Couples converge and diverge equally often, but former lovers do not always realize that they are parting forever. Sometimes partners continue to communicate closely and pretend that they have become good friends, sharing everyday joys and sorrows. And once a man thinks about the fact that he once parted with his girlfriend in vain, and decides to return the relationship. And then the bewildered woman feverishly starts calling her friends and utters the cherished phrase “The former wants me!” In the hope of receiving valuable advice. Stop! Do not rush and make an important decision based on emotions. Let’s try to understand the situation of men leaving and returning to their former lovers.
A few words about returns
Oddly enough, but the situation from the category of "ex wants me" is repeated very often. And many women make the same mistake, hoping that the second time the relationship will turn out differently, and on the horizon the couple only has a series of bright and happy days. However, family psychologists are not so optimistic. Of course, they leave a small percentage of the successful outcome of the next man’s return to his former lover, but still note that more than eighty percent of the relationship that got a second chance ends in a breakup and complete disappointment of the partners in each other.
Why are they leaving?
So, what should an abandoned woman do when she realizes that the relationship has one more chance? First of all, she should ask herself the question: “Why does the former want me?” But to understand this is possible if we analyze the main reasons for men to leave the family.
Immediately make a reservation that there are quite a lot of them, but experts identify four that are most often found in our reality:
1. Search for convenience
Psychologists identify a special category of men who are not able to make efforts to build harmonious relationships. They are always in search of a convenient option, which can be crossed.
2. Immaturity
Some representatives of the strong half of humanity, despite the outward brutality, are absolutely not ready for a serious relationship. Having plunged into everyday life, especially with the appearance of a baby in the family, they feel offended, have difficulty setting goals, cannot take responsibility for certain decisions and, in the end, go on about their desires, leaving the family.
3. Influence from the outside
Infantile men tend to be influenced by stronger personalities. It can be close relatives, friends, and even leaders. A similar type of men will always listen to outside opinions and can calmly leave his beloved under the pressure of others.
4. Life circumstances
Even a strong partner can make a mistake and abandon relationships under the influence of various problems. Sometimes the reason for leaving can be very compelling, and it will take a man time to solve the problem, weigh the pros and cons and make the right decision.
By the way, it is the men who broke off relations for the last reason that most often return.
Why are they keen to return?
“The former wants me!” - the realization of this is dizzying even for those women who have already begun to build new relationships. Suddenly emerging on the threshold of a former lover, the cherished words of regret and apology can turn the icy heart into a real flame. Especially if the feelings have not yet cooled, and so I want to start all over again. But psychologists do not advise trusting your emotions. They recommend that women ask a difficult question: “Why does the ex want to bring me back?” Unfortunately, the reason can be more than prosaic and very far from girlish dreams:
- Convenience. Most often, men return not because they experience strong feelings, but only because of comfort. In separation, they can realize how well the lover organized their life or corresponded to their sexual needs, for example. Also, the man could simply not make a new girlfriend during the breakup and simply phoned all the former in the hope of getting warmth and care.
- Thrills. Some men love relationships at the peak of emotions. To do this, they use a psychological swing, accompanied by partings and reunions. For a while, the couple may exist in this mode, but there can be no talk of serious relations here.
- Proprietary instinct. It is known that men are big owners. In a relationship, they want the woman to belong completely to them, and even after parting, they want to know that the former lover will be available to them at any time.
- Awareness of mistakes. In the story from the category of “ex-boyfriend wants to return me” this reason for returning is the rarest and most favorable. Naturally, she does not guarantee that for the second time everything will turn out well, but nevertheless gives high chances for happiness.
The former wants to return me: truth or speculation?
Sometimes a rather warm relationship develops between the former. This is possible if the separation was calm and people tried to keep only good memories of each other. However, after a while, the woman begins to think that the former has the same feelings for her and is burning with the desire to return her. How to determine this for sure? We will give you some tips:
- the former carefully conceals his personal life so as not to hurt you;
- on posts on social networks, messages and randomly thrown words, it becomes clear that he misses;
- he often calls for no reason;
- tries to be closer in any company;
- speaks openly about your lost relationship, while warmth and regret show through in your voice;
- in many conversations, the former mentions that he has completely changed;
- Jealous of your friends and fans;
- Appears anywhere you may be
- writes and calls you every time he drinks;
- Do not forget your relatives and often communicate with them.
If you ticked off more than half of these signs, you can safely say: “My ex-husband wants me!”
How to understand if you need a former
Any woman is flattered when they want her back. This raises self-esteem and gives confidence, but not always ladies can figure out their emotions and understand whether it is worth renewing the relationship.
Of course, a woman must make a decision herself, but answers to the following questions can give her a hint:
- Are there any feelings?
- How did the relationship end? (You cannot return to the person who cheated or raised his hand.)
- Was there a similar situation before? (What has been repeated twice will certainly happen again.)
- How serious are the intentions of the man?
- What reasons did he cite as good reason for returning?
If you honestly and frankly answer these questions, you can understand what to do in this situation.
How to build a relationship with the former?
Sometimes women part with their beloved and expect that sooner or later he will return. For them, the phrase “the former wants to see me” is not an empty phrase, but the most cherished dream. But often they don’t even suspect how to build a relationship with a departed partner in order to have a chance to resume relations:
- behave appropriately and not attempt to return him;
- in no case do not lie, do not cause pity and do not provoke jealousy;
- do not lend money;
- Do not build a joint business.
Psychologists advise to put a friendly point in the relationship after the man leaves, and then love will have a second chance.
Conditions for successful resumption of relations
Are you considering whether to give your ex a second chance? Then remember the three conditions under which partners get the opportunity to be happy after the reunion:
- both people have completely changed and rethought their behavior;
- partners managed to keep each other attractive;
- ready to let go of the past and really start all over again.
Should I take the former? To summarize
Psychologists are very skeptical of the reunion of former lovers. Unfortunately, they have very sad statistics of such returns. Therefore, if your feelings are not so strong, and the mind is overwhelmed by doubts, then it is better to refuse your former partner. Perhaps in front of you is waiting for real happiness with a worthy man.