Those who are familiar with the work of Anton Pavlovich Chekhov are familiar with his statement that happy families are alike, and each family is unhappy in its own way. Family life is indeed full of difficulties, the main of which is the relationship between husband and wife. We will analyze the main problems that spouses face.
Husband is a leader in the family
How to put her husband in first place? This is an urgent issue for women whose husband prefers to sit quietly behind the wide back of his wife instead of taking on the role of leader and support. Many women are satisfied with this because they are used to leading, but in fact, almost everyone wants to at least occasionally feel like a woman and allow themselves to be weak.
Weakness does not mean helplessness in this case. An elementary household question: neighbors make noise at night. If a man comes out to talk to them, not a woman, this does not mean that the woman is weak. A man simply assumes the obligation to protect his family, which is actually absolutely normal. If you want your husband to be a leader in your family, competently encourage his courageous behavior.
A husband who transcends behavior
Unfortunately, there are situations when the husband "loses conscience" and begins to behave absolutely rude. At the same time, he often uses the argument “I’m a man,” hinting at my natural brutality, aggressiveness, and possibly even polygamy (to the question of cheating). If the husband is insolent, how to put him in his place?
We return to the statement that women's weakness is not a synonym for helplessness. When motivating your man to be a leader in the family, it is important not to put yourself on a level below him. You are spouses, partners, therefore, in a healthy relationship, husband and wife take themselves on an equal footing, otherwise conflicts cannot be avoided.
Let's get back to the question of how to put a husband in place. If he allows himself to be misbehaving, and you want to maintain a relationship - you need to talk. Openly, honestly, but without tantrums and accusations. Explain what exactly you are dissatisfied with, and suggest finding ways to solve the problem.
In conflict situations, the question asked in a calm tone helps: "Do you seriously think that talking to me in that tone is normal?" The main thing is to be confident in yourself and value yourself, then he will hear your question. Otherwise, you may not even notice it.
How to put in place a former husband
You never know what situations happen when the ex-husband does not disappear from your life. It is one thing when you have any joint questions that need to be resolved, or if you have common children. And it’s completely different when the ex-husband just visits you, not missing the opportunity to say something disgusting or do something unpleasant.
There is no universal formula for what to do in this case, since all situations are individual. The recipe from the previous paragraph will work exactly - value yourself and do not let your feet rub on yourself. Then any dialogue will go much easier. Try to talk with your ex-husband. If you don’t understand the words, and you don’t have any common business, you can rudely ruffle him, and it’s better to threaten him with police if he persecutes you or regularly humiliates you.
Ideally, check with a lawyer you know for the clause number in the Civil Code that your ex-husband violates. A specific indication of the basis on which you intend to hand over his identity to law enforcement agencies can cool the ardor of a former lover. Most importantly, do not provoke aggression against you or a desire to take revenge on you.
Husband cheated, and brazen lover
A very unpleasant situation when it turns out that the husband has changed. Forgive betrayal or not - the decision is purely individual. But it’s especially unpleasant when the mistress turns out to be a daring special and unpleasant person who for some reason decided that she has any unconditional rights to your husband. In the first minutes, when a woman only found her husband for treason, it can be very difficult to recover from the shock and find the words you need, so it’s not clear how to replace the husband’s mistress. But self-control is very helpful.
First, accept the fact that your husband is a free person, not your property. And no matter how unpleasant the fact of betrayal may be for you, if your husband decides to leave with another woman, this is his right.
Secondly, keep your self-esteem. Try to imagine which deceived wife will look more worthy: the one who will scream hysterically and emotionally expel her lover together with her husband, simultaneously showering them with obscene expressions, or the one who calmly says: “Get out!”. You won’t want to insult a confident woman, and if a mistress opens her mouth to say any sarcastic comment, in a calm state you will sooner find a worthy answer to her remark.
It happens that in such a situation you have to think about how to put your husband in place. The verbal flow that many men start to catch on the crime scene is mainly aimed at either acquitting themselves or pushing all the blame on external factors, including you. For example, “Well, I’m a man, it’s normal that I sleep with women” or “It’s your own fault that you don’t have such a figure as hers”. What to tell him needs to be decided depending on his arguments. It is one thing when he apologizes, and another when he blames anyone for his betrayal, but not himself.
Tactless husband's sister
Another problem that married women often face is the relatives of the husband, who love to get into the affairs of a married couple. The biggest difficulty is that they usually have to behave politely and tolerate their tactlessness. Practice shows that most married women complain about the behavior of the husband’s sister. Even among the people the proverb walks: “The sister-in-law is a snake’s head” (just the sister of the husband is called the sister-in-law). How to replace a husband’s sister?
Again - keep your composure. If conversations with her do not help, or you know that they are useless, try to disengage from her, ideally with your husband. It is important not to try to put a husband between you and his sister, because for him it is a difficult choice: on the one hand, his beloved woman, and on the other, a relative. Who is pleased to be literally on the line of fire?
The question of how to put a husband in his place is solved much easier, because a husband is your soulmate, while his sister can very well “move out” from the topic of conversation and pretend that she never bothered you. If her behavior is openly tactless, and her husband also sees and understands this, you can plainly tell his sister that you are not happy with her actions towards you. Better if your husband talks to her.
In any case, your family is your family, and only you and your spouse set the rules in it. If both you and your husband adhere to a common point of view, then it becomes much easier to resolve the issue with lovers of criticizing your marriage.
Forgive or drive away: tyrant husband
Perhaps the worst thing in family life is the inadequate husband. Once a beloved man turns not just into a boor, but into a real tyrant, and many women tolerate this, because "we have children" or "he used to be good." Are you ready to endure humiliation just because he once didn’t behave like this? Are you ready for the fact that your child will perceive such family relationships as the norm? If you are not ready, then you need to understand how to put in place a tyrant husband.
If a man allowed himself to raise a hand against you or committed moral violence against you or your child from time to time, you can try to speak frankly with him, as in the case of a boorish husband. But if the talks did not help, and the tyranny of the house continues, it is better to leave him, otherwise it can only get worse.
The main causes of conflict
- Misunderstanding. Did you notice that the “talk” advice is present in each case? Undoubtedly, there are situations when it is obviously clear that conversations are useless, but in most cases it is much easier to dot all the “E” than to quietly hate each other.
- Rejection of the choice of another person. Many people have a clear idea in their heads about how another person should behave, and when his behavior is not in accordance with the script, they begin to be offended or angry with him. The fact is that the behavior and actions of another person is his personal choice and his area of ​​responsibility. Realizing this, you can not only solve many problems at a time, but also stop provoking them.
- Disrespect to oneself. The freedom of one person ends where the freedom of another begins. Based on their previous paragraph: you need to respect the right to choose another, but if he chose to hit or humiliate you - this is an invasion of your personal space. If you allow anyone that attitude towards you, urgently change your attitude towards yourself.
- Heightened self-esteem. The very phrase "how to put a husband in his place" may already sound rather rude, because in this way you assume the right to decide where his place is.
General recommendations
- Keep your composure.
- Soberly assess the situation, then you can act adequately, guided by reason, and not emotions.
- Respect yourself and your opponent, be it a husband or his lover.
- Once again: respect yourself. People around you relate to you exactly as you allow them.
- Remember that breaking up a relationship is a crucial step. Think before you decide on it.
Conclusion
In fact, any conflict can be tried to resolve by frank conversation. If it does not help, then you need to go to extreme measures: divorce, timeout, going to a psychologist or psychiatrist, and so on.