Communication with people occupies an important place in our life. Without him, love and family relationships, friendship, work, business would not have been possible. As a rule, people who possess the skill of constructive communication achieve great success in personal and professional life. But how to learn to communicate constructively? What does the concept of "constructive conversation" mean? You can find answers to these and other questions in our article.
What is a construct?
In order to understand what constructive conversation means, you first need to know the meaning of the word "constructive". A construct is actions or reactions that are aimed at solving problem problems, normalizing relationships and improving a difficult situation. The opposite of a construct is a destructive one. If a person uses profanity, insults, groundlessly blames other people (that is, engages in activities that take time and lead to nothing) - this is destructive.
Constructive conversation: the meaning of the word
Often we communicate with people in order to have fun, have a good time and share our joys and experiences. But what to do when we face a difficult task that requires a competent solution? In such situations, a constructive conversation comes to the rescue, which makes it possible to find a mutually beneficial solution and suggests a direction for achieving a particular goal. Many people mistakenly believe that constructive communication is necessary only in professional activities. In fact, it plays an important role in family relationships. It is unlikely that you will be able to solve the problem of a member of your family if you resort to the methods of destructive conversation.
What is the difference between constructive dialogue and ordinary conversation?
We think that you already roughly understand what constructive conversation or dialogue means. But another question is brewing from here: how is constructive communication different from ordinary communication? Well, let's try to figure it out.
The main difference in these concepts is the purpose for which the conversation is being conducted, and, of course, in the style of the conversation itself. The essence of constructive conversation is the orderly finding of truth, which forms a person’s worldview. A conversation in which there is no purpose is ordinary chatter. Such chatter is aimed only at the exchange of information between people. And this means that, as a result of the dialogue, a person has only positive or negative emotions.
A characteristic feature of a constructive conversation is a mutual desire to achieve mutual understanding, and until this goal is achieved, the interlocutors will continue to communicate. This means that at the end of such a dialogue, a person’s point of view should change on a certain issue.
Rule number 1
Orderly and respectful communication is the basis of a constructive conversation. People are able to openly discuss issues only if they see that the interlocutor is carefully involved in the conversation. Taunts, screaming, sarcasm or banal carelessness simply discourage the desire to communicate, and thereby violate the main task of a constructive conversation - the search for a result that would suit both sides.
This is an extremely simple rule, which, unfortunately, is not always respected. Some may say, "I'm definitely not like that. I always listen to someone I’m talking to." Perhaps this is indeed so. But “listening to the interlocutor” and “hearing the interlocutor” are completely different things.
Below we will share with you other important rules that every person who wants to learn to talk constructively needs to know.
Time frame
The most important thing in solving a particular problem is its timeliness. Very often people start talking about what has already happened: "Yesterday you did not take out the trash"; "You should have told me about this right after this happened"; "You should have brought it a week ago." Such phrases will not solve the problem. They will lead to the fact that a person begins to get out and seek excuses.
Remember that the past cannot be changed. You can influence the present and future. Talking about the past will only be appropriate when you make out mistakes that should be avoided in the future. For example, if your child does not do the lessons on time, it is necessary to begin to understand the root of the problem: he did not understand the task, did not have time because of overload with other objects, or simply did not want to do them? By finding out the original cause of the problem, you can prevent it in the future.
The right choice of the interlocutor
The subordinates discuss among themselves the decisions of their management: some are not satisfied with reducing the time allotted for the lunch break, others - air conditioning, which does not work in the heat, third - the absence of a bin in the office, etc. If they just discuss it among themselves, then in the end they won’t achieve anything. With such questions, it will be more constructive to turn directly to his superiors (if there is a specific proposal).
Use of facts
Quite often we have to hear the following phrases: "You do not understand anything about this"; "I am sure that this will be more correct"; "I know better". On the one hand, a person wants to give weight to his opinion, but in reality such phrases are absolutely groundless and have no argument. It so happened that people do not always know how to correctly use the available facts.
For example, to the question: "Why should we fly to rest in country" A "and not in country" B "?" the answer follows: "Because I think so." This phrase is familiar to many couples. It’s just not entirely clear what exactly the spouse means by this. Rest in country "A" cheaper? Or is there better nature and conditions? Never forget the specifics and arguments!
Solve the problem, do not change the interlocutor
In life, many people very often try to change those around them. You should try to get rid of such a trait as quickly as possible. Awareness of the fact that you are unlikely to succeed in changing another person can prevent a huge number of problems that may appear in the foreseeable future.
You are facing a specific task. Consider the problem that we mentioned earlier - the child does not have time to complete homework. In such a situation, you do not need to break your child and in a rather crude form try to re-educate him. A child may not do homework, not only because he is a bully and a loafer. Perhaps he is too busy in training. Or he takes a lot of time with tutors, and because of this, he simply does not have time to work on other subjects. There is a possibility that he simply does not understand this or that topic. As you can see, there can be many reasons. The main thing is to identify the problem and try to solve it.
Constructive criticism
Constructive conversation - what is it? We think we have already dealt with this issue. Now the time has come to consider the concept of “constructive criticism”, since it is inextricably linked with constructive conversation. As you can already understand, constructive is a balanced and reasoned criticism, in which there are no insults and other signs of destructiveness.
If you want a person to take note of your comments and correct their mistakes, there should be no aggression in your criticism. On the contrary, the conversation should be held in a positive tone. Structure of constructive criticism:
- To praise.
- To criticize.
- To praise.
Now we will analyze this all with an example. Suppose you are the head of a department. One of your subordinates, who had never let you down before, did not fulfill the work plan. Imagine his name is Igor. How to act in such a situation?
- Start with a positive assessment. Example: "Igor, you have shown good results over the past months. Thanks to hard work and perseverance, you have become one of the best employees in our department." Hearing such approving words, your subordinate will be ready to discuss moments that should be further developed.
- Discuss what needs to be changed and improved. Example: "At the same time, you still have room to grow. This month you have only half-completed the plan. Let's discuss what you can do to improve this indicator next month."
- End the conversation on a positive note. Example: "I think with your abilities it will not be difficult for you to solve this problem."
On this we propose to complete our article. Now you know what constructive conversation means, and how it should lead a personal life and at work. We hope that our publication was interesting to you and you learned a lot of informative information!