Every day, people are faced with a huge number of stressful situations. In order not to lose emotional balance, it is important to know how to control yourself. In order to prevent external stimuli from gaining the upper hand, it is worth learning to control emotions.
Why do people lose control of themselves
Serious problems, and sometimes even the most insignificant difficulties, can lead a person out of himself and cause a real fit of anger and rage. In most cases, such emotionality is an innate feature of temperament. Character is a stubborn thing, and therefore it is quite difficult to learn self-mastery. Nevertheless, there are a number of reasons why a person can be overwhelmed by an attack of aggression:
- Dissatisfaction with one’s own life is often expressed through aggression towards others. Problems in the family, at work, unfulfilled desires ... As a result, the slightest irritant can cause a strong fit of anger. It makes no sense to resort to the advice of psychologists until you change something in your life or your attitude to the events.
- Health problems can sometimes be the cause of temper and incontinence. Feeling pain or any other discomfort, a person cannot adequately respond to what is happening.
- Often the cause of an emotional outbreak is a biased attitude towards the interlocutor. In order to control yourself, it is enough to decide on a frank conversation, which will help to eliminate all contradictions, disagreements and mutual claims.
- If a person has low self-esteem, then open confrontation is one way to increase it. We can say that this is a kind of method of self-realization.
In the event that incontinence and hot temper prevent you from living normally, working and establishing relationships with others, it's time to ask yourself how to control yourself. The advice of professional psychologists will help you with this.
Anger is your main enemy
How to control yourself? First of all, learn not to succumb to anger. Allowing this state to take possession of you, you will completely lose control of the situation and completely find yourself in the power of your opponent or that difficult situation that has unsettled you. Sometimes the interlocutor can consciously go on a provocation.
In order not to be led by emotions, you must clearly realize that anger will only harm you. Having succumbed to this emotion, you can break firewood by exposing yourself in a bad light. At the moment when feelings begin to overwhelm you, stop any contact with the stimulus (whether it is a person or an object of work). Accumulated aggression is best removed by physical exertion.
Need to be distracted
A long focus on a work problem or dispute does not at all contribute to finding the right solution. On the contrary - you cease to objectively look at the situation. How to control yourself in such a situation? Of course, distract and switch attention.
If we are talking about any work task that does not lend itself to you in any way, leave it unattended for a while. Admire the view outside the window, take a coffee break, walk along the street. It is possible that looking at the situation with a fresh look, you will find a solution much faster.
If your dialogue with the interlocutor gradually begins to switch to elevated tones, stop for a second and sharply translate the topic. Pay attention to the opponent's unusual flower on the window, weather or any other things that are completely unrelated to the subject of your conversation. This is a kind of element of surprise, which will help relieve tension, and after a while continue a constructive dialogue.
Do not be alone with problems
If you do not know how to control yourself in a difficult situation, try not to solve your problems alone. To prevent your emotions from taking control of yourself, pour out your soul to someone by sharing your difficulties. If we are talking about any dispute, you should not be left alone with your opponent. Alternatively, an interested party can be involved in solving the problem. So you get an objective opinion and keep yourself in the bounds of decency.
Control your thoughts
If you don’t know how to control yourself better, learn to control your thoughts. They largely determine your internal state and behavior. As soon as you feel that negative thoughts take possession of you, focus and try to direct them into an optimistic channel.
Most often, the negative takes possession of a person before starting a new business or an important conversation. The most negative scenarios of events unfold in my head. Do not let such thoughts take over. Tune in to a positive outcome, imagine yourself a winner. Then no external influences can lead you crazy.
Breathe properly
Perhaps everyone is interested in how to control yourself. Tips for taking a deep breath may seem ridiculous at first glance. However, this technique does work. Collect as much air as possible into your lungs until your breathing becomes even and measured again. The flow of oxygen to the brain will increase, and you look at the situation more soberly.
Count to 10
If you want to learn how to control and control yourself, consult the advice of the sages. They argued that before you do or say something important, you should slowly count to 10 in your mind. During this time, your ardor will cool down a bit, and the situation will appear in a completely different light. It is possible that such a technique will save you from wrong action or an inadvertently pronounced offensive word.
Take a look at your behavior
Probably, everyone had to become an involuntary witness to quarrels or other unpleasant scenes. Despite the fact that many people are inattentive to such situations, they can teach us a lot. How? A person who will carry out a mental analysis will learn to control himself: who is right, who is to blame, how it would be worth behaving in the place of disputants.
If you feel that the confrontation with the opponent goes into a destructive phase, imagine that there are many people around you. Become one of these viewers for a second and look at yourself. Is your behavior worthy? Aren't you ashamed of yourself? By answering these questions, you can adjust the tactics of the dispute and adequately get out of the conflict.
Do not rush to answer
Not always conflict situations arise by themselves. Sometimes an opponent can consciously provoke your outbreak of anger to achieve your personal goals. If you often encounter such situations, you just need to know how you can control yourself.
The main rule - do not rush to respond to the provocation. The most correct decision is to break off the conversation with a short phrase (of course, not stooping to rudeness or insults) or to remain silent at all. Even if you really want to say some taunt in response, do not allow yourself this. In just a couple of minutes you will realize that you did absolutely right.
Respect the person you are talking to
Unfortunately, many people lose control of themselves only because they consider their opinion to be the only correct one. However, your opponent has the same right to his point of view. Someone else's opinion should not be a cause for irritation, but for rethinking the current situation. Remember that if you tend to lose your temper at the slightest deviation from your plan, this does not mean that the people around you are not like that. Learn to respect the interlocutor and seek compromises, because a normal dispute can develop into a serious conflict.
Look in the mirror
Negative emotions significantly distort the appearance of a person, and therefore the question of how to control yourself is even more relevant. The recommendations of specialists are to look at yourself in the mirror whenever negative emotions take hold of you. Of course, it would be foolish to do this on the street, but at home or in the office this is entirely possible. Be sure that when you see your own face, distorted by an angry grimace, you will immediately want to calm down and regain your old look.
Enter a punishment system
Each child was punished for misconduct, disobedience, and pranks. Of course, no one dares to put an adult in a corner, and therefore it is worth introducing a system of penalties for yourself. If, succumbing to emotions, you entered into a skirmish with someone, shouted at an interlocutor, burst into tears after the remark of the boss, be sure to punish yourself, giving up some pleasure. This may be a rejection of your favorite treats, watching a series, shopping, and the like. Thus, you will have an incentive to self-control.
Learn to give in
The ability to defend one’s interests is, of course, very valuable. Nevertheless, stressful situations can arise during a dispute, which often lead to a loss of self-control. Think, is it really so important for you to win a dispute? If this is just a matter of principle, it is better to retreat, preserving the face and nerve cells.
How to control yourself: psychologist's advice
The ability to control your actions and thoughts is priceless, because self-control is one of the main weapons in achieving goals. If you want to be a successful person, learn how to control yourself. Psychologist's advice will guide you on the right track. Pay attention to the following points:
- Do not try to suppress emotions. This negatively affects both mental and physical condition. Self-control is an art that needs to be learned gradually.
- Learn self-mastery from others. If a person is calm and balanced, this does not mean that he has no problems and troubles. Try to observe him by learning his techniques for responding to stressful situations.
- Do not be ashamed of your emotionality, because every person from birth is endowed with a certain temperament. Treat it as a characteristic that can be corrected.
- Simply look at life and the problems that accompany it. Sometimes it is worth putting on “pink glasses” that will help you isolate yourself from stress.
How to control yourself: get skills
Self-control is a feature of strong and successful people who easily overcome obstacles to their goal. Nevertheless, not everyone knows how to control themselves. Skills are developed over a long time. To do this, you should follow these recommendations:
- Analyze your behavior. Every evening, describe your emotions and behavior in certain situations. So you can look at your mistakes from the side to avoid them in the future.
- Be prepared for stressful situations. Before any event or meeting, consider possible difficulties. Try to work out a scenario of reaction to them.
- Learn to arouse positive emotions in yourself . As soon as you start to be overwhelmed by negativity, start thinking about something pleasant and beautiful.
- If your nerves are tense, try to surround yourself with a positive. Do not watch sad films, do not watch bad news, do not read books with a heavy plot.
findings
Inability to control oneself, excessive temper and resentment - this is a serious problem that interferes with living, working and enjoying the world around us. If every little thing in conversation or deviation from the intended plan of action leads you into a rage, then it's time to think about turning to a psychologist for help. He will certainly give you valuable recommendations for self-control, as well as advise sedatives that will make you less susceptible to external irritants.