Syndrome of a disliked child is a fairly common problem that takes place in society. People sometimes do not think about their feelings, do not notice a note of sadness in the voice of their child, do not correlate the causes and consequences. The lack of parental love affects emotional and personal development. Unfortunately, nothing for the psyche goes unnoticed.
It becomes difficult for an individual to show his best qualities of character, to believe in his own prospects. The most vulnerable creatures on the planet are disliked children. Signs and consequences of this phenomenon will be considered in this article.
Manifestations
If there is complexity, then it is usually hard not to notice. In most cases, human behavior is striking. Not always people express their feelings clearly and loudly, but they do it at least in a whisper, alone with themselves. The problems of disliked children at some point become so vivid and convex that they begin to interfere not only with the individual himself, but with everyone around him.
Low self-esteem
A man who was little loved in childhood is not able to appreciate himself. He constantly thinks that he is given little attention and warmth. Often blames others for the coldness of the fact that they do not understand him. Low self-esteem affects the level of claims. Such an individual rarely seeks to take a leading position; he refuses himself much, preferring to be content with little.
Inability to appreciate their aspirations at their true worth in some cases makes it difficult to achieve marked success and set objective tasks. A person prefers to remain inactive rather than go to his achievements in stages. He often blames anyone for refusing to follow his cherished dream.
The desire to earn love
A disliked child in adulthood requires some attention from others. A person wants to feel that he is truly appreciated, that someone needs him. In fact, it triggers the need to earn love, to make it an integral part of your life. This happens completely unconsciously, on a subconscious level. The fact is that we always strive to make up for the lack of something with specific actions. The individual wants to compensate for his own suffering with some good. Sometimes it happens that we succumb to emotional impulses, while completely not thinking about the possible consequences.
Maternal love is what always warms us in any adversity. We hide behind these memories as a kind of shield when trouble happens. It can be very sad to watch an adult who sometimes behaves so infantile that one can only be surprised.
Feeling of inexplicable loneliness
It haunts the individual all his life. He finds nothing and comfort anywhere, some special joy that he needs. A feeling of loneliness pierces him all his life, it becomes almost impossible to get rid of him. Thus distrust, fear of truth, desire to escape from negative impressions are born. Some people have a distinct sense of exclusivity. They feel themselves unworthy of all kinds of blessings and aspirations. Of course, this is very sad, but there is no need to blame others.
It is completely pointless to call others to justice, to demand from them that you have not received from your parents in childhood. As a rule, when we begin to demand love, it quickly eludes us.
Heightened susceptibility
An unloved child for many years can be distinguished by resentment, characteristic depressive disorders. He does not understand why he is worried about disturbing thoughts and increased vulnerability. Sometimes conflict situations arise literally from scratch, depriving moral strength. The individual does not find in himself additional resources in order to take control of the situation. Personal life seems to him insignificant and not worthy of attention.
This heightened susceptibility is characteristic of those who believe that he was given little time in childhood. Subsequently, people with similar injuries are afraid to love, because it is hard to tolerate failures. Love for children is that necessary component that makes them stronger and wiser in adulthood. The more attention given, the better.
Fear of truth
It is noteworthy that people who paid little attention in childhood are afraid to hear unpleasant opinions about themselves. They are so obsessed with possible failures that they almost never make serious attempts to change something for the better. It seems to them that those around them are treating them unfairly, are biased towards them.
An unloved child is afraid to learn the truth about himself, because deep down he considers his personality unworthy, not worthy of warmth, affection and attention. A person can carry this fear through his whole life, completely unaware of how poor he is, and becomes even more susceptible to any negative influences. As a result, a steady fear of life is formed, which does not allow even pleasant trifles to rejoice.
Effects
Any psychological trauma does not go away on its own. The consequences will certainly be, and quite noticeable and significant. It is worth knowing about them in advance in order not to aggravate your situation. Let's consider them in more detail.
Inability to express emotions
The lack of parental attention usually leads to the fact that a person becomes rather withdrawn. A person experiences significant difficulties with self-determination, does not know what to focus his efforts on. There is some coldness, detachment. Such people are usually afraid to discover their true feelings in front of others, because they are afraid to look weak and defenseless. Inability to express emotions complicates moments of close communication, practically eliminates them. After all, if the individual does not show any interest in the interaction, it becomes quite difficult to understand what he really is.
Lack of trust
An unloved child has difficulty in openly expressing his feelings precisely when the need arises. He often has to restrain himself, to adapt to limiting circumstances. At the same time, it becomes rather difficult to avoid the formation of a lack of trust. A man is forced to shut himself in, realizing that he can rely solely on his own person. But not always everything turns out the way we want.
Expectations are often not completely fulfilled, they become something like unfulfilled needs. The world of people around him seems alien and incomprehensible. We can say that love for children is that necessary energy that nourishes and fills the soul of an individual individual, helps him achieve the desired result. If a child does not receive this from childhood, then, becoming an adult, he will not learn to truly value himself. He will have to make numerous efforts in order to make decisions, to act adequately in accordance with the situation.
Constant fears
Fear of defeat will manifest itself in all the affairs and events that occur. A person who has not learned to value himself, will begin to experience certain problems in all matters and undertakings. Fears eat up a lot of positive energy, contribute to the fact that we become even more closed, indecisive and lethargic. This is because the inner core is not sufficiently developed, virtually no self-confidence. In other words, the individual is held captive by his own fears, does not know how to approach the solution of a particular problem. Even some simple actions sometimes take a lot of time and require a huge effort.
Inability to communicate
A very serious consequence that cannot be ignored. It must be understood that a disliked child will have big problems in later life. He will inevitably encounter difficulties that an ordinary person is unlikely to deal with. Among other difficulties, there will be an inability to support other people. This is because there is no necessary trust, there is only a need to draw attention to yourself, to earn love. Inability to communicate will manifest itself in everything.
When you need to ask someone for a favor, a person will not be able to do this: after all, he is used to relying only on himself. Failure to understand others often leads to additional conflict situations.
Loneliness and incomprehensibility
Maternal love is what warms us in any adversity. From childhood, a person learns to trust the world precisely through the relationships that develop with his parents. First of all, how the mother affects the child is of great importance. Children who are loved unconditionally and unconditionally learn to trust others, to listen to their own desires. Thus, a favorable perception of oneself in the world is formed, self-confidence is growing. Own opportunities seem realistic, filled with special meaning. A feeling of loneliness and incomprehensibility arises when a person does not know where to go further, where to seek solace, what to pay attention to. If we feel somewhere deep down that we are not loved, then from within comes the realization that we are not worthy of it. Then a person does not even try to change something in himself, but resigns himself to the fact that he is not like the others. He stops looking for a way out, hoping for a positive change in the situation. It is very difficult to understand how to act while in self-isolation.
Dependent relationship
Often the lack of privacy in adulthood contributes to the fact that for a long time it is not possible to find a suitable partner. When we are alone for a long time, we cease to rejoice at something. As a result, dependent relationships are formed, sometimes leading to internal devastation. The individual loses hope that he might somehow influence the rest of his life. He closes in on himself and ceases to make any attempts at all in order to correct the situation. That is why there are so many unhappy couples in the world. It’s just that these people don’t understand that they spoil relations with each other. They try to solve problems at the expense of a partner. Subconsciously, they want someone to set them free, sheltered and protected from all adversities.
Addiction to depression
One way or another, all people have it. The only difference is that some struggle with negative circumstances, while others give up. Those who despair can never overcome their anxiety and hopelessness. When an individual has no experience of living mutual love, he receives a deep psychological trauma. Subsequently, it becomes difficult to plan or act at all, relying on one's own aspirations.
Among women
It is noteworthy that the fair sex in a special way survive this situation. The complex of a disliked child in women is much more common than in men. Girls are characterized by increased sensitivity and susceptibility. The slightest changes in mood are interpreted by them as serious fluctuations. Some ladies are able to get stuck in emotional experiences for the very reason that they were given not enough warmth in childhood.
As adults, such women will subconsciously seek attention from those men who are not able to truly love. It is as if they are constantly trying to prove to themselves that they are unworthy of something good, more in life. All this happens completely unconsciously, without our efforts. If people were more aware of their negative feelings, they would not allow them to appear.
Thus, the problem of dislikes in children greatly affects the rest of their lives. A person becomes overly suspicious, tries in various ways to attract the attention of others. If this is not possible, then he becomes depressed, begins to perceive himself as a weak and weak-willed creature.