From a legal point of view, the procedure for federal adoption of a child in Russia can be divided into several basic steps. Which ones?
- Your appearance in the territorial department of guardianship with the submission of an application.
- Passing training in the so-called adoptive parent school. It is carried out by training centers that exist with guardianship authorities. This training is free, is compulsory. In the process, you will learn many important nuances regarding the nature of adoption and the details of this procedure.
- Collection of necessary documents. The composition of their package will depend on the form of family structure of the child that you have chosen. You can get a complete list in the custody department.
- Actually, the choice of the child from the database for adoption and establishing contact with him.
- Registration (documentary confirmation) of your new status in relation to the child.
Now let us consider in more detail how this procedure occurs in practice. Where to start for those who decided to adopt a child? First of all, you need to collect all the necessary information and clarify the necessary legal nuances. That is why there are special courses for future adoptive parents. There they will tell you everything about the procedure, about how to behave with a child, how to get access to the children's database for adoption, etc.
About the adoptive parent school
Education in such a school is not only necessary, but also very useful for expectant mothers and fathers. It is difficult to overestimate its value, because adoption is a more than serious step. In the classroom, many questions will be revealed from legal to medical, general psychological and others, which inevitably arise in front of foster parents.
Students of the school are given a unique opportunity to look at their future adoptive parenthood from the inside, and in sufficient detail. Those wishing to adopt a baby should first of all clearly determine what criteria are especially important for them when choosing a child. At the same time, it is necessary to deal with inevitably emerging doubts: after all, many are afraid to not cope with future parenthood, especially if they did not have such an experience before.
Such training is recommended to anyone who thinks about adoption at least theoretically. Having completed this course, which does not oblige you to anything, you will be able to finally decide on the desire to become adoptive mom and dad. Or you will understand that you are not ready for this important step yet, and such certainty is worth a lot! After all, what could be worse than such an understanding in a situation where the data for adoption has already been submitted and the documents are executed.
Cases of the return of the kids to the orphanage hurt the orphans painfully, and parents do not feel the best way. All participants in the process experience tremendous psychological trauma. Before the system of such adoptive parents' schools was introduced, in Russia the adoption of children was accompanied by a huge number of returns of pupils from families back to state institutions. This figure reached 50%. These days, this figure is much lower mainly because most future adoptive parents have the opportunity to sort out their plans and expectations in advance.
About the different forms of family arrangement
There are various forms according to which a child can be arranged in a family. The choice of one of them depends on a number of factors: specifically your desire, available opportunities and the status that an orphan child has.
Let's take a closer look at these forms.
Adoption of an orphan
In this case, during adoption, a minor will enjoy all the rights inherent in a child. He receives the family name, can inherit family property, etc. The right of adoption is possible only in relation to a child who has the official status of an orphan.
This happens when the parents are completely absent or deprived of parental rights. After the completion of such a procedure, none of the blood relatives has the right to communicate with the adopted child. If you take an orphanage child into the family for adoption, this means that it becomes completely native to you.
Guardianship or trusteeship
Status of guardians - legal representatives of the child. Guardians can receive a monthly allowance for the maintenance of the baby, the amount of which varies depending on many factors: the state of children's health, the region of residence, etc.
In addition to orphans, they can take custody of children who have parents who are not deprived of parental rights, but who are unable to fulfill their own responsibilities. In what cases does this happen? The most common cause can be a serious illness. A child is placed under guardianship in order to protect his legal rights and interests.
The duty of a guardian is to support and educate a minor, to educate him. You can also clarify all the legal nuances of guardianship in relation to an orphanage child at foster parents' courses.
What is the difference between guardianship and trusteeship? The first option for children who are not yet 14 years old. In the case when the pupil is between the ages of 14 and 18, we are talking about guardianship.
A child over whom custody is issued has the right to keep his own name, patronymic and last name. With blood parents the obligation to participate in its maintenance is not removed. The conditions in which the child lives and is brought up in a new family are necessarily controlled by representatives of guardianship authorities.
What is a foster family?
In fact, we are talking about registration for a kind of work in the position of mom or dad. Anyone who has consented to adoption as a foster parent must meet certain requirements, the monitoring of compliance with which is also carried out by the guardianship authorities. This form of device in the family is similar to adoption. This means that it can only be applied to a child with orphan status.
Mentoring or guest family
In such a family, the child will have to spend only part of his free time (for example, he can be taken on weekends). This form is most often used in the form of a transitional period, which future parents have chosen to better get to know the baby and get used to it.
Thanks to this form, the child goes beyond the framework of the educational institution, gets an idea of life in the family, along with the simplest housekeeping skills, learns to communicate with both adults and other children in a family setting.
A mentor can help a child solve many issues related to treatment, choosing clothes, help with vocational guidance, or simply advise how to be in one or another difficult life situation.
About patronage
Patronage is a form of interaction with a child that can be established over children who do not have a specific status, or when the status of the child does not allow transferring it to guardianship or adoption. It is also possible during the transition period of waiting for the baby of suitable status.
In a situation of transferring a child to foster care, formally, he still belongs to the ranks of foster children, but has the opportunity to live in a family and receive home education. The foster service teaches those who have established a similar form the rules of communication with the baby and new skills, and also controls the entire procedure of the device.
Family Orphanage
What is a family-type orphanage? This form of device and parenting is somewhat different from all of the above. A small family orphanage has its own legal form as an educational institution. There are more children in such houses than in foster families. Its organizers have certain benefits.
Deciding on the device of such an institution is very difficult. This is a troublesome and costly business, requiring full dedication, love for children, appropriate education and serious enough financial opportunities. Those who wish to engage in such activities can learn the details from the same sources, as well as on the Internet.
Differences in Forms of Family Child Care
What is the difference between the adoption of children from guardianship with guardianship and from a foster family? Each of these forms of a child’s family structure requires a certain level of responsibility from parents.
Let us remind once again - full adoption or placement in a foster family is possible only for an orphan or when his parents are deprived of parental rights. The guest family, as well as the patronage, are possible for a child of any status. The latter (easier forms of relations with the foster child) mean the teacher’s limited rights in relation to the child.
The most flexible and multivariate degree of adult rights is patronage. The foster care contract may provide for a different degree of responsibility depending on what exactly the future parent is ready to take on.
The set of documents is also different in each case. The most complex and voluminous package of necessary papers is in a situation of full adoption, and the simplest one is for a guest-type family.
Let's talk about the psychological side of the issue
Of course, with the adoption and subsequent upbringing of the child there are a lot of psychological nuances and sometimes problems. When solving them, it is best to use a systematic approach. The main part of psychologists agrees that the basic properties of a person’s nature are set at his birth and do not depend on heredity. That is, from a psychological point of view, a child can categorically differ from their own (biological) parents.
If you look at the question from this position, there is not much difference between them and the adoptive parents - after all, the inheritance of the psyche does not occur. Such an approach in psychology is called a systemic vector, focused on the innate nature of certain features and properties of the human psyche.
A systems approach in foster parenting
In addition to legal issues that need to be clarified, there are no less important aspects of the psychological plan. Around the adoption situation, there are a great many stereotypes and frightening attitudes that prevent people from making an informed decision. What are these stereotypes and how to deal with them? Let us now consider the main ones.
Bad gene baby
This stereotype is unusually strong in our society. If a child’s behavior does not suit adults, they are often inclined to explain bad deeds with bad heredity. The stronger this trend, the less willing the adoptive parents to establish a strong emotional connection with the baby. Say, heredity is not amenable to change.
Simply put, a very large number of potential adoptive parents fear that the child was born as bad as the blood parents, and sooner or later this will make itself felt.
In fact, this myth has no scientific basis. The likelihood that a child will start to lie or steal does not depend on genes at all. The modern psychological approach to education implies the need for the child in order to correctly develop the presence of a strong sense of security and security, normally received from his mother.
Most often, pupils of orphanages are deprived of such a privilege. That is why extensive gaps are possible and even very likely in their psychological development.
Manifestations of such emotional deprivation can be very different. An orphanage child may begin to steal, refuse to communicate with adults (withdraw), or show unmotivated aggression. But do not forget, all this is just as possible with respect to a child who has grown up in a family in the event of a dysfunctional parental situation. When mom and dad scream, beat, insult, the baby loses the sense of security and psychological support in life in the same way.
What is the conclusion? The environment of the child is very, very important. Once in a good family with a normal psychological climate, an adoptive baby, under the influence of proper upbringing and a strengthened sense of security, can gradually get rid of inappropriate manifestations of character.
Fear of lack of love
Serious, responsible and conscientious parents sometimes do not dare to adopt for one simple reason - they are afraid that they will not be able to love someone else's baby as a native. Such people, as a rule, are deeply decent, attach great importance to this issue. It is especially important for them that the adopted baby be their family in every sense.
Such fears prevent these people from deciding on an important step in adopting or adopting a baby. To overcome this obstacle, sometimes it is necessary to consult a psychologist who will help to understand the reasons for your own experiences, put everything on the shelves and make an informed decision.
Fear not to cope
This stereotype is extremely tenacious. Many potential adoptive parents are afraid of problems with raising a child, they are afraid that this process will not be possible for them. As a result, they suggest that love for the baby can pass - it will not stand the test. Such stereotypes of the history of those failed parents who six months after the adoption procedure returned the child to a state institution are warmed up, explaining this by their unbearable behavior.
What really happens in a situation? You did not stop loving the adopted baby because of his bad behavior. You simply did not have time to fall in love with him properly, because after adoption very little time has passed. And the instinctive love inherent in biological parenthood is impossible here. The child needs time to thaw in the family environment, to establish emotional contact with parents. Only then should you wait for any serious feelings and relationships. Sometimes the manifestations of his best sides have to wait for years.
A baby can become unbearable because of a mismatch with our system of values, in which we actively begin to educate him in spite of his own installations laid down in childhood. It requires a lot of patience from parents and basic psychological literacy skills.
For example, the adoptive father is a born leader, loves to compete, has an active life position and does not think for himself what could be different. And the baby was born slow, serious, without the need to lead. In the case of a strict upbringing of the parents according to their own values, nothing should be expected from the child except stubborn resistance. After all, he is fundamentally incapable of being the way his dad wants to see, no matter his native or adopted.
Examples of such inconsistencies are a dime a dozen. This should be understood by anyone who is interested in the adoption of someone else’s baby. Parents should be aware that by oppressing the innate properties of the child, they will not instill in him the desired qualities, but will only be disappointed, give up.
There is only one recipe - to discern the true essence of a child’s personality, highlight its real strengths and weaknesses, and conduct education based on strengths.
Fear of unjustified expectations
This topic is very, very difficult. To hang their own expectations on very young children is common to all, both native parents and adoptive parents. The second case is aggravated by a subconscious attitude towards the expectation of some kind of return from the adopted baby. They dream of his gratitude, obedience, academic success and giving meaning to our whole life.
It is very difficult or even completely impossible to get rid of such expectations. Even if a child with a serious disability, and you soberly pretend that there is practically no chance of a complete cure, at the subconscious level you somehow hope that for all your efforts he will please you with better health, an emotional response, etc.
And there are no visible changes (in fact, they are, but maybe not quite the ones that parents dream about). For example, the child’s health has improved, but intelligence has remained at almost the same level. In another family, parents dreamed of love and joyful emotions, and the child was closed, a lover of books and a computer.
You can notice the dynamics of the development of a child in a family only by breaking away from his own system of values and looking at the situation with an open mind. Unconditional love and adoption of a baby with all the shortcomings are the main components of the successful integration of the child into the family.
Fear of responsibility to society
More often, adoptive children show less patience than their own.Bad pranks are forgiven less often, since natural unconditional love is not always present. The bad actions of the receptionists are especially annoying. Parents feel helpless and suffer from the thought that it’s impossible to grow a worthy person.
In this case, it is important to distract from emotions and let the situation pass through consciousness. By understanding the causes of childhood behavior, you will get rid of negative feelings. After all, every little man represents a whole world, which no parent can manage without understanding - neither his native nor his adoptive one.
How is the choice made? Transition to the adoption database
If you are psychologically prepared for this crucial step and have completed all the necessary procedures with the documents, the guardianship authority will give you a certificate that you are ready to receive foster parent status. Usually, at this point, adults have already decided on the basic data on the adoption of children - whom they are able to adopt into their own family. This applies to the gender, age of the baby, as well as the state of his health.
With such a certificate on hand, you can go to any of the departments of guardianship, or even several at once. By writing a statement of intent to become a foster parent, you will gain access to an adoption database containing profiles of children from this area.
Another option is also possible. Namely, the search, with the help of the federal database of children for adoption, to which there is free access via the Internet. But this option is less preferable due to the fact that information is sometimes outdated and not always up to date. At the same time, such a database contains many photos of children for adoption, which greatly expands the possibilities of choice.
The next step is to choose a child (or several children) who are interested in you and who you want to meet in person. To do this, you will need to obtain permission to visit a particular child in an orphanage or Baby House. Having received such permission, you go there.
For dating, there are also certain rules provided for by the procedure for the adoption of an orphanage. During each visit, you have the opportunity to communicate with only one of the selected children. You cannot see everyone at once. This is done in order to psychological defense of the kids - because each of them every time has great hope that he will be taken away by mom and dad.
If you immediately decided on your choice, you can immediately register a child in the family. But it would be wiser to chat with the child in guest status for some time, coming to the orphanage and spending some time there. This will give you a chance to get to know your future son or daughter.