Folk wisdom says: "Treat people the way I would like to relate to you." The meaning of this expression is quite simple and understandable. If you expect something from a person, you must give it yourself. So it is in family relationships. If you care about family members, respect and accept them with all the pros and cons, then they will answer the same. And, on the contrary, constant reproaches and quarrels over time destroy even once warm relations and lead to their disintegration. In the article, we consider the norms of family etiquette.
What it is?
This is the code of conduct in various life situations. Often people strive to impress strangers with their ability to give themselves up, to conduct a conversation, with refined manners and taste. However, when they come home, they forget about etiquette and behave at home as they please.
In fact, first of all, with a family, you need to begin to cultivate a cultural and respectful attitude towards people. Briefly, family etiquette is the basis of relationships, behavior, and perception of the outside world. It is in the home environment that personality formation begins. From infancy, children copy the behavior of family members, adopt gestures, speech and manners. After observing the child, you can form an opinion about the atmosphere prevailing in the house, and the way people communicate. Therefore, there are rules of family etiquette that allow you to learn to behave with dignity and teach this to your children.
The relationship between family and work
Very often in society, people suppress their discontent and try to behave politely and courteously for their own benefit, for example, to maintain a normal relationship with colleagues, bosses, and customers. And on arrival at home they pour out the accumulated negative on households, believing that they should be accepted in the family with all the shortcomings. As a result, such a position leads to constant conflicts, reproaches and turns life into a real punishment. Everything becomes like a cycle. Quarrels in the family negatively affect the psyche, which, in turn, entails negativity at work. And if you do not correct this behavior and begin to observe the etiquette of family life, the matter will end in divorce.
Education arises within the family. You need to start small. Even such elementary words as âthank youâ, âpleaseâ, âgood morningâ, âgood dayâ and so on, carry a powerful energy message and subconsciously tune a person to positive.
Do I need to learn to control myself?
Most people think that loved ones will forgive and understand in any case. Personal failures, stress and depression lead to rudeness and the habit of breaking down on children and relatives. However, few people think that every rude word uttered in a fit of anger especially hurts a loved one. Of course, at first this behavior is justified by family members, but sooner or later, non-compliance with the rules of family etiquette gives a crack in the relationship.
The ability to control oneself, not only in public but also at home, makes it possible to build strong family relationships. Over time, a person develops good habits, he is less susceptible to stress and neurosis, becomes educated and courteous. In principle, family etiquette is a set of rules of behavior at the table, in communication, on a walk, in the store, and even in intimate relationships.
How to build relationships with parents?
It is important to teach a child to respect adults from childhood. And this applies not only to relationships with relatives, but also to strangers. Family etiquette for children should become immutable and binding on the law. In relationships with parents, respect should be a priority. And here a great role is played by a personal example. How warm parents are towards their grandfather and grandmother, the foundation for the future relationship of their children will be so solid, because they all see and subconsciously adopt the behavior.
Even if there are no children yet, friends, acquaintances and close people form their opinion about a person, observing his attitude to his parents. Family etiquette for schoolchildren suggests that at the celebrations the older generation is offered a place of honor, it is quite natural to open the door in front of them, giving way, give a hand. In no case should you raise your voice at the people who raised and raised these children. In eastern countries, parents are turned to âYou,â in this way showing their respect.
What should be a family conversation?
The conversation between spouses and other family members should not be elevated. Loud and authoritative speech is not perceived by the interlocutor, but only attunes to negative. Any conversation should be conducted in a friendly tone with appropriate intonation. Even the most ordinary request without the word "please" is perceived as an order, and can provoke a quarrel. If you make a request, putting tenderness in it and accompanying it with a pleasant word, in addition to fulfilling it, the person will smile and both will remain in a good mood.
This is especially true for family etiquette for preschoolers. Toddlers must learn to properly talk, not be offended, understand and fulfill the requests of older people. And having matured, they have to pass this experience on to the next generation.
What if the quarrel could not be avoided?
Any person evaluates a family from the point of view of the situation prevailing in it, the presence of conflicts or consent and peace. Endless quarrels and showdowns drain people emotionally and physically. Therefore, the next time when the next scandal is brewing, it is necessary to decide for yourself how appropriate it is and try to avoid a tense situation.
Any quarrel has consequences, even if they are not always noticeable. In a fit of emotion, people tend to say phrases that they most often regret later. But once a word is heard, it can firmly sit in the opponentâs brain and poison further life. It is important to follow the basic rules of family speech etiquette. This can help prevent the escalation of tension.
They are as follows:
- Quarrel can be prevented if you simply give in. At the same time, it is good to accompany reconciliation with the words: âSorry, I was wrong (a),â âI'm sorry,â and not just defiantly turn around and leave.
- Families with children should remember that any conflict between parents is not reflected in their psyche in the best way. If such a situation has occurred, you need to talk with the child, smoothing out the unpleasant impression.
- Do not show resentment or conceal evil. It corrodes the soul.
- No need to raise your voice or scream during a conversation. We must try to solve everything peacefully, without insults.
How to deal with the bad traits of one of the spouses?
As a rule, habits are formed over the years and an adult has his own well-established concepts of what is permissible for him and what is not. Therefore, it is necessary to deal with harmful traits very courteously, choosing the right place and time.
In no case should one make remarks in public, constantly pull the person, show irritation and, all the more, raise his voice or make fun of him. Such behavior humiliates a person, because even a careful observation with others is a blow to self-esteem.
At the same time, attempts to ignore sooner or later lead to irritation. Over time, the negative will accumulate, and when the patience is full, it will concentrate not so much on the bad habit, but on the person himself.
What to do in this case? First you need to make a list of bad habits that are annoying in a partner that you canât put up with. Next, ask him to make the same list regarding himself. Thus, the partner will not feel humiliated, and the process of self-education for both will be painless. Surely the result will be successful, because everyone wants to improve not only in their own eyes, but also those around them. After that, any remark made in a private setting is perceived differently. In family life, there is another common goal that will unite the spouses.
Comments should be made at the appropriate time, unobtrusively or in a comic form. For example, a husband bites his nails, bring him scissors with the words: "So you will get smoother." In each situation, you can find an individual approach and a way to deal with the habit, while maintaining a warm relationship.
How should I behave with relatives and friends?
Negligence in communication with relatives is unacceptable. First of all, it indicates poor education and characterizes a person in many ways. Few people will like to hear ridicule in their address and pass for an ignoramus.
It is the ability to behave in a narrow family circle is a kind of indicator of a personâs good manners. If polite communication in a home environment is the norm for a person, he will never get into a mess or an awkward situation while in society. And most importantly, a well-mannered, respectful family man is respected among his relatives and is a subject of pride and respect for them.
Do not take litter out of the hut
Another important aspect of family relations is a way to resolve conflict situations. Everyone has misunderstandings and quarrels. However, it is not worth sharing them with friends, relatives, and especially colleagues. Denigrating his partner in the eyes of others, nothing will be achieved. Interpersonal problems should be solved without the intervention of parents, children or other people.
The same goes for parental behavior. Family etiquette prescribes to behave with restraint. Do not climb into the family of children, they are adult self-sufficient people who are able to figure out the situation themselves, and they have nothing to do with other people's opinions. If the child seeks advice, it should be expressed as delicately as possible. In the end, the relationship between the spouses will improve, and negative judgments and criticism from the parents will be remembered.
Respect
It is not at all difficult to show attention and care to the people you love and value. But often, succumbing to emotions, a person makes mistakes and everything turns out not as he wanted.
The concept of ârespectâ contains quite a lot. This means observing personal space, turning a blind eye to shortcomings, taking into account a personâs opinion and taste, providing an opportunity to choose, etc. Unfortunately, often all negative things are dumped on close people, and polite treatment is addressed exclusively to strangers.
Mutual respect is the basis of normal family relationships that makes living together happy.
Korean traditional family etiquette is very indicative in this regard. In this country, they are very kind to the people of the older generation. Their desires are fulfilled without objection, they are the first to start the meal and the first to finish, the child will never allow himself to speak in a disrespectful tone.
Personal space
No matter how big and friendly a family is, each member has the right to personal space and the inviolability of his belongings. Naturally, everywhere there are their own rules, however, everyone is obliged to observe the simplest rules of family etiquette. For example, you should knock on the door before you enter. This is especially important for families in which puberty children grow up.
Do not condemn or criticize the hobbies of your loved ones (musical preferences, films and books, hobbies). Itâs good when everyone can at least one day a week allocate time for his hobby, even if others donât like it.
"Fathers and Sons"
One of the most common causes of conflict is the residence of young people and their parents on the same living space. The main advice to spouses is respect for the older generation. It is worth listening to people more experienced and wanting good. If this is not possible, then at least not argue and avoid quarrels.
For some people, calling a spouse a parent or spouse is difficult. In such cases, according to etiquette, they are addressed by their patronymic name and without fail to âYouâ.
In turn, parents of young people should take care of their lives and try to intervene less in the families of children. If, for example, guests came to them, itâs enough to say hello and leave, and not take an active part without a request. Courtesy and tact will save family relationships.
Children's etiquette, self-education
Whatever moral principles and foundations are suggested to the child, he will behave like his family members. If a parent sees flaws in raising children and wants to correct them, you need to start with yourself.
When the family is considered the norm to use obscene language, drink alcohol and lead a loose lifestyle, since childhood the child adopts such a model of behavior, considering it the norm. The principle of children's education is simple - if you want to raise a good person, become one yourself.
In addition, a joint pastime plays a special role in establishing a strong bond between parents and children. It is at a young age that a child needs parental care and attention. Most mothers and fathers work a lot, explaining this by doing it for the sake of the family. But still itâs worth finding time for the children. Joint walks, picnics, needlework and other leisure activities bring the family together and contribute to a harmonious atmosphere in it.
Initial consultations on the rules of family etiquette are given to children first in the framework of preschool education in kindergartens, and then in primary school. But the main burden in education nevertheless rests with the parents.