Constant quarrels in relationships cause the suffering of both sides in a pair. Quite often, at the same time, an idea appears for each of the chosen ones to quit everything in order to finish it all at last. But it makes no sense to change the boat if you do not know how to control the oars. In this article, you will learn how to avoid conflicts and quarrels in relationships, making your own life more rosy. However, first you need to understand the reasons for the appearance of such differences.
Reasons for a quarrel in a relationship
There are many different reasons that can provoke conflicts in your love affairs. The most common of them that provoke quarrels in relationships, we will consider below.
High expectations
Quite often, one of the partners in a love relationship believes that later he will be able to cope with the shortcomings of his chosen one. But after an unsuccessful attempt, this starts to strain both of them, provoking constant quarrels in the relationship. Sometimes it’s just enough to accept your person as he really is, and also stop changing him all the time. A person is not an object or a toy, sometimes changing his behavior and habits can be especially difficult. Therefore, if you have quarrels at the beginning of a relationship due to some kind of improper behavior of your chosen one, you just need to take into account the next time that this is a common character trait.
Fatigue from your soulmate
People get tired of each other when they spend too much time together. In this case, all interesting topics begin to be minimized, a large number of disagreements, irritation, and a lot of silence appear in private with each other. Therefore, if you are wondering about how to avoid quarrels in a relationship, then psychologists sometimes recommend that you just relax from each other, at least in different rooms.
Jealousy
Jealousy is a very familiar feeling for almost every person. In most cases, the first quarrel in a relationship appears because of this particular feeling. To a jealous person, everything seems very suspicious: the chosen one returns home from work for a long time, the girl dresses in too revealing outfits, and calls from some unfamiliar numbers. In many cases, the greatest openness with one’s person allows to eradicate this problem, as well as the exclusion of those moments that can annoy another. To avoid frequent quarrels in relationships due to jealousy, you should stop communicating with people of the opposite sex. You can also call back to unfamiliar numbers together. On the way home, you can talk on the phone if the chosen one or the chosen one is delayed.
Stress
Another possible cause of quarrels in relationships is stress, which can occur due to obstruction at work, feeling unwell, misunderstanding with parents, lack of sleep or tiredness. In these cases, there is a very unfounded criticism, as well as a more acute reaction to what is happening around. Living with such a person, you only need to be patient, after which you can take measures, for example, send a chosen one or a chosen one for treatment, have more time to relax, help with household chores.
Other people's influence
Another possible reason why quarrels in relationships occur is the influence of other people. In some cases, people around you, for example, friends, criticize your choice, so they try to constantly open your eyes to what is happening. Despite the fact that you begin to defend your chosen one, you still unconsciously pay attention to what they said. As a result of all this, irritation and frequent conflicts arise. This can be avoided if you prohibit discussing your partner with friends or minimize communication with such unpleasant people.
How to fix the situation
Many psychologists claim that frequent quarrels are the norm in a relationship. This means that people are not indifferent to each other. But if the partner still remained with you, despite all the systematic conflicts, then this already says a lot. But how to fix this situation and stop constant quarrels in your relationship?
Don't tidy up the past
If you have ever tried to do this, you probably noticed how sharply you react to moments that are related to the past. Although you previously lived without thinking about anything. Therefore, you should forget about everything that was before the appearance of you, and not be interested in this without provoking jealousy and other headaches. If a person is already with you, then nothing else is needed for complete happiness.
No need to leave questions unresolved
Some people think that sometimes it’s better to just end the quarrel, nullifying it by assent or silence. Indeed, it is possible to do this, and life will be much calmer. But this only applies to those cases when you will no longer return to these situations. If you later want to exclude similar actions on the part of your partner, then it is best to talk with him about the problem. In this case, everything should be done correctly. It is necessary to tell what specifically made you nervous. Then ask if possible not to do so anymore. You can offer an alternative so that this action no longer causes you negative emotions.
No one owes anything
Remember that you do not owe anyone, but no one owes you anything either. You are an accomplished person with legs, arms and brains. Even your parents will never owe you anything. This must be taken for granted. When a person helps you, this is good, but if not, then you should not insist. We should also not forget about the elementary rules of ethics, often using the word "please."
Need to lower the bar requirements and expectations
Quite often, the cause of conflicts and quarrels in relations is that one of the partners requires too much from the other, while the second cannot give him everything he needs. In this case, it is necessary to recall one more time that there are no ideal people in the world. Therefore, you don’t need to strive to remake a person for one with whom it would be convenient for you to live. This is the lot of egoists.
Do not stop taking each other
Consider examples of how a person's worldview changes over time:
- When a guy is the soul of the company. He knows a lot of jokes, he is always in high spirits, able to support any conversation. For all the girls, at first such a guy is a charismatic and attractive young man who does not reveal his own problems in public. When a couple lives together for a long time, capricious girls begin to perceive such behaviors as disorder and show off, which are expressed in the fact that the partner does not care at all. As a result of all this, the girl begins to get annoyed, constantly provoking quarrels in the relationship.
- A girl can fight back, she is obstinate and bright. This quality attracts guys, they consider this feature special. But after several years of living together, such girls become bothers for men.
Based on these examples, we can conclude that you should periodically return to the feelings and sensations that you had before, when the relationship was just emerging - at the time, these shortcomings were virtues.
You have to quarrel correctly
What does each of the interlocutors do when a quarrel begins between them? Of course, everyone is trying to defend his innocence. Moreover, this does not happen in the most friendly way. This conversation almost never leads to anything good. There are ways to make a quarrel or conflict the most fruitful. To do this, you must:
- Speak as calmly as possible.
- If you notice that your chosen one is in the midst of emotions, it should be said that you are not going to talk to him in a similar tone, it is best to wait until both calm down.
- It is not worth proving your own opinion, you need to voice it, and then back it up with arguments and facts.
- The partner does not need to be interrupted, since in most cases it is only annoying, which provokes a bad reaction.
- It is better to be silent more than to offend your interlocutor and shout at him.
Control the words
If you like during a quarrel with your boyfriend or girlfriend to get excited and express a bunch of nasty things, then do not be surprised that relations will soon begin to deteriorate. How would you not deny after this that it was all said from evil, your chosen one or chosen one will remember all these insulting statements for a long time. Often after this, there is a cooling of feelings for a person, because everyone wants to be idolized, but in no way humiliated.
Know how to forgive
This is very important, as in most cases the dog is buried here. You should look at yourself from the side. Pay attention to how you communicate with your loved one. Would you like someone talking to you the same way? It is not a fact that the answers to these questions will satisfy you.
You need to be softer, because no one likes when complaints are made during a conversation, direct criticism.
But if something does not suit you, then you must either come to terms with it or try to act cunningly. Let's look at a few examples:
- If your chosen one has stopped caring for herself, then she needs to be told about how beautiful she was earlier, especially in a specific outfit or with a specific hairstyle. And when she conjures a little over herself, you can admire her amazing appearance, make a lot of compliments.
- The same applies to men: not everyone considers it the norm to help their wife around the house. But you can draw him into this. When you roll out the dough for modeling dumplings, you can ask your chosen one to help with this. The request should be based on the fact that you do it badly, and it’s a little difficult for you, and your beloved, strong and rugged, will definitely be able to make perfect dumplings.
In conclusion, it is worth noting that before you put your things in a suitcase after a quarrel, you should think about whether you really will feel good without your man. Ask if the cause of the conflict is so significant.