There are a large number of jokes about representatives of various professions. For example, there are many humorous stories about doctors, accountants, businessmen. Jokes about welders are not so common. It is believed that comic situations rarely occur with representatives of this profession. However, there are still dozens of jokes about welders and welding. Some of them will be presented in this article.
Every true professional in welding should have the ability to cook eggs, not only hard boiled, but also butt.
Anecdote about a fake welder
In the personnel department.
- If the welder does not have a sense of humor, then he is not real. We are ready to hire only a specialist whose quality is well developed, since our salaries are ridiculous.
- I am a very cheerful person and agree to your terms. But I will work so that you smirk!
A joke about welders on top
High-altitude welders decided to celebrate the anniversary of one of the employees right at the workplace. So that the authorities did not suspect anything, they stuffed with a straw work suit and the resulting effigy was raised to a height and tied there. The authorities did not notice anything suspicious all day. They look up: and there the worker fulfills his duties. Suddenly a strong wind rose, and the scarecrow blew off a height.
The welders who looked out the window during the feast saw this. One of them ran to the fallen doll, hid it, and he lay down in its place. The boss comes up, and he gets up and says: “Well, no !!! At this height I will no longer climb today!”.
Working savvy
The following joke about welders is very popular in the professional environment, because it describes the representatives of this specialty as smart and witty people.
Chinese students from a vocational school came to intern at one of the factories in Russia. Our welders taught them how to eat sushi using two electrodes.
A man comes to the doctor and says: “Recently, something seems to me that I'm gay. The doctor asks:“ Are you a musician? ”. The guy negatively waves his head. The medic wonders:“ Are you probably an artist? ”And again, not He guessed. The doctor asks: “But then you are probably a writer?” The man says: “Actually, I work as a welder.” The doctor says: “Well, then you are not gay, but a pederast.”
Little Johnny and his father are walking along the street. The boy asks his dad: "Oh, what are these uncles doing?" The father replies: "They are cooking a pipe." Little Vovochka asks: "Is the pipe tasty?"
Carnival costume
But the joke about the mask of the welder. They ask the Armenian radio: "What is common between the welder and Santa Claus?" Answer: "Both are always drunk, in a mask and with Bengal fire in their hands."
Jam
At 12 at night, a welcoming phone rings in the apartment. The head of the family picks up the phone and hears a voice: "What do you work for?" The welder named his profession. The caller says: "Ah, the welder! Well, then cook me a sausage!".
Welder Ivanov hates jam because of his professional aversion to the name of this treat.
The funniest jokes about welders can be heard only from representatives of this profession.
We are not stokers, not carpenters
One welder had megalomania. He stood in the sunshine on July afternoon in full working uniform and with a mask on his face and said: "I am a steelworker! I am a steelworker!"
It is extremely difficult to find a photo of a welder with an open face. Since all of them at the sight of a flash instantly put on a mask.
A negative point: a student of a vocational school Ivanov has been tormented by a welding mask for all 3 years of study. Positive moment: the commission in the military registration and enlistment office declared him unfit for service because of a flat board.
A man comes to an auto repair center and says: “You’ll weld a bumper here for me, otherwise I forgot to wire the house. And I’ll come home, then I’ll wind it up.”
Village
The next funny joke about welding and people who have never seen it.
In a remote village spend gas. None of the locals ever really saw a welder, and therefore they vaguely imagine the process of his work. All the villagers came to see this miracle. The welder put on his mask and said: “Now I’ll ask you to turn away!” Only women turned away.
Welding is a delicate matter!
Comrade Sukhov asks Vereshchagin: "Where is Petruha?" And he answers him: "They put Petrukh for 15 days." Comrade Sukhov in bewilderment asks: "For what?" The former customs officer replies: "For hooliganism. He got drunk and molested the welder:" Gulchitai, open your face! ".
Mikhalych !!!
A conversation of two old friends. One asks: “Do you have a girlfriend?”. The comrade answers him: "Of course, there is!" And what is her name? ", The friend is interested. He replies:" Stepan. "The friend exclaims in bewilderment:“ So are you one of these? ”The man reassures him:“ No, it’s because of these, I normal".
Certified Professionals
Here are a few more jokes about welders that readers will no doubt enjoy. Question to the Armenian radio: "On which site can I download the diploma in the specialty of" welding "?" Announcer’s answer: “Such work does not swing, but is cooked! The diploma in the specialty“ Tire Fitting ”swings.
At a chemistry lesson, the teacher asks the class: "What can be obtained if two electrodes are placed in a liquid?" Little Johnny, sitting on the back desk, thought: "You can get it on the ears from the welder."
- Use a face mask if you want your skin to stay youthful and fresh for as long as possible. You will forget about wrinkles for a long time. Also, the mask will protect you from harmful radiation.
- Ivanovich, I know all this very well! Not the first year I have been working as a welder.
Representatives of the profession discussed in this article consider Mr. X's aria as their professional anthem, where there are such words: "Always to be a mask is my destiny."
A Jew comes to the rabbi and says: "I am interested in this question: is looking at a naked man - is it kosher?" The rabbi replies: "Of course, Moysha, this is kosher!" The man again asks: "Tell me, but is looking at a naked woman a kosher?" The rabbi replies: "Of course, this is kosher!". A Jew asks a new question: "Ravi, but what is not kosher to look at?" The rabbi replies: "It’s not kosher to look at welding."
Conversation of two friends
- Last year I spent so much money! My wife demanded to give her a mink coat on March 8! And what does your spouse ask for on International Women's Day?
“I don't bother with that!” She still won’t open the packaging I made for her. I’m a top class welder!
Other jokes
Little Red Riding Hood rides through the forest on a bike, and a Wolf meets her. He pushed the girl to the ground, and broke the bike. At this time, hunters walked along the same path. They made Wolf repair the bike. The next day this incident repeated. And again the good hunters stood up for the girl. Again, the gray robber had to repair the bike. Little Red Riding Hood comes to her grandmother and asks her: "Grandmother, grandmother! Why do you have such red eyes?" The old woman answers her: "From welding, granddaughter."
The welder is being tried for murder. The defendant says: “It was like this: I work all day without lunch. I cooked a huge number of pipes. And then the Ferrari car stops. An entire dressed-up blonde comes out and tells me that I unevenly put a seam. So I could not resist ... "
- When I finish work on my next album, I will play the contracted concerts and go on vacation to the Bahamas.
- What concerts? What are the Bahamas? You're a welder, Petrovich!
“You are always like that!” Do not let me dream!
In one of the kindergartens there was a repair. For welding, a soldier from a neighboring military unit was called. After some time, the manager noticed that the children began to use foul language. She immediately understood what was the matter, and went to the commander, complaining about the soldiers. He called them into his office and began to report. One of the servicemen says: “No, comrade Colonel! None of us expressed it! Even yesterday, when Private Ivanov welded the pipe while standing on a stepladder, and I supported it from below and hot metal was dropped on my head, I calmly made a friend remark. I said: "Private Ivanov, please be careful! Pay attention to the fact that metal is dripping on my head. It causes unbearable pain! "