There are times when a person does not want to be alone. The reason for this may be different situations, starting with worries about the failed exam and ending with more tragic events, such as the unexpected death of a loved one. In any case, from an overabundance of negative thoughts and feelings, a person begins to “burn out”. To get out of this state, he needs help.
One way to alleviate the grief of the victim is condolences. What it is? How to bring condolences and what are they?
What is condolences?
Condolences are words that are spoken to a person in various difficult life situations related to him or his close people. For example, with a serious illness or death. In other words, it is empathy, sympathy.
Condolences allow us to share the grief of the victim and reduce his psycho-emotional stress. Simple words will help even if you do not see the point in them.
Meaning of the word
If you parse the term, you get "co-disease", or "joint disease." After all, grief can also be considered a disease. Often it spreads no worse than infectious diseases. But the grief endured together affects the psychoemotional state of each person less than when he experiences one.
Kinds
Condolence can be expressed in two forms.
- Written. A more formal look, one might say, is demonstrative. Such condolences are characteristic of companies, executives and politicians. Often, along with a sympathetic letter, a material gift is given to the victims, for example, money or a certificate for treatment.
- Oral. This kind of condolences is more familiar, it does not require special preparation. Nevertheless, in most cases it is more significant than written. Is it possible to convey through paper all those emotions that embrace you at the sight of someone else's grief? Words are one of the most powerful soul medicines available to man.
Why express condolences?
A person in whose life something terrible has happened can be shocked and shocked. For him, ordinary life turned upside down, and now you need to find something familiar in order to maintain reason.
Of course, expressed condolences will not return emotional balance to the victim, but it can show a person that there are other people who share his grief. As you know, happiness from separation multiplies, and misfortune melts.
It is very important to express our condolences to the relatives of the victim, even if they are not shocked like him. The fact is that relatives most of all help the grieving person, which is also very difficult.
Feel free and do not be afraid to express your feelings and thoughts. It’s better to say that you share a person’s grief than to leave him alone with negative emotions. Condolence is one of the opportunities to support in a difficult situation.
When should you express condolences?
You can express your willingness to share the grief of others in different situations.
- When a person is faced with death. Condolences are especially important in this case. They allow us to show that a person experiencing a loss is not alone. Moreover, condolences are expressed on the occasion of the death of both a loved one and a beloved pet.
- A person has learned that he or his loved one has an incurable disease. In this case, you should be extremely careful, because incorrectly selected words can lead a person into depression. Try to encourage him, but do not focus on the approaching death. Jokes are inappropriate here, as they can injure the victim.
- Injury resulting from injury or illness can cause developing depression. Mild encouragement will definitely help in this situation.
- Lost promotion, parting with a loved one, bad news that a person is hard going through, are also an occasion for expressing condolences.
Support will be necessary for a person in any situation that worsens his mood and which does not directly depend on him. Do not skimp on words if your friend is feeling bad: it is always easier to cope with difficulties if the person is not alone.
Empathy rules
Condolences are special phrases that must be spoken according to the rules.
- Do not smile. Remember that the other person is feeling bad.
- Too mournful looks can also resemble a mockery. Do not pretend to be emotions. If the grief of another does not arouse your sympathy, then limit yourself to words of support.
- Jokes are inappropriate. Even if it seems to you that they can encourage, it is better to refrain.
- If you can offer any help, do it. It does not matter whether it will be finances or assistance in household matters. By your actions you will show the victim that he is not alone.
- Caution should be exercised when expressing condolences to a sick person. Your words can remind him of an illness.
- If in response to words of sympathy you get aggression, then you should not continue this line of behavior. Everyone deals with grief in different ways, it is better to give a person the opportunity to speak out.
Condolences on death
Death is always scary. In any case: whether a person met her in his family or saw her on the street. It should be remembered that questions of death often relate to religion, so the words of condolences on the deceased may not be appropriate in some faiths or countries.
For example, in Mexico they don’t grieve about death: the local people are sure that after death, a person continues to live in another world. And expressed condolences can be met with misunderstanding, because for them the departed relative found happiness. So it is better to at least superficially get acquainted with the religion of the deceased and his family.
It is also worth remembering that you will bring condolences on death to friends or family members of the deceased. Therefore, it is necessary to make the most soft speech or to limit yourself to a few words. Too long statements may be misunderstood.
Epitaphs knocked out on a tombstone can also be considered a kind of condolences for death. The problem is that often the tombstone is not very large or a lot of space is reserved for the photo of the deceased. And you have to carefully draw up one or two sentences that can accommodate all the experiences of living relatives.
If you don’t know what to say, you can use ready-made phrases:
- I am sorry for your loss, (name) was a wonderful person.
- I’m sorry that this happened. Can I help you somehow?
- I'm sorry it happened. The best always leave first.
- I feel sorry for your grief. Let the earth be (name) down.
Condolences for Failure
Many events take place in life, some of which can greatly affect a person’s psycho-emotional state. His wallet, home, and family life may suffer. In any case, no one wants to remain alone in moments of grief.
Failures are large and very small. Nevertheless, any of them can seriously shake the mental health of a person. Let's look at a few examples of failures.
- Fire at home or work. Fire is always dangerous, and humanity is not in vain inventing ever new ways to deal with it. A person who encounters a fire can begin to have serious psychological problems, including the need for a psychotherapist to intervene. Do not leave the victim alone, speak with him and express your condolences. Listen to the person - it is no less important.
- Lost position, denial of promotion. People have different attitudes to such phenomena. Someone is grieving, but someone does not care. In any case, sympathy will not be superfluous.
- A lost bauble can cause real depression. Ask the person what the lost thing was for him, let me speak and cry if necessary. Condolences here may be superfluous, but you can contribute to the discovery of the loss.
- Divorced marriage, breakup. Many people after these events begin to speak aggressively about their former partner. Sometimes this is real malice, in other cases - an attempt to convince yourself that such a relationship was not needed. But a person needs to be heard.
Any little thing can infuriate. To understand whether your condolences will be accepted, you need to have a good understanding of a person's facial expressions and at least superficially know him.
How to express sympathy in these cases? There are several suitable phrases:
- Everything happens in life, do not worry, everything will be fine.
- I sympathize. How to cheer you up?
- You know, Solomon said, “And it will pass,” so that everything will be fine.
- All bad things will ever end. The main thing is to wait out this moment. Let's go outside?
The main thing is to distract the sufferer from his experiences or, on the contrary, to let him speak out. The person can almost always see what exactly he needs.
Religious condolences
If you are confident in the choice of the denomination of the injured or deceased, then condolences in accordance with his religion will be useful. Perhaps this will be a small prayer or parting words, perhaps a passage from a religious book.
For example, for a Christian it will be possible to mention that you put a candle in the temple for health. Just do not lie about this, because if a lie is revealed, then you can seriously ruin your relationship with this person.
In Islam, condolences can be expressed not only with words, but also with gestures, clothes, rituals. In order to determine exactly how to behave, you must familiarize yourself with the scriptures.
Keep in mind that religion can help even in the most difficult situations. Deeply religious people find consolation in sacred texts that may not be enough in everyday life. Even if you do not belong to any of the faiths, mocking or loudly challenging the religious beliefs of another person is ugly. And even more so, this cannot be done in moments of grief, when religion can be the only anchor that keeps the victim from rash actions.
A few simple phrases of condolences:
- All His will.
- He is merciful: joy will come after grief.
- I feel for you. Maybe you want to visit a church / mosque?
- Do you want to pray together?
Short condolences
If it seems to you that an accurate expression of your feelings necessarily requires a long speech, from which you are lost, then your judgment is wrong. Short condolences are as sensual and emotional as long arguments.
In fact, a mourning person is uninteresting in your emotions and feelings. The fact is that with negative impressions, the human brain first of all saves itself. On others, he has neither time nor resources.
So a simple "sympathize" can be more than enough. The most important thing is to show the victim that he is not alone in his grief. And long speeches will be completely inappropriate.