Any person needs to be understood, respected and loved; that someone needs and is close to him; so that I can develop my abilities, realize myself and respect. Some people can easily do this; they go through life with their heads held proudly, resolutely and firmly. And some are closed, they are afraid to make serious decisions, are initiativeless and unsure of themselves. Why is this happening? There are a lot of reasons, one of them is fear ... Let's try to figure out what are the causes of fears.
What is fear?
Fear is an ancient, very strong and unpleasant emotion of a person, arising from any possible danger. This emotion in some people, being in advanced form, can develop into a phobia. And it’s very difficult to get rid of a phobia, even with the help of a specialist. "Grandfather Freud" divided fears into two types: real - quite adequate (as a reaction to danger) and neurotic - fear, which grew into a phobia.
Sense of anxiety. Fear. Causes
There are "non-obvious" reasons that can cause children's anxiety to be reborn into a sense of fear:
- Hyperopec. Excessive care is especially prone to single, long-awaited or late children. This type of custody is the maximum control by parents of almost all the actions of the child. Constant warnings, a feeling of concern for the baby (with or without) make the child more anxious, he begins to fear for any step, to doubt himself and his strength. Give the children more freedom, do not follow every step and believe in its success in order to avoid unpleasant consequences in the form of suspiciousness and complexes.
- Lack of attention. The antithesis of hyperprotection, occurs when there is a deficiency in communication between parents and a child. Due to their employment, some parents devote very little time to the upbringing and development of their child, who becomes a "hostage" of television and gadgets. If you do not pay proper attention to your child, the child will become isolated, will avoid communicating with peers, which can turn into sociophobia.
- Inadequate physical activity can also become the progenitor of fears (for example, the fear of falling while running, tucking your leg when jumping, etc.). Help develop physical activity for your child, do not encourage “sitting” in four walls, spend more time outdoors. Lack of physical activity can negatively affect the health of the child, which will give rise to new fears and self-doubt.
- Aggressive mother behavior. Nowadays, women try to keep up with men in everything, try to keep everything in their hands. If a mother tries to run everything in the family instead of her father, authoritarianly controls family members, then almost inevitably a child will develop a sense of fear. For a child, a mother in the first place is his advocate, kind, affectionate and understanding. If this function is absent in the mother, the child will either obey and grow up as a weak-willed "junk", or will resist all the orders that the mother dictates and will seek protection and affection elsewhere.
- Instability in the family. Constant disagreements between father and mother, quarrels, and assaults will almost completely develop a child’s fear: loud noises, sudden movements, loneliness and more. You should never find out the relationship with children, especially with elevated tones and with hands open. Calm children grow up only in a family in which peace and harmony reign.
Types of Fears
- Social fear is the fear of communication, dating, crowded places and public speaking.
- The fear of spaces (open or closed) is a fear of fields, heights, tunnels, squares, crowds. This type of fear is very widespread nowadays.
- Free fear - meaningless and objectless, which can be found anywhere, anytime, to any object or phenomenon.
- Fear of living things. The name speaks for itself: a person is afraid of all life. It can be insects, fish, animals and even people.
- Fear of a particular situation or object. This fear is closely related to an already familiar dangerous situation or phenomenon. If a person was once bitten by a dog, he will avoid and be afraid of all dogs.
Anxious child, or Where do children's fears come from?
Childhood. It is there that it is worth looking for the causes of fears, the most frequent of which are inspired. Sources of inspired fears are the immediate environment, in particular, relatives.
Almost every parent, grandmother, or caregiver tried to calm the child from year to three with the words: “Don’t scream, otherwise the woman will hear - she’ll come and pick it up”, “If you don’t sleep, the dog will bite (or not grow up)”, etc. The kid is still he does not understand the meaning of all the words spoken, but judges by the intonation and emotions of the speaker, draws a conclusion and ... gets scared. It is in this way that pessimism, dependence, and anxiety can be developed in the character of the child. And further, from these "features", a stone's throw to the development of fears.
Many parents, trying to protect their beloved baby from dangers, intimidate everyone in a row, without thinking that even a wrong warning about a possible danger is perceived by the child differently. “Do not go there - you will fall”, “Do not touch the iron - you will burn yourself”, “Do not go to the dog - it will bite” - for a child, they are simply frightening words that disturb him without comprehension. Each warning must be explained in words that the child understands, otherwise such unreasonable anxiety can develop into a sense of fear for no reason and gain a foothold for life.
Children's fantasy
Fantasy is another source of fear. The kid often comes up with fear for himself. The darkness is hiding someone, there is someone around the corner, and under the bed in general the monster lives. The child begins to fantasize on this topic at the age of three to five years. He can calm down and understand the absurdity of this fear, either by virtue of his character, or through conversations with adults. Someone quickly forgets about him, but someone he becomes and can later develop into a phobia.
For example, consider the situation: a little boy is very afraid to sleep in the dark. Each laying is accompanied by tears, requests to leave the light on or spend the night in the room with it. What causes of fear come to mind? Fear of the dark, loneliness in the dark. What should parents do? In no case do you need to scold the baby, you need to ask what he is afraid of and try to help. If a child is afraid of the dark, because "someone lives under the bed," you need to dispel this fantasy if possible, look under the bed together, tell a story about your childhood with the same fear and how you defeated him with your courage. You can give your child a plastic "magic" sword, which will protect him from all the "byak" at night. A small night lamp will also be relevant, a miniature light source will cheer up the baby in the dark.
If the appearance of fears is associated with loneliness, then the recipe here is simple: let the child sleep for the first time with a plush friend (someone from another material, but also a friend), explain that you are always there, open the doors in the rooms. Read or tell a bedtime story with a good ending - without surprises and horror stories, so that the child calms down and understands that good is stronger than evil.
Fear of death. Ways to Overcome
After five years, most children have a fear of death. The reasons for its occurrence seriously concern parents. What is it connected with? Where does the fear of death come from? The child grows up, communicates, watches programs, and understanding of age gradually comes to him. He begins to be interested in the age of all relatives and friends, to analyze and draw conclusions: the old grandmother is 72, I am small - I am 5, my mother is “average” - she is 33. After a little thought, the child comes to the concept of “death”, especially if in family has conversations on this subject. The child begins to worry, to bombard everyone with questions: “Why did the uncle die?”, “How old was he?”, “And I will die too,” etc. And then the five-year plan begins to show fear! Fear of losing loved ones, fear of old age or illness. The situation is aggravated if there is room for manipulation in the family: "So you upset me, I can get sick because of this and die." You can never say such phrases! The susceptible psyche of the child may not cope and fail, in the form of a phobia or panic attacks.
If your child becomes obsessed with fear of death, urgently help him. Explain that this is a natural life process, that you don’t need to be afraid that you will be together for a long, long time. Invite your child to do the “longevity exercises” - elementary exercises, thanks to which you can be healthy and happy longer. Exercise will actually add to your health, and also help dispel the fears of the child, forget about them.
Acrophobia
Where does the fear of heights come from? A very interesting question with a very interesting answer. More than 50% of people who are afraid of heights have been afraid of it since childhood because of fear. The child either climbed fearlessly everywhere until he fell and acquired this fear due to excessive suspiciousness and self-doubt. Or parents instilled this fear into their fidget because of excessive custody and their acrophobia. The remaining causes of this phobia are more likely due to medical indicators: brain damage (trauma or infectious diseases), poor heredity (mental disorders of parents), alcohol intoxication (or disruption of the vestibular apparatus), etc. If the child is panicky afraid to rise above his growth, it is necessary to check it with experts, so as not to miss and start, not to allow the fear to develop into a phobia. Where did the fear of heights come from - they clarified now about the methods of struggle.
Fear of heights is highly treatable. If you notice that your child, when climbing to a sufficient height, has the following symptoms: palpitations, dizziness, wet hands, perspiration, dry mouth and even the urge to go to the toilet - stop lifting and give moral support. Talk with the child, take an interest in what happened, bring to a frank conversation. Let him share his fear with you, it will be easier for him to help. Treatment will require medical and psychological help, plus your understanding and support.
Fear of living things
The causes of fears of living things have not yet been established.
Some children are afraid of insects, the most common "horror stories" are spiders, bees, flies and caterpillars. When they see them, the child's pupils dilate, perspiration appears, he tries to run away or hide. The reason for this behavior may be fear, which appeared either due to "modeling" - repetition of actions for adults who have an impact on the child, or it is a classically conditioned fear.
As you know, adults from the immediate environment have a huge impact on children. If a child at least once hears his mother cry out: “Oh, spider, I’m afraid of this muck!”, Then in almost 100% of cases he will remember this and “take” this fear for himself, and unconsciously - the mother is afraid, which means that scary to me. What should parents do in this case? Firstly, always monitor your words and reactions, show composure, even if you really are scared - do not show it with a child. Secondly, try to explain that the insect is small, and you are big, so you can do more harm to them, do not be afraid of these "bruises". Well, and thirdly, watch more with your child good cartoons and programs about insects, talk about how they are beneficial, live their own lives and do not want to harm you.
If the causes of fear and anxiety are classically determined, then during the conversation it is necessary to find out - where and when the child was afraid of this particular insect. This can happen, for example, "in the corner" in which the pope placed for educational purposes. A child is standing, experiencing his punishment in an unpleasant place, and then a spider runs along the wall - this can cause fright. In the future, the appearance of a spider can cause an unpleasant association with punishment. This hostility will deeply sink into the consciousness of the child, and he will try his best to avoid meeting a spider. In this case, it will be difficult to help with just talking; specialist help and your support are required.
What should parents do if a child is afraid of crowds?
Some children are indescribable delight at the sight of the crowd: everyone is so different, many faces, many sounds, the atmosphere of the holiday. Such a reaction to the crowd indicates the mental health of the child. But there are exceptions - children who, at the sight of the crowd, try to hide behind their mother, close their ears with their hands, close their eyes or even run away. What to do with such a child?
The causes of the fears of the crowd are hidden in childhood. Maybe the child was systematically deprived of personal space or it was completely absent. Or maybe someone scared him on the street, precisely during a crowd of people. The cause of this fear is not so important as timely assistance. Talk, try to find out the reason, calm the baby. As often as possible go for a walk in crowded places - at first strictly by the hand, until you get comfortable. Try not to let go of yourself until the child understands that nothing threatens him.
Another good way to overcome fear for no reason is to ask the child to ask someone from the crowd what time it is. Let the child choose the object that is most attractive to him and ask, even holding your hand. This experiment will help to overcome the feeling of fear, give confidence. If these tips do not work, then alas - without the help of a specialist you can not do. Do not delay the visit, do not waste precious time. After all, a competent specialist should evaluate the feeling of anxiety, fear, the causes of panic at the sight of the crowd, in order to help your child as soon as possible.
How to help your child overcome the fear of communication?
Where children's fears of communication come from is not a simple issue, requiring careful observation and long conversations with the child. If your child is afraid to communicate with peers, then there are two explanations: either the child had a bad experience (for example, he was teased, insulted, mocked in a kindergarten), or he was “uncommunicative” (he was at home for a long time, talking only with family members and not having experience communicating with other children). If the causes of fear and anxiety are in a bad experience, then you can help your baby very easily - with practical advice. Talk about the fact that it’s not worth responding to the inappropriate behavior of others, that if one of the children teases another, that means he has problems with communication and self-esteem, he tries to assert himself by means of insulting and humiliating other children that this bully child needs to regret, not fear. Invite your child to make friends with someone who offends him, the first to come up and make peace with the offender. Maybe in the future they will become best friends.
Well, if your child’s fear appeared due to a lack of communication with peers, then this is your fault, and you must make amends for it, correcting the situation. Invite neighboring children with their parents to a party at their home, arrange a holiday for the children for no reason - it's just a fun day off. Let the children meet, fool around. Arrange some contests, quizzes, relay races so that they can make friends and continue communication in the future. You can record a child in a section that will be of interest to him. There he will also be able to find friends, have a good time, and engage in self-development. If your child is still a preschooler, then this experience will be very useful to him before starting school. As long as there is time - develop its sociability, let us make sure that communication is not scary.
Long-term exposure to negative emotions
Emotions affect a child more than an adult. An unformed fragile psyche reacts very violently to negative emotions, such as threats, punishments, swearing, the death of someone close, etc. If the child is in constant stress, under the influence of negative emotions, there is a high probability that the psyche does not stand and fail. Following this, there may be a threat of various disorders in the child's body (the basis is the work of Louise Hay):
- ear disease (may arise from reluctance to hear this world, people who are the cause of stress);
- eye disease - from reluctance to see a source of stress;
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Psychology is a subtle thing. If you feel that you yourself can’t cope with some features or deviations in the child’s behavior, the most important thing is not to start this situation, and turn to a specialist in time. There is nothing shameful in this - our life spins at a frantic speed, we live in such a rhythm that even adults cannot cope with the pace and problems. What can we say about children with their unprepared and fragile psyche. The causes of constant fear and anxiety are inherent not only in children, but also in adults. In order for your child to be ready for adulthood, to adequately respond to stressful situations, you should help him now. The neglected childhood fears in adulthood turn into phobias, which are very difficult to cure even for specialists. All in your hands.