticize him or scold him for being different from you or not corresponding to your ideas. Accept yourself - stop blaming yourself for being imperfect.
The myth of Procrustus
It is very difficult for many to realize and understand the adoption system. After all, how difficult it is to learn to accept yourself, to close your eyes to the shortcomings of another person, which, in your opinion, are unworthy and incorrect. It is ironic that the more you try to do this, the more you will not like this idea. So what to do?
Recall the ancient Greek myth that tells of Procrustus. He was a robber who lured strangers to his home passing by his house. After which he laid the man on his bed. If it was short for him, then Procruste cut off from the person what, in his opinion, was unnecessary. If the bed was large, on the contrary, stretched the pedestrian until he began to fit the size of the bed.
It is unlikely that he did this because he was simply very angry. Most likely, he sincerely believed that all people should be the same size, and therefore, such as he himself determined. That is why he wanted to fit everyone to one size.
In any case, the expression "Procrustean bed" can be heard in our time. It conveys very well the meaning of the concept of “acceptance”. If I don’t like something, then I don’t want to accept it, so I have an internal protest. It seems to a person that he knows what is right and what is not, and "how to." Therefore, he wants to adjust everything to his own standards.
What is happening to us?
Due to the fact that a person does not want to accept something, he spends his energy, nerves and life on thoughts and empty talk about things that are not subject to him. Thus, people cease to feel responsibility for their own happiness, for inner harmony with themselves and for their peace of mind. They explain their position by the fact that they cannot be happy people in such a complex and wrong world.
All forces go to what is impossible to change. People begin to educate their loved ones and relatives, manipulate them and tell how and what they need to do. Although instead they could tidy up their own affairs. When, nevertheless, we manage to “fit into ourselves” another person, then we simply amuse our ego and self-esteem, thus creating the illusion that we control everything around.
Acceptance is an active process, so nothing will change if you remain inactive. Do not confuse these two concepts. To accept something does not mean that you no longer need to try and correct unpleasant situations in order to make your life better. This concept has absolutely nothing to do with:
- Self-deception.
- A departure from reality.
- Inaction.
- Tolerance and forgiveness.
- Indifference.
- Submission.
- Humility.
- A stop in development.
This is one of the methods of skillful and informed attitude to the world and experience. The order of adoption may be different, but its main point is that you need to stop struggling with reality, because it is pointless. Understand and acknowledge that reality can bring unpleasant and painful sensations, but this is normal.
Manifestations of acceptance
In order to successfully learn how to take, you need to:
- Accepting the fact that you can be hurt and unpleasant. Make room for these painful experiences.
- Recognize that you can lose and have the right to make a mistake.
- Stop trying to control your emotions, there is nothing wrong with them.
- Allocate areas of responsibility for yourself.
What does it mean to accept yourself and the world around you?
Acceptance is to be in harmony with the world and reality. Accept what is happening inside you and in the environment. One of the methods of adoption is that you recognize and agree with objective reality. Learn to let things happen, even if that’s not what you wanted. Allow to be something as it is. In other words, it is an internal agreement with what is happening and is. Accepting a person means that you allow him to be what he is.
Learn to accept the feelings of the people around you. Just let them exist inside another person. Let him have and experience exactly the feelings that he has and has.
To accept some events or reality as a whole is to give them the right to be.
Learn to recognize
If you do not learn to accept, then you will not be able to interact constructively with the world and surrounding people. Is it possible to pick a pear if you do not recognize that it hangs on this tree and on this branch? You can always deny its existence, argue and even condemn its birth. You can assume that it should not be here. But she is here and hanging right in front of you. If you recognize reality, then only in this case can you contact it, so you can achieve changes or take full advantage of all its benefits.
To accept is to acknowledge that which is. Without any conditions and reasons. Acceptance is necessary in relation to two people, in relation to oneself or to something. It can be various actions that occur in relation to you, it can be some quality of the character of another person or yours. It can be your grief or joy, poverty or wealth. It’s just that we can’t always understand what it is and why it happens to us, why all this is needed.
Trust reality
It is impossible to accept something if you do not trust yourself and reality. You need to trust that everything has its own meaning, that everything is not just. Perhaps at the moment you simply do not realize this, but it is necessary for something more important and significant.
By acceptance is meant even something more important. Start looking for meaning in what happens, what is, and what can be. Benefit from this. Think about exactly what reality wants to teach you. What do you teach yourself, your body, your thoughts. Find the secret that is hidden in you and your soul.
Other important points
Acceptance does not imply an assessment of a process or situation. You need to learn to accept everything unconditionally, not to divide into good and bad, and also not to evaluate.
It also means living in the present without any subjunctive moods. One should not think about how the present could be or what it should be. Do not think about how you would like it to be. Realize what it is now, and then agree and accept it. Just accept that it is, and give it the right to be. That is what it means to accept.
In the event that we do not accept something in ourselves or in another person, we largely refuse ourselves and spend our energy instead of using what we have. Instead of using it for the benefit of ourselves or our neighbors, we simply waste our vitality.
How to accept yourself?
In order to accept yourself, you need to reconsider your ideas about yourself, your plans and desires. Ask yourself a few questions:
- Do I know myself well?
- Are my ideas as true as I think?
- Do I need to move in the direction that I have chosen (a) for myself?
- Do I want to realize my desires?
Try to honestly admit to yourself what you really want. If instead of a big and noisy family you want loneliness, there is nothing wrong with that, this is your desire. If you like to do some useless business that others consider it to be, then you should not stop doing it, because it brings you pleasure.
Always and everywhere listen to your feelings. Think about whether it’s good for you now, in this particular time period? How are you feeling? What do you like and what brings you grief in your real life?
There are times when you need to abandon rational estimates, and give everything to the power of sensations. Or just for some time to give up the idea of changing yourself, just start living as you are.
What will happen after adoption
Thanks to the acceptance of yourself and the world, you will feel tremendous relief and release from the constant burden that was on your shoulders. All the forces that were once spent on maintaining the illusory picture of the world in your head, on trying to change yourself and others, can now be sent in a different direction.
It can be creativity, work, relationships, or family. Think about what makes more sense and what you should spend your life on - a protest or acceptance, which is fraught with success?
Acceptance is harmony in oneself and with the world. This is what really changes you and your life.